| Jennifer's Diary 2003 |
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Friday, October 31, 2003 Tracy and I are the only two who dressed for Halloween. She came as a farm girl, wearing bib overalls, bright red cheeks, freckles, etc. I came as a black cat, wearing stretchy black pants, black turtleneck sweater, black furry cat ears, and I painted my eyes with eyeliner all cat-like and the tip of my nose is black. I look kinda cute. I think... Or really dorky. I�m not sure. My boss keeps scratching my head every time he walks by my desk and saying, �Good Kitty�. Grrrr..... Now, others in the office are doing it too. Although, I�m not complaining about the head scratches. I sorta get into that...***purrrrrr**** I�m trying to bounce back into a decent mood. I�ve had a really bad week and really been down. In fact, I was out of work Wednesday, sick at my tummy. Mostly stress. Seems like all bad stuff happens at the same time. But, I�m trying to be a trooper. I�m not exactly �trooper� material, but I�m doing my best. I�m actually looking forward to tonight with Alissa. We�re going out clubbing. And, I just want to get my mind off anything serious and have fun. Maybe I will meet Prince Charming tonight. Literally... Jenn ************************************************************************************ Tuesday, October 28, 2003 Hi Diary! ***waving*** I am adjusting to being dumped by my ex-boyfriend who I didn�t especially care about anyway and who was inconsiderate and who was self centered and who was a lousy lover and who cared more about his guy friends than me and who had no ambition in life and who was lucky to have me and who is too stupid to realize it. ***pant, pant, pant*** Wow, quite a mouthful... Actually, for some reason, I am in a pretty good mood today. Not sure why. Maybe I�m just tired of being sad. Life is too short huh...? I just asked my boss if we could dress up for Halloween Friday. He said he would think about it. Not sure what I would wear....NOT what Alissa has picked out for me! Far too suggestive...Maybe a witch or a black cat. Or maybe I could wear a tie and pretend to be one of the project managers and walk around the office all cocky and full of myself and short with everyone and act like I am the most important person on earth. ***snicker*** They probably wouldn�t �get it�. Of course, that DOESN�T apply to John and Rob. Who are My Sweeties. I love them and they love me back. Alissa and I are spending the weekend together. Which I am WAY excited about! We are going out Friday night clubbing. I am going as the innocent schoolgirl. Alissa is going as Lara Croft. My idea! ***drool*** She is wearing a body suit and boots and I�m not sure what else she has cooked up. She won�t let me see yet. I tried on my outfit last Sunday with Alissa help. �Help� meaning she picked it out, I put it on. I think I will look pretty hot, in an innocent sort of way. ***angelic smile*** Since being dumped by Mr. Stupid, my apartment is spotless. I do that. When I get depressed, I clean and organize. It keeps my mind busy about less painful stuff. So, that�s a good thing. Alissa wants me to do her apartment next. Maybe... OMG! Tracy just walked by. She looks SOOOO CUTE today!!! ***fans face*** If she weren�t married and if she weren�t my best friend, and I didn�t love Alissa, .....that�s too many �if�s� to finish the thought... Next time, I want a boyfriend who feels lucky to have me. I am tired of feeling like his �afterthought�. Someone to be with when there�s nothing else to do. Hey, I think I�m special! ...Well, I do...***sigh*** Now, if only I could find a guy who thinks I�m special.... I�ve decided, no more sex with guys until I am sure I am in love and that they love me. I think that may be my problem. I give in too quickly and then, they take me for granted and stuff. So, NO MORE! ***folds arms and sticks nose high in air*** ***snicker*** Of course that is subject to change under the right circumstances... I am hopeless... Welp, gotta get my bottom in gear and do some work. Think I will go visit with Tracy first though. Dang she looks cute today! Toodles... Jenn ************************************************************************************ Friday, October 24, 2003 My eyes are all puffy and swollen this morning. I finally broke down and cried last night. I couldn�t help it. Not because I�m heart broken over Jeff. Just because I�m tired of going through the same cycle of dating and braking up and feeling rejected and wondering if I will ever find the kind of life I�ve always dreamed of. Maybe not. Alissa came over for a little while and made me laugh by saying lots of mean things about Jeff. That helped. I love her to death. But, when she went back home, I felt lonely again. I think she is spending the night with me tonight. I hope so. Tracy has been an angel to me as always. When I�m down, she is always by my side. She has a way of comforting me that makes me feel loved. Then I feel better. My boss asked me what was wrong yesterday. He can tell when I�m down because I�m not all perky and stuff like usual. I told him it was hormones. I didn�t want to get into the whole story with him. He patted my shoulder which was nice. He cares. I may try to get up a group lunch today. That should cheer me up. We all go to lunch together every few weeks or so and its always fun. I could use the cheering up. Sorry to be such a whiner. I try not to be. Sometimes my heart is just not into being happy and perky. I�ll try to do better. Jenn ************************************************************************************ Thursday, October 23, 2003 Well, its official. Jeff �needs more space�. Blah, blah, blah... I don�t know whether to cry, celebrate, get angry, or what. I am just numb. I am sooo tired of the dating game. He called last night. Its not me, its him. So he says. I did nothing wrong. So he says. There�s not another woman. So he says. So, what is it then Jeff? �I don�t know. Its hard to explain. Its just the way I feel.� Whatever... I�m trying hard not to cry. He doesn�t deserve my tears. And, I�m not even sure if I loved him. Sometimes I thought I did. Sometimes not. But, it hurts to be rejected. I should be used to it by now. But, I�m not. It still hurts. I suppose you never get used to this. I just want to go home and crawl in bed and sleep for days. Hold Holly Hobby in my arms, pull the covers up over my head and make the world go away. But, no tears. Not for him. So, anybody wanna go and get falling down drunk Saturday night? I�m your girl! Hey, I�m a �great girl, pretty, sexy, and fun�. So he says. Wonder what it is I�m missing... Sorry I�m being such a poop. I just feel drained... Jenn ************************************************************************************ Wednesday, October 22, 2003 Hiya Diary! Whassup?! Nuttin� much here... Things are kinda normal in JennWorld. �Normal� being a relative term... Something�s up with Jeff. He�s been acting really extra aloof lately. I think he�s about to break up with me. Instead of being devastated like I usually would, I�m kinda like, ***shrug***. Actually, I think I will be kinda mad if he breaks up with me. Like, �How dare he?!� After I been such an extra good girlfriend to him and all. Well,...I have! He hasn�t called me since last Saturday and when he said �goodnight�, it sounded kinda �final�. You know what I mean...? I assume he�s taking me out Saturday, but I wouldn�t be surprised if he made an excuse not to. One way or the other, he better call though. NOT calling is NOT an option! I will be really mad if he just leaves me hanging all week. I mean, �Call his Mom and tell her what an evil child she raised� kinda mad! ...Nah, I wouldn�t do that...I�m too mushy hearted...I�d probably start crying, feeling bad for her sake. Is this the best jogging weather or what?! OMG! Alissa and I had the best time Saturday! We went for a really long run...(She got tired before I did ***proud smile***). Then, we sorta sat in this big field of grass by the river and just soaked up some sunshine and let the wind kinda blow over us. OMG, it felt SOOO wonderful! We didn�t take a nap Saturday. The weather was way too pretty to be inside. So, we hoofed it to the mall(that doesn�t count as �inside�) and wandered around some. Bought a couple of sexy new tops and some undies at VS. Then, we went to my favorite Mexican restaurant and sat outside and drank a frozen margarita. Yummm....Just had one. And, no food. We both had dates that night and didn�t want to get trashed or �stinky breath�. On the way home, we had the car windows rolled down and the wind blowing our hair all over and the radio turned up loud and holding hands and just �chillin�. Mmmm.... Then, later that night, Jeff was �Super Mr. Macho Kewl Dude�. Like I was just a part of his entourage. I felt like I was just tagging along all night. Like a bratty little sister. Or a starry eyed groupie chasing her idol. I certainly didn�t FEEL that way inside about him. Just that he treated me that way. I HATE that. I want him to WANT me. You know...? I want to be the center of someone�s attention...Is that too much to expect? The ultimate insult was he didn�t try to have sex with me later. Jeff ALWAYS wants to have sex. Even if � I � don�t! He still expects me to...But, Saturday night was like a ***mwuah*** kiss and �Bye! See ya later!� What�s up with THAT! I guess he doesn�t think I�m sexy anymore...***sigh*** The irony is I didn�t especially want to have sex with him. Not after the way he treated me all night and made me feel. But, I wanted HIM to want to have sex with me! Does that make sense? And, now that he didn�t, I am SOOO �in the mood�! I know, I am complicated...Welcome to JennWorld... Jenn ************************************************************************************ Friday October 17, 2003 Good morning Diary! I am feeling much better today, thank you! Alissa helped me get rid of my �blah�s� yesterday. And, today being Friday...I am feeling very mischievous!!! ***evil grin*** I have on a new outfit that makes me feel �cute�. There�s nothing better to cheer me up than a new outfit. Tracy and I are splurging today for lunch. We got paid yesterday, so we have some money for a change. Not sure where we will go. Maybe Mexican...***yummm*** I am SOO ready for the weekend!!!! I want to catch up on my sleep. Lots of afternoon naps... Alissa and I are planning to go jogging down by the river tomorrow. I hope the weather is nice. Cool but sunshiny... Maybe after that I can talk her into taking a nap with me. I suppose Jeff is on �suicide watch� today. I just heard the Yankees won the World Series last night. He hates the Yankees. He was pulling for the Boston team. I don�t think he likes them especially. He just hates the Yankees. I don�t know why... Welp, gotta get moving. Cinderella�s work is never done. Jenn ************************************************************************************ Thursday, October 16, 2003 Hi Diary, I�ve got the �blah�s�. Not sure what�s wrong. Nothing specific. And, �No�, its not PMS. Alissa has decided for me what I will be for Halloween. Doing the �Naughty Schoolgirl� thing again. She saw pictures of me from last year and had a fit over them. And, �informed� me that I have to do it again. I don�t mind, I suppose. I couldn�t think of anything else to wear. Work is unbelievably busy. I barely have time to breathe. That�s good to a point. Now, I feel overwhelmed. Had a bit of a tiff with Alissa over the phone yesterday. But, she got over it quickly. So, all is good there again. And, had a bit of a tiff with Jeff earlier this week. Maybe its me that is being grouchy. It just feels like everybody else is ganging up on me. ***sigh*** Poor me! Gotta get back to work. I�ll try to write more later. ...Maybe... Jenn ************************************************************************************ Friday, October 10, 2003 Good morning Diary!!! I had a great night�s sleep, I am refreshed and ready for the weekend!!! Tonight, Alissa and I are having a �Girl�s Night In�. Mostly just relax and cuddle time. She�s been stressed out too lately so we are looking forward to some quiet time together. Jeff finally called and we are going to a party Saturday night. Some of his friends. They are okay. Ummm, what else? I THINK I am caught up with my work. So, today should be a �goof off� day. I hope so! I have been working hard lately! My boss is out of the office today. So, unless he calls me with a bunch of work, I should get caught up with my daydreaming. Tracy and her husband had a tiff. So, she�s been really down the past couple of days. I�ve been by her side trying to help her like she helped me when Alissa was mad at me. I would just give Tracy that �look� and she would follow me into the Ladies Room where I would cry on her shoulder. So, now its my turn to do that for her. I don�t know what to do to help except just hold her when she needs it. That�s what friends do... I may try to work on my webpage today if things are quiet enough. I can never get it the way I want it. It seems sorta stale. Maybe I can upload some more pics. That takes SOOO much time. And, its BORING! Maybe just a few... Okay, gotta go check on Tracy. To see if she worked things out with her hubby. Jenn *********************************************************************************** Thursday, October 9, 2003 Morning Diary, I can�t wake up this morning!!! I am sooo sleepy. Not sure why. I got a good nights sleep. I just want to curl up in my warm bed and go back to sleep soooo badly. Whats going on, on the ole Jenn social calendar? Well, I have a date with Alissa for Friday night and I ASSUME I have a date with Jeff for Saturday night. He hasn�t called. But, I�m sure he ASSUMES we are going out. That�s kinda the way it works between us. Which I hate. Being taken for granted... I went to my Mom�s house last night for dinner and to visit. That was nice. I still need Mom from time to time to tell me everything�s gonna be all right... Its been kinda rainy here the past couple of days. That�s probably why I am sooo sleepy. I love to sleep when its raining. But, no complaints on the weather. It has been just awesome this fall. So far... I almost ran outta gas on the way to work. I was sleepy/daydreaming/ oblivious and happened to notice that my gage was dead on empty. And, I was in the middle of the interstate, bumper to bumper traffic, and no exit around. Panic time. But, I made it. I had the strangest dreams last night. Very bizarre...Nothing that interesting just bizarre...My Dad once told me when that happens, its your brains way of �carrying out the trash�. That seems to make sense. My boss just dumped a bunch of work on my desk. So, gotta go. Toodles Diary. ***waving*** Jenn ************************************************************************************ Tuesday, October 7, 2003 Hi Diary, Sorry I didn�t get to talk to you today. My boss is really putting me through my paces right now. I barely have time to breathe. Not that I am complaining. I really enjoy my job. And, my boss is great. But, it doesn�t leave much time for chit chatting. I am a sleepy girl early tonight. So, not much to say. I just want to curl up in my warm bed and sleep. ***sigh*** �Nite... Jenn ************************************************************************************ Monday, October 6, 2003 Hi Diary!!! Its Monday morning....!!! Actually, so far so good. Except I missed my sunrise this morning. I couldn�t tell if it were the clouds or the sun slept late again. But, now I�m getting spoiled cause I expect to see this glorious sunrise every morning. Whe does the time change? I hope that doesn�t screw things up. Ummm, the weekend? Nuttin� really to talk about much. I had a really fun time with Tracy Friday night. Just being silly...Jeff was actually attentive again Saturday night. Is it possible he is changing...? Not getting my hopes up. Was the weekend gorgeous or what?! Alissa and I ran down at the river this weekend and OMG!!! Was it ever beautiful! Temperature was just right! Trying to decide what to be this year for Halloween. Last year, I was a naughty schoolgirl. Real stretch for me, huh?! ***rolls eyes*** Actually, I was always the GOOD girl in school. Good grades, never did nuttin� wrong, loved my teachers, they loved me, etc. I think the naughty schoolgirl thing was one of my fantasies. I always daydreamed about being a bad girl. It seemed to me they were having all the fun... Anyway, I need some ideas for this year. I am coming up blank on creativity. I�ve been Madonna before, so that�s out. Don�t believe in doing the Nun thing. Too old for Cinderella, Minnie Mouse, and Sleeping Beauty. All old favoritres. Maybe Lara Croft... she is sooo hot! I don�t think I could pull it off though. Not my personality plus people would probably look at me and go, �Huh?� And, no �C�, I�m not going as an �Out Lesbian�! ***rolls eyes*** MY FOOT HURTS!!! I stubbed my pinkie toe last night...***pouty lip*** On the corner of the bed.... In the middle of the night...After a pottie break...Somebody kiss it and make it better...? Well, that seemed to help with my Mom... Last week was busy, busy, busy. This week too, I think. My boss is suddenly running around like crazy. And, he has me going crazy too. Well, better get to it... Jenn *********************************************************************************** Friday October, 3, 2003 Wednesday night, Alissa came over and we had a WONDERFUL evening. ***dreamy sigh*** Yeah, I fed her popcorn....Well, she deserves it. She�s special... Now its TOO cold! Brrr....Why can�t we set up a thermostat to control the temperature? That should end all the arguing about �global warming�. Just turn down the thermostat a couple of notches. I can see the world headlines, �END OF GLOBAL WARMING, FAMININE, DROUGHT, ALL CREDIT GOES TO JENN� I wonder if I can patent that idea? I am such a wealth of good ideas... Except when it comes to typing contracts...And guys... Alissa has a date tonight with the guy she�s been seeing recently. Does that seem fair? No comment. Did I say anything?... Nope! Am I gonna say anything? ...Nope! I�m just gonna be a good little girl and be happy and smile and look forward to seeing her Saturday afternoon. Tonight, I�m going over to Tracy�s house. Her hubby is watching ballgames with his buddies and me and Tracy are having a �Girl�s Night In.� Have a good weekend Diary! I gotta "git". Work, work, work! Jenn ************************************************************************************ Wednesday, October 1, 2003 I wish everybody could see how ORGANIZED my apartment is! I have been on this �jag� the last few days, organizing EVERYTHING! All my clothes are now hanging, skirts with skirts, tops with tops, slacks with slacks, dresses with dresses. Summer clothes are now on the top, winter clothes on the bottom. All my kitchen stuff is where it belongs. I even went through all my old photos and now have them in albums by DATES! ***proud smile*** Am I good or what?! Ummm, got my hair trimmed yesterday finally. Its been a while. It was getting pretty ratty. You probably wouldn�t even notice the difference in length. But, it �feels� much better to me. Is it just me or are the sunrises this fall much more beautiful? This morning was spectacular again. I can�t look at something that beautiful without saying a little prayer. Which is a good habit, I suppose. When I was going through pictures last night putting them away in albums, I came across some of my Dad. So, I had a �good� cry for a few minutes. Then, I felt better. I know he�s still looking out for me. But, I sure miss him. Oh, almost forgot, I put up some more photos for October. I have a TON to put up. But, it takes so much time to organize them that I will try to put up some new ones every month or so. �Try� being the operative word. Don�t hold me to it. But, I have good intentions. It dawned on me last night that I haven�t watched TV for DAYS now. Its amazing how much I can get done if I just don�t turn it on. And, what�s MORE amazing is that I don�t really miss it! ...Well, that�s not totally true. I AM getting the urge for a movie and a cuddle with Alissa. ...Good idea. Maybe I should call her and see what she�s doing tonight. Perhaps if I promise to feed her popcorn.....In some ways, she�s as easy as a guy. ***mischievous smile*** Okay, I gotta get busy. I�m a busy girl at work again with this new project. Which is okay. It makes the day pass quickly. Bye Diary...***waving*** Jenn |