untilted
thursday, october 25, 2001
first: to those i owe mail as of the past 3-4 weeks.. eep. i'm sorry. i just can't seem to slap myself into e-mode. i'm not ignoring you on purpose, and i'm glad to hear from you, i really am. i'm just slow right now. heh. lame, yeah?
good thing: i got my paycheck early. yey! let me say that again-- yey!!
bad thing: my school tells me they need almost $600 in tuition fees. my bank claims i owe them $37. said bank claims my account was closed due to inactivity and so they are charging me a fee for that. i say the bank is full of shit. i was there less than a month ago. they warned me my account was -about- to be closed, but as long as i deposited money, i'd be fine. i deposited $11. they cashed my check and said: 'have a good day!' and i left.
not a word about said fee. at all. none. and i was there long enough and asked plenty of questions on what the 'account almost closed' meant, what consequences i'd have and how to fix it. i was told it was fixed by the time i left almost an hour later. and now this. feh!
so i left, check still in hand. found a clean smelling checks-2-cash place that didn't give me the creeps the way all other check-cashing places usually do. it had a very polite young attendant and lots of shiny office equiptment, so i felt less like i was potentially getting involved with the mafia. they charged me $5, got lots of my finger prints and asked me how tall i am, but i got my money. heh. so ner.
hmm, what else happened the past few days.. oh. i saw my therapist. she thinks i may have Seasonal Affective Disorder. i've actually suspected that the past few years, since i first heard about it (it's more commonly heard of back home, in sweden). so, i'm researching that a bit.
it's weird to see that my cyclic experiences suddenly are registered somewhere as parts of an actual pattern, an actual disorder. i already knew my depressions usually start around mid september and last till mid-spring, april'ish, because that's been the pattern every year since my mid-teens, and every year it has gotten stronger to a point where i dread and expect it.
symptoms:
Sleep Problems - oversleeping but not refreshed, cannot get out of bed, needing a nap in the afternoon (uh, yeah!)
Overeating - carbohydrate craving leading to overweight (uh, i guess?)
Depression - despair, misery, guilt, anxiety, normal tasks become frustratingly difficult, hopelessness (yeah..)
Family problems - avoiding company, irritability, loss of libido, loss of feeling (mm-hmm.)
Lethargy - too tired to cope, everything an effort (i get there around december)
Physical Symptoms - often joint pain or stomach problems, lowered resistance to infection (yes! all of those, and those are my main health problems)
obviously, i'm continuing to read more in-depth. shrug. it's the first thing i've come across that seem to chart me and my cycles the most, and include symptoms that i have in connection to that. heh.
anyway. just checking in. i have no school tomorrow. i'm pleased. my boss is also out of town, so i don't even have to come into work. hee. i think i see a trip to barnes and noble to plow through magazines and books in my very near future. hee.
it has been a good week, though. money-stress aside (but what stress it is: it's making my stomach butterfly filled and my attempts at going to sleep fairly fruitless for hours) i've been surrounded by sociable people that i like, and gene called with some bad news that may be leading to somewhat good news, if that makes any sense.
and one day someone said i was cute (indirectly). my immediate response was to mutter 'snerk!' and scoot away, fast as i could, on my chair to the other side of the room to seek refuge at a friends' work station. i fear if i'd stayed i might have followed through on my initial knee-jerk reaction, which would have been to punch him (in some bizarre act of self-defense, you understand), which is always my internal knee-jerk reaction to horrible blush inducing compliments from people i like. it's the little things that do it, though. hee.
scatter-brain. i am. i know. i'm sorry; nothing is happening, all i have to share are these day to day snap shots. i hope all is well. one day i'll even sort through my e-mail inbox currently holding 331 mails of varying nature. cin cin. �� 9:36 p.m.
