After this incident there were many other similar incidents with my dear friend Kathy and we became un-separable. We even sang "Away in a Manager" together in our Primary School Nativity Play much to the amusement of all concerned as poor Kathy just could not sing in key.

Time went on and, like many others, I started showing an interest in my mother’s lingerie drawers whenever the opportunity arose. Stockings and those white corsets were very much the order of the day with suspenders. Wow it was great, and I just could not resist the feeling of a nice full slip, and underwear, although most was then in nylon rather than satin. Black stockings were not acceptable for ladies to wear in those days as they were considered to be only worn by tarts. Thank goodness things have changed, as black stockings and tights are an essential. I went through my entire childhood and early teens sneaking the opportunity to wear these things. 

I did have several girlfriends in my early teens but, I was always seeking a serious relationship, perhaps in the hope I would conquer my desires to cross dress. The girls concerned were clearly not looking for such relationships, and although we always got on very well together any relationships were doomed from the outset. 

I left school at 16 years, and started off in life serving an Animal Husbandry apprenticeship on a local farm. I was often left by the farmer and his wife to look after the farm, whilst he went off to play cricket for the village. Even on some occasions for as long as a week whilst they took a short break. 

On one occasion, which I am not very proud to recount, I was left to run the farm for the afternoon whilst the farmer and his wife went out. The urge to look at the farmers wife’s lingerie was just too much. I slipped my wellies off at the back door and slipped upstairs. Once in the bedroom I opened a few drawers and there before me was some of the most beautiful lingerie and night dresses I had ever seen. They were not a bit like the older type garments my own mother wore. Before I had chance to do anything, I heard someone call out from downstairs. Shock, horror, it was the farmers wife who had returned home from the village to collect something. She had found my wellies and believed that her home was in the process of being burgled. I felt sick with fear at being caught, the "butterflies" in my stomach were more like "seagulls." I rushed into the en-suite bathroom, and hid behind the door. Unfortunately I did not have time to close the drawers and certain items of lingerie had now been disturbed. I waited for the moment when the door would swing open and I would be caught and my secret would be out. I heard the door of the bedroom open and again the farmers wife called out. It was as if she knew I was hiding in the bathroom as she turned around and went quickly downstairs. The poor woman must have been equally terrified, not knowing what to expect.

In the quiet which followed I heard her car drive away and I was once again left alone. I ran downstairs to the door where I had left my wellies, only to find they were missing. The farmers wife had taken them with her in her bid to make my escape more difficult. I had no other footwear and did not know what to do. I tried to return to my work across the farm yard, but without wellies it was rather difficult. Within minutes the farmer had returned, with his wife and I was immediately confronted. I tried desperately to explain that I had gone indoors to use the toilet, and denied having entered the master bedroom, and opened the lingerie drawers. Many questions followed and many denials, although I was left in no doubt they knew it was me and they knew I had been looking at the lingerie.

A few days later a friend of the farmer and his wife, a Surgeon, who I also knew well, spoke to me. He too made it clear that he knew what I was doing in the bedroom. He was very understanding, and went out of his way to help me. Oh how I wish now I had been more open with him and sought his advice. Perhaps things may have been different.

Shortly after this incident, and not surprising I left the farm, probably much to the relief of the farmer and his wife. I did try to settle into another position, found for me by the surgeon friend, on another farm close to where he lived. 

I was now 17 years old and almost at the same time I met my wife and fell head over heels in love. I decided it was better to make the break from farming altogether and more particularly those who were aware of my longing for feminine apparel. I left the apprenticeship, never to return to farming. I felt that now I was in a serious relationship with a real girl I loved dearly, I would be cured. Never again would I want to wear ladies underwear and dresses. How wrong can one be.

At the age of 20 years I had already tried a number of varied jobs, none of which I felt suited me and offered me a sound future. I was keen to make a commitment to my then fiancée, and we were already discussing the possibility of marriage. I had always strongly believed in law and order, despite my escapade on the farm, and I came up with the idea of joining the Police Service. Should we get married we would be provided with housing, and a secure future.

In 1971, I was accepted into the Police Service, and in September, 1972, I was married. Surely now, I thought, I would be cured and would no longer feel the urge to dress. Unfortunately no, I now had a ready supply of young ladies dresses and underwear hanging in the cupboards and drawers. I could not believe it was still happening to me.

We are now 27 years on and we have two gorgeous daughters, now in their 20's,  who I love to bits. Although I have tried to suppress my cross-dressing, on many occasions, over the years, I have never been successful at putting it behind me for more than a few months at a time. My wife and daughters are not aware of my habit, and from things they have said, whenever the subject arises on the television, I do not believe they would ever accept it. I am terrified at the thought of losing them, or being rejected by them. I never want to hurt them, or more to the point, cause them any embarrassment by this deviation from the accepted normal state of society. This is a big  regret in life as I hate any form of deceit in our marriage. I have for sometime, suspected that she is aware to some degree, from comments she has made. She knows I have a very obvious interest in ladies fashions, and my general femme demeanor, at times, must be very obvious.  

My wife has never outright challenged me on the subject and I must wonder if she feels she would rather not know, on the basis that ignorance is bliss. I am certain wives are very often more astute than we, perhaps, give them credit.   I have read many Bio's of TG's in the past and I get the impression that as soon as the truth is out, many expect to be able to dress at home all the time and perhaps push their luck too far with even the most understanding spouse. I would sometimes question if it is fair on an otherwise loving wife, and feel that it could be selfish to burden her with such problems. I suspect there are many thousands of us out there in a similar position. I feel I have no alternative than to live a lie, and have what amounts to two separate lives, one as my male self, with an occasional one as Jennie. It is proving very difficult as time goes on, as the desire to dress seems to be taking me over. I also find it very frustrating, and leaves me feeling very alone. I do so wish I could share my TG feelings with my wife, as I feel there are many positive sides to such behaviour. 

Well that's it, I've done it. I have told all and hopefully, you are still with me. In the following pages I shall try to provide some useful information about the various places I have visited on my travels around the country and also some of the very interesting friends I have made in the process. Whilst I have been dressing all my life, I am still relatively new to actually going out dressed and meeting others. I am keen to share my views and experiences with others and hope that we can all gain strength from one another.