glue stuck to my shoe
saturday, october 20, 2001
i really am incredibly lazy. i didn't leave my room until 6 p.m. tonight. i spent the entire day sleeping, watching crap television (that tv-movie about the pedophile teacher lady, leteurneu something, yuck), dancing around to said television (mtv live from a-z stuff) and eating sunflower seeds and raisins. i think i may be turning into a bird. a really, really big bird. heh. or maybe i just need to get out of my room more on weekends.
(hey, jeremy, i can't get to your tomes website to read your bjork review! boo!)
my head is sprawling. uh, i mean, my thoughts are. which makes typing onto a screen nearly impossible. they're not very interesting thoughts at all, you see -- just "oh, i should go read that website, it's been a while" followed by "hey, i should download carly simon's james bond song, it's so cool" to "maybe i should eat something that isn't bird seeds and raisins today?" .. just directions, suggestions, almosts. nothing fun and readable. you see.
i'm having an in-between day today. i never know what to make of my mood on these days. see, my mood is either "i feel fine" or "i thought i was fine but really, i suck and i wouldn't mind at all if a truck ran me over".. and the in-between days.
it's where i feel fine, but don't trust it because i may just be telling myself i feel fine. if i think i feel fine, then i'll jinx myself and suddenly my brain will drop on the floor and i don't want to move. because i know how often i'll have these days where i start to think "hey, i was just imagening it all, it was all just me being melodramatic!" only to be thwapped real hard within the next few days.
or not. and that's why it's an inbetween day. because tomorrow could be fine (too) and monday and tuesday, and i'll see my therapist wednesday and say "hey, you know, it's gone, sorry, i'm wasting your time, well, bye!" and then thursday is fine and then wham, friday there's the fog again.
oh, i'll stop typing crap now. sorry, no grand and entertaining thesis to finish this entry off. my brain is too sprawly tonight. be well. cin cin. �� 8:17 p.m.
