soft edges
monday, april 15, 2002
it's true. i'm turning into a softie. the same way that i spend the brunt of the year swimming around in anxiety attacks and nightmares and inumerable split seconds away from mauling people or myself, i enter a time of such hope and fuzzy feelings and well will to all the world.
i'm still trying to explore and map my biochemistry and the closed off areas in my brain; a strange memory-mining expedition on any given day. but not today.
it's not a manic state of euphoria, mind you--it's just this place about two notches below a sugar high, and three below mania. suddenly i find everything beautiful and interesting and i greet strangers with a smile and rescue bugs and make a point out of putting "dancing queen" on a mix-cd just so i can break out dancing whenever it comes on.
"it's spring," said someone. yes, it is. it's spring. it's the sun. the sun heats my brain up just enough to get the seratonin working in a different way. it's not that mysterious. i could draw you a chart, a map, a "why" but i won't. suffice to say, it's spring.
my weekend was very nice. spent friday with angela. we watched thirteen ghosts. eh. well. at least it had great set design?
and i suffered through a "hands mushing up my insides" attack -- i was foolish enough to try yet another kind of iron supplement. this particular kind came directly from my therapist -- she'd used about half herself and thought i might be able to stand it, but no. it's hard being a hardcore anemic when your body can't handle iron supplements. i'll just stick to spinach. heh.
saturday i spent a lot of time on the phone with my mom and dad back home. they're both getting very excited that i'm returning to sweden in about a month. it's very, very nice and comforting to feel missed. :)
speaking of missed, i ended up spending something like 5 hours messaging with jessica. it was very entertaining and strange at the same time. with almost two years of radio silence, i think that's to be expected. (wave)
and last night gene called me for some sort of marathon phone call. i was just about to e-mail him a "where the hell are you!!" e-mail, so the timing was.. good, one might say.
hmm. i think.. i can sum it up like this: not feeling like mud + connecting with friends and family = happy groggy jennie. so. without further typing ..
cin cin. must watch the series finale (! boo!) of once and again. abc bastards. �� 7:12 p.m.
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