Title: Always a Bridesmaid
Author: rita 
E-mail:  mommacita1@juno.com 
Rating: R
Pairings: SB and just about everyone *except* Apollo
Archive: Yes, please
Series: No
Website: http://www.geocities.com/jennylmr/index.html (And thanks to 
Jenlmr for hosting me)
 
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys nor do I make any profit from my 
writing.  I just like to play with them and I mostly put my toys back as 
good as new.
 
Warnings (if needed): References to both het and slash (but of course) sex.
 
Summary: Starbuck ruminates on his sexual reputation and its impact on 
his life. 
 
***
 
Starbuck stood in the rear of the chapel, leaning against the bulkhead with 
crossed arms and a faint smile on his face, watching the Sealing.  He 
watched Apollo escort Brie down the aisle to where Cree was standing 
next to Adama and bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet. Apollo was 
always asked to be the bride's Protector if she no longer had family.  And 
Starbuck? He was always asked to be what? 'How did the saying go?' he 
wondered. 'Always a bridesmaid, never a bride? Well, maybe not 
*bridesmaid* or *bride*,' he thought, laughing at himself, 'but whatever 
the equivalent is for a guy friend of either the bride or the groom, that's 
me.'  He let his mind wander, confident his body would remain looking 
nonchalant and vaguely amused in his mind's absence. Brie, to take the 
latest example, had come to him to learn how to please a man, he 
remembered.  
 
***
 
If the door could chime timidly, it would have.  Starbuck answered it and 
was surprised to find Brie on the doorstep, staring down at her nervously 
twisting fingers.  He cleared his throat to get her attention and she jumped.
 
"Umm, hi, Lieutenant," she greeted him in her soft voice.  "Umm, am I, 
like, disturbing you?" She peered past him into the small, empty room.
 
"Not at all, Brie," he replied, smiling gently to set her at ease. When she 
didn't respond, he prompted her, "Would you like to come in?"
 
"Umm, well, yeah," she stammered.  "That is, I kind of have something ... 
a favor to ask and I ... well, I don't want to ask out here in the hall."  She 
blushed furiously.
 
Starbuck stepped back and gestured her in.  She perched on the edge of the 
desk chair and Starbuck, shrugging mentally, walked over to the fooder.  
"Can I get you something?"
 
"Agua?" she asked.
 
Starbuck brought the glass of agua over, then retreated to the daybed, 
which dominated the room, and waited.
 
"Umm," Brie began after moistening her dry mouth with the agua, "I'm 
getting Sealed to Ensign Cree in, umm, three sectons."
 
"Yes, I heard," Starbuck said.  "Congratulations."
 
"Yeah.  Thank you."  She turned bright pink again.  "Well, you see, umm, 
I don't ... that is, I've never..." she ground to a halt, then cursed. "Frak!" 
Her enormous brown eyes looked straight into Starbuck's blue ones.  "Can 
I just blurt it out?"
 
Starbuck smiled broadly.  "I doubt that anything you could blurt out would 
shock me, Brie," he assured her.
 
"Could you teach me how to please a man - sexually, I mean?" Brie said in 
a rush.
 
Starbuck suppressed a sigh.  "Sure, Brie.  How much detail do you want?"
 
"Everything!  I've never done *anything*!" she cried out, and burst into 
tears.
 
And so he had taught her, first with words, then demonstrating, then 
having her "test" her skills on him.  And then, with a chaste kiss on the 
cheek, she thanked him, swore him to secrecy, said she would be forever 
in his debt - and left.
 
***
 
Starbuck sighed and shifted restlessly.  Boomer turned towards him, a 
concerned look on his face.  "You okay, buddy?" he whispered.
 
Starbuck nodded.  "Just daydreaming," he assured his friend.
 
"Been to too many Sealings, huh, Bucko?" Boomer grinned.  "They all 
start to look the same?"
 
Starbuck forced a grin back.  The grin always fooled everyone.  
"Something like that," he agreed.  He turned his head back to the 
ceremony on the raised dais at the front of the Chapel. Once he was sure 
Boomer's attention was diverted, he let himself drift again.
 
***
 
Starbuck almost spewed his grog at Boomer's request.  "You want me to 
do what?" he asked when he finished choking.
 
Boomer's dark skin didn't show a blush, but from his furtive looks around 
the OC, Starbuck knew if it could have, he would be bright red.  "Look, if 
you don't want to help me out ... I mean I know I'm not the man ... 
*person*," he corrected as Starbuck's blue eyes widened in horror, "person  
you want to be with, but I thought ..."
 
"No," Starbuck replied quickly, "I didn't say that.  I was just ... surprised 
you'd ask me." 'Not that I'm surprised at what you asked,' he thought 
ruefully.
 
"Well, you know, Dietra's a handful," Boomer whispered, still looking 
around for eavesdroppers.  "Look, if you're ... willing, could we talk about 
it somewhere more private?"
 
Starbuck knew what that meant.  He'd quickly learned that his quarters, 
apart from the rest of the officer's quarters by a quirk of fate, were where 
those who wanted his peculiarly unique assistance were willing to meet.  
"Sure.  Why don't we go down to my place?"
 
Boomer's quick smile confirmed Starbuck's thoughts.  The two friends 
settled their tab and left the OC together.  
 
***
 
Since that time, Starbuck realized, Boomer had rarely been available as a 
companion in public, except as part of a large group, like now.  'Wouldn't 
want anyone to think you needed *male* company, especially not mine, 
would you , Boom-boom?' Starbuck thought bitterly, letting his eyes slide 
over to where Boomer was standing next to him, carefully not even 
allowing his shoulder to brush Starbuck's. 'Wouldn't want to be tainted.'  
But in private Starbuck had shown his conservative friend some less 
traditional sexual moves, moves designed to set fire to the one they were 
used on.  He let Boomer practice on him and Boomer had sought him out 
until the cycle before his Sealing.  At which Apollo had stood up for 
Boomer, of course, and Starbuck had stood, well, very close to where he 
was standing now.
 
***
 
'When had it all started?' Starbuck mused.  He supposed it was when a 
bunch of them were drinking together in the OC and Cassiopeia had 
jokingly suggested that Starbuck and she could open a business assisting 
people in reaching their full sexual potential. They were just friends by 
that time, Cass had long since told him, ever so gently, that he'd never 
settle down with a woman and she didn't want to be just another one of his 
female conquests.  She had been moaning over the fact that every woman 
about to be Sealed seemed to come to her for advice on pleasing her man.  
Starbuck had teasingly requested that she send them his way.  They had all 
laughed and gone on to other topics.
 
But within a secton Cass had done just that.  And at first it was okay.  It 
was fun.  And watching them walk down the aisle on a father's or brother's 
or Apollo's arm was, well, gratifying - well, maybe that wasn't what he felt 
if the girl was on Apollo's arm, but otherwise... He shook his head.  He 
had never figured out why, but Apollo with anyone of the female 
persuasion - ever since Serina - made him feel irrationally jealous.  Of the 
woman.
 
Then Jolly and Greenbean had come to see him together.  How they had 
found out he had experience with homosexual sex he didn't know, but they 
didn't want to humiliate him with their knowledge.  No, they wanted his 
help, too.  And so, for the first time in yahrens, he gave his body over to a 
man, two men eventually, as they practiced on him first individually then 
together.  Then, of course, they didn't need him between them.  No one did 
it seemed.
 
***
 
The ceremony was over.  As the newly Sealed couple made their way to 
the exit, Starbuck pushed away from the wall.  Boomer brushed past him 
to reclaim his own mate, who had stood up for Brie, and Starbuck stepped 
back, bumping into Sheba.
 
"Hey, hotshot," she greeted him.
 
"Hi, Sheba," he replied, the false smile coming to his lips almost without 
bidding.
 
To his surprise, she linked her arm in his, in a sisterly fashion.  As they 
walked at the back of the crowd, she spoke into his ear.  "You and Bojay 
were really good friends before he transferred to the Pegasus, weren't 
you?"
 
Starbuck nodded.  They had been best friends.  Sheba knew that.
 
"So you must know him pretty well, huh?" 
 
A second, more wary nod.  They both smiled and nodded greetings to 
those around them as they entered the reception hall. Sheba steered them 
to an unoccupied table in a corner of the room and waited while Starbuck 
politely held out a chair for her.  "Listen, I need a favor," she said as she 
seated herself.
 
Starbuck nodded.  "My place.  A centar after this breaks up?"
 
"Good," Sheba said, relieved.  "You understand.  Bojay will still be out on 
long patrol.  That'll work fine."
 
"Yeah," Starbuck agreed, no trace of the hollowness inside audible in his 
voice.  "Fine."
 
***
 
"So," Sheba started as soon as she seated herself on the daybed.  "You 
know what I want?"
 
"I'd heard a rumor you wanted Bojay," Starbuck replied, equally 
forthrightly.  "I guess it's true."
 
Sheba glared, then shook her head, and laughed.  "Yeah.  Got it in one.  
Will you help me get him?"
 
"Subtle, Sheba, very subtle," Starbuck said.  "I know what he likes in a 
mate, if that's what you mean, and, sure, I'll clue you in."
 
Sheba laughed softly.  "In a 'mate', huh?  First hand knowledge, Bucko?"
 
Starbuck met her look straight on.  "Sometimes he needed release from his 
frustration, yeah." 
 
"Tell me."
 
So he did.  And then she tried various ideas out on Starbuck, verbally and 
physically.  When she was satisfied, she stood up and pulled her clothes 
on.  "Thanks, Bucko," she said as she smoothed her clothes out and finger-
combed her hair.  "I'd say I owed you, but I suspect you're happy to see me 
hunting someone other than Apollo, so let's consider us even."  She 
walked out before he could even think of a reply.
 
***
 
Apollo mentioned Athena's impending engagement to Omega on their 
patrol, so Starbuck was expecting his door to chime.  He was surprised to 
find Athena on the other side, instead of Omega.
 
"Are you going to invite me in?" she demanded as he stood there.  He 
stepped back and she walked in and began pacing.  He stood in the center 
of the small room and waited for her to roost.
 
"Look," she said.  "I'm getting Sealed to Omega.  Dad'll announce it at the 
next cycle."
 
"Yeah, Apollo told me.  Congratulations."
 
Athena nodded.  "Well, Omega's great.  Stable, professionally upward 
mobile, caring.  Everything I've been looking for in a life mate."
 
"Everything I'm not."  Starbuck grinned.
 
"Oh, Starbuck!"  
 
"I'm teasing, Athena.  I know I wasn't the right one for you." 'For anyone.' 
"I'm really happy for you.  You deserve someone like Omega.  I hope he 
knows how lucky he is."  He took her by the shoulders and leaned in for a 
chaste kiss.
 
Athena rubbed the toe of her boot at a faded stain in the worn carpet.  "But 
there is one thing Omega's not." 
 
Starbuck raised an eyebrow. 
 
"Exciting," Athena explained.  "He's steady, reliable, comfortable.  But 
he's not exciting." She rubbed the toe of her boot against a faded stain in 
the worn carpet.  "Starbuck," she said hesitantly. "After Dad makes the 
announcement, I'm Sealed in everything but ritual. And it's what I want, 
really," she hurried to add.  "But before then, I just wanted one more night 
of excitement.  One more wild fling."
 
"So you came to me."
 
Athena nodded.
 
'What did you expect, Bucko?' he asked himself.  He grinned the grin that 
fooled everyone and bowed dramatically.  "And you shall get your wish, 
milady."  He straightened and winked.  "Consider it a Sealing present."
 
***
 
When the door chimed again, Starbuck groaned.  But he rolled over in the 
bed that still smelled of Athena and sex.  'Frak!  That must be Omega!' he 
thought.  He hurriedly gathered the linens and shoved them into the 
'fresher.  Then, tightening the towel around his waist, he sprayed the room 
with air freshener and grabbed a pile of fresh linens.  The door chimed 
again as he approached it.  "Sorry," he said as he opened it without 
looking at the person on the other side.  "Just got out of the shower and 
realized the bed wasn't made.  Hazard of bachelorhood."  He looked up 
and dropped the linens.  
 
The person on the other side of the door wasn't Omega.  It was Apollo.  
Who stooped to pick up the pile of cloth.  "You're as bad as Boxey," he 
remarked. He walked over to the bed and, instead of dropping the sheets 
on it, began to efficiently make it.  "I need to talk to you," he said, sitting 
primly on the edge when he was done.
 
'No, no, no!' Starbuck screamed mentally.  'Not you, too.  Not you at all.  
No!'
 
"My father wants a double Sealing," Apollo announced, folding his hands 
neatly in his lap and looking down at them.
 
"Who's the lucky lady, or do you get to choose?" Starbuck grinned at 
Apollo.  
 
Apollo recognized the grin.  It was the one Starbuck wore when he was 
torn apart inside.  The one none of his lovers ever seemed to recognize.  
The one that said, "Don't look past me."  So Apollo looked up, past the 
grin, at the misery in the blue eyes.  The pain seemed to lance out of them 
to pierce him.  He stumbled over his response, which he had meant to be 
light.  "This is my father, remember?  He's selected Siress Tinia's eldest 
daughter."
 
Starbuck lost the grin.  "You don't seem very happy, Apollo," he said, 
concern overriding any self-pity he had been feeling.  He sat down next to 
his best friend and put a hand on his shoulder.
 
"Hmm?  Oh, hey, she's really good looking, seems smart - at least she can 
hold up her end of a casual conversation, which is more than some of the 
women he's picked out for me could, what's not to be happy about?" 
Apollo asked. 'What are *you* so unhappy about, Star?' he asked silently, 
tipping his head to one side.
 
"Well, then I guess congratulations are in order," Starbuck said.  But he 
looked appraisingly at his friend.  "Or would be if you loved her, right?"
 
Apollo sighed.  "I've heard that you might be able to help me learn to do 
that," he replied, avoiding the searching blue eyes.
 
Starbuck laughed.  "I'm the wrong one to come to for a love potion. There 
are brujas on the Senior Ship ..."
 
"Can you teach me how to fake it, then?"
 
"Fake it."  Starbuck's voice was flat.  "Why would you want to do that?"
 
"Because I can't seem to do it for real."
 
"You did a fine job with Serina." 
 
Apollo's head jerked up at the tone in Starbuck's voice.  How could 
Starbuck still be jealous of his dead wife after three yahrens?  
 
"And Sheba.  Why'd you push her away, 'Pol?"  Real curiosity warred with 
jealousy in Starbuck's voice and eyes.
 
"Because I didn't love her," Apollo answered simply.
 
"Then why try to pretend now?"
 
"Because ..."  Apollo decided to turn the tables.  "You know, you're not as 
smart as you think you are, Bucko.  Serina saw through me. So did Sheba.  
But you didn't.  You thought I loved them?"
 
Starbuck got up and turned away, shrugging.  After a few microns, he 
turned back to Apollo, smirking.  "You didn't answer me, Captain.  Why 
do you want to ... all right, *perfect* your pretense now?"
 
Apollo noticed that the smirk didn't reach his eyes any more than the grin 
had.  "Because my father wants it.  Just like he wanted me Sealed to 
Serina."
 
"Just like he wanted you Sealed to Sheba, too."
 
"But then I thought ..."
 
"What?"
 
"Well, you had just broken up with Cass."
 
Starbuck furrowed his brow.  "So?" he asked in honest confusion.
 
"Well, I thought maybe you ... but then you started bedding everything in 
sight, so I realized you just weren't ever going to settle with anyone, 
female or male."
 
Starbuck choked.  "Female or male?" he echoed.  "What's that supposed to 
mean?"
 
It was Apollo's turn to stand and pace.  Finally he stood directly in front of 
Starbuck, green eyes meeting blue.  "This must never leave this room."  
Starbuck nodded automatically; he would never - could never - deny 
Apollo anything, no matter how strange the request.  "I thought you might 
be ready to settle down.  I thought maybe you might be interested in 
settling down with me."
 
Starbuck stared at him, speechless.
 
"You had been giving me a lot of attention.  Always right there when I 
needed you, saving my life.  I thought there might be something else."  
Apollo turned and started pacing again.  "But eventually I realized you 
broke up with Cass for the same reason you broke up with everyone else; 
because you didn't want to be tied down."  He sat on the edge of the bed 
again.  "So now I need to be able to successfully fake loving a woman.  
Will you help me or not?"
 
"I can't help you, Apollo," Starbuck said softly but firmly.  Apollo looked 
crushed.  Starbuck continued, "I can't help you because I don't know how 
to do that."  He went to his knees in front of Apollo and took both of the 
Captain's hands in his.  "I only know how to love one person."  He 
hesitated then plunged on.  "I can show you how to do that," he offered.  
Bending his head over the clasped hands, he kissed them..