Trust an A-Team slash novel by rita (mommacita1@juno.com) Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, I just play with 'em. Summary: Face/Murdock, Face/Decker, Face/multiple male; non- consensual and consensual sex, hurt/comfort; NC-17. Hannibal had been hunched in the second-floor shadows of the warehouse for 36 hours now. After the first six-hour shift - actually sometime during the first half-hour - he knew he couldn't let BA take his place, even briefly. The big sergeant wouldn't be able to just watch. Within five minutes BA would charge - probably getting them all killed. So Hannibal sat and watched. Several times he caught himself, gun in hand, aiming at Decker's back. 'Patience,' he told himself. 'You can't help him this way.' A sudden scream echoed through the warehouse. Decker's men had rolled the cage again. Hannibal groaned, but forced himself forward to observe. The sides, top, and bottom of the cage were barred cell walls, each six-foot by six-foot, each with a locked cell door. It was free-standing and could be rolled so that different walls made up the floor, ceiling, and walls. It was settling down with its occupant forced to his hands and knees by the shackle whose chain went from his right wrist to a cross-bar that was now part of the "floor" of the cage. Decker wrenched the available door open, rocking the cell again and throwing the occupant from one "wall" to the other, as far as his chain would allow. There was no scream this time; the naked prisoner was awake and Hannibal knew he would exercise that silent self-control until he lost consciousness. Decker aimed a kick at the bloody body, covered with old scars and new wounds, pushing him brutally into a corner, further bruising the already battered face, wrenching the shackled arm. Decker dismissed his men and pondered how to proceed. The A-Team had not risen to his bait. He couldn't afford to wait any longer and he couldn't leave the "bait" alive. He reached for his side-arm, then changed his mind and unhooked the cattle prod at his waist instead. He stroked it down his own front lovingly before thrusting it into the body kneeling submissively before him. The he turned it on ful power. Hannibal winced as he watched his friend's body jerk uncontrollably at the electric shock running through his body. Once again he found his gun in his hand as Decker unzipped and began stroking his member to full erection. Hannibal lowered the gun, but didn't reholster it. Decker, ready now, removed the rod in one quick pull and rammed his organ in its place. Fully inside, unmindful of the blood slicking his path, he began thrusting wildly and brutally, banging his victim's face agains the cell bars. When he was done, he re-inserted the cattle prod, turning it to full power again. Then he began methodicially disabling his prisoner. First he wrenched the left arm out of it socket. Then he stomped on the back of one knee until a sharp crack echoed through the warehouse. Then he began kicking. The prisoner scuttled away as best he could, pulling himself further into the corner with his shackled arm, his unbroken leg providing leverage. When he could go no further, Decker advanced menacingly and stomped heavily on his hands. As his victim cringed against the bars, Decker once more pulled the prod out. He applied the glowing end to the tip of the man's penis for long seconds as the man writhed in silence, finally going limp. Decker's second, watching with thinly disguised horror, distracted him. "Sir! We have to leave now. We're due at HQ - " Decker waved him to silence, kicked the body overand rammed the cattle prod back into it. The twitching began again. Idly, Decker wondered whether it would continue after death. Pity he could not stay to find out. "Help me roll the cage," he ordered, stepping out and arranging it so his prisoner hung by one arm. He turned away. "But, sir," his second stammered, "he's still alive." "Not for long," Decker assured him. "No food, no water, internal injuries - he won't last long. But he'll be in agony the whole time." He left without a backward glance. Hannibal waited a full five minutes after he heard the cars leave before he approached the cage. He shot the lock off, then looked up. The body, still twitching from electric shocks, didn't otherwise move. He turned the rod of and removed it as gently as he could. Now the body was still. Was he too late? Hannibal couldn't tell until he released him from the shackle. He began examining the shackle and chain. The shackle had been placed on the wrist, then soldered shut. Burn marks ran up the palm of the broken hand and down the forearm. The other end was looped around the fars above them. He'd have to shoot it loose. He edged in front of the battered form to get the best angle. As he brought the gun up, he heard a harsh rasp, "Go ahead, do it." Dropping his gaze, Hannibal met resigned blue eyes. His gun arm dropped to his side. "No, please Hannibal, finish me off. I can't - I don't - don't leave me this way." "Easy, kid," Hannibat soothed, "We'll get you to the VA and you'll be fine." He hoped he wasn't lying. *** Murdock feigned sleep as Jake and Moe, the orderlies who'd had the night shift ever since he arrived at the VA, noisily installed a cot in his room. 'What now?' he thought. 'Is this place that short of space?' "Hey Murdock!" Jake kicked the side of Murdock's bed to get his attention. "Gotta roomie for ya." Murdock sat up and assumed his crazy man persona. "I beg your pardon sir," he began in the formal tones of an affronted upper-class Englishman. "This is a single accommodation, not a double. I paid good money for the privacy." "Not anymore it ain't, yer highness.But don't worry, this guy won't bother you none. Looks to me like he wouldn't care where we put him, but Doc says put this guy in with you 'cause you knew him in 'Nam." Murdock sniffed once in distaste, gathered his blanket around him like a robe, and lay down again facing the wall. He heard the orderlies wheel a gurney in and the muffled moan, followed by the admonition. "Easy now, Jake. Poor guy's got bruises where you wouldn't want 'em." Once he was sure the orderlies were gone, Murdock rolled out of bed and crept to the cot. The man had been laid on his side, facing away from the door. As he came closer, Murdock noticed the restraining sheet. 'Shit!' he thought. A truly insane room mate would make his life very difficult when Hannibal called. 'Only one way to find out,' he decided. Donning his crazy man disguise again, Murdock jostled the bed carefully, not wishing to cause any pain to the injured man. "Hey roomie!" he called out, "Thought we could get to know each other. C'mon, don't be so stuck-up, man!" With great care, Murdock reached under the restraining sheet to roll the man over to face him. The only response was a choked-back whimper. It made Murdock look to see if he was hurting him somehow. What he saw almost made him sick. The man's face was completely discolored; his head completely bandaged; his eyes swollen shut, obviously as the result of a beating. He looked almost inhuman. Through bruised and cracked lips, the injured man whispered, "Please. Do what you want. I won't - won't fight. Don't - don't hit - I'll do whatever you want." A smothered sob followed as he tried to turn his brutalized face into the pillow. "Hey, man, I'm not gonna hurt you." Murdock dropped his act instantly. Whoever this was, Moe had not exaggerated his condition. "Is there, umm, anything I can do to help you?" There was a pause, with both men still and silent. Then, the man on the cot painfully rolled backwards towards the wall and forced his eyes open. "Murdock?" he asked, voice cracking from both pain and disbelief. Murdock looked into the unrecognizably ravaged face and at the slits of blue eyes showing through the swelling. "Oh, Jesus! Face? My God! What happened to you? What can I do?" "What happened? I got stupid. Got caught." Apparently Face could see well enough despite appearances to the contrary. He saw Murdock's expression and hurried to explain. "Don't worry, just me, didn't drag anybody else down." His voice gave out. "Some water? Please." "Sure, Face. Let me get you some." Murdock hurried into the bathroom, and quickly returned bearing a paper cup (no glass, you could hurt yourself) and a damp washcloth. He wiped Face's dry lips and around his eyes, put the washcloth on the bed rail, and reached around Face to prop him up as much as the restraining sheet would allow. Then he helped him sip the water. While Face drank, Murdock spoke to him, "I wasn't thinking about the others. It's just - well, do you know what you look like?" Face gave a short, humorless laugh, that ended in a cough. "Yeah. You should, you should see the rest of me. Where they really went to work." He stopped abruptly. "No, no you shouldn't." He tried to pull out of Murdock's grasp and turn away, but the sheet got in the way. "You want out of that?" Murdock reached under the bed to unhook the sheet. "Better not. They're right to have me restrained. I get - pretty wild - sometimes. Nights mostly. Tired." Face yawned and didn't quite succeed in swallowing the whimper from the pain of stretching his mouth open. Murdock moved to lay him down in a more comfortable position, running his free hand under Face to roll him over. Face stiffened at the touch and whimpered again. "Sorry," Murdock whispered, not wanting to rouse him any further. Sleepily, Face murmured, "'Sokay. Go ahead. You can have me if you want. Everyone else has. Can't do anything 'bout it anyway." Murdock didn't know how to respond, didn't want to think about what his friend meant, so he remained holding him, until Face completely relaxed in sleep. *** A few scant hours later, Face's screams woke Murdock. Face's description of 'getting wild' was an understatement. Face would have thrown himself off the bed had the restraining sheet not contained him. Murdock crouched at the side of the bed. Gently he stroked the hair from his friend's face, trying not to touch the bruises and cause more pain. "Face," he called softly, then more urgently. "Face! Wake up. It's only a dream. You're safe now." He repeated the words until Face quieted, moaned softly, and squeezed his eyes open. "Murdock? You're real?" "It's a matter of opinion," Murdock began, speaking nonsense out of habit. Seeing the confusion and fear in Face's expression, he amended his statement. "But I appear to be real. I think so anyway. And you always have." Murdock squeezed Face's shoulder to confirm his reality, and relaxed as Face's expression cleared. Face nodded. "Sorry. Warned you. Thought you were the dream." "You want to talk about it? My therapists always claim that if I talk about my bogeymen, they won't seem so real." "Try. Water?" Murdock returned with water and the facecloth. He wiped the sweat off Face as best he could, released the top half of the sheet, despite Face's protests, and helped him sit up. He tried to hand Face the cup of water, then realized that his hands were completely bandaged. He held the cup to Face's lips to help him drink. Gesturing towards the bandaged hands, he said, "What else?" Face tried to shrug and grimaced. "Broken leg. Dislocated shoulder. Couple of cracked ribs." "Jeez, why didn't you say something. I could've hurt you." Face shook his head. "Leg's in a cast. They tried to smash the kneecap, but they missed - only good thing that happened. Shoulder and ribs are bound up. Nothing hurts much any more. Just remembering. They kept moving me. I didn't know what was happening. No, that's not true - I *tried* not to know what was happening. Didn't work. Can't just shut down like I used to. Out of practice." Murdock frowned, but let Face keep talking. He wasn't sure what his friend was talking about, but he obviously needed to talk. Finally, Face's ragged voice gave out. Mumbling, "too much screaming, throat's raw," he settled back against Murdock's arm and chest. His eyes closed and his breathing slipped into the even pattern of sleep. Murdock stayed with him, dozing, until morning. *** When the orderlies came in to wake them, Murdock realized just how badly hurt Face was. The care they gave Face told him much. And when they helped Face to the bathroom and dressed him, Murdock saw the signs of torture he wished he couldn't recognize. His eyes met Face's and Face flushed with shame and looked away. Murdock dressed quickly and went to the common room for breakfast while one of the orderlies fed Face. When he came back to their room, Face was sitting in a wheelchair. He seemed to be wide awake and alert, but waited for Murdock to open the conversation. "Who did this to you, Face?" Murdock asked as gently as he could. "Did this happen in prison?" Face shook his head and laughed humorlessly. "No, in prison they just raped me. If I didn't fight, and I didn't, I didn't get hurt. At least not like this." "*Just* raped you?" Murdock repeated, incredulous. "C'mon Murdock. Look at me - well, not now. But I'm the Faceman, right? And there's no permanent damage, just bruises. Didn't even lose any teeth this time. So I'll be pretty again. It's always been that way. I'm small and pretty. So I'm easy prey if there are no females around. In the orphanage, well, it was attention of a sort. And I figured, when I was one of the big kids, I wouldn't do that to a little fella." He shrugged and winced again. "But even when I was one of the oldest, I was never the biggest. Then in basic, I had too smart a mouth, I guess. One way to put me in my place without any bruises visible." He paused and sighed. "Fact is, except for the Team, every place I've been, I've been used. I remember when I first joined the squad, I'd lie in my bunk waiting, just hoping BA wouldn't ..." Face stopped at the look on Murdock's face. "Sorry. I still talk too much. Anyway, my point was, even though it had been a long time, I expected to spend a lot of time in prison with my mouth full or on my hands and knees." Face shrugged. "And I did." When Face didn't continue, Murdock said, "I don't know what to say. Hannibal swings both ways. BA, man, I'm *glad* he's hetero." He shuddered in mock alarm, laughing and Face joined in. "Me, well, I'm crazy, right, so it's okay for me to be 'gay'. But we never thought you were anything but a raging hetero, so of course we wouldn't even suggest anything." "Of course not. I know that now, but back then it was new and different that none of you forced me to have sex, or even suggested it. Anyway, that made it a little hard to take, in prison, after so long. But I got used to it again, used to pleasing whoever had me, so I wouldn't get hurt, or at least not too badly hurt." Face lapsed into silence again. "So that's where your nightmare came from." "Well, yes and no. The other prisoners, some of the guards, they were like the big kids at the orphanage. As long as I pleased them, it was okay, bearable. Even, even when the warden took a 'liking' to me, it wasn't too bad. He's into 'discipline', you know spanking, whipping, restraints - guess he chose the right career. But it's just more of the same. If he wanted me chained up while he fucked me, so be it. If he wanted me to suck him off, I could do it. If he wanted to spank me or whip me to get himself worked up, not a problem. Whatever. I obliged, did my best to please. Even if we'd been equals, one person has to be on top, in control, and the other one - isn't, right?" 'No, it doesn't have to be that way,' Murdock thought. 'I wish I could show you.' But he remained silent as Face continued. "I don't have nightmares from any of that. Anymore than I have nightmares from 'Nam. The, the bad times, well, they just came with the territory in both cases. Not my choice, but no big deal, not much has been my choice. I'm not the one on top." Face fell asleep. Murdock murmured, "I could show you how good it can be. Sex doesn't have to hurt. It just has to have love." Within a week, Face was, as he had said "pretty again." Pretty and vulnerable, while he was still psychologically and physically weak from being tortured. He still had at least one nightmare each night, but Murdock found that if he stayed in physical contact with him, Face usually slept peacefully after the first one. The problem was Murdock. When the fresh young Lieutenant came into the squad, both he and the Colonel had cast an eye his way. But Templeton Peck was very much a ladies' man - any lady, any time. Murdock sublimated his attraction into friendship and it had remained that way for over 10 years. Now he felt the attraction returning. Along with it came a need to protect his friend until he was fully recovered. The nagging thought remained with Murdock that Face would not be fully recovered until he understood that there didn't need to be winners and losers in sex - that mutual enjoyment was the norm, not the exception. He wanted to show Face how to enjoy sex - as an expression of love, but he wasn't sure how to do that. And he feared losing Face's friendship and trust if he approached him. He knew that Face would simply submit. Face had made that clear, and that was exactly what Murdock didn't want to happen. He sighed and thought of other things until he was able to sleep, his chin resting on the top of Face's head, his arms around the man he wanted to teach how to love. *** "The nightmare - all of them - was about after prison." This was the first time Face had opened a conversation. He stared out the window as he spoke, turning only after he finished speaking. That stopped Murdock short. "What do you mean, 'after prison'? How'd you get out?" "Ahh," Face smiled ruefully. "One of our good friends came for me. Took me to use as bait for 'the rest of the A-Team', as he put it. Interrupted the warden's pleasure to do it, too. Man, Decker has nerve - barged right in, threw some papers on his desk, and pulled me right off him and out the door. Took Hannibal a while to find me, I guess," Face paused, thinking. He remembered having the feeling that he and Decker were being watched in the warehouse. "Or maybe he was waiting for an opening. Almost waited too long." "You're safe now," Murdock assured him. "Yeah," Face agreed and leaned on him comfortably. "I'm safe with you." Murdock sighed and wished he could show Face how safe he was - how loved he was. *** The call from Hannibal came a week later. Not a literal call, of course, but a signal. Murdock wondered if Hannibal knew Face was with him. He had only indicated that Murdock was needed. Well, Face wasn't up to a mission anyway. Murdock decided not to tell him. Instead he waited until Face was asleep, then packed his bag and started tying the sheets. BA was waiting below the window. Murdock tossed his bag into the van and turned to pull the sheets down. That's when he saw Face at the window, pulling them in. Seeing Murdock looking up, Face waved, closed the window, and turned away. *** Murdock was gone two weeks. Every night of that two weeks he woke up startled that he had not been awakened by Face's screams. Every night he prayed that Face was able to hold up without him. He hastened from the van to the rarely used service exit of the hospital. As he fumbled with the lock pick, a glowing cigarette caught his eye. "You been gone awhile, Captain." "Moe?" "Door's unlocked. Better get in." "What's - what's going on?" "The Lieutenant." Moe locked the door fully before he continued. "One of the gangs - shit - look, he's in real bad shape. Either me or Jake been out here every night since the day guys found him, looking for you. We keep telling him you'll be back. I don't know if he even hears us. Dr. Richter says he can't do nothin' for someone who's not there." "Where IS he?" Murdock yelled. "Quiet, quiet. Your room. Jake's with him. We don't leave him alone for a second no more." Murdock pushed past the guilt-stricken orderly and raced to the elevator. Moe barely made it in before the doors closed. He pushed his door open and immediately saw Face curled into a tight ball on the bed, Jake in a chair right next to him. "Face! Oh, God, Face, what did they do?" Murdock moved onto the bed to cradle him. To the surprise of the two orderlies, Face turned towards Murdock. Murdock stroked the hair out of his eyes and gasped. Face's eyes acknowledged him, showed recognition, but there was no life in his expressionless face. Murdock rocked him and crooned a wordless song. Slowly, Face uncurled into Murdock's arms and his eyes drifted shut. When Murdock was sure he was asleep, he turned to the orderlies, perfectly sane and dangerously serious. "What happened?" Jake looked down at his lap, shaking his head, so Moe began. "We didn't know you was gone. The Lieutenant made up your bed to look like you was in it. Next morning, I guess, the day shift figured it out. Next night, the Lieutenant had one nightmare after another. Finally, he asked if he could just sit in the dayroom for a while and we figured, y'know, why not." He stopped and looked at his feet. Jake picked up the story. "We checked on him before we went on break. He was playin' solitaire. When we come back, he wasn't there. We figured he'd gone back to bed. We done our rounds and his door was locked, so we figured the nurse'd been around and locked it. Shit! We shouldn've just gone and left it like that. Anyway. The day shift found him in the stairwell. Some, some body - four or five Dr. Richter says, from the DNA evidence - attacked him. Prob'ly took him out there so they wouldn't be disturbed. They left him lying on the landing. He's been like this - doc says catatonic - ever since. Doc thought maybe when you came back it might help." "They raped him." It was a statement. "Yeah. Didn't hurt him much - I mean, y'know not like whoever did him before he got here." "He wouldn't fight. He'd let them." "Yeah, I guess so. But whatever they did took him over the edge." Murdock nodded. Face's words came back to haunt him. "Can't just shut down like I used to. Out of practice." Obviously, he had shut down. Now Murdock had to figure out how to get him back. *** A month went by. Murdock saw little improvement. Dr. Richter disagreed. Face obviously understood what was said to him and would follow instructions. At meals, Face could feed himself, but had to be frequently reminded to keep eating. He could dress himself, but needed to be prompted for each item of clothing. Otherwise, he just sat wherever he was, still and silent. His eyes followed Murdock everywhere. They seemed the only part of his face that was alive. The nightmares were gone, suppressed with everything else. But the two men shared the bed. Otherwise, Face lay silently awake until exhaustion overcame him. Another month and even Dr. Richter agreed that Face seemed at a plateau, caught somewhere between an internal "safe house" and the real world. Then another call came, this one a literal phone call. "Colonel, I can't go. I can't leave the Faceman." "Captain, it's out of the question to bring him." "I know that. That's why you've got to find another pilot." "Captain, BA'll be waiting in the gardens at 0330. Be there. That's an order." Hannibal hung up before Murdock could reply. Murdock looked over at Face, watching him from the bed, wide awake and staring at him. "I thought you were asleep," Murdock said, coming over and sitting next to him. Face, to Murdock's surprise, struggled into a sitting position, back against the headboard. "Look, if you could just take care of yourself a little - even get dressed without being told - if I thought you could do that, I could take you with me." No response. "But you can't," Murdock stroked Face's cheek gently. "It's not your fault. Moe and Jake'll make sure nothing happens." He turned away from the staring eyes. Even they didn't seem alive anymore. "It would be easier if you DIDN'T understand. I gotta pack." Murdock grabbed his bag and went into the bathroom to pack his toiletries. He returned, prepared to move Face to a chair so he could tie the sheets into a rope. Putting his bag down at the window, he straightened to find Face holding out the knotted sheets. As soon as Murdock took them, Face turned back to the bed. Spreading the blanket, he arranged the pillows against the wall so that if he curled around them, it would look like he was curled against Murdock. Face stood back and waited while Murdock tied off the sheets and climbed over the window sill. Then he approached the window, ready to pull the sheets back in. Murdock looked down at BA, who was holding the bottom of the sheet rope and looking past Murdock with a strange expression on his face. Murdock looked up. Face stood there, a single tear coursing down his cheek. "C'mon, Faceman. Climb down with me." Slowly, Face climbed out the window, shutting it as fully as he could, and followed Murdock to the ground. "Crazy fool!" BA hissed at Murdock. "Hannibal gon' have a fit." Face stepped back at the hostile tone. BA wasn't sure the Lieutenant knew who he was. He pulled the sheets down and stored them in the back of the blacked-out van. When he returned, Murdock was trying to convince Face to get into the van. "Now see what you did?" Murdock demanded. "Now he's spooked. You had to go and scare him, didn't you?" BA grimaced. "It's okay, Faceman," he said as gently as he could. "I didn't mean you. Hannibal ain't gonna be mad at you. Nobody's mad at you. It's this crazy fool gonna get it." Face blinked several times and something changed in his eyes. BA saw recognition and nodded. "Yeah, you just gotta get back used to us again. It'll be awright. You get on in the van." Eyes moving from one friend to the other, Face climbed into the van. *** On the way to meet Hannibal, Face hunched in a corner of the back seat, staring steadily at Murdock. Eventually, his eyes drifted closed, as the motion of the car and his own exhaustion pulled him into sleep. Noticing that Face was finally asleep, BA asked, "Don't that staring get to ya?" "Nah," Murdock replied. "He just needs to know I'm there." He paused. "And as long as he's staring at me, I know he is, too." *** Once Hannibal finished exploding at Murdock, BA, who had put a comforting arm around Face, exploded at Hannibal. "What you think you're doin', huh? Look at him - you got him so scared an; he don't know why. He prob'ly don' even reco'nize you." Hannibal looked closely at Face for the first time since the team had walked in. The bleak, closed expression made him want to look away. Instead, he forced himself to look his Lieutenant in the eyes. He expected either blankness or the defeated resignation he had seen in the warehouse, months ago. He was shocked to find neither. Instead, blind terror waged war with rationality. Hannibal turned away. As usual when a situation was out of his control, he turned logistic. "Okay. We'll try this, but I want it on the record that I don't think this is going to work." He brushed away Murdock's defensive rejoinder with a gesture. "I said we'd try it. First, we've gotta have a routine. Murdock, you know best what he can and cannot do - work something out. Second, we've gotta have a schedule. I'm assuming he can't be left alone." Murdock's brief nod confirmed that. "Then, there's his medication. I don't suppose you brought that?" Murdock looked abashed and shook his head no. "Hey, Hannibal, Murdock din't plan this. But we couldn'a lef' him. If Murdock hadn't of got him out, I woulda gone in for him." "I know, BA, but the fact remains he needs his meds." "Hannibal's right, BA. He can't sleep without the night sedative, and he'll be in a lot of pain if he doesn't have his pain killer." Murdock looked at Hannibal. "What can we do, Colonel?" Hannibal sighed. "I'll call Maggie. She can probably find out what he's taking somehow and then get it to us." Hannibal walked over to Face and BA. "Okay, Face. We'll get through this somehow." He patted the younger man on the shoulder. Face blinked, but Hannibal saw no change in expression. BA, however, felt him relax against his arm. *** Routine was established. With encouragement from Murdock and BA, Face began to be able to do a series of tasks without being prompted. Once we was told to get up, he could go through his morning libations without help. When his clothes were laid out, he would dress himself. Meals were still a problem. He would stop eating at intervals for no apparent reason and have to be reminded to continue. A schedule was established. Either BA or Murdock spent the night with him. BA would sit in a chair next to the bed, a comforting hand on Face's shoulder until the sedative took effect and he fell asleep. Then BA would make himself comfortable on the floor so that he would be there when Face awoke in the morning. Murdock simply shared the bed with Face, who curled into his embrace and fell asleep before the sedative could possibly have taken effect. Getting Face started in the morning went to whomever had stayed with him the previous night. Hannibal took care of most meals. During the day, Face stayed with whoever had the most time to look after him. Not that he would wander away, or even move without being told, but he tired easily, and couldn't communicate that. Face was obviously most comfortable with Murdock, who didn't mind being stared at and talked to him non-stop without expecting answers. BA realized Face knew he didn't like being stared at when he realized that Face kept his eyes closed whenever possible while he was with BA. In response, BA made frequent physical contact with Face - a touch on the shoulder, a pat on the back - as he worked on the van or whatever chore he was doing. Hannibal didn't know what to do about Face. To him, the man was a cipher. He would sit still wherever he was put. He did whatever he was told, as long as the task was simple and of short duration. But Hannibal saw no comprehension in Face's eyes. And when Face began closing his eyes as he did with BA, Hannibal interpreted it as further withdrawal. It couldn't go on, he decided. "You have to take him back," Hannibal insisted over breakfast. "Shh. He'll hear you." "He's still asleep. Anyway, I'm not convinced he understands what goes on around him. Most of the time he either stares at you or keeps his eyes closed." "He doesn't get in the way, does he?" "Not the point, Murdock. He's useless." "If he goes back, I go back - and I won't come out again!" "Murdock - " "I'm serious, Hannibal." The back door slammed and then there was silence. 'Useless'. The word echoed in Face's mind. Its truth broke through his defensive filters. Sitting in the living room with eyes closed, he fought an internal battle. It was true. He was useless to the team, useless to himself. Footsteps sounded and Face opened his eyes. Seeing Hannibal, he fought not to close them again. He didn't know how to make Hannibal comfortable around him, but he had to try. Face tried to remember how to look at a person without staring in terror or desperation. "Oh! Good morning. Didn't know you were up. Come have some breakfast." Not expecting a response, Hannibal turned and walked back into the kitchen. Face rose and followed. Face succeeded in staying focused enough to eat the whole meal without being reminded of what he was supposed to be doing. He was finishing his toast under Hannibal's watchful eye when BA burst in through the back door. "C'mon, Faceman, we goin' fo' a ride." "BA, what are you talking about? You and Murdock have a lot to do. I said I'd take care of Face," Hannibal interrupted. "Murdock don' trust you. He thinks you gonna take Faceman back." Face, seemingly oblivious, rose and put his dishes in the sink. It was obvious to BA, however, that he had followed the conversation when he came to stand next to the big man. BA put a protective arm around him, while scrutinizing Hannibal's face. "Fool's right, ain't he?" "BA we can't tak proper care of Face. And, the way he is - " "I don' wanna hear no more," BA announced. "C'mon Face. Le's go." Face let BA lead him out, but in his mind hung the unfinished portion of Hannibal's words - 'he's useless'. *** "Decker! Shit!" At the words, Face's eyes popped open and he sat bolt upright. Only BA's barked "Get down!" made him slump to the floor of the van, no longer a target for their pursuers. In a heavily wooded area, shielded by a curve in the road, BA made an abrupt right turn and headed cross-country, bouncing the van on the make- shift dirt track he had noticed. He stopped the van and did a cursory check before heading out onto the road parallel to the one they had left. Murdock looked for pursuit and saw none. They continued through a sleepy town and several miles beyond before the van's engine began coughing and ultimately shut off. BA got out and rolled under the van to locate the problem. Part of the gas line had come loose. BA poked his head out from under the van. "Fool!" he bellowed, "Get out here an he'p me." Murdock jumped out of the cab and opened the slider for Face. Murdock watched Face seat himself on a rock on the side of the road, then slid under the van to join BA. Together they tried to reconnect to gas line to no avail. BA pulled himself out and stood up, dusting himself off. He glanced at Face, who for once didn't immediately shut his eyes, and managed a smile. "Sure wish you could scam us a car 'bout now, Faceman," he said. He was interrupted by a shout from under the van. "Hey, BA! How about if we do this?" was followed almost immediately by, "Uh oh, maybe not." The smell of gasoline and the sound of rushing liquid immediately followed and Murdock scooted into view, holding a section of pipe. "What you do now, Fool?" cried the exasperated Sergeant. "Don't you know nothin' 'bout cars?" "But, BA, I was only trying to - " "Don' care what you was trying to do! You wrecked m'car!" "Now, now, BA, I'm sure someone as clever as you can - uh, BA, where's Face?" While BA and Murdock looked in and around the van for Face, he was jogging down the road back towards the small town they had passed through. Wide awake and alert after the run-in with Decker, he had noticed a used-car lot just off the main road. Spurred by BA's wistful statement, he took Murdock's wallet and a fake id from the glove compartment and started back to town. Winded, he paused on the edge of town and considered his next move. He thought about speaking and felt his throat constrict. 'Okay,' he said to himself to keep calm, 'that won't work. Think of another option.' His face lit up as he came upon a plan. Quickly checking the wallet for cash, he entered a convenience store and purchased a pad and pen. Tucking them into his shirt pocket, he headed for the used car lot. Face entered the small sales office and approached the counter. A young woman stood with her back towards him. He waited quietly for her to turn around. She started on seeing someone in the office with her. "Oh! I didn't hear you come in, sir. May I help you?" Face smiled and pulled out his pad and paper. On it he wrote "I'm a Viet Nam veteran. I cannot speak due to a war wound." He shrugged mentally; it was close to the truth. He passed the pad to the woman. "Oh, you poor man!" she cried. Face smiled again, and shook his head. Taking the pad back, he wrote, "It was a long time ago. I'm used to it." The woman jumped to a conclusion. "Do you need money? Are you collecting for something?" Face shook his head no. He wrote, "I was headed for a reunion of my unit when my car broke down. I remembered seeing your sign, so I thought maybe I could rent something?" She read his request and nodded. "Pop? She called into the back room. "Could you come out here for a minute." While she waited, she introduced herself. "Kathy Wilkes," she said, offering her hand. With another smile, this one dazzling, Face took her hand. Releasing it, he pulled out the driver's license with his photo and the name Dean Temple on it. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Temple," Kathy said, returning his smile. She turned to the older man and explained Face's situation. The man looked Face up and down, read his words from the pad, and saw nothing but sincerity. After all, he had asked about renting, not borrowing. "Won't hear of it," he announced. "You gave your all for us in 'Nam, and have the scars to show for it." That was certainly true, Face reflected. "I'll lend you a car and have yours towed. My brother owns the town garage. You get on to your reunion and stop in on your way back to swap vehicles. When do you think you'll be back." Face wrote, "I was planning on driving back next Monday, if that's not too long." "That'll be fine. Now let's see what I can give you." *** BA and Murdock were listening to Hannibal's blistering "I told you so's" on the car phone when Face pulled up behind them in a mint condition Mustang convertible. He grinned at their surprise as they came to meet him. In the background, he could hear Hannibal still yelling into the empty van. Murdock hugged Face fiercely. "I knew you could do it. I knew you could come back!" BA took his turn and said simply, "Good job, man. What we do wif the van?" Face scribbled, "The tow truck will pick it up tonight. We should strip it - just in case." BA nodded. "You got it man." He reached into the cab to pop the rear door locks and pulled the still-broadcasting phone out by its wires. Then he climbed to the rear and opened the doors. Face and Murdock were waiting, but he put a restraining hand on Face's shoulder. "You done enough for one day. You must be exhausted and you late with your meds so you must be hurtin' too." Face shook his head, but Murdock backed BA. "If you're not feeling it now, you will. It's just that you're on "the jazz", so you don't notice. Go sit in the car and let us move the stuff." Shrugging, Face obeyed, and discovered, once seated in the passenger's seat, his eyes were drifting closed and his hips and back began to complain. Sleep found him before the pain prevented it. Having loaded the Mustang, BA and Murdock let Face sleep, carefully buckling him in, and drove back to Hannibal. As they made the last turn, Murdock, from the back seat, said to BA, "How are we going to make Hannibal believe this?" Before BA could respond, Face sat up in his seat, where he'd been slowly waking over the past few minutes. Signaling them to wait, he grabbed his pad and wrote, "I'll do it." Then he began writing furiously on page after page of the pad. Hannibal met them at the door. He was furious. Face moved out in front of the other two as they walked towards him. He handed Hannibal the pad. The first page said "STOP" in large block letters. The rest of the pages explained what he had done, how he felt, how much he had, in fact, understood all along, and how much he needed all three of his friends. It ended by explaining that he didn't know when or if he would be able to force sounds out again, but that he hoped Hannibal could accept him back now as at least a partial member of the team. Hannibal reread the entire message twice, tears filling his eyes. "Face, I am so sorry," he said. "I told you in the warehouse everything would be all right - and it wasn't. I left you in as bad a situation as I found you in." Face grabbed the pad from him and wrote in large letters, "Not Your Fault!" He showed it to Hannibal, then turned to Murdock and pointed to the same message. Hannibal turned him around again and hugged him. "Welcome back, Lieutenant." *** Some months later, Face was indeed making sounds again. Unfortunately, they only came during his increasingly frequent nightmares. His incoherent cries could only be calmed by Murdock, so the sleeping arrangements were changed to permanently put them together. One night, curled up with his back against Murdock's chest as he calmed down enough to get back to sleep, Face felt Murdock's hardness against him. He realized it was not a new sensation, just one he had never thought about. He turned in Murdock's arms and looked at his face. Murdock's eyes were closed and he seemed to be concentrating intensely. Face reached out and touched his face. Murdock's eyes flew open. He was looking directly into Face's eyes. Face had a quizzical expression. "What? Was I snoring?" Face smiled and shook his head. He reached down between them and gently touched Murdock's erection. He looked at Murdock with a question in his eyes. Murdock gently removed Face's hands. "No, Face, it's okay. I don't want that from you. Not now. Come back to sleep. Why don't you curl around me tonight?" He turned away from his friend and pulled Face's arms around him. Face leaned his head against Murdock's back and slept. Murdock's body wasn't terribly obedient to his will. In fact, it had gotten quite insistent. One night, unable to calm himself, Murdock rolled away from Face to give himself release. Much to his surprise, strong arms rolled him back and removed Murdock's hands. "You need," Face stated quietly but firmly. Murdock looked shocked. He ignored the fact that Face had spoken while awake. "No! No, Face, you CAN trust me. I would never do that, never hurt you that way. You, you offered once before, and I told you that. You probably don't remember." "I remember," Face replied softly. "I remember you said it doesn't have to hurt. That you wanted to show me." Murdock looked at Face sharply. He hadn't realized Face had heard him. Face met his eyes, allowing his uncertainty and trepidation to show. "Please," he asked, his low voice steady, "show me." Murdock took his face in his hands and kissed Face's lips gently but firmly. He ran his hands lovingly over the other man's head and back. He was at war internally. This could be the heaven he'd been awaiting for over fifteen years. Or it could send Face back inside himself permanently. But Face had asked. How could he refuse? He'd have to be gentle - how could anyone ever have been less than gentle with this fragile soul? Murdock ran his hands down Face's back and caressed his buttocks. He felt Face stiffen than relax, leaning his head on Murdock's shoulder. Face moved his hands down Murdock's chest and encircled his genitals through his shorts. As Face encouraged their growth, Murdock massaged Face's rear through his pajamas. Then Face slipped down in the bed, and unsnapped Murdock's shorts, encouraging his member with tongue and lips. Murdock discovered Face was very knowledgeable in the ways of pleasuring another man. He had to be, he realized sadly, to have survived his youth. Moaning, Murdock pushed Face away. Face looked up at him, hurt coming into his eyes. Murdock laughed and stroked his hair. "You asked me to show you. Not the other way around." Face flushed, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I - I don't know any other way." "Then let me show you," Murdock insisted. "And don't worry, I'll let you reciprocate. But not now. And not unless you want to." Face nodded. "What should I do?" "Just lay there and let me love you." Murdock ignored his own erection for the time begin. As he told Face, he could wait. Gently he pushed Face onto his back. He unbuttoned his pajama tops and untied the bottoms, but didn't remove them. He worked his hands, followed by his mouth down the length of Face's body to his groin. Normally, he would stop there and tease his partner, but he knew he couldn't risk that with Face. Aroused, Face made small noises of contentment and pleasure. When Murdock took him into his mouth, Face shot up onto his elbows in shock. Murdock didn't release him, but met his eyes in query. "Is that what it feels like when I do it?" Face demanded. Murdock did empty his mouth then to speak, but quickly caught up the hardening organ in his hands and stroked it as he spoke. "Hasn't anyone ever gone down on you before?" Face shook his head. "Only me on them. I learned what was good from how they reacted." "Did you like it?" "Oh, yes. I just never knew - I never knew it could feel like that. Would you, would you suck me some more? Please?" For answer, Murdock took him in again, swirling tongue and grazing teeth, until Face fell back in rapture. Then Murdock began sucking in earnest. Not stopping until he pulled Face over the edge. Swallowing every drop and licking the softly swollen organ clean. Realizing he had come in Murdock's mouth, Face sat up and pulled away. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to lose control. I didn't know - " "Shh," Murdock hushed the terrified man. "There's nothing to be sorry about. That's what's supposed to happen. Isn't that what you used to do - what you were going to do for me?" "Well, yes. But I'm not supposed to, I mean - I don't know what I mean," Face finished in confusion. "It's okay. No one ever brought you off?" Face shook his head, ashamed. Murdock wondered how life could have been so consistently cruel to one person. "Do you want me to continue?" "There's more?" Face asked. "Well, there are two of us here," Murdock pointed out, smiling to soften his words. "Generally, that means we both get a turn. But if you're not ready, it's okay. It's really okay." "No, I want to. I just wasn't thinking - I'm sorry." Murdock touched his lips with a fingertip to silence him. "Stop. Don't say you're sorry. You didn't do anything wrong." "Do you want me to, to suck you off now?" It sounded harsh to Face's ears. Murdock had made love to him and he was offering to service Murdock in return. He didn't have the words to offer more, wasn't sure he even had the ability. "What I'd really like is to make love inside you," Murdock answered, ignoring Face's choice of words and watching his face carefully. "Sure." Face's answer was too short, even for someone who hadn't been able to speak an hour before. When he started to turn over onto his hands and knees, Murdock stopped him and rolled him back onto his back. "I didn't say I wanted to fuck you," he admonished. "I said I wanted to make love inside you. If you want me to. I won't hurt you and I won't force you." Face hesitated. How could it not hurt? But Murdock said it wouldn't and he knew Murdock wouldn't force him. The choice was really his. He looked into Murdock's sincere brown eyes. "I trust you," he said finallly. "Tell me what to do." Murdock positioned Face and drew down his pajamas. Then his pulled his own shorts off. A quick run to the bathroom produced the vial of lubricant, which he handed to Face as he repositioned them, with Face's legs over his shoulders. Face was studying the lubricant's label. Clearly he'd never used it before. Murdock took it from him and opened the cap. "You still okay with this?" he asked. Face nodded and Murdock squeezed the gel onto his fingers. Then he handed the open vial to Face. "Would you like to spread it on me?" he asked. Face nodded and leaned forward as best he could to reach his new lover. "Oh, yes," Murdock moaned in pleasure as Face stroked the gel on. Murdock leaned into the caress and at the same time began gently rubbing Face's anus with a circular motion, feeling the ridged scars that radiated outward from years of abuse. Face shuddered and whimpered. Murdock gentle disengaged Face's hands with his free one and pressed him back on the bed where he could watch his expression. Face thrust gently against his fingers, telling Murdock what he wanted to know. Slowly Murdock, inserted one finger through the scarred opening and past ring of muscle. Face's eyes shot open in fright, then slowly closed again after focusing on Murdock for an instant. He relaxed into the invasion of his body. The same sequence followed twice more, until Murdock was satisfied that Face was comfortable with the feeling and stretched enough. Murdock removed his fingers and Face opened his eyes with a sigh of regret. He watched Murdock, waiting. He didn't see how this part could NOT hurt, but the introduction had felt, well, wonderful. His penis stirred in agreement. He sighed again and closed his eyes, careful not to tense up. Murdock's voice came to him. "You still okay with this? We can stop anytime." Face couldn't quite believe that, although he knew Murdock meant it sincerely. Sometimes things got out of control. Like he had earlier. Murdock watched the changing emotions crossing his fearful lover's face. "I'm okay," Face finally murmured, lying relaxed under his lover. "Go ahead." Unconsciously, Face stroked himself. It was that, rather than his unconvincing words, that convinced Murdock to continue. He positioned his penis at Face's entrance, rubbing gently and eliciting the small thrusting response his fingers had gotten earlier. As gently as he could, he slowly pushed in, stopping whenever Face gasped and tensed, continuing when he sighed and relaxed again. He did not delude himself that Face expected any pleasure out of this, only that he trusted Murdock to try not to hurt him and that he offered himelf out of that trust. Fully inside, Murdock paused. Face lay still beneath him, waiting. Murdock began rocking slowly inside, not withdrawing, and not thrusting, merely making small movements to get Face used to the fullness. Face murmured in surprised pleasure and Murdock moved a little more and more quickly, slowly increasing the tempo until he was thrusting rhythmically. Face began responding with answering thrusts in time to Murdock's. His penis, fully erect again, moved gently against Murdock's belly. Murdock grasped it with his greased hand and stroked it firmly in time to their meshed movements. Murdock felt himself passing the point of no return. "I can't stop now, Face," he gasped in warning, relieved to hear the reassuring "Don't want you to," in return. As he let loose, he stroked and squeezed Face to completion. Face's choked back cry of release was quickly followed by his own. The next thing Murdock felt was Face shaking beneath him. Alarmed, he rolled to the side, to discover Face was sobbing, silently but uncontrollably. Murdock gathered the trembling body into his arms. He rocked Face and stroked his hair and cheek until the younger man quieted. He was cursing himself silently for giving in to his base needs at the expense of his friend, when Face's unsteady hand turned his eyes towards him. "Didn't know," Face began, hoarsely. "Didn't know it could feel like that. Didn't know it could be good for both." Exhausted, he curled more closely into Murdock's embrace and slept. End.