Stripped, Shaved and Shamed
by Betty
Pairing: Apollo/Starbuck, Apollo/other, Starbuck/other
Rating: NC-17

Summary: Just what the title says.


Part 1

Apollo yawned and stretched, then rolled over to try and catch a few
more zee's before Boxey came running into the room to wake him up. The
bed felt very hard and scratchy this morning, and the air was cold on
his bare skin. Funny, he didn't remember falling into bed naked, in
fact he didn't remember falling into bed. He then realised he was
uncovered and reached down to pull the blanket back over him, but
there was no blanket. That's when he opened his eyes.

***

Starbuck sat up and stared into the angry eyes of the commander. For
the first time in his short life the lieutenant was speechless. He had
no idea what he was doing here, nor how he had gotten to be in this
situation. Suddenly he heard Apollo yawn and roll over. When the
captain opened his eyes, Starbuck finally spoke.

"Morning Apollo."

Sitting up fast Apollo replied, "*Starbuck*, what are you doing here
and what happened  to your hair?"

"I don't know, and I suspect the same thing that happened to yours."

Apollo reached up to feel the top of his head.

"MY HAIR, SOMEBODY STOLE MY HAIR!" Apollo screamed.

"That's not all that`s wrong here." Apollo then heard his father say.

At this point Apollo now realised that he had been sleeping, naked,
on the floor of his father's quarters, Starbuck as well, and someone
had shaved their heads.

"Do you two wish to tell me how you came to be sleeping on my floor,
completely bald, and I do mean *completely*?"

Checking himself over Apollo found that his head was not the only part
of him that had been shaved, and Starbuck was in the same condition.

"I don't know, last thing I remember we were in the officer's club
having a couple of drinks." Apollo said, stunned.

"We were the last people in there, except for the bartender," Starbuck
added.

"Yeah, and since he was a new guy and it was his first night on the
job we wanted to see how long it would take before he kicked us out."
Apollo grinned.

"That was my idea sir, not Apollo's." Starbuck said, biting his lip.

"So your saying the bartender is responsible for your sleeping on my
floor and for your bodies to be completely void of hair." Adama
stated, not asked.

"Well, yes... no... maybe..." the two younger man said together.

Then Apollo said, "Wait, Colonel Tigh came in, I remember that, and he
sat down at the bar, acted like he didn't see us."

"Oh so the colonel is behind this?"

"No sir, colonel Tigh would never do anything like this, maybe the guy
he was with would though." Starbuck said and innocently grinned.

"The guy he was with?" Adama asked.

"Yes sir, he was with another man, but we don`t know who it was
because he was wearing a long black cape that covered his head."
Apollo replied quickly.

"So your saying that colonel Tigh is dating a strange man in a long
black cape who enjoys shaving men."

"I guess so." the younger men said.

"That doesn't sound like colonel Tigh at all."

"Well, no." Starbuck said.

"But we don't who else it could have been?" Apollo asked.

"Well, the only thing I can suggest is that the two of you try to find
out who did this to you, why they did it and how they did it."

"Oh, yes sir." Apollo said.

"Are we in trouble?" Starbuck asked.

Adama thought a moment before saying, "I'll let it pass this time, but
only because it's plain to see someone has played a trick on the two
of you, now get out of my quarters, quickly."

"Um, we need some clothes, Sir." Apollo said.

***

Starbuck and Apollo stood outside the mess hall, neither man wanting
to enter the room they knew was filled with all their friends and
colleagues. They knew in advance what was going to happen as soon as
that door closed behind them. But they were hungry, and the need for
food out weighed the need to avoid embarrassment, so, taking a deep
breath, they went to face their doom.

As every eye turned in their direction, the only sound that could be
heard was that of forks and spoons dropping onto plates and bowls.
Then it came. It started with a small chuckle that Starbuck swore came
from Jolly. Within microns it grew into full blown laughter.

"Oh my Lords, what have you two done to yourselves now?" Boomer
laughed as he fell off his chair.

"Do you two know how ludicrous you look?" Sheba giggled.

"What did you do, have a fight with a lawn mower?" Giles sniggered.

"Do they have lawn mowers in the fleet?" Bojay asked, sounding oh so
innocent.

Starbuck's face turned a bright red before he turned and bolted from
the room. A few microns later Apollo followed him. The two quickly
made their way to Apollo`s quarters, where the captain was able to
scrounge up enough food from his fridge for the two of them to have a
warm, yet small, breakfast.

"Maybe we can find some wigs someplace." Starbuck stated while they
ate.

"My father wears a rug, maybe we can steal it."

"The commander is bald?"

"Yup, just as bald as we are right now, in fact I think he has more
than one rug in his closet."

"Really? How many?"

"At least five, I remember my mother kidding him that he had enough
for every day of the secton."

"So he wouldn't miss a couple of them then?"

"Probably not, but I think he would notice us wearing them, as well as
everyone else we ran into."

"True, but it's better than getting laughed at because your bald."

The two finished eating and dumped their dishes into the sink,
planning on washing them later, and headed for the commander's
quarters once again. When they arrived the commander was not in, so
Apollo made his way to the closet in the bed chamber.

"Apollo, shouldn't we ask his permission first?"

"I'm sure he'll allow us to borrow a couple wigs until our hair grows
back." Apollo replied as he flung open the closet door.

Starbuck gasp in surprise at the sight before him. The commander
didn't own five wigs, but hundreds of them. And not only grey one's.
There were brown, black, blond, long hair, short hair and a few
Starbuck was sure must be for women.

"He`s got women's clothes in here!" Apollo exclaimed.

"Look like his size too." Starbuck gasped in surprise.

"Just what do you two think your doing now?" they heard Adama from the
doorway.

Apollo turned and said, "We just wanted to borrow a couple of wigs
father, that's all. We were not snooping into your stuff and we didn`t
see the women's wear in your closet," with one big breath.

Clearing his throat Adama answered. "Yes, well of course you can borrow
some wigs, silly of me not to think of that before." Adama reached into
the closet and removed two wigs. "Here you go, why don't you borrow
these two, their right colour for you both and, oh look, they even look
to be the same hair style that you two wore, well isn't that a
coincidence." Adama plopped the wigs on the two warriors and closed
the door. Patting them on the head he then pushed them towards the
outer door. "There now that's taken care of why don`t you two get on
with your daily duties, behave yourselves and don't get into anymore
trouble."

When the door closed behind the two, they stood in the corridor
looking at each other for a few centons before breaking out into
laughter. They were wearing each other's hair.

"Oh Apollo, you look so sweet as a blond." Starbuck chuckled.

"Oh no, Starbuck. I`m sure it doesn't look as good as your dark hair."

"Does it match my eyes?" Starbuck placed one hand on his hips and the
other on the top of his head.

"Is this the way to Commander Adama's quarters?" and elderly gentleman
asked

Wiping the smile off his face Apollo answered. "Yes sir, can I help
you? Do you need help carrying those heavy bags?"

"Oh that's all right, I have an appointment with Adama  is all, you
young men look like you were enjoying yourselves, don't let an old man
like me get in your way." The older said as he rang Adama's door chime.

"Sire Jester, you have arrived. I hope you didn't have to much trouble
finding your way here?" Adama said as the door opened. "Why are you two
still standing here? Don't you have jobs to do?"

"Yes sir," the two warriors said as they turned to leave

"Is that captain your son? I thought you said he was the dark haired
one of the terrible duo?" They didn`t hear Adama's response, as the
door had closed behind the two men, but they did hear the loud
laughter of the two older men.

"Terrible duo?" Starbuck scoffed.

Apollo was about to demand they switch wigs, but the sound of Sheba`s
laughter stopped him.

"Oh my, have we decided to try something new again? Hey Bojay, Boomer,
Giles, come take a look at this. Apollo and Starbuck now have wigs, in
each other's hair styles."

The two men ran down the corridor, the sound of laughter following
them. The last thing they heard as they boarded the turbo-lift was
Boomer yell, "Hey Captain, does this mean your going to start following
Starbuck around like a lost puppy from now on?"

"I`m not a lost puppy." Starbuck sulked when the lift doors closed.

***

The next morning Apollo awoke to the feeling of something heavy on top
of him. But before he could open his eyes he heard his father say.

"I hope you two are not going to make a habit of this," accompanied by
the sound of Starbuck groaning in his ear.

Slowly opening one eye, he saw that he was once more sleeping naked on
his father's floor, with a naked Starbuck laying on top of him.

***

Part 2

After Adama had once more arranged for the two warrior's uniforms to
be brought to his quarters he again ordered them to find out just what
was going on and how they had come to be sleeping naked on his living
room floor.

"And for Lords sakes put the proper wigs on your fool heads, you two
look ridiculous walking around with each other's hair."

On both nights the last place they remembered being had been the
Officers Club, so Apollo decided to start their investigation there.

"That new bartender, Vexer, was serving both nights so he may have
seen someone come in and put something in our drinks." Starbuck said.

"Or he did it himself," Apollo suggested.

"But why would he do this to us, we don't even know him?"

"That's what we'll find out."

"Apollo, what kind of a name is Vexer anyway. It sounds weird."

"I think he's from Virgon, those people are always giving their kids
strange names."

Since it was still early in the morning the OC was closed, but Vexer
was behind the bar, getting things ready for opening.

"Vexer could we ask you a few questions about the last two nights?"
Apollo asked the thin young man.

"Sure Captain, as long as you don't mind if I keep on working as we
talk, you warriors don't it if you don't get your grog on time."

Starbuck didn't like the way this guy grinned at them, but didn't say
anything just yet. He decided it would be better if Apollo did all the
talking.

"Well we would just like to know if you remember Starbuck and I
leaving the last two nights, and if anyone had maybe been at our table
or followed us out?"

"It was *after* closing time."

"Sorry about that, but did we leave *with* anyone?"

"You don't remember?"

"Would we be asking if we did?" Starbuck snapped.

"Starbuck please stay calm and let me handle the questions." Apollo
whispered.

"It's okay Captain, the two of you were pretty drunk so I'm not
surprised you don't remember. Both nights you left with an elderly man
in a long black cloak."

Apollo stood stunned for a moment. " The same man who was in here with
colonel Tigh the other night?"

"Yes, that's the one, you two got really chummy with him, laughing and
joking well past closing time both nights."

"But neither one us remembers him  joining us." Starbuck protested.

"Like I said lieutenant, you two were pretty drunk."

"Do you know who he was?" Apollo asked.

"Sorry Captain, never seen him before the other night. Maybe colonel
Tigh knows his identity."

"Well thanks for the help." Apollo said as he and Starbuck turned to
leave.

As they left the OC, neither man saw the evil grin on Vexer's face.

***

Colonel Tigh was enjoying a very rare day off and he was not very
pleased to find Apollo and Starbuck at his door that morning, but he
was a little more helpful than the bartender.

"Oh, that old man at the bar? He was just a peddler trying to sell his
goods. I wasn't interested in what he had to sell and so I left."

"Ah Sir, would you mind telling us what he was selling?" Apollo asked
respectfully.

"Sex toys," Tigh said matter of factly.

Starbuck almost choked on the words. "Sex toys?"

"Yes, those and some sex aids, you know stuff like Spanish fly, which
I really wouldn't recommend using, it can be really dangerous, plus
some other stimulants and of course some oils and lubes."

"Stimulants? You mean he was selling drugs?" Apollo asked, clearly
shocked.

"Yes Apollo, I mean drugs."

"Is that legal?"

"These one's all were. I would have had him arrested if they were
not."

"Well then Sir, would you happen to know the man's name?"

"Of course, it's Sire Jester, only he isn't really a Sire."

"The man outside my father's quarters yesterday!"

"He did it Apollo!" Starbuck all but shrieked as he pointed to his head.
"He drugged us and did this, he's the one."

"Now boys, why would a simple peddler drug you, strip you down, shave
every strand of hair off your body and then leave you naked on the
commander's floor?" Tigh asked them in a voice usually reserved for
pre-school children.

"That's what we're gonna find out," Starbuck said angrily as he grabbed
Apollo and started to pull him towards the door.

Apollo stopped him however and asked, "Wait a centon, how did you know
what happened to us? Wwe never told you."

Tigh grinned evilly as he said, "Your father is not only my commanding
officer, but also my best friend."

***

A few centares later the two warriors were at Jester's door.

"Oh, it's you two again. Come in, come in. What do I owe the pleasure of
your visit, or is it your pleasure that you seek? Sit down sit down,
and have a drink or two, all I seek is to pleasure you."

***

Apollo opened his eyes to find himself once more naked, uncovered and
laying face down. This time on a large soft bed, his face buried into
the pillow. Even though the room was dark, he could still make out
Starbuck's form beside him, and see one bright, blue eye staring at
him.

"Oh no, not again." Starbuck whispered.

*****

Part3

"Shhh, I hear someone coming," Apollo whispered back. "Pretend to be
asleep and maybe he'll go away."

"Oh my, Adama. What a lovely sight to find on your bed right after
getting off night duty," the two heard colonel Tigh say.

"Yes, I must agree with you Tigh. Starbuck does have a beautiful rump
on him. I'm so glad it's not covered up."

Although the room was dark, a small amount of light seeped through
from the other room. From this the two older men could see the outline
of the two bodies on Adama's bed, and of course Starbuck's blond wig
was a clear give away as to which man was the lieutenant.

"Apollo has a very nice, round, firm hind end on him as well."

"Yes, he gets it from his mother, he takes after her in so many ways,
right down to their butt cheeks." Adama gloated.

"I don't believe this." Apollo mumbled.

"Adama do you think their awake yet?" Tigh asked.

"Not sure, it's hard to tell with them on their stomachs, but  I know
a way of finding out."

"Are you saying what I think your saying?" Tigh asked, smiling.

"You kiss Apollo's hinny and I'll kiss Starbuck's," Adama grinned.

"Oh no, we are in big trouble," the two younger men whispered as the
bed dipped and felt warm hands on their sides, and then suddenly warm
lips on their backsides.

They didn't protest what was about to happen to them. No these two
warriors were no dump bunnies. They both decided the best thing to do
was just to close their eyes and enjoy what the two older men were
about to do to them.

Adama heard Starbuck moan in pleasure as he rimmed the younger man and
quickly reached between the mattress and box spring for the tube of
lube he kept there for his midnight romps with Tigh. After he had
covered his hand and cock with a thick layer, he handed the tube to
Tigh, who did the same. Gently Adama pushed one finger into Starbuck's
puckered opening, making the blond wiggle and moan louder. Beside him
Tigh was doing the same thing to Apollo, with the same results.

When the two older men had properly stretched and prepared the younger
two, they wrapped their free arm around Apollo and Starbuck's waists
and pulled them up onto their knees, then gently replaced their
fingers with their cocks.

Apollo couldn't help but moan in delight. Tigh was almost as good at
this as Starbuck. His fingers were shorter than Starbuck's but much
thicker, so even though they didn't go in as far they did stretch
wider. But what Tigh lacked in  fingers, he made up for in cock, and
his moans became louder as the colonel's cock entered him.

"Oh Lords! No wonder Apollo is so damn good in bed, it's genetics."
Starbuck thought as the commander's cock pushed past his opening and
starting pumping him, sliding over his prostate with each stroke.

Tigh and Adama  closed their eyes as they pounded into the younger
men, the sounds of the four men's moans bouncing of the walls. The
younger men moaned louder as they each felt a warm hand reach around
and grab their cock, pumping in time with the thrusts inside them.
Soon they were howling out as they came, shooting their cum all over
commander Adama's bed. Less then a centon later Tigh and Adama came,
filling the younger men with their hot seed.

Starbuck and Apollo collapsed onto the bed, and Tigh purred happily as
he snuggled against Apollo's back.

"You were right, Adama. Getting Jester and his son Vexer to help with
this little joke was much more fun than just taking them out to dinner
and getting them drunk."

"Told you so." Adama chuckled as he kissed his way up Starbuck's back
to his shoulder blades. Then he reached up and gently pushed aside a
lock of blond hair so he could plant a kiss on Starbuck's cheek.

"OH MY LORDS! THAT IDIOT WENT AND GLUED ON THE WRONG WIGS!!"

End (Hope Apollo wasn't too traumatised, hehehe!)