Title: The Winning Hand
Author: rita and Fingers
E-mail:  mommacita1@juno.com, finger99s@aol.com

Rating: R for nudity
Pairings: SB/Boomer

Archive: Yes, please
Series: No
Website: http://www.geocities.com/jennylmr/index.html (And thanks to
Jenlmr for hosting us)

Disclaimer: We don't own the boys nor do we make any profit from my
writing.  We just like to play with them and we mostly put our toys back
as good as new.

Warnings (if needed): Just the boys getting a little cabin fever and Tigh
having to cure it.

Summary: Starbuck's been cheating at cards ...

This all started because Fingers was packing stuff to get signed at the
con in Germany (which she might have mentioned once or a dozen times) and
she said, "got a trading card of him [Herb Jefferson] bare-chested
leaning over Starbuck - quite a slashy picture," to which I replied (as
any red-blooded BSGSlash writer would: "Yum! Story time!" So it's all
Fingers' fault (for going to the con without taking all of us, among
other things).  

I'll let Fingers set the stage: He's standing over Dirk who has a hand of
cards and cigar in his mouth. 

And so our story begins ...

Boomer: "Get the filthy weed out of your mouth, Starbuck. And put down
those cards. You need your hands to undo your uniform - unless you want
me to rip it off you."

Starbuck: "In public?" 

Boomer: "You deserve it, Bucko!" (The other pilots murmur their
agreement.) "You've been fleecing us of our cubits and our possessions
and now I catch you cheating? The clothes are coming off, with or without
your cooperation."

Starbuck: "Hey guys...You know me I don't cheat..."

A voice from among the pilots: "Yeah, we *do* know you ..." (A couple of
pilots step forward to assist Boomer.)

Starbuck (removing the weed from his mouth): "Hey guys, can't we work
something out ..."

Boomer: "Bad mistake, Bucko, now both your hands are occupied. Take him,
boys." (Giles and Bojay grab Starbuck.)

Starbuck (spluttering and looking around): "Can't we do this in private?"

Boomer: "This is as private as you're gonna get." (Boomer signals and
they pull him upright. Boomer rescues the fumarello and carefully snubs
it out, while Bojay plucks the cards from SB's hand.) 

Starbuck: "Hey that was a winning hand."

Bojay (looking over the cards - front and back): "So it was. I can see
that from both sides." (Giles leans over to look and gives a low whistle
of admiration. Boomer just shakes his head.)

Starbuck: "Just let me collect my winnings and I'll come with you
peacefully."

Boomer: "Come with us?" (The pilots look at each other mystified.) "No
one's going anywhere, Bucko. We're on alert, remember? All the action's
gonna happen right here. Hold him guys." (Bojay and Giles tighten their
grip, Bojay handing the "winning hand" off to Greenbean. Boomer starts
unvelcroing Starbuck's tunic.)

Starbuck: "Hey!"

(Boomer ignores him, finishes undressing him, pulling pants and shorts
down to his boots. He gestures and Starbuck's captors try to bend him
over the card table, which Jolly has helpfully cleared.)

Another voice speaks up: "What is this?"

Starbuck: "Oh, Frak!" 

Boomer: "Colonel Tigh, sir! Nothing, sir, just a little ... umm fooling
around."

Colonel Tigh (walking around the table and looking Starbuck up and down):
"Nice to see we're *all* on alert." (Looking at Boomer and Starbuck
again): "I'll investigate this further. Duty office now!" (Starbuck moves
to pull up his pants.): "As you *are*, Lieutenant!" (He tweaks Boomer's
very erect nipples as he brushes past him.)

***

In the Duty Office a few centons later, it having taken Starbuck that
long to hobble there with his pants around his ankles:

Tigh: "I'd like an explanation of what was going on out there."

Boomer:  "Just some innocent ..."

Starbuck (speaking over him, loudly and firmly): "Strip Pyramid, Sir." (He
grins.)  "I was losing."

Tigh (ignoring Boomer's spluttering): "And why is part of your uniform
pulled down but still on?"

Starbuck (ever quick on his feet): "I hadn't lost my boots yet, Sir."

Tigh (still hoping to catch Starbuck in a web of lies): "And the men
holding you down?"

Starbuck: "Oh, no Sir!  They were making sure I didn't lose my balance."

Boomer (under his breath): "Oh, but you would have."

Tigh: "What was that, Lieutenant?"

Starbuck:  "I think he said I would have - lost my boots, that is. And
he's right.  Because he had the winning hand."

Tigh (giving up with a snort): Very well then.  Kindly remember we're on
alert. If everyone is playing Strip Pyramid, no one in the Ready Room is
... ready.  You two finish your game in private."  (Sighing) "I'll tell
the squadrons."  

Tigh (opening the door to a chorus of disappointed sighs. Turning back to
the two Lieutenants): "Do you need a deck of cards?"

Boomer (who has already bent a grinning Starbuck over the desk): "No,
Sir, I think I have the winning hand right here."