| Jennifer's Diary September 2003 |
| Return to JennWorld2003 Home |
| Return To Jennifer's Diary |
| Tuesday, September 30, 2003 I slept SOOO good last night!!! The weather really turned cold here and it is SUCH good sleeping weather! I put my goose down sheet thingy, in addition to my comforter on the bed last night and I was a warm, toasty little girl!!! This morning I put on a little brown corduroy skirt, black turtleneck sweater and black tights and black boots. When Tracy and I went to lunch, we took a long walk around the park afterwards and I was ONE happy girl. The wind was really blowing and it was definitely cool. But, I was warm and snug and content. Hey guess what? Remember the project we got last week? My boss handed me a new contract to type...***whimper*** If this one is like the last one, I will be one GROUCHY girl! I have already figured out that it�s not the same. So, I can�t just copy the old one. Its totally different. Why can�t the lawyers all get together and just agree on ONE contract for everything and save poor girls like me a lot of stress in their lives? Doesn�t that sound like a good idea?...Someone should put me in charge. John and Rob showed up at my desk this morning like two puppies to see if I had baked them anything else to eat. No, I had not...Guys... I was starving at lunch today. But, like a good girl, I only got a salad. When I went to pay, it was like EIGHT dollars! Shhesh! How can a salad cost THAT much! No meat, just veggies...The ingredients probably costs them 80 cents. The guy who owns the restaurant is probably filthy rich and weighs three hundred pounds and is sitting in a lounge chair drinking beer somewhere exotic like Hawaii while I am working myself to death trying to get by. Typing CONTRACTS! And, still hungry after my EIGHT DOLLAR LUNCH! Life is unfair... Hey, I heard about that female undercover CIA agent that someone �outed�. I didn�t know they had female undercover agents! How kewl is THAT?! I wanna be one! I could be �Bond, Jane Bond�. ***snort*** get it...?!...ahem,...Seriously, if all you have to do is be sneaky and tell little white lies, I could do that. Just ask John and Rob. No wait, don�t ask them that! They still don�t know...�Poor Granny...� ***wipes tear*** I don�t know what country I would want to spy on though. Certainly not Russia. Too cold. And Russian men do nothing for me. And, ABSOLUTELY nowhere in the middle east. Too hot. And, those people are too mean to one another. I could see me living in Paris and spying on the French. I think I would look cute in a trench coat and black beret, black heeled boots. I wonder if I would get a clothing allowance as a female Jane Bond? I would make SURE that no spies hung out in the French fashion houses without me knowing about it! Maybe I could be assigned to South Beach to spy on all the smugglers. I would hang out in all the nightclubs seeing who came and went. Of course, I would need an allowance to live a certain lifestyle to fit in. I bet I could drink and party with the best of them. Just to fit in of course. And, if Raul asks me back to his place,...well, it would be my duty to go and see what I discover. I wonder in the Spy World, if a cute young girl gets her undercover identity �busted�, she can get a �do over�. Jenn ************************************************************************************ Monday, September, 29, 2003 You know, yesterday I suddenly realized that not ALL was �right� in JennWorld. You see, my conscious was really bothering me about breaking the date with John and Rob and telling a fib about why. So, amends must be made. So, I went to the local Michaels craft store and bought these two little wicker baskets about the size of two hands and some really pretty paper. Then, last night I made Alissa help me bake some cookies. Well, I did all the baking. She mostly just played with my hair. Which was fine with me... Anyway, I placed the cookies in the baskets with the pretty paper �just so�, so its looks really cute and just soooo...Martha Stewart-ie. I was sooo proud of myself! As Alissa said, I am just a �Little Martha Stewart�, in training. Speaking of which,...whom...I don�t understand all that stuff she did but how can you put Martha Stewart in JAIL?! That�s like putting Grandma in jail! An-y-way... So, this morning, like Little Red Riding Hood, I come to work with these two baskets of goodies in hand for John and Rob. Filled with cookies made by my own two little hands. With a little help from Pillsbury...Just to thank them for their concern over the passing of my Grandmother and being so sweet to me...They were tickled to death! So, all is right in JennWorld once more. I am through grieving for my dearly departed Grandmother. ***wipes tear*** John and Rob are in their offices happily munching their cookies. Alissa loves me. And,...well it just couldn�t get much better than this. Jenn ************************************************************************************ Sunday, September 28, 2003 Okay, here�s the current state of relationships in JennWorld. Alissa loves Jenn again. And, Democrats love Republicans, straights loves gays, and all religions love God and one another....Okay, only the first part of that is true. Alissa loves me again and I am a happy girl. Here�s the story. Friday night, according to my well laid plans, I left work to meet Tracy and her hubbie for after-work drinks. And, the only reason Tracy went was to cheer me up. Isn�t she a �sweetie�?! Love you, Tracy! (She BETTER not be reading this!) And, her husband bought my dinner AGAIN! Hmmm,...I wonder if they would mind if I moved in with them...Just a thought. An-y-way, Got home around 8:00, a bottle of chilled wine in my arms, and a �time to spoil Jenn� attitude. So, I lit ALL the candles in my bathroom, there about twenty without exaggeration, little ones, and ran a steamy hot bubbly bath. Mmm....Enya on the stereo and I sank down deep into the bubbles until just my face was sticking out. There I floated in my own private little...what do you call those tanks in the movies where...can�t think of it. Anyway, there I floated just soaking up ...�wonderfulness�. My only conscious thought was, �Time to rise enough to get another sip of wine.� Which took considerable effort incidentally. So, I did that until I was afraid my skin would start falling off in sheets due to being waterlogged. Then, I rinsed off in a quick shower, washed my hair, shaved my legs, which ALSO always makes me feel huggably good, and got ready for bed. Now, this is where plans went awry. Normally, after all I described above, I would be SOOOO sleepy, I would need my Mommie or somebody to carry me to bed and tuck me in. I would normally be a zombie. Which was the plan. Did I mention, plans went awry? For some unbeknown reason, I WAS WIDE AWAKE! And, even worse, I was BORED! I played on the internet for a while, hoping that would make me sleepy. Nope... I was in the mood to talk or do something but there I was ALL ALONE! Poor me! ***pouty lip*** Then I started thinking about Alissa and got all moody again. So, I peeked out the window to see if her car was there. Yep... Now, the words of this really smart guy that is TRYING to help me get by in my strange little world, came back to me. I NEED all the help I can get, btw. �You have to talk to her�, came to mind over and over. Well, I was in the mood to talk, I was just tipsy enough not to get too nervous, she was only a flight of stairs away, why not? Now, I thought about just calling her but, wanting all the help I could get, I decided to play on Alissa�s weakness�s. So, I put my hair up in pigtails, put on a really cute and girlie t-shirt with embroidered kittens on the front and a really short-short pair of denim cut-offs. With my heart beating a mile a minute, I walked downstairs and knocked on her door. Becks answered the door. ***groan*** Becky(Alissa�s roommate) and her boyfriend were watching TV. Becks invited me in and introduced me to her boyfriend who was ogling me . Not necessarily in a good way. More like, �What are you doing?!� kinda way. Anyway, Becks said Alissa was in her room and I almost bolted out the door for home before she could get the words out, �But, I think she�s still up watching TV�. So, I decided to knock on her door and see if I could talk to her. So, deja vue, I knocked on her door again with my heart pounding in my chest. Alissa answered this time. Well, duh?! I only said that cause I remember being relieved when Alissa answered. As if I thought someone else might answer again. ....I don�t think straight when I�m nervous... Anyway, I could tell Alissa was shocked to find me at her bedroom door. But, she invited me in. So, I followed her back to her bed where we sat side by side quietly for a few minutes while I summoned all my courage and tried to remember exactly the words I wanted to say and I had rehearsed. So, I took a deep breath and started off by...crying. ***cringe*** Well, I TOLD you I am not good at this sort of thing! Well, because God loves me, that worked. Cause, Alissa took me in her arms and held me while I cried my heart out. I was trying not to cry out loud cause of Becks and her boyfriend in the other room. And, I did an okay job except for these little squeaks that slipped out every now and then. Now, Alissa was crying a little bit as well. I could tell. But, my �squeaks� started making her giggle. But, she was giggling in a good way and that started making me giggle too. So, we ended up laying back on the bed laughing. Well, I was sorta laughing and crying at the same time. But, I was quickly feeling better. Well, to make a long story short (in my head I can hear Tracy say, �Too late, Jenn!�), I spent the night in Alissa�s bed, sleeping in her arms and I was a �Happy Girl� and all is right in JennWorld. It was a bit awkward the next morning when Alissa and I emerged and found Becky and her boyfriend eating breakfast. He had spent the night too. I don�t think there is much doubt in Becky�s mind about Alissa and I now. Not sure there was much doubt before, as often as Alissa spent the night with me. But, this was sorta, �in yer face�. And, believe it or not, Saturday night with Jeff was okay. Okay = I didn�t cry afterwards. He rented a movie and came over and I made cheese nachos and it was �okay�. We actually did something he enjoyed that didn�t include sex. And, I felt like he genuinely enjoyed just BEING with me. So, this morning I sit here sipping my coffee, a happy girl. Not sure what my plans for today include except I will call Alissa the moment it is appropriately late enough not to feel guilty for waking her. Did I mention, she likes to sleep as much as I do? So, now that Alissa and I have worked things out (we never did �talk�), how about you Democrats and Republicans and Muslims and Jews and whoever else try �talking it out�. And, if that doesn�t work, just do what I did! ....Well, it worked for me! Jenn ************************************************************************************* Friday, September 26, 2003, PART TWO!!! Yesterday, I told John and Rob that I couldn�t go out with them because my Grandmother died and I had to leave early Saturday morning to go to her funeral. (She really died years ago) That story fit well since I have been moping around the office the past two days. Well, when I came back from lunch today, John and Rob had bought me flowers, �to cheer me up�. Of course, that made me want to cry cause they are so sweet and I lied to them. But wait! It gets worse! When my boss saw the flowers, he asks who they were from and I told him. So, he asks for the address of the funeral home so the COMPANY can send flowers there!!! OMG!!! What have I started?! So, I took him into his office and told him that I had just made the whole thing up to get out of a date with John and Rob. And, that my grandmother hadn�t really died. Of course, he thinks that is hysterically funny. Grrr..... So, I had to make him PROMISE not to say anything to John and Rob about my �little white lie�. It is THAT, isn�t it? Just a �little white lie�?! I REALLY need reassurance here. My conscious is KILLING me!!! Does this sort of thing happen to other people or just ME?! Jenn ************************************************************************************ Friday, September 26, 2003 Hey, I wrote Alissa an email yesterday telling her that I broke the date with John and Rob and that I would do whatever she wanted. That, I just can�t stand her being mad at me. I haven�t heard anything back from her. I know she never checks her email so she may not have read it. Now, I�m thinking I should call her to tell her to read her email. Sounds dumb huh? But, when she talks to me in that cold voice, it just breaks me up inside. I even thought about leaving a note on her car this morning. Anyway, I have no plans for tonight. I suppose if I don�t hear from her, I will just stay home alone. I really, really dread that. Not because I want a date. I just do NOT want to be alone right now. Jenn ************************************************************************************ Thursday, September 25, 2003 I was up practically all night crying. Alissa is mad at me. And, I don�t understand why. We met after work for drinks and things were great. I was soooo excited to be with her, I couldn�t stop holding her hand and touching her. I really didn�t care who saw us or what they thought. And, she felt the same way. We were having the best time! Then we went somewhere else for dinner and during dinner, I told her about the �celebration� party and how John and Rob asked me to go out with both of them. That�s what started her bad mood. She started asking a ton of questions about them and what I thought of them and so on and so on. I told her that I was just friends with them and that I really didn�t know them all that well, except from work. But, that I was flattered that they wanted to take me out... Well, THAT made her even more sullen. She acted hurt that I wanted to go out with ANYBODY. Never mind that SHE goes out with guys!!! I didn�t say that, but I thought it. She knows all about Jeff and that we are sexually active and stuff and she doesn�t seem to care about that. So, I asked her what�s the difference? She said she knows how I really feel about Jeff and that since I was dating him before she and I became intimate, that it was different. ...I just don�t understand how that�s different! She told me she didn�t want me to go out with them Friday night. That she would feel �hurt�. Well, I can�t just break the date! I HATE breaking dates. It is so inconsiderate! So, I promised that after this one time, I would never go out with either of them again. Well, that wasn�t good enough. She pouted and acted all aloof the rest of the night and I couldn�t stop tearing up and my heart was broken. When I got to my car I just broke down for a half hour crying. I couldn�t even drive. She didn�t even say �Goodnight� or �I�ll talk to you tomorrow�, or anything. Its like I will never see her again! ***tears*** Thank goodness my boss isn�t here today to see me like this... So, we have NO plans at the moment to see each other again and I am devastated. I have decided to break the date with John and Rob. I would be miserable out with them anyway. So, I am probably doing them a favor. I HATE breaking the date. I know how I feel when someone breaks a date with me and it is soooo inconsiderate. But, ...I don�t know what else to do. I want so badly to tell Alissa that I am breaking the date. But, I am too scared to call her. I can�t take it when she talks to me with �that� voice. The voice where she doesn�t care about me and is cold and aloof. That just breaks me up inside. I�ll probably just send her an email. Except, I know she hardly ever checks her email. I don�t know what else to do... Now, I gotta figure out how to tell John and Rob that I can�t go out with them Friday night. And, I gotta come up with a reason why...I HATE this stuff!!! Jenn ************************************************************************************ Wednesday, Septmber 24, 2003 I have SOOO much to tell!!! Let�s see where to start...?!!! First, WE GOT THE PROJECT!!!! Yeahhh!!! My boss called a staff meeting of the entire office yesterday afternoon to announce that we were awarded the project. Everyone is sooo relieved. Cause we might have had to let some people go if we hadn�t gotten the job. Yuck! Anyway, everyone�s job is now safe. Then, my boss announced that he would buy two rounds of drinks at a nearby bar/restaurant for the whole office! Yeah!!! So, at 5:00 pm we all marched off to this place. Well, not EVERYONE went. Mostly, just the hard-core party types like myself and Tracy. ***snicker*** Well, for the hard-core group, two drinks did NOT make a party. So me and Tracy and a half dozen others stayed for more. This is where it got interesting! After about my third, or was it fourth(?) drink, I confided in Tracy that Alissa and I were officially lovers now. She was SOOO excited for me!!! She hugged me and congratulated me! Now, she�s dying to meet Alissa. So, I gotta set up a lunch or something. Tracy asked me if she could tell her husband what I told her about Alissa and I. I thought about it for a minute and said, �Sure�. I�ve met her husband two or three times and he�s a sweetie. But, I don�t know him all that well. Except Tracy loves him to death and that�s good enough for me. But, this morning I started thinking, �Was I right in confiding my relationship with Alissa to Tracy and ultimately to her husband?� Obviously, I don�t mind Tracy knowing. I TOLD her. But, I didn�t think about it from Alissa�s point of view. She may not want anyone knowing. Didn�t think of that last night. Jenn + 4 drinks = rash action = poor judgment = TROUBLE And, now I am getting a little freaked out about Tracy�s husband knowing. I�m afraid I will be a little self conscience the next time I am around him. Plus, I don�t want EVERYONE to know about Alissa and I. Ya know...? What else? Oh, this was a major Jenn ego boost. Two of the guys who work for my boss, were �all over me� last night. Flirting and coming on to me and making suggestive comments and jokes. All in a playful way of course. And, ***sheepish grin*** I sorta led them on. Being flirty and cutesy and all. ....Well, my ego is in need of some positive reinforcement. They were arguing(playfully) with each other about who I should go out with first. So, they decided to BOTH ask me out for Friday night!!! As in go out with BOTH of them at the same time Friday night! ***gulp*** I didn�t know what to say, so I said okay...***sheepish grin*** They are like best friends with each other, so it will be more like just hanging out with them than a real date. Which is better, I think. Anyway, I now have a date Friday night with TWO guys!!! Wish me luck! I may NEED it! ***cringe*** OMG!!! Did you see the sunrise this morning?!!! It was soo beautiful I almost cried driving to work! Walking to my car this morning, there was a DEFINITE Fall nip in the air which I LOVE! Opening the door to my apartment this rush of cool air just washed over me, blowing through my hair and I just paused and went �Ahhhh....�. It is sooo nice.... Then, when I got on the interstate and saw the BEAUTIFUL red clouds as the sun rose, I just melted... What a WONDERFUL way to start the day. Hey, it just occurred to me. I don�t normally see the sun rise on the way to work. The sun must be sleeping late these days?!!! What�s up with THAT?! I certainly didn�t get up any earlier! As if...!!! Did I miss the time change AGAIN?! Got a date with Alissa tonight and I�m super excited about that. I haven�t seen her in FOREVER!!! Forever = last weekend = �feels like forever� ***whine*** I need an �Alissa fix�. We�re meeting after work for drinks and then dinner and then...who knows? ***sheepish grin*** Hey, maybe I should invite Tracy to meet us for drinks so Tracy can meet Alissa. Hmmm,....Do I HAVE to tell Alissa that I told Tracy about Alissa and I? Did ya get that Diary? Let me repeat for clarity. Moral question. Do I have to tell Alissa that I told Tracy about Alissa and I? Sheesh...now I�m confused... Maybe I should tell Tracy not to tell Alissa that I told Tracy what I told Tracy about Alissa and I. ***snicker*** Now, I�m just being silly... Okay Diary. Gotta run. Even silly girls gotta work to make a living. Toodles! ***mwuah*** Jenn-Jenn ************************************************************************************ Tuesday, September. 23, 2003 Morrrrnnnnnning!!! Notice anything different about me?! (Be nice!) ***BIGGG Broad smile*** I just got my teeth cleaned! Mmmmm...I feel so clean and fresh! And, guess what?! I had NO cavities!!! Yeahhhh!!!!! Nadda, zippo, NONE! So, that leaves my grand lifetime total at two. Pretty good, huh?! ***proud smile*** And, I got a Barbie sticker to wear on my sweater. For being a �Good Girl� and not crying! Actually, the Dental Hygienist wasn�t going to offer one. But, I saw them on her counter and asked who they were for. She told me she gave them to the children that came in. I insisted that I be treated equally! ***Hmmmph*** So, I got a Barbie sticker. It was either that or Spiderman... I JUST got to work, a couple of hours late but that�s okay, cause I am Special! I told my boss yesterday and he was fine with it. So, I�m �dentally certified� for another six months. And, the weather this morning is AWESOME!!!!! It is �just right� cool and the wind is blowing everything around and I love Fall!!! I am wearing one of my new sweaters and a long skirt and tights and I feel cute and everything just feels wonderful! ***happy, happy girl*** What else? Ummm, not sure. I need to check in with Tracy and Alissa and see what�s news with them. Jeff called last night and asked me out this weekend and I said, �Yes�, but I�m not gonna feel bad about it. I�m just gonna enjoy today and this beautiful weather and my beautiful teeth and my cute new clothes and, ...and, .... and...life! Toodles! ***waving*** Jenn-Jenn ************************************************************************************ Monday, September 22, 2003 Morning Diary, Having a hard time �getting going� this morning. I went to bed early last night. So, not sure what my problem is. Tomorrow is the first day of Fall. I am SOOO looking forward to it! I am tired of the summer for this year. Can�t wait for the leaves to change color and fall. It is sooo pretty. We are supposed to hear today on the project we presented on a couple of weeks ago. My boss is all uptight about it. It�s a big deal to us. Yesterday was a �All About Jenn� day. I did what I wanted to do all day. It was nice and relaxing. Mom cooked sweet and sour chicken for dinner and, of course, I PIGGED out. ***oink, oink*** That was followed by a long nap in my old bed at Mom�s house. That felt sort of reassuring in a way. Like everything was �okay� in the world. Later that afternoon, I went home and went for a LONG run. Long = 3 miles + short rest + water + 2 miles = 5 miles total. I felt really great afterwards. Very tired but a good kind of tired. The weather was awesome, cool as if about to rain but it didn�t. This morning my legs are a little sore and tight. I need to stretch really well tonight. Plus, a really firm massage by a big strong bald headed guy named Boris, with powerful, oversized hands, would be nice. ***dreamy sigh*** Alissa and I have a �date� Wednesday night. We are having dinner and drinks after work. That should be fun. I am having �Alissa withdrawals�. It seems like forever since we spent time together. Its raining here today so Tracy and I are �office bound� for lunch. I didn�t bring anything today so I�m not sure what I�m gonna do. I�m already kinda hungry so I may have to beg for food at lunch today. ***sad puppy dog eyes*** �May I, a poor under-nourished Princess, robbed of her throne and her royal inheritance, have a morsel of food, kind Sir?� That always works on guys. Not sure about Tracy. She seems a bit heartless when it comes to sharing her lunch. ....Just kidding! Gotta run. Just got an email from Alissa. Gotta go see what�s up with her. She might �need� me. ***fingers crossed hopefully*** Toodles... Jenn ************************************************************************************ Sunday, September 21, 2003 Morning Diary, ***sigh*** Yeah, Jeff came over and yeah, it was the same ole, same ole. And, I cried my heart out after he left. WHY do I keep doing this?! I want him to care about me but I know he doesn�t. I need to keep looking... Alissa and I went to the mall yesterday and I bought some really cute sweaters and a couple of skirts. We both fell in love with this one sweater so we bought it together! We each paid half. Isn�t that the ultimate sign of friendship?! Late last night, after Jeff left, I was wide awake and emotionally a mess. I was reading my email as a mental distraction and that cheered me up a lot. One guy made me laugh which felt nice. Then it seemed like all the despair turned to sexual frustration and WOW was I ever �in the mood�. An hour after Jeff left and I was READY! I don�t remember if I have talked about it before but my sexual relationship with Jeff is not very �satisfying�. I know it is not just me cause sex with my ex-finance was AWESOME! I really miss that...Enough about all that stuff...I�m getting depressed again. I don�t have anything planned today. Not sure what I will do. Maybe just be a lazy girl all day. I love to just lay around inside on cold winter days and read all day. I don�t think its especially cold outside but I may pretend it is anyway. Why is it that Sunday�s are all about guys and sports? Why doesn�t someone have programming for girls to lay around and watch on Sundays and stuff ourselves on chips and dip? Don�t we count? ***sigh*** I�m looking forward to seeing my Mom later today. She always cheers me up and makes me feel pretty and smart and loved. Plus, she always cooks all this yummy food for Sunday dinner for us. I will always remember Sunday dinners when Daddy was still alive and how special those times were. I�m not sure I realized at the time how special they were. But, looking back, I appreciate them more. Okay, I�m getting way too serious...I MUST lighten up! Put on a �happy smile� and be a cheerful girl! See...?! ***happy smile*** ...Look, I�m doing my best so cut me some slack, okay?! Well, Michelle and Elizabeth must be off again today so its time to actually get my OWN coffee. Just like REGULAR people do...Oh, the shame of it all! ***forearm to brow*** What would the Royal family think if they knew the indignities I must endure... ***giggle*** I made myself laugh...Okay, feeling better now so off I go into the wild adventures of �Sunday in JennWorld�. Have a wonderful day, all! ***mwuah*** Jenn ************************************************************************************* Saturday, September 20, 2003 Brrrrr, its cold in my apartment this morning! I am sitting here, still in my jammies, holding Holly in my lap (Holly is my rag doll you evil minded people), with a blanket wrapped around me checking out the net and sipping my morning coffee. Mmm, the coffee is extra good this morning. ***giggle*** The steam tickles my nose. I love hot coffee on a cold morning. ***sigh*** The Hollywood tabloids must be going crazy this morning. I sat home without a date last night. Let the media frenzy begin...�JENN, ALONE AND FORGOTTEN!� I can see the headlines now... Jenn + Friday night � date = ***grrr*** I did go out after work with Tracy and her hubbie. That was fun. We drank for a LONG time. And, to go with our yummy margaritas, we had a nutritionally balanced meal of chili nachos, potato skins, wings, and fried cheese. Mmmm...I am so proud of my dietary self discipline! I think I got home around 9:00 or 9:30 last night. A �tipsy� little girl. Ready to be �taken advantage of�. But, no one to do the �taking�. ***sigh*** Why is it that when I am �in the mood�, there is never anyone around?! ***pout*** Alissa had a date last night. So, we are hanging around together today. Not sure what we will do. �Mall� is a word that comes to mind...I haven�t bought anything in a long time. �Long� being a relative term. Yes, I have a date with Jeff tonight. But, I don�t want to talk about it cause I will just get depressed and mad at myself and feel used. So, I will think �happy thoughts� instead. Like how utterly cozy I feel at the moment all wrapped up warm and content and...oops, I need a coffee refill. ***whine*** someone bring me a cup of coffee! I don�t want to get out of my warm snuggly cocoon and have to struggle through the freezing storm inside my apartment to get coffee!!! ***whimper*** I need servants... Yeah, servants! I think I want two. One, a tall French guy with long wavy dark hair. Big muscles, heavy French accent, totally gorgeous, and attentive to my every need. He will be on call 24/7 and there to make me feel loved on nights like last night. His name will be Michelle. That�s a guys name in France isn�t it? I always that that sounded so European. Michelle will always he there with his strong arm to assist me down stairs and out of the limo. Which, considering my �graceness quotient� is not a bad idea. My second servant should be Irish, with long curly red hair like Alissa. She will have this dreamy Irish accent and creamy complexion. It will be her job to wake me every morning and dress me for the day. I will sit quietly with eyes closed dreamily while she brushes my hair and does my makeup. Her name will be Elizabeth. I LOVE that name! It sounds sooo �regal� and English. Like a Princess. I wish I were named Elizabeth! Then, I would be Princess Elizabeth. I love the way that sounds. And, I would have anyone that called me �Beth� or �Liz� thrown into the dungeon for a day! Its �Elizabeth� thank you very much! ***Hmmmph*** Am I rambling...? Well, Michelle and Elizabeth must be off today because my coffee cup is still empty. So, off I must dash though this frigid ice storm in my apartment to get another cup of magic elixir that makes me feel warm and happy inside. Come along Holly. Mommy needs coffee... Toodles, Diary! Have a good day! ***mwuah*** Jenn-Jenn ************************************************************************************* Thursday, September 18, 2003 Hi all. Feeling a little bummed out for no particular reason. Not a lot to report. Saw Alissa last night but we were �just friends� for the evening. Had a nice pleasant evening but nothing romantic. She didn�t seem interested. And I didn�t try to initiate anything. Maybe that�s partly why I am a little bummed. Jeff called Tuesday night and asked me out for Saturday. I told him, �Okay�. So, I am a little angry at myself for not just �getting out� of my relationship with him. I am such a baby, I can�t bring myself to it. Even with all my negative feelings about him right now, every time I think about breaking up, I start crying. I suppose I just need to give it more time until I�m ready. And, until then....I dunno. Work is good. We still haven�t heard anything about the presentation and everyone seems to think that is not good. We hope to hear something tomorrow. For some reason, I can�t sleep this morning. (Someone call the newspapers! THAT is news!) I�ve been tossing and turning the past couple of hours. So, I decided to see what the rest of the world is doing �online�. I hope everyone is okay from the hurricane. I can�t imagine what possesses people to �ride out� hurricanes. WHAT are they thinking?! I may not be the smartest girl in the world, but I know when to run... Well, I need to get dressed for work. Today is gonna be a �comfort day�. Snuggle clothes. Long skirt, baggy sweater, and maybe some tights. I need to be held. Bye all. Jenn *********************************************************************************** Monday, September 15, 2003 Good morning Diary, I am a troubled Princess. There must be a pea under my mattress. I went out with Jeff Saturday might. Or rather, he came over to my apartment Saturday night. Which seems to be the extent of our social life recently. I tried to be fun and flirty and enjoy being with him. But, I am now convinced he doesn�t really care about me. All he wants to do is the minimum to keep me interested so I will have sex with him. He was making love to me Saturday night and all I could think about was that I wished I were somewhere else. Sad. Very sad. I�m not in love with him. I don�t think. I USED to think I was falling in love with him. I stopped wanting to go out with anyone else cause I just wanted to be with him. Now, I think I just WISHED I were in love with him. I think I�m just craving the same feelings I had with my ex-finance when I thought he loved me and before I knew he was fooling around on me. That was happiness to me. I miss that. So, even though I am not in love with Jeff, my heart still hurts. I don�t know if I will go out with him again. I didn�t say anything to him Saturday night. I just let him finish his business and pretended everything was okay between us. I have a lot to think about this week. And, then there is Alissa. I love her to death. But, I�m not sure I can picture myself in a life long relationship with a woman. I really, really want to have children some day. I want the mini-van, soccer practice, and school plays. I want it all. I am just one confused little girl. I should be used to it by now. Jenn ************************************************************************************ Saturday morning, September 13, 2003 I am such a content and happy girl this morning! Mmmm.... I am sitting here all wrapped up snug in my thick comfy robe, sipping my morning coffee and aglow with love. Its official now. Alissa and I are best friends AND lovers. ***The crowd rises with a roar*** Okay, �C� and �R� here is the story. I know ya�ll are proud of me. Last night, we decided to stay in. So, she picked up a movie for us and I ordered a pizza. We started watching the movie while waiting for the pizza. I was sitting on the floor in front of the couch while she sat behind me and brushed my hair and put it up in pigtails. Which she almost always does when we are together. Its seems she has a thing for me in pigtails. She says it �suits my personality�. I should probably be offended. But, how can anyone be offended with Alissa. She is so utterly adorable. Anyway, after the pizza came and we finished eating, Alissa took her place on the couch. I should explain. Like an old married couple, we each have our �places�. She always lays with her head on one end and I lay with my head on the other and our legs just sorta get entwined in the middle. Well, this time, I lay down with her and spooned up against her. She didn�t say a word. She just wrapped her arms around me and we started watching the movie. (�Kate and Leopold�. I KNOW you�re gonna ask that �C�), It was sooo nice!!! ***whimper*** Her hand kept rubbing the outside of my thigh while I lay there in her arms and I was SOOO �in the mood�! Well, about halfway through the movie, she just sorta nuzzled the side of my neck and started kissing my neck and throat. ***melt*** Well, I couldn�t stand the excitement any longer so I rolled over to face her and we started kissing. I can�t remember ever being so turned on before! ***pant, pant, pant*** After a bit, her hand unfastened the front of my cut-offs and her hand slide inside. Well, it didn�t take long before I had the most INTENSE sexual experience EVER! OMG!!! I have never, never, never, had such a powerful...you know. Afterwards, Alissa was teasing me about how...�intense� it was. Well, it HAD been a while... The only bad part was that she wouldn�t let me touch her back. She was having her period. ***pout*** It was soo nice sleeping in her arms last night after what we had shared. It just felt �right�. I felt so LOVED! And, this morning she woke me up kissing me again and made love to me again. ***tears*** She has simply stolen my heart... Well, she had to leave early this morning to go to her mom�s house today. Its her mom�s birthday. So, she scooted out early leaving me here all alone and still tingling from her touch. I have a date with Jeff tonight which I am NOT looking forward to anymore. I know in my heart he is just using me for sex and doesn�t really care about me. I really should just stop seeing him. I just feel used after our dates. Not sure what I will do today. I can�t get my mind off Alissa and what happened. I am just a zombie still. She is like a narcotic to me. ***sigh*** Until I can think of something to do today, I think I will lie on the couch where her perfume is still on the little pillow and daydream of her. I�m a happy, happy, happy and contented little girl! Jenn-Jenn ************************************************************************************* Friday, September 12, 2003 I am such a happy girl!!! ***sigh*** Have you noticed? All this week there has been a touch of Fall in the air in the mornings. I love Fall!!! And Spring!!! My two favorite times of year. I can�t wait until its cool enough to wear thick bulky turtleneck sweaters, long skirts, tights and boots. Not cold-cold. Just cool. When I could sink down in my warm clothes and the only thing cold is the tip of my nose. Kinda like cuddling with myself. I�ll be warm and cozy as a �bug in a rug�. Or better yet, a �Butterfly in a cocoon�. ***happy smile*** Okay, I GOTTA tell you about Tuesday night. It STILL seems like a dream! As you know, Tuesday was the BIG presentation and when it was over, I was SOOO relieved, I wanted to celebrate. So, Alissa and I went out to dinner Tuesday night. My treat. We went to this little nearby town that has an old-fashioned town square and the square is SOOO beautiful. Lavishly landscaped and beautiful lights at night with walkways meandering across the landscaping. Horse and carriage rides around the square, People milling about just enjoying the evening. So picturesque! There is a small restaurant on the square that my ex used to take me to that I LOVE! No more than a dozen tables and the food is just �out of this world�! So, that is where I wanted to go. We had this gay waiter who was SOOO much fun! Why is it that gay guys always make the BEST waiters! I hope THAT doesn�t offend anyone!!! ***cringe*** I CERTAINLY don�t mean too... An-y-way...Alissa and I had this WONDEFUL dinner at this little restaurant. The waiter had us laughing and having the best time. We even shared a dessert. Alissa and I. Not the waiter. And afterwards, the weather was SOOO nice outside and the square looked SOOO beautiful, we decided to take a walk through the park. So, Alissa and I strolled through the park, hand in hand, enjoying the little mushroom candlelight thingys and the beautiful plants and the whole atmosphere was just breathtaking. There were other couples around but not many. Maybe three or four. And, everyone was sorta in their own little worlds. Well, at one end of the square is this BEAUTIFUL old gazebo. During the spring and summer lots of couples get married there it is so beautiful. Anyway, Alissa and I walked up into the gazebo and looked back out over the square just enjoying the view. I said something to the effect of how wonderful it would be to get married there someday. Alissa and I were still holding hands when she did something that just stole my heart. She leaned over and KISSED me!!! ***swoon*** Now, it wasn�t a French kiss. But, it wasn�t �sisterly� either. It was a KISS! My heart skipped THREE beats. I was soo surprised and sooo breath-taken I almost fainted! It was sooo nice!!! I think she completely stole my heart with that kiss!!! Immediately afterward, while I tried to get my heart back beating, she just continued on as if nothing had happened. We walked along through the rest of the park and she didn�t say anything about our kiss and I was too speechless and timid to say anything. Except I REALLY clung to her arm at that point. I was SMITTEN! When we got back home, I SO wanted her to kiss me �goodnight� but she made no attempt. And, I was too chicken to try either. But, I did sorta hug her with the most heartfelt hug ever. We�ve talked a couple of times since but I haven�t seen her since Tuesday. We are supposed to do something tonight and I am soo excited to be with her!!! Of course, Saturday night I�m going out with Jeff but I am seriously beginning to have second thoughts about him. Shoot! I gotta go. My boss just dumped a ton of work on my desk. Talk to you later, Diary!!! Jenn-Jenn ************************************************************************************* September 11, 2003 First, my thoughts and prayers this morning are with the victims of 9/11/01. I will never forget seeing those poor people who had to leap from the World Trade Center to avoid the flames. I cannot comprehend what that must have been like. Equally important I am thinking of the soldiers who are away from home in foreign lands fighting this war on terrorism. So, people like myself can live normal happy lives. I keep reminding myself that these are guys my age who are walking around carrying guns and being shot at. That seems so surreal to me. That stuff only happens in movies, right? So many of those guys have died in Iraq and Afghanistan and it seems we don�t mourn them like we do the victims of 9/11. Like they are EXPECTED to die. That seems so unfair to me. ***tears*** I just want to thank them from the bottom of my heart for what they do. I haven�t seen the tape but I have heard there is a new tape of Bin laden celebrating what he did on 9/11/01. I am not a person of hate. But, I hate him for what he did and for being proud of it. Someday God will judge him and I wish I could see the expression on his face when that happens. I have a lot of other stuff to tell you but it doesn�t seem appropriate today. Today should be for somber thoughts of those who were murdered on 9/11 and for those who risked and lost their lives to protect others like myself from monsters who want to hurt us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Jenn ************************************************************************************* Tuesday, September 9, 2003 I am SOOO glad the presentation is over!!! ***pant, pant, pant*** I think it went GREAT!!! Everyone did SOOO well!! My boss was AWESOME!!! He was sooo...in control, ... powerful, ....take charge,...***dreamy sigh***. It was SEXY!!! We haven�t heard anything yet about the project. It may be a week or two. Everyone�s still on edge until we hear something. But, we did our best so that�s all that counts, right? My Mom gave me money to buy a new suit for the presentation! Isn�t she just the BEST!!! I went to the mall and bought a navy blue pinstrip suit. It has a tailored jacket and sexy little slit skirt but its VERY professional looking. I chipped in enough of my own money to get some navy blue pumps to go with it and I looked SOOO professional. ***proud smile*** I promised to go by my Mom�s after work and let her see me in it. ....Well, she�s my Mom and she�s proud of me! My boss was SOOO sexy standing there in front of all those people talking!!! He had them eating out of his hand! I think I now have a crush on him. Actually, I have always had a crush on him. But, now its worse. He could have �had me� right after the presentation!!! ***swoon*** But, don�t worry Diary. He�s off limits. I don�t date married men. No matter how wonderful, and smart, and powerful, and handsome, and sexy!!! ***dreamy sigh*** I wonder if he has any unmarried brothers. I should ask... I was sooo nervous during the presentation. More so than I expected. I just KNEW I was gonna screw something up. But, I didn�t!!! Cause I�m GOOD!!!....I know that cause my boss and HIS boss told me so!!! So there! My boss winked at me right after he introduced me to the room full of people and that helped calm me down a bunch. It made me smile really big too! Then, I got so caught up in what he was saying I would almost forget what I was doing. But, that�s good isn�t it? I mean, that meant he was doing a good job. Right? I had to stand up when he introduced me and I was so nervous I could have fainted. But, my knees didn�t buckle like I had envisioned they would. And, I didn�t miss the chair when I sat back down. And, I didn�t trip over any of the cords. And, I didn�t drop anything. And, I didn�t knock the computer off the table. And, I didn�t kick the extension chord unplugged. And, I didn�t get the hiccups. All things I thought about and imagined and practiced for. I was WELL prepared!!! ***nods head*** You wouldn�t BELIEVE the conference room we were in!!! No wonder the government spends so much money!!! You should have seen the paneling and the conference table and the chairs...OMG!!! It was soo luxurious!!! I half expected everyone to break out these long cigars and start smoking them!!! BTW, I was the only girl in a room of about twenty men. That alone was enough to scare the wits outta me! Okay, back to the regular JennWorld. I have some making up to do with Alissa. She is mad at me cause she thinks I�ve been ignoring her. Actually, she knows what I�ve been going through and has been very supportive and understanding. But, she feels neglected and I have to spend some quality time with her starting tonight. I just had a thought. I should take her to dinner tonight! Good idea Jenn!!! After all, I am already all dressed up and looking professional. I may as well spend some more money I don�t have and take Alissa to dinner tonight. She can go with me to see my Mom too. Last time that was fun. Well, I better go call Alissa and tell her she has to get dressed up for tonight! If I�m dressing for dinner, she has to too!!! Hey, I know, we�ll just meet after work for drinks and go from there! See how smart I am when I�m all dressed up professional?! Maybe I should wear stuff like this every day, huh?! I could be boss someday right? ...ahem... OMG!!! Alissa just called when I was writing that!!! Is that spooky or what?! Then, like a bimbo, I said, �Oh hi Alissa! I was just writing about you!� Then she said, �Writing about me? Writing what to who?� ***cringe*** Then I stuttered and stammered until my heart started beating again and my brain could get in gear and make something up like, �Oh just an email to my Mom�. My Mom doesn�t even have a computer. I can be sooo stupid at times!!! Anyway, she said �yes� and we have a date tonight!!! ***happy smile*** Okay, I gotta go. My brain is mush...Did I mention how professional I look today...?! Jenn-Jenn ************************************************************************************* Sunday, September 7, 2003 Hiya Diary! I have been SOOOO busy with this presentation!!!!! Well, not actually MY presentation. My BOSSES presentation. I�m just helping. It has been SUCH a learning experience for me!!! I�m learning stuff about our company I didn�t know. What we do, why we do it and so on. Its sooo KEWL! Okay, my part in the presentation is just to help coordinate getting everything ready. Display boards, typing little speeches for my boss and the others in the presentation, learning a little about PowerPoint, getting lunch for everyone, setting up travel arrangements and stuff like that. But, everyone seems to turn to me when something needs to be done. ***proud smile*** And, guess what?! I will actually BE in the presentation!!! ***sticks nose in air*** Yep! Little Ole Me! Right there with my boss and all the other important big shots! Okay, I�ll only be operating the computer for the PowerPoint thingy but I�ll be there! I am SOOO excited!!!...And, NERVOUS!!! What if I screw something up!!! ***bites nails*** But, I won�t! I�m nervous but I�ll do fine. I made my boss promise I won�t have to stand up and say anything. Just show up and do my thing with the computer. He promised. If this goes well, we may be selected for a big new project. The biggest the company has ever done. So, everyone is super excited. The presentation is next Tuesday so cross your fingers for luck Diary! Sorry I haven�t been writing. We have been working like twelve hour days since last week on this. We even worked part of the day Saturday on it. Can you believe that I gave up my Saturday, sunning by the pool to work?!!! Aren�t I just the bestest, most loyalist, hard workingest, secretary in all the land? Well, �Mirror Mirror On The Wall�, what do you say? Am I the �Fairest of Them All�?! ...er, Mirror? Nothing exciting to report on the old Jenn Social Front. Same ole, same ole. Except I didn�t go out or do anything Friday night. I was too pooped. Jeff came over here Saturday night, yadda yadda, yadda. Heck if - I � am bored with talking about it, why would anyone else be interested?! I need some EXCITEMENT in my life!!! My social life that is. Work IS exciting! Am I whining again? I really am trying to stop whining so much. As my mentor is trying to teach me, things are much better than I acknowledge. So, �R�, I�m trying!!!! What else? I spent most of the day today with my Mommy...Yeah, she�s still my Mommy when she cooks these fabulous Sunday dinners for me and tells me how pretty I am and how proud she is of me and sews buttons on my skirts and sends all the leftovers home with me. Including a second slice of pecan pie...***Drools*** Can you tell I am a happy girl when my tummy is full of good things to eat?! ***mental note*** Must run extra mile tomorrow night. Okay, gotta run. Be patient with me for another couple of days Diary. I�m a really, really, really busy girl right now. Cause all the big shots are depending on me...***proud smile*** ***Muahhhh*** Jenn-Jenn ************************************************************************************* September 2, 2003 Arrrghhh...THREE!!! Three wrecks on the way to work this morning! Traffic was a MESS! Why do people have to switch back and forth and weave in and out of traffic and run into people who are just going along like they are supposed to?! No, I wasn�t in any of the wrecks thank goodness. But, it affects everyone when someone thinks their time is more important than everyone else�s and drives like a maniac. ***deep breath*** Okay, I�m through venting. ***happy smile*** Good morning Diary!!! Why can�t we have three day weekends every weekend? That would be soo nice! The weather was off and on yucky all weekend. Saturday and Sunday it would rain a while then the sun would come out a while and then rain again. Alissa and I hung out on the dock most of the time just laying out and then running back to the cabin between rains. Jeff played hard with the guys skiing and wake boarding. It was an okay weekend. We went for a moonlight ride in the boat Saturday night with two other couples. That was really nice. Although the moon only peeked out a little between drifting clouds. Alissa got a lot of attention from the guys. Including Jeff. Of course, she looked ultra hot in her bathing suit, as always. It was funny to see the guys flirting with her while their girlfriends looked on. They were like little puppies seeing how far they could go without getting into trouble. I could tell Alissa liked the attention although it embarrassed her because the other girls were there. Jeff and Alissa and I shared a bed Saturday night. No, nothing happened. I slept between Jeff and Alissa which was kinda interesting. But, I�m probably the only one who even thought anything about it. Spent the day at Jeff�s apartment Monday and we lay around most of the day playing boyfriend/girlfriend. That was kinda nice. His roommate was gone so we had the place to ourselves. I got a chance to catch up on my sleep and rest so that made it even better. And here I am back at work on Tuesday morning refreshed and ready to tackle the corporate world. �Listen up�, Wall Street, Jenn�s about to initiate her next big project....last weeks filing. Jenn |