Author: Poephelia
Warnings: Slight Duo abuse...but all in the name of humor...I assure you.
Rating: PG or G whichever
Notes & Disclaimer: Don�t own them at all...and I don�t own �Diamonds Are A Girl�s Best Friend� by whomever wants to lay claim to it since it�s been sung by so many people now.
Diamonds
A knock at the elaborately decorated mahogany door startled Zechs and he smeared his eyeliner. �What?!� He yelled, feeling the vein in his neck pop out slightly. �Uh, you�re on in four, Zechs.� Stars washed through his vision as he realized that he would be up in front of hundreds of people in less than four minutes, crooning his heart out...and with smeared eyeliner if he didn�t snap back into reality and finish his makeup.
With a slightly unsteady hand, Zechs re applied the silver liquid and sat back to marvel at his face in the mirror. There was a tap at the door. Zechs� pulse quickened and he had to swallow before asking who was there.
Heero opened the door and walked in wearing a black tux with tails. His gloves were white, his shoes were shined...and his bow tie was on crooked.
Zechs stood and walked over to Heero, careful not to trip over the extravagant red shimmery material that pooled delicately around his feet.
His silver shoes clicked as he walked over to Heero. �Well well, what�s the occasion?� Zechs smirked at Heero�s expression of discomfort. �We�re on in thirty seconds. You�d better get your cross-dressing ass out there or so help me,� his grip on the black stage cane tightened, �I�ll shove this so far up your ass you�ll be sucking on the end of it!� and with that he turned and walked out, top hat bobbing in the distance.
Zechs blinked, hitched up his skirt and ran to the stage.
On the way he passed a sulking Duo. �Why in the hell do I have to wear a dress?� he hissed. Zechs stopped briefly and smiled sweetly. �Because, you said you wanted to be on the chorus line. You didn�t specify where on the chorus line...�
Duo growled and took his place. Zechs ran up the set stairs and turned backwards, his breath coming easier now. Any second the curtains would be drawn back and there he would be, in the spotlight once more. He smiled to himself and switched on his mic.
A drumroll sounded somewhere close by, the curtains opened and a moment of silence rang through the packed theater. Zechs suddenly found himself surrounded by a white light. Slowly he began to turn around. He took a breath and then uttered in a deep suggestive voice: �The French are glad to die for love...� A flare of music erupted from the orchestra pit and Zechs threw up his hands and turned to fully face the audience as the entire stage was bathed in an eerie red glow. In seconds he was surrounded by eight men, Heero included. In one sudden movement, Zechs threw up his left hand and pointed straight at Heero�s heart with his right. �They delight in fighting duels...But I prefer a man who lives and gives expensive jewels!� He walked down a couple of steps toward Heero and untied his bow tie, while lowering his left hand to one of the others who grasped it delicately and placed a feather-light kiss on the back of the glove.
Zechs looked at the man in mock shock and drew his hand back, then faced the audience once more. �A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, But diamonds are a girl's best friend.� He smiled apologetically at the man and shrugged, then proceeded down the stairs, trailing Heero�s tie in his right hand. �A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat,� At this, he reached out a hand and twirled Duo towards him, catching him in his arms and dipping him �Or help you feed your...pussycat� Duo groaned and twirled out of Zechs� grip.
The eight men surrounded Zechs in a semi circle �Men grow cold as girls grow old and we all lose our charms in the end.� He reached out to one or two of the men and they backed off and went back to their places on the stair. Zechs smiled and held out his arms, which were lavishly adorned with sparkling rocks. �But square-cut or pear-shaped, These rocks don't lose their shape, Diamonds are a girl's best friend!�
They picked Zechs up and twirled him in their arms, his long platinum hair flowing out neatly behind. Without warning, Zechs threw out his hands and �accidentally� knocked a softly humming Duo into the orchestra pit. Duo cried out in anger and scrambled to get back up on stage, but he slipped on his dress and fell even further back into the pit, hitting a trombonist and a flutist.
An off note or two rang from the pit. Zechs was placed serenely on the floor on his two feet, seeming to have floated out of the sky to land on the stage.
Laughing a bit, Zechs walked over to the edge of the stage and pointed down at a struggling Duo, who was halfway out of the pit by now. �There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer, but diamonds are a girl's best friend.� Zechs stepped forward and stepped on Duo�s fingers, turning back to his boys. Duo gasped and bit his bottom lip, sweat breaking out on his forehead in an effort not to let go despite the pain. Heero looked over at him worriedly, nearly forgetting where he was supposed to be.
Heero rushed to his spot to find Zechs being seduced by a fellow actor. �There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer thinks you're awful nice,� Zechs smiled and reached his hand in the man�s pocket, pulling out a wallet and opening it upside down to show that it was empty. �But get that ice or else no dice.� He tossed the wallet over his shoulder and walked away from the actor. Zechs didn�t even realize that it hit Duo in the head.
�He's your guy when stocks are high, but beware when they start to descend.� Heero saw the expression of unchecked anger rise on Duo�s face as he practically vaulted up onto the stage.
Thinking quickly, he walked over and grabbed Duo, grasping his hand tightly as a warning. Zechs looked at the two and promptly turned his nose up at them. �It's then that those louses go back to their spouses, diamonds are a girl's best friend.� Heero twirled Duo out and began to dance a bit with him, to keep the both of them distracted.
Zechs lifted an eyebrow and pointed at the two, directing the other seven men�s attention toward the two as well as the audience�s. �I've heard of affairs that are strictly platonic, but diamonds are a girl's best friend.�
Picking the prettiest of the remaining seven, Zechs teased him by running a gloved finger across his lips. �And I think affairs that you must keep liaisonic are better bets...� With the other hand, he reached into the man�s jacket pocket and pulled out a string of diamonds. �If little pets get big bagettes.�
Zechs ran back up to the top of the stairs, the other seven following him and taking their respective places.
Heero and Duo danced to center stage and Heero dipped him. �Diamonds...diamonds... I don't mean rhinestones, but diamonds are a girl's best... Best Friend!� They froze and the lights dimmed. The curtains closed to resounding applause and cat calls.
Zechs took his shoes off and walked down the steps, intending to head back to his dressing room and nearly bumped into Duo and Heero, who hadn�t moved since the curtain closed.
They stood their staring at each other. Zechs snickered and turned off his mic, then walked back to his dressing room.
The both of them were both still breathing hard from the adrenaline, sweaty and exhausted. Heero smiled and wiped a little bit of Duo�s stage makeup off with his gloved hand. �Your...your glove is dirty, Heero.� Duo whispered into the sudden stillness of the empty stage. Heero nodded, smile still in place, and walked off stage. Duo gulped and listened to the retreating clicks of the black dress shoes.
Sighing, Duo turned to leave the stage, but something glinted on the floor and caught his attention.
Stooping down, Duo picked up the lone piece of jewelry. It was tiny but still beautiful. It was one of Zech�s many rings. Closing his fist around the ring, Duo smirked. �Diamonds are a girl�s best friend.� and with that, he walked back to his own dressing room, leaving the emptiness to swallow up the great stage.