by: Jenni Vinson
March 22, 2001
She sat at the piano and picked out a tune and hummed quietly to herself a special song that she hid in her heart; a song that I now hold in mine. Her heart sang it for her husband, my grandfather, and my heart sings it for her.
Cuando Escuches Este Valse
(translated from Spanish)
�When you hear this waltz, remember me...
Whether in the sky, on the ground or at sea
You and I shall be as one...
Our love will last beyond the tomb...
You and I shall be as one.�
Apparently there IS a season for everything, with a time to be born and a time to
die. Too many of my friends have experienced the loss of parents and very close
loved ones lately. I have attended more funerals over the past two years than I
had during my entire live.
For me, the most traumatic loss was that of my Huela (grandmother). We were very close. Well intentioned friends and acquaintances always chime in about how happy I should be that she lived to be 93. They just don�t understand that that wasn�t enough!
She was my confidant. I spoke to her everyday, sometimes two to three times a day. I was supposed to checking on her but those calls were more about letting her check on me.
She was a great encourager. She knew everything I was juggling and she always made it a point to ask for progress reports on my tasks. She took a great interest in what I wanted to talk about and I knew she loved me. She showed it and she said it all the time.
I got to spend alot of time with her before she died and it was wonderful. Nothing was left unsaid. I stood by her bedside and held her hand when she drew her last breath in that hospital room filled to capacity with so many of her beloved family.
As I encounter friends who are going through the �end days� with a loved one, I encourage them to alter thier lives and take the time to help their loved ones through this difficult period. It is tough to do, but so important that our loved ones have us there to ease the fears of dying and slipping away from us.
We will want someone to hold our hand some day.
Huela has been gone for two years now and amazingly, I love her more now
than when she was here. I�ve had the last two years to take stock of everything
she did for me and my family. She left a lot of empty positions in my life. She was
an attentive ear, an advisor, an encourager and a reprimander.
Suppressing the mourning stage just makes it draw out longer. And no one has a
guideline for how long each of us are allowed to grief. We are all different.
After two years, I am just now getting to the acceptance stage.
Over the past two years, there have many times I wish God would install an
Internet line to His Heaven so I could Instant Messenger my Huela.
Heaven is as real to my mind and heart as Alice, Texas is. I happen to know a
few folks that have recently switched their addresses to that location. I know
seeing Huela will come soon enough.
But, if I could talk to her just for a little bit, I would tell her:
�I miss you and I have not forgotten you. I never will.
I tried to grow a garden like yours. Some of those plants are still alive. I do wish I
had paid closer attention to how you grew yours. I did manage to grow a few
roses. The first blooms were beautiful. You would have been so proud.
I miss you when the kids are sick or acting up cuz you would have heard about it
and called me to check on them. It�s tough picking up the phone and not hearing
you at the other end.
It was awful getting used to you not being here. I was sure the world would have
be different without you in it. For a while, I had trouble finding my way around it.
But, over the past two years I have found that you are everywhere. I see you
everyday in Kathy�s hands that look just like yours and I hear you in Vicky�s
high-pitched soprano voice and I remember your funny wit everytime Oscar
jokes around.
Everytime I wash my face I recall the feel of your hands as you held my face to
say goodbye and I can still hear you tell me your famous �I Love You More�.
In the faces of your children and thier children and in their stories I find that you
left pieces of yourself behind.
I have been busy trying to meet the goals I set and shared with you. I did finish
writing one book and I have started the other. I could never have done it without
you.
When I awake before the face the God and after He�s done dealing with me, I
know you�ll be waiting for me and I can�t wait. I have so much to tell you. I�m
saving it all up till I see you again. I love YOU more!�
Basically, laugh with those who laugh and cry with those who cry. And, if you
have lost that special loved one who was capable of unconditonal love, then
become a special loved one to someone else. That would honor them the very
best.