Bojay`s Battle With The Bottle

	By Betty

	Date: Jan 2001
	Rating: NC-17
	Category: Slash
	Disclaimer: I don't own them.
	Distribution: Please let me know where.
	Feedback: er.br@sympatico.ca

	Author's note: Well I finally got this challenge fic done.It`s
	stupid and silly and I was really mean to the main character. Hope
	nobody minds that.

	Summary: 5P Challenge

	- Person : Bojay
	- Place : Rising Star
	- Prop : Bottle of Ambrosia
	- Piece of clothing : socks
	- (Sexual) Position. on top

	Poor Bojay. He couldn`t get laid. It didn`t matter what he did or
	said he just couldn`t get laid. Nobody,man or woman, aboard the
	Galactica would have sex with him. Throwing his hands in the air,
	he decided to go over to the *Rising Star*, maybe someone over
	there would have sex with him.

	When the shuttle landed he ran to the lounge, almost knocking over
	everyone in his path. He stopped at the entrance to the lounge and
	stared out at the crowd. He spotted a woman alone at the bar and
	rushed to her.

	"Will you have sex with me? I`m so horny I could bust," he said to
	the woman.

	"Get lost loser! Use your hand." The woman laughed at him.

	"How rude," Bojay said to himself as the woman walked away.

	Poor Bojay. Each woman he approached responded the same way. So he
	tried a few of the men, with the same results. Giving up, he
	bought himself a *bottle of Ambrosia* and sat down to drink it. He
	sat there stroking the bottle`s neck and evil thoughts started
	going through his head. He wondered what the big attraction Apollo
	and Starbuck had to having sex with each other. It must feel good
	or they wouldn`t do it. The bottle`s neck did remind him of a cock
	and he had asked a few men to have sex with him. He decided to try
	it. But where? He didn`t have enough cubits left to rent a room.
	Then he remembered the men`s room, he could go in there.

	Checking the stalls he saw they were all empty so he locked
	himself in the one farthest from the door and removed his clothes,
	leaving on his *socks*. He stood very still and
	listened, just to make sure no one had entered while he was
	stripping. There was no sound, the room was empty. Carefully, he
	sat the bottle on the floor and threw the cork away, then he sat
	*on top* of it and forced it into his ass.

	"HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS! HOW DO THOSE TWO THIS?" he screamed.

	But while he was sitting on top of that bottle, it`s neck up his
	ass, the pain went away and it started to feel good.

	"Oh ..........oh yeah.........oh this is good...........wonder
	what it would feel like if I moved up and down?"

	Reaching his hands between his legs and holding the bottle still,
	he started to move his hips up and down the bottle`s neck. He had
	never felt anything so wonderful in his life.

	"Oh this is good. I like this. Oh yeah, I like this." And he
	started to go faster. Faster, faster he moved up and down the
	bottle`s neck, each thrust on it harder than the one before.

	Then suddenly he felt the cold floor on his ass and looked down.
	Without realising it Bojay had managed to get the entire bottle up
	his ass.

	"Oh Lord, what have I done? I gotta get this out."

	Panicking he pulled on the bottle. It wouldn`t budge, it was stuck
	in there.

	"Oh no, now what do I do? I can`t get it out," he pulled some
	more.

	"I can`t get it out. I can`t get it out. I CAN`T GET IT OUT! I
	CAN`T GET IT OUT! * I CAN`T GET IT OUT!*" Bojay was now screaming
	in panic and pain. He ran out of the men`s room and back into the
	lounge, wearing nothing but his socks and an Ambrosia bottle stuck
	up his ass.

	"*I CAN`T GET IT OUT! I CAN`T GET IT OUT! HELP ME! HELP ME! I
	CAN`T GET OT OUT!*"

	He ran right into Starbuck and Apollo, who looked at him in shock.
	"Bojay, just what do you think you  are doing?" Apollo angrily
	asked.

	Still screaming Bojay answered, "*I WAS FUCKING MYSELF WITH THE
	BOTTLE AND NOW I CAN`T GET IT OUT! HELP ME! HELP ME! I CAN`T GET
	IT OUT!*"

	As he screamed at the two, he turned around and bent over so they
	could see.

	"*Holy frack!* Apollo, Bojay`s ass is the last thing I want to
	see," Starbuck said as he turned from the sight and ran to throw
	up.

	Apollo closed his eyes at the sight of Bojay`s ass, then ran to
	join his lover in the men`s room.

	Somehow Bojay made it back to the Galactica`s Life Center and had
	the bottle removed. But the story of his battle with the bottle
	followed him for the rest of his life. Seems everybody in the
	fleet was either there that night or knew someone who was. And
	every yahren on this very day Bojay finds a gift
	of..................

	Hey who`s that guy running naked through the lounge and screaming?
	Oh, my Lord, it`s him, he gone and done it again!!!!!!

	Some people just never learn.