opposable thumbs
sunday, april 22, 2001
i'm supposed to be reviewing ani difranco's latest double cd for my college newspaper. it's incredibly intimidating. i fear i won't have anything to say, i've never done a review of anything beyond the 'sucks/rocks' variety and ani is special to me. it would be difficult to find i did not like it. you know?
i've pushed off the moment of actually having to sit down and listen to the cds so long that now i fear i'm open for questions on how i can be fair to something i've only listened to once or twice. it's a gentler album sound-wise than i'm used to, but it feels harder because of it, her soft voice so cutting just because of that preciseness, instruments strum around this voice and words. er, well, that is, the two first songs are. i'm curious where the rest will go. heh.
i don't like to be responsible for an opinion, to be held accountable.
elsewhere i'm having an odd experience with a girl i know briefly online - she's very sweet but seems extremely insecure: she e-mailed thrice to get me into a chatroom, i got there but she wasn't there and i couldn't stay long so i e-mailed saying sorry and for her to feel free to just e-mail me or something if she had something in particular she wanted to talk about (it seemed like it) and today i log into three (3!) e-mails apologising for not being in the chatroom.
i'm glad there's this enthusiasm to speak to me, but it makes me uncomfortable to have such a small thing be made into a big deal - i barely know the person, i like talking to her but please: it's just a bit of online chatter. missing out on 20 minutes of chatting hardly requires 3 apologetic e-mails.
or maybe it's just me, heh. i don't like to be pursued. when people insist they "have to talk to me" about something and i barely know them, i feel uncomfortable (i actually typoed that as 'cuntomfable' - heh!) and all "back off lady!!"'ish.
it's so stupid, really, because i like it when people take the time, want the time -- my time -- and it's flattering somehow that it seems important to talk to me but i only feel guilty, guilty, hounded, expected to perform, to feel more, have more to say, it's not so hard but in this case i am puzzled and stand cold with arched eyebrows as the e-mails trickle in with 'don't forget to tell me when you are next online!' again and again, and i would understand it if we clicked and talked plenty but it's only been 3-4 vague talks, nothing warranting this spark, this wave of knocking on my door.
i'm confused. i have issues.
oh well. back to ani's.. issues. :)
