Date: Sep 2001


Mud!
by rita (mommacita1@juno.com)

Rating: R
Warnings: Cute kid warnings (times two).
Feedback of all kinds except flames is always welcome.
Please feel free to archive, just let me know where.

Summary:  The results of chaperoning a field trip are ... hard on
Starbuck.

Disclaimer:  I don't own the boys nor do I make a profit from them.  I
just like to play with them.

"That is the last time I volunteer to go on a field trip with Boxey's
class!" Starbuck said, storming into the Bachelor Officer's Quarters.

At least the men lounging there thought it was Starbuck; it was hard to
tell, aside from the voice and the fumarello being waved around at
approximately chest level.  Other than those two clues, and a bit of what
might have been encrusted blond hair, or might have been straw, at the
top of the creature, it could have been any species.  The rest of the
walking tirade was seemed to be sentient mud. 'Maybe only semi-sentient,'
Jolly hurriedly revised his opinion as the figure stumbled towards his
bunk.  He carefully pushed it in the general direction of the turbo wash
as the rest of the warriors cleared themselves and anything they cared
about from the path of the rampaging creature.

The creature shambled into the turbo wash and the warriors then heard a
series of nauseating splats interspersed with language that would have
had Colonel Tigh pumping cleaning solution down Starbuck's throat with a
power hose had he heard it.

Greenbean crept cautiously to the entranceway of the turbo wash and
peered around the corner.  "Yup, it's Starbuck," he announced grinning.
"I'd know that gorgeous ass anywhere!"

Giles was hurrying over for a look when another mud monster invaded the
BOQ.

"Where is he?" Apollo stormed.  He was recognizably Apollo since he was
only covered in mud from his chest to his knees.  The men scrambled to a
semblance of attention.  Apollo didn't notice.  "Someone had better
answer me or there'll be Hades to pay!" he bellowed in a convincing
imitation of Colonel Tigh on a tear.

"Who are you looking for, Sir," Jolly asked timidly.

"Who am I looking for, you ask?" Apollo asked incredulously.  They would
always cover up for Starbuck, he thought. Sagan, even he covered up for
Starbuck.  He sighed and started to calm down.  He was not behaving in a
manner becoming an officer, let alone a Strike Captain and the
Commander's son.

"You put me down you kidnapper, you!" came an indignant. The men in his
command suddenly noticed that he had a smaller mud monster, but one so
completely covered it was totally unidentifiable, under his arm. It
kicked him in a sensitive area of his anatomy. He gritted his teeth and
hoisted it higher under his arm, holding it tighter at the same time.
Any calm he had mustered was gone.

"Excuse me," came a lyrical voice from the doorway.  Pilots who were more
out of uniform than was seemly scrambled for cover.  A pretty brunette
stood in the doorway to the BOQ.  "Is there a Lieutenant Starbuck here?"
She was holding yet another squirming mud monster at arm's length.

"Momma!!!" came a howl from under Apollo's arm. "This evil man grabbed me
and took me away from where nice Sire Starbuck told me to wait!"

The pilots all looked at each other.  Some of them mouthed, "evil man",
while looking at their Captain. Others tried out "Sire Starbuck". "Rolls
nicely off the tongue, doesn't it?" Jolly remarked.  Greenbean giggled
but was quelled by a glare Apollo had learned from his father.  This
incident had perfected it.

"Ma'am?" Apollo greeted her, straining to be polite. "I'm Captain Apollo.
Is this your ... daughter?"

"I'm Rebecca Lee," the attractive woman introduced herself.  "Betty, is
that you?"

"Momma, make him let go!" came the answer.

"Yes, that's her. I hope she wasn't too much trouble.  She can be a
handful."

"Well," Apollo relaxed a bit.  "I was fairly sure Boxey is a boy. I'm
just not used to dealing with little girls."

"I'm not little and it's not my fault I'm a girl." Betty punctuated her
remarks with kicks to Apollo's kidneys.  He lost his grip on her and she
fell to the floor with a plop.  Picking herself up, she marched around to
face the Captain, her feet making sucking sounds as she lifted them from
the floor.  "It's the fault of a man," she pronounced. "Like you!" She
kicked him in the shins to ensure he knew she was speaking about him.
"My Momma told me so."

Rebecca Lee let go of Boxey to cover her mouth.  It wouldn't do for
either the Captain or Betty to see her laughing at the sight of them.  He
immediately charged Betty, bowling her over and spraying clots of mud
around the room.  "My Dad is not a man!" he snarled illogically.  "He
wouldn't make anybody like you or any other girl!"

Starbuck chose that micron to exit the turbo wash; a loosely tucked towel
covered him from the waist to the knees.  "Hey, can I borrow someone's
shampoo?" he asked as he walked into the main room.  "I've used mine up
and my hair still isn't ..." He paused to take in the action.

"You two again!" he yelled, as he plunged into the fray.  He gripped the
mud-covered juggernaut. With both hands and pulled it apart, spraying mud
even farther than the combatants had.  He ended up with two separate
bundles of wrath, which he held at arms-length on each side of his body.
He shook them to settle them down.  The one in his left hand went limp
immediately, but the one in his right hand continued scrabbling for a
purchase. "I thought I told you two to stay put in Captain Apollo's turbo
wash until I got your parents!"

"I did," sobbed the distressed mud monster on his left.  But she didn't."

"Tattletale!" the monster on his right hissed.  "I'll get you for that,
you, you, you boy!" She swiped at both males and succeeded in pulling
Starbuck's towel off.

"Betty!" yelled Rebecca Lee.  Already red from suppressed laughter, she
now blushed in mortification.  'Although,' she said after a discreet
glance, 'If she had to strip someone, she certainly showed good taste.'

"Are you Betty's mother?" Starbuck asked politely, not at all put out at
being naked in front of the admiring woman.

"Yes, I am," she answered, taking the opportunity to take a longer look
as she answered him.  "I'm terribly sorry for my daughter's behavior.  I
assure you I'll get the full story out of her right now."

"Starbuck, this isn't fair!" Boxey howled.  "If her mom hears it from
her, I'll get all the blame!"

"You know," Rebecca Lee said thoughtfully watching the Captain glaring at
his Lieutenant possessively as she approached. "He might be right.  Maybe
I should take both of them, get them cleaned up, and let them tell me
what happened together."

Apollo answered before Starbuck could, and stepping between Starbuck and
the woman.  "Would you do that?  I'm sure Boxey will obey you just as he
would me, won't you, Boxey?"  Apollo turned with Betty in his arms and
handed her to Rebecca Lee.

"Yes, sir," Boxey grumbled.

Apollo pulled him away from Starbuck and gave him a push in the direction
of the two women.  "Thank you very much.  I'll pick him up after I've had
a word with the Lieutenant about leaving small children unattended."

"I'm not a small child!" Betty howled, preparing to charge at him again.

Rebecca Lee was a step ahead of her daughter and corralled her firmly as
she answered, "Anytime before third shift is fine, Captain.  That's
Betty's bedtime."

"Don't gotta go to sleep," Betty clarified, "Just to bed."

"I'll make sure Boxey eats his primaries - there'll be no mushies tonight
- and does his homework."

"I'd be much obliged," Apollo said.

Her daughter held firmly by one arm, Rebecca Lee held out a hand to
Boxey.  "Come along, we've interrupted the warriors with your silliness
long enough."

Apollo barely waited until she had cleared the doorway with her charges
when he turned to Starbuck.  He was astonished to see the blond still
standing completely exposed, waiting for his reprimand.

"Go ahead, Apollo," the Lieutenant said sounding miserable, although he
looked utterly delicious, freshly scrubbed but lightly dotted with mud.
His blue eyes peeked up timidly from below lowered lids.

'Frak!' Apollo thought. 'He's going to wheedle out of it if I give him a
micro-metron.'  A soft cough reminded him that he had an audience. He
turned quickly to address the gathering pilots. "You men.  You are
relieved of the responsibility of cleaning these quarters.  Lieutenant
Starbuck will do it himself.  Under my direct supervision."

Murmured "Thank you, sirs" were punctuated by sighs of relief.  Apollo
looked around and nodded his acceptance of their gratitude.  In doing so,
he noticed more than just Greenbean and Giles eyeing Starbuck with more
than casual interest.  Jolly kept Greenbean in line and Starbuck had no
interest in Giles, but if a group of pilots developed a curiosity about
Starbuck's prowess in nonmilitary affairs ... "All right, get dressed and
clear out.  Those of you on call, remain in the Ready Room. Until further
notice this room is off-limits.  Jolly, I want you to stand guard outside
the door and let any incoming pilots know."

"Aye, Skipper," Jolly replied with a leer.  "I'll make sure everyone
understands."

Starbuck groaned.  The whole ship would know what had transpired
within a centar.

The comm unit crackled as Jolly pulled the door closed behind him.
"Captain Apollo?  I trust you've got the situation under control?"
Colonel Tigh's voice inquired.

'Frak! The security camera.' Starbuck had forgotten the BOQ was under the
bridge's scrutiny.

"Oh, yes, Colonel," Apollo answered smugly, picking up a belt that was
lying over a bed frame as he approached Starbuck. "I have everything well
in hand." He grasped the convenient handle Starbuck's erection provided
to make his statement true and turned Starbuck so that the Colonel - and
anyone else watching from the bridge - could see it clearly.  "Um,
Colonel," he said politely.  "This may take more than a few centars to
resolve completely.  I wonder..."

"You may consider yourself relieved of your other duties until you've
completely investigated this incident, Captain," the Colonel said.
"Discipline in the ranks, especially among junior officers, is of the
utmost importance after all."

On the bridge, before Tigh shut down the comm unit and camera, he and
Adama watched Apollo press a compliant Starbuck against a double bunk,
still pulling on the blond's rigid organ. Stepping back, he took a
practice swipe with the belt, making it crack in the air and watching
Starbuck's buttocks twitch in response.  "You heard what that Colonel
said, Lieutenant.  Discipline is of the utmost importance."