Soft pellets of rain were hitting the Embassy�s virtual glass fa�ade. The sky outside was somewhat dark, cloudy at least, but it was still early in the evening, and some daylight was still struggling to peer through the rainclouds. It had been raining for some time now, quiet tears from the clouds above.
Of course, rain was nothing more than a common meteorological occurrence. But somehow, the symbolism felt more appropriate.
Da�an was standing inside the Embassy, alone in his office. He cast a glance to Liam�s desk, from where his protector was conspicuously absent. He couldn�t quite remember where Liam had gone�his thoughts had been preoccupied elsewhere. Not that it mattered. He turned back to watching the rain outside.
Da�an was alone� painfully alone.
Oh, the Commonality was always there, of course. Thoughts and voices and fleeting images and emotions coursed through his mind, as they had for as long as he could consciously remember. But the flood of voices was so constant, and so barely a comfort, that they may as well not be there at all.
He felt tired, and drained, and he was all too aware that an energy shower would do very little to ease his fatigue. No, this fatigue was the same one that had weighed over him for the better part of the last thousand years.
Da�an closed his eyes, trying to banish the feelings, but of course, it was futile. Images of his only child, of words spoken between them, of cold stares exchanged and hatred unconcealed, kept roiling within him, torturing his already-tormented soul.
Zo�or, his only living child. With difficulty, he tried to ignore the memories of an exchange they had shared, some time ago. The words rang with such painful clarity in his mind they may as well have just been spoken.
�You are my child,� Da�an had said, explaining why he had framed himself for a murder for which he had believed Zo�or to be responsible. �I would never allow you to be harmed.�
His eyes, his words, cruel and cold, Zo�or had replied, �I would not do the same for you.�
Da�an winced as the pain returned.
When did it happen, my child? When did the love I once saw in your eyes turn into the bitter hatred I see now? I would give my life, if only you could look upon me as you once did. I thought I once knew you. Now, I do not. All I see is a stranger in your eyes� Outside, the rain intensified, as though sympathizing with Da�an�s feelings. Taelons did not feel emotions as humans did�at least, not in a way humans would understand. Millennia of evolution had altered their way of seeing the world and feeling its joys and pains. Though they no longer felt as humans did, they could still experience joy, and fear, and pain, and loneliness�
And heartbreak. It was not only for the human heart to feel.
But, we cannot cry, Da�an thought, closing his eyes. We feel the pain, but cannot shed the tears. I have heard humans state many times how crying helps release the pain� perhaps that is why I hurt so.
I have a thousand years of tears within me, and will never be able to shed them. Suddenly very tired, Da�an slowly sat on the shiny ramp circling the office, so that he would still be able to watch the rain outside. It was a peculiar thing; water was life-bearing, and rain fell to allow many life-forms to flourish. And yet, so many humans reacted negatively to a rainfall. Perhaps, he thought, they associated it with feelings of despair and melancholy, darkness and coldness. It seemed appropriate, though unfortunate.
Leaning forward, Da�an gathered his arms around himself. Now matter how many millennia of evolution they had behind them, sentient races could seemingly not escape their emotions. Some had better control than others, but all felt the same�and hurt the same.
Why must it hurt so?
Why must you hurt me so, Zo�or?
I wish I knew� I wish I remembered when it happened. When I lost you. If only I had known, I would have acted or spoken differently. All I did was love and protect you. You were my only surviving child. I would have died time and again for you.
Is it possible for one�s love to turn into another�s hatred?
Da�an sighed. Oh, how he wished he could cry.
Or at least be able to forget, to banish these memories, these emotions, these visions, to only remember the time when he had felt only joy, and not pain, when he looked upon his child.
But, of course, he couldn�t do that any more than he could summon the tears hiding behind his fa�ade.
Da�an�s hand fluttered down to his abdomen. To this day, he remembered what it felt like to carry children. He had conceived five of them, but only one had survived its birth.
He ached for the time when Zo�or was not yet born, still growing within him, unexposed to the outside world and all its evils, not yet aware of things like pain and hatred and loneliness.
I know how your barrenness pains you, Zo�or. You say that you will never know completion. I envy you. For your pain is for something you will never have. Mine is for that which I have lost.
So many things he wished he could say to his child. But nothing, no words, no actions, could ever erase the pain�
You say that I do not understand. How can I make you see that I do? I have known much pain, Zo�or, more than you can fathom. I have known the joy of conceiving a first child, of birthing it, only to see it lifeless in my arms, and never to survive on its own. It is a loss more unbearable than you can imagine. And I have known it again, and again, and again� to feel a child flourish within me, and yet to be consumed by fear and despair until its birth, and again to have my children taken away, for fate has decided that they are not meant for life.
And then, despite the pain, the desperation, to conceive a fifth child, and hope it will be the survivor� the agony is unbearable. You will never know how birthing is painful, Zo�or, when the mind is unable to focus on anything but fear for the child�s life�
I have felt it all. I still remember the joy of finally being able to hold a child in my arms, a child that is of me, and which has survived fate.
Of holding you, my child, and of finally knowing happiness.
It is for you, Zo�or, that I have accumulated these tears within me. And will continue to do so until the hate vanishes from your eyes, though I fear it is not to be.
Outside, the rain had slowly subsided. Da�an�s heart still felt as heavy.
If I could cry, Zo�or� I would cry for both of us.
Liam shook the raindrops from his jacket before walking inside the Embassy later that evening, grateful to be out of the chilly, humid air. The rain had stopped only a few minutes ago, though the clouds were still dark and menacing above.
Shaking the moisture from his hair, he made his way through the Embassy until he reached Da�an�s office. He had planned to check on the Companion before going back home for the night, or maybe heading over to the Flat Planet.
Strolling inside the office, he had expected to see Da�an sitting in his chair, perhaps under the energy shower, but Liam couldn�t help but feel puzzled at the sight of the Taelon sitting quietly on the lower ramp of the office, huddled around himself.
�Da�an?� he called out, stepping up behind him. �Are you okay?�
Da�an flinched slightly, as though startled by Liam�s presence. �Liam,� he acknowledged, but the question remained unanswered.
The human watched him for a short while, but Da�an remained silent, gazing out into the darkening sky.
�Alright, well�� Liam said, hesitant. �I�ll be back tomorrow morning. Contact me if you need anything�� He stopped, staring at his friend. Da�an had barely spoken, but Liam had known the Taelon long enough to know when something was troubling him.
�You sure you�re okay?� Liam asked again.
Da�an made a sound a bit like a sigh. His head tilted slightly, as though he were trying to form a particular thought.
�Liam�� he finally said, his voice distant and dreamy. �Do you ever cry?�
Liam frowned, taken aback by the peculiar question. For a moment, he wondered why the Taelon would possibly ask such a thing and he moved around the ramp, just enough to catch a glimpse of Da�an�s face.
Do I cry? Of course, Liam thought grimly. He remembered crying after his human mother, Siobhan Beckett, had died in his arms� it had been the first time in his short life he had truly known loss. Yes, he had cried, and still did sometimes, when he thought of her.
Lost in his thoughts for a moment, Liam saw that the Taelon was waiting, having turned around bit to look up at him, he finally said, �Sometimes, I guess. Everyone does.�
Da�an appeared to ponder the answer. His blue eyes darted away for an instant, and once again focused on his protector.
�How does it feel?� he asked softly, almost apologetically, as though his question was somehow intrusive.
What�s going on? Liam wondered, suddenly concerned. This wasn�t like Da�an. Intently studying the alien�s face, he searched for some kind of explanation, some kind of clue as to what was happening� but Da�an was practically unreadable. Except� did he actually look saddened? What could be possibly be troubling him to this point? Something was wrong.
�Why do you want to know, Da�an?�
�Please, answer me,� Da�an replied, as his eyes fluttered shut.
Liam sighed, feeling his stomach tighten. Something was definitely wrong.
�Well, it depends,� he finally answered, hoping that playing along would eventually give him an answer. �People cry when they�re sad, or hurt, or angry. Or sometimes, when they�re really happy. It feels different for every person.�
He eyed Da�an, who was carefully considering his answers.
�Is it not also� a release?� the Taelon gently asked.
�Yes� I suppose it is, sometimes,� Liam said, slowly stepping up the ramp where Da�an was sitting.
As Liam approached, Da�an turned away, hiding his expression from the human, focusing his attention on the city outside. It was now almost completely dark, save for the lights dotting the streets beyond the Embassy.
They both remained unmoving, unspeaking, for a long while. Liam wanted nothing more than to grab the Taelon, shake him, and demand to know what was happening, but he forced himself to remain as still as the lithe alien before him.
Soon, the faint clattering of raindrops against the virtual glass broke the silence. Da�an seemed to stir a little, staring out into the rain-dotted sky.
When he spoke again, his voice was so soft Liam could hardly discern his words.
�Taelons cannot cry.�
Surprised for a moment, Liam searched for the right words to say.
�I�m� sorry,� he finally uttered.
�As am I.� Da�an finally turned around, his eyes searching for and locking onto Liam�s. �I would imagine the sensation of release from one�s pain to be very� gratifying.�
Hardly, Liam thought. He pressed on, �Crying isn�t always gratifying. Sometimes it just makes you more miserable.�
Trust me, I know.
�Still� I envy humans for this ability.� Da�an murmured, lowering his eyes as his hand formed a nervous, indistinct pattern in the air.
Still genuinely confused, not to mention worried, Liam reached out and touched the Taelon�s shoulder. �You want to be able to cry?� Da�an did not speak his answer, but it was evident in his eyes. �Why?�
It took a while before Da�an spoke again. In this silence, Liam studied his face�he could definitely see traces of sorrow, sadness there. He looked so tired�
Finally, Da�an seemed to sigh, and spoke with such weariness in his voice that Liam couldn�t help but grasp the alien�s other shoulder, offering mental if not physical support.
�I have� many centuries of tears within me,� he said softly. �I would like to be able to shed them. But of course, I will never possess that ability.�
His answer surprised Liam. He pressed on, �Do you want to talk about it?�
�There is nothing to say, Liam.�
Liam sighed, beginning to feel frustrated. �Will you at least tell me what�s bothering you? Maybe I can help.�
�Some things are better left unsaid,� Da�an said, dismissive. �Please, let us not speak of this again.� With that, he became silent again, staring out through the glass.
Okay, I get it, Liam thought. You�re not going to say anything no matter what I do.
Damn. He hated seeing Da�an like this. He was in pain, that much was obvious. Liam was his protector, but there was no protecting or defending against feelings. He wished there was some way that Da�an would be able to experience what he wanted to�
A sudden idea struck him. Perhaps, with a little help, Da�an could experience the next best thing.
Shuffling a little closer to Da�an on the ramp, Liam raised his right hand, offering his palm to the Taelon. Da�an looked at it, puzzled.
�Liam?�
�If you�ll let me� I�ll cry for you,� Liam said, his hand drifting closer. He had shared with Taelons before, with Da�an especially; and, he knew, everything down to the most intimate emotional sensations could be shared. And this was precisely what Da�an needed.
Da�an, however, was still staring at his hand. �What?�
�Share with me� feel what it feels like. It could help� it can�t hurt.�
Da�an drew back slightly. �Liam, I cannot ask��
�You�re not,� Liam insisted. �I�m offering.�
There was hesitation there, as Da�an continued to contemplate his protector�s hand. Obviously, he was aware of the enormity of what he offering� Da�an was seemingly amazed Liam had actually suggested it.
His eyes wavered for a moment, returning to Liam�s extended hand, and then to the human�s eyes. Only a look of quiet reassurance could be seen there.
A few more seconds ticked by, and finally, Da�an lifted his slender hand and pressed it to Liam�s, and a moment later his body blushed as he initiated the sharing.
Liam stiffened as it began, slowly. The familiar warmth of psychic energy pressed against his palm, seeping into his arm and finally into the depths of his head, so that now the heat was everywhere, in his body and in his mind.
A peculiar sensation tugged at the back of his brain; he had expected to see images, as he had during previous sharings, but instead was hit by an intense wave of emotions, heavy and unexpected, most of which he could not identify or understand. Alien emotions, unfamiliar even to his Kimeran senses, but the sheer sensation of pain was unmistakable. It was universal.
His vision blurred, but he recognized it as normal. Colors were flashing before his eyes, and then another surge of emotion struck him.
Da�an�
The Taelon had not spoken a word yet through their mental link. Liam was still able to sense him, and felt his hesitation, his unwillingness to burden or even hurt him in this sharing.
Please, Da�an, don�t resist, Liam communicated to him.
Suddenly, images flashed through his mind, too quickly at first for him to grasp any of them, but here and there he saw shapes, a face� a familiar face�
And again, the mental tug of hesitation.
Don�t hide from me, Da�an, let me see�
I cannot�
Please�
Finally, resignation. The tsunami of emotions returned full force.
Liam wavered, wondering how much more he could take. Lights were blurring his eyes now, but he finally saw something� he caught glimpses of Taelons� infant Taelons?
Tiny, unmoving� lifeless� Da�an�s children.
Not dead, but never truly alive. Lost forever. A parent�s heartbreak for lost children. Now, he understood.
Another image flashed before him, and for a second he thought he saw a familiar Taelon form, but the image dissolved too quickly for him to see.
A wave of intense sadness followed the last image, so strongly that Liam was certain he would have collapsed had he not been sitting in the Embassy. He felt the familiar burning behind his eyes, unable to control himself anymore.
And soon he could no longer resist it; his eyes stung for a moment, blurring with tears, and a deep sob racked his body as pearly teardrops rained down his face.
He couldn�t fight it, and didn�t try to� he allowed Da�an�s pain to flow through his body, his mind, until it gushed from his eyes in an unbridled torrent.
He was vaguely aware of Da�an besides him, and also inside his mind, his body shuddering as he shared Liam�s physical reaction.
Pausing for a second to catch his breath, Liam sobbed again, soon overwhelmed by the emotions.
But, as quickly as it had begun, the sharing ended, and gradually Liam returned to consciousness. He vainly attempted to catch his breath as warm tears continued to course down his face� the ones Da�an had not been allowed to shed.
When he finally managed to open his eyes, he saw Da�an sitting next to him, his bright blue eyes wide, evidently still reeling from the experience. �Liam��
Still shaky, Liam dabbed at the moisture on his cheeks, and then reached out to wrap his arms around Da�an, easing them both to the ground.
�Thank you, Liam�� Da�an murmured weakly.
Liam smiled tiredly and held his friend more tightly, protectively, only pulling one hand away to brush away a final tear.