By: Jennica Williams
DISCLAIMER: I am not using Star Trek for profit. Paramount owns the characters, the ships, the uniforms, the biogel packs, even Neelix's food, I'm just here playing around with the ideas running through my head. No copyright infringement is intended.
Part One: The Promise
Part Two: Her Pain, His Fury
Part Three: The Warrior
Part Four: Voyager's End??
Part Five: The Death of Katreska
Part Six: The Return of Kathryn Janeway
Part Seven: An Element of Truth
The hot wind stung Captain Janeway's face, but remembering the words of Harry Kim, she didn't turn back.
"The nebula is affecting the computer, captain." He'd said. "Sensors are off-line and the holodecks' safeties seem to be fluctuating."
Her eyes had widened in horror. Chakotay was in there! He'd left the bridge only twenty minutes ago after commenting about a new holoprogram of B'Elanna's he was going to try.
Now, standing in the program with a bat'telh in hand, Janeway wondered where Chakotay could be. She lifted a hand to shade her eyes from the hot sun. The planet B'Elanna had chosen was certainly not a comfortable one.
Janeway continued her trek through the thick woods and underbrush. She was tempted to turn the program off, but what if Chakotay was in one of the excellent climbing trees or in the process of fighting a beast? He could be hurt more from the unexpected discontinuation of the program.
A movement. There! Janeway's peripheral vision caught sight of something off to her left and low to the ground.
"Chakotay?" she turned.
The traikan beast lunged at her. Janeway's bat'telh was instantly in action to protect herself, but due to the unstable footing she'd had when turning, she was unable to do much. Taking a stumbling step backwards, Janeway felt a searing pain shoot up her leg as she fell to the ground.
The beast paused when it heard a sound crashing through the trees, then it lunged.
Chakotay's bat'telh caught the beast by the throat as it charged at his Kathryn. It landed some meters away, unmoving. Then, it blinked out of existence.
Chakotay drew a ragged breath. The first one he'd killed that morning had fought for a good ten minutes. But that time, Kathryn had not bee at stake. He looked down at her. She was visibly shaken.
"Captain?" Chakotay knelt down beside her. "Why are you here? I thought you were on bridge duty."
She took in a shaky breath. "I came to warn you that the safeties are malfunctioning." She answered.
Horror dawned on his face when he realized she'd almost been killed while trying to save him. Without asking for permission, he gathered her into his arms and held her tightly. "Thank you for coming to tell me." He whispered against her hair.
She winced.
"I'm sorry, Captain." Chakotay opened his arms to release her.
"No...it's not that." She didn't move away. "I think I broke my ankle."
Concern leapt to Chakotay's eyes. It was he who moved away to inspect her foot. Gently, he unlaced the boot and freed her foot before running his fingers tenderly over the swollen ankle. "It's broken." He agreed. "We need to get you to sick bay. Computer, end program."
Nothing happened.
"End program." He said again.
"I'll bet it's that nebula." Janeway muttered. "That's what was causing the safeties to malfunction."
Chakotay tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to sickbay."
There was no answer, only static.
"Computer, display door." Nothing happened.
"Great." Chakotay sat down beside his captain. "We're stuck in a holodeck, your ankle is broken, the safeties are off, and I'm sure there are other traikans who want us for dinner."
"Could be worse." Janeway's eyes twinkled. "I could have sent Tom."
Chakotay glared at her through a smile as he slid an arm around her shoulders. "Ok, so it's not that bad." He relented.
The scorching wind blew Janeway's short hair about her face. Chakotay caught the end of a lock and held it in his fingers as Janeway leaned back against him.
"Thank you Chakotay." She finally said.
"Hmm?" he looked down at the woman comfortable in her best friend's arms.
"The beast. It would have..." her voice faltered. "...Killed me, if you hadn't stopped it."
Chakotay closed his eyes tightly as he wrapped his arms protectively around her. "As long as I'm here, Kathryn, I won't let anything hurt you." He promised.
"You really feel that way, don't you?"
He looked down at her in surprise. "Yes." He answered fiercely. "I will protect you no matter the risk. You are more than just a captain, you're my best friend."
A smile spread across her features. "I pity the person who tries to harm me then."
Chakotay chuckled low in his throat. "So do I."
Kathryn was silent for a few minutes. "You know, I'd do the same for any crew member, but for you, it'd be different." She paused. "You are my best friend too, Chakotay. I promise you, if giving my life meant you could live, I'd do it in a heart beat."
They sat like that for a while. Each involved in their own thoughts.
Chakotay pondered her vows. She would protect him because he was her best friend, he knew, but would there ever be a time that she would protect him because she loved him? His arms tightened involuntarily around her. He loved her so much, when he'd seen the traikan beast lunging at her, all humane thoughts had flown from his mind. The beast was going to hurt his Kathryn, and he would stop anything that tried to do that. Even if it meant killing, nothing would harm Kathryn if he had the power to stop it.
Kathryn felt his arms tighten around her. He made her feel safe. She liked that feeling, but sometimes it unnerved her, like when they were on the bridge and she could feel him hovering over her shoulder ready to jump in front of her at the first sign of trouble. She had to appear strong for the crew and against aliens, but it was hard to do that with her protector glaring unmercifully at anyone who may dare to harm her.
Finally, Chakotay pulled back a little.
"We need to get your ankle to sick bay."
"Should we take the rest of me too?" she asked teasingly.
"If you insist." He pulled her to a standing position and then folded her into an embrace. Both were content to remain in their best friend's hug, but Kathryn needed to get her ankle fixed and the bridge crew was probably wondering what had happened.
Suddenly, the ship rocked beneath their feet. They leapt apart, but Chakotay kept his arm around her so she wouldn't stand on the injured ankle.
"Careful, Kathryn." He said. "Don't hurt it anymore."
"If we could just get to a door..." she muttered. Then, without warning, a pink transporter beam engulfed her. She cried out in shock. Chakotay watched helplessly as she disappeared.
Anger filled his whole being. Who had just kidnapped her?? He had to find a way out. Tapping his comm badge, he was greeted with static again. There had to be a way out of the holodeck!
Chakotay gazed up at the tall trees that surrounded him. He vaguely remembered hearing from an older member of the Maquis how Captain Kirk had escaped a Vulcan holodeck. True, holodecks had been improved quite a bit over the years, but the idea was basically still the same. While a person was standing on the floor, a projection was around them.
Taking off his boot, he threw it as hard as he could and listened. According to his eyes, it sailed through the air and landed fifteen meters away in the underbrush, but according to his ears, it seemed to hit something about six meters in front of him. Stepping over to a tree, he threw the other boot. Same thing.
Chakotay quickly scaled the tree, and then jumped. He seemed to be flying through the air toward empty space, but suddenly hit something and came crashing to the ground. A wall! His boots were no where in sight, but hands on the walls, he was able to find the exit and forced the doors open.
Stepping out of the turbolift, Chakotay ran onto the bridge. "What happened?" he demanded.
"It appears that a Hirogen vessel was distorting our systems." Harry answered. "They managed to scramble some of our sensors so we couldn't detect them. They left with the captain right after an unauthorized transport."
"Commander?"
Chakotay turned and saw Tom eyeing his stocking feet curiously. "An old method of escaping from a holodeck. Now, where did that Hirogen ship go? Plot a course and follow at the fastest speed possible."
"Already following, sir." Tuvok answered.
Chakotay moved to her ready room. He would find her no matter the cost.
Janeway awoke some time later. She was face down on some sort of bed or cot made of metal with her arms bound behind her back. Her ankle throbbed in pain. Turing her head, she could see massive steel weapons. Heavy footsteps were coming down the hall...
The Hirogens that entered her cell looked different from any others Janeway had seen before, but that didn't make a difference in her mind. They were still her captors. The first looked at her in distaste as he roughly pushed the second forward spitting out a command in a language the universal translator wouldn't translate.
Janeway did her best not to flinch as she was pulled off the cot by her arms and forced to march limping down a corridor that reminded her of the inside of a Borg ship. The floor they walked on was nothing more than a metal grate, allowing the lower levels to be seen and the upper level through the 'ceiling'. Walls appeared to be made of a thick metal. Observing every detail, she knew a layout of the ship must be memorized if she was to have any hopes of escaping, but before she had a chance to see much, the duo pushed her inside another cell, this one contained a chair with wires protruding from it. She closed her eyes in dread at what fate must await her.
"Sit."
She jumped at the English command. It had come from a third Hirogen in the room, one she hadn't noticed before.
"I will not." She opposed wondering why they would bother with a questioning instead of claiming her body as relics.
"You will do as you are told." He pushed her back into the chair with her hands still bound behind her.
Janeway tried to fight, but she was quickly pushed back.
"You will answer my questions." The one said. "I want to know everything about your vessel. What is its weapon capability?"
Captain Janeway looked directly into the Hirogen's eyes. Steel blue met inky black as she answered, "You won't gain any information from me."
"I ask you again, what is your vessel's weapon capability?"
She raised her chin slightly, still refusing to answer.
"Intec." The Hirogen jerked his head toward Kathryn.
One of the guards who had taken her from the first cell came forward to inject something into her neck. She twisted and pulled away, but it was futile. Almost instantly she was in pain. It felt as though someone had grabbed the muscles in her body and was squeezing them as hard as they could. Biting her lip, Janeway refused to cry out. She would endure the pain, whatever they gave her she would endure if it meant her ship would go free.
"Not enough?" He jerked his head at her again. And once again, the fluid flowed into her neck. This time, she was prepared for the tightening of her muscles. It was worse because there was still the residue from the first, but she was battling it.
Anger formed in her interrogator that this feeble woman could withstand the pain that had made many of his own warriors cry out. Her eyes watched as he stood up and came in front of her. A strangled cry escaped her throat as his hand connected with the side of her cheek.
"Answer me!" he shouted. Then he hit her again this time cutting her cheek. When she refused, he slapped her yet again hard enough to cause serious bruises on the side of her face. As the brutal beating began, she welcomed the darkness enveloping her.
Chakotay sat at her desk in the ready room with his head in his hands. He should have done something when he saw the transporter beam! Guilt was his most prevalent feeling right now. His head knew that nothing he would have done could prevent a transport, but his heart cried out that he should have tried something. Anything! If he had, his precious Kathryn may not be trapped on a Hirogen vessel right now.
Standing, Chakotay began pacing the small room again. During his shift he alternated between pacing the ready room and pacing the bridge. Off duty was spent alone. The frustration of not being able to physically do anything for her was beginning to wear away on his nerves.
Glancing at the chronometer on the wall, the temporary captain saw he had gone off duty five minutes ago. Chakotay left the ready room and strode stiffly off the bridge and to the turbolift. The past few days had caused him to bottle up too many emotions, he had to get them out somehow. A hard game of hoverball would do it, but he didn't want to ask anyone to join him knowing his friends would pry thinking they could help. Instead, Chakotay settled for moving to his quarters with a glare on his face. The door closed swiftly behind him as he stood in the middle of the room debating what to do.
Taking the medicine bundle from its drawer, Chakotay began to spread them on the floor as he usually did. He hadn't taken the second stone from the bag before his feelings took hold of him. He slammed his eyes shut against the tears that were forming. How could Kathryn be standing beside him one minute, and then gone the next?? The crew was beginning to doubt if they'd ever see her again. Oh, they would never mention it, but he could see it in their eyes. He could even see it in Tuvok's eyes, non-emotional, but disapproving every time Chakotay issued an order to continue scans for the Hirogen vessel. He was beginning to feel like he'd been drug through Hades and then back again, his emotions were so intense.
Looking down at the stone clutched in his grasp, Chakotay could see the tiny scratches on it- K.J. & C. It had come from New Earth, the last item he'd picked up before transporting back aboard Voyager. Kathryn didn't even know he'd seized it just before they had left.
Now, he stood clutching the pebble. Without thinking, he hurled it across the room. It sailed through the open door into his bedroom and hit his mirror causing it to shatter. It only reminded Chakotay of how something that seems so strong, could break and be destroyed. Like his Kathryn. She was so strong, but when faced with the trakian beast and possible death, she had broken down before his eyes.
Anger was building. The Hirogen would pay for whatever they put her through. He knew Kathryn would do her best to keep them from guessing any of the turmoil they may be causing her, but eventually, if they put her through enough, she would crack and her raw emotions would be revealed. He hated anyone who would do that to her! They would pay, he would see to it that justice was served with his own bare hands!
Before he could stop himself, the usually calm Chakotay put his fist through the wall separating his quarters from Kathryn's.
The rage was instantly gone as he gaped in horror at what his emotions had caused him to do. Taking a step back, he heard glass crunching under his boot, in the middle of the shards laid the stone. With a shaking hand, he picked the stone up and placed it on his dresser.
Pulling a small painting of his animal guide off another wall, Chakotay mounted it over the hole hoping that it would cover it so he wouldn't be forced to explain why a crew was needed to patch up his room. It fit perfectly.
Kneeling, the shaking, temporary captain began lifting pieces of glass and collecting them in a hand to dispose of.
*Beep*
Chakotay jumped causing one of the slivers to cut into the palm of his hand. "Come." He answered.
"Chakotay?" B'Elanna stepped hesitantly into his sitting room. He was nowhere in sight. Taking a sweeping gaze of his quarters, she noticed his bedroom door open. "Chakotay!" she gasped when her eyes fell on him kneeling surrounded by glass with blood dripping from his hands.
"I'm fine, B'Elanna." He said tightly. "How can I help you?"
She stared at him speechless for a moment. "I came to see how you are doing. But I think I have my answer. Come on, I'm taking you to sick bay."
He stiffened at her touch. "Go away, Lieutenant. This doesn't concern you."
She snorted and rolled her eyes at his statement. "I will not go away. You're tormenting yourself about the captain, you need a friend to listen to you."
When he didn't say anything, she knelt down beside him and gathered the remaining shards of glass and disposed of them.
"How did this happen?" she asked softly. He didn't answer her vocally, but instead looked over at his dresser. Her eyes followed and rested on a small pebble. "You threw the rock??" she asked half in disbelief. Chakotay was not one for physical violence, in fact, she had known him to avoid fights rather than become involved in them. Trying to imagine her commanding officer and friend roaring through his quarters and throwing objects was impossible for Torres. But there was the rock, and here was the glass. Somehow, the mirror had broken, and Chakotay was not one to lie.
"If they hurt her..." He trailed off in a low voice.
"The captain is strong, Chakotay. And the crew is working 'round the clock to find a way to track her." Torres was standing and pulling Chakotay with her. She led him over to the sink and began to wash his hands for him. The cuts were deep, he needed to go to sick bay. When she mentioned this to him again, he only glared at her.
"They'll be fine." He pulled his hands out of her grasp and walked over to his window.
B'Elanna knew better than to pursue the argument, especially when she saw a lone tear slide down his cheek.
"Chakotay...." she walked over to join him.
"Why did they have to take her?" He turned to her, tears in his eyes as he drew in a ragged breath. "Why Kathryn??"
She saw more than just the close friendship the two commanding officers had shared in his eyes. Most of the crew had been speculating about when it would happen, but it was plainly aware to B'Elanna in that moment that, to Chakotay, the captain meant more than a best friend. The love he felt for Kathryn was written all over his face. The love and the worry together.
"I don't know." She answered trying to imagine how she would be feeling if she had just lost Tom to the Hirogen. Torment was the only word that would come to her mind.
Chakotay closed his eyes. "B'Elanna, please,...I need to be alone." He whispered.
She nodded respecting his wishes.
The Hirogen warrior's footsteps echoed as he made his way to the prisoner's cell. Salif looked at the woman who lay unconscience on the floor. He knew what he had to do, but he had a feeling of dread about what would happen...
Salif continued to gaze down at the unconscience prisoner. Rirshawkt had beaten her pretty bad this time. Her reddish brown hair partially covered her face, but not even the tresses could hide the gash on her forehead and another down the side of her cheek. Purple-black bruises had already formed on her hands and face.
Glancing cautiously over his shoulder, Salif checked to make sure he wasn't being watched. If Virprid or Rirshawkt ever heard of what he was about to do, they would make sure he was beaten to death- probably by their own hands.
Even with the threat of death over his head, Salif couldn't turn away. Something about this alien woman evoked feelings he'd never felt before. She had been proud when first beamed aboard. She'd carried herself not as a prisoner, but as someone who would not back down. Even under the first torture, she did not break. She was, in some ways, stronger than the warriors on the ship. Salif admired that.
Pulling out a piece of cloth hidden under the armor on his arm, Salif kneeled down beside her. He brushed her hair out of her face so he could inspect the wounds more closely. The salve on the cloth would help them heal faster, but he could do nothing for the bruises. Gently, he began to apply the balm to her forehead.
Faintly, she let out a slight moan. Salif pulled back a little, unsure of how she would react to anyone from his ship trying to help her. She let out a deep breath and resumed her slumber.
She could sense that someone was above her. She knew she should wake up and confront them, but the pain was so strong. Sleep dulled it. She didn't want to face it again. But she must. Why? What reason was there to live in such pain? She pushed the pain farther back in her mind, trying to regain consciences. Climbing upward, through the darkness. A moan escaped her lips. She thought it was her voice at least, couldn't be sure. She tried to climb farther, but failed, slipping back into her slumber. No! She had to wake up! She was stronger than this, she had cheated death before. A vision of an icy barren planet with a small ship torn in peices floated into her mind. What was that there for? She pushed it back and tried to lift herself out of the darkness. Her eyes screamed in pain as she forced them open.
A warrior, the one who had been guarding her cell, was bent over her. Instantly she tried to sit up and pull away from him. He only pushed her back down and uttered some words in a foreign language. She was close to panicking. What did he want with her?? Was he here to take her to another torture session? His hand was coming at her temple now, she braced for the impact that never came. Instead, the alien before her wiped something over her wound. Her eyes flew to his. He didn't meet her gaze, instead concentrating on her deep cut, but he did say some soft words to her. Words she couldn't understand, but that were obviously meant to convey good instead of bad intentions.
Salif stood to move back from her, and instantly she backed away and into a corner of her small cell, terrified. Her bright blue eyes, he'd never seen that color of eyes before, held a panicked look, much of an animal who knew it was trapped, but would still fight off any predators. He couldn't help but admire her will and determination.
"I am Salif." He said moving forward cautiously. "Salif." He thumped a hand on his armored chest.
She looked as though she was understanding, but then confusion passed in front of her face. She pointed at herself, but drew a blank as to who she was.
Salif's eyes widened in amazement. The torture device that Rirshawkt had invented seemed to have worked. Her memory was erased. At least part of it was. He patted her shoulder gently. "I will help you." he told her before leaving her confused.
Salif quickly reported to Virprid, the second in command of the vessel, about the state of the prisoner.
Virprid was clearly pleased that she had forgotten everything.
"We shall take her as our own. Perhaps, in time, we can learn more about these humans and their ways. Then, they will be a most satisfying opponent."
"But how will she live on here? As a prisoner? I doubt she will cooperate with us if treated as a prisoner."
Virprid glared unmercifully at the younger warrior. "She will be called Katreska. Tell her that her bruises are from when she was held by a species called the Federation. We will make her hate her own people, all the more reason for her to give us information."
She sat in the corner, knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped protectively around herself. Her hair was a tangled mess, but covered her bruised cheeks if she let her head fall forward just enough.
Footsteps on the metal floor alerted her that someone was approaching. She pulled herself into a tighter ball as Salif entered. She stared at him for a moment, eyes challenging him to do anything to harm her. He came and knelt down in front of her taking her hand gently. He said a few words softly to make her feel more at ease. She was beginning to detect that this man had no ill intentions toward her.
"Salif." he said pointing at himself. Then he pointed at her. "Katreska."
She looked at him, understanding began to dawn on her face. "Katreska." She said pointing at herself. She had a name! He had told her her name!
He smiled recognizing that she understood. Motioning for her to stand, he pulled on her hand to lead her out of the cell.
Katreska let out a strangled cry and fought to remain in the cell. Last time she had been pulled outside, awful things had happened to her. Her memory wouldn't allow her to remember exactly what had occurred, but she knew that she didn't want a repeat performance.
Salif watched the woman struggle frantically to not be taken out. She was shaking and almost near tears- the sight caused compassion for her to well up in his soul. Suddenly, the door to the cell flew open and Virprid burst in.
Katreska cried out and jumped behind Salif. He stood his ground in front of her, determined to protect her, even if it meant losing his life.
"You're frightening her." He told his superior officer.
"And you comfort her??" Virprid asked. "That is not customary treatment of prisoners."
"I was told that she was not a prisoner anymore. She was to be a member of the crew who would help us gain information about the Federation."
Virprid recognized that he was in the wrong, but he would not back down. "Get her to her new quarters." he growled storming out of the cell.
Salif let out a sigh of relief, then turned back to Katreska. "It'll be ok." he said softly to her. She was still shaking violently. Not understanding why he did it, Salif gathered Katreska into his arms. She clung to him as though he was the last thing left in the universe.
Katreska moved silently behind Virprid in the main control room. She had long since learned to be quiet whenever she was assigned to clean the weapons in there. Clean. She was sure she had had more of a job than that before her memory had been lost, but thanks to those Federations, she couldn't remember much of anything. Every task she had performed since the kidnapping had to be retaught to her. Although she learned very quickly, it was annoying to have to relearn them.
At the moment, she was polishing the blades used to collect relics. Virprid was stalking another ship, and having no luck with this hunt. Katreska came over to stand on the edge of them and watch the hunt follow through.
"I can not get close enough for transport!" Rwoal shouted. "They are not fighting to kill, but they won't let us get any closer either."
"That is not acceptable!" Virprid shouted back. "I want them for relics. I'll have them for relics. And if you stand in the way, I'll have you for a relic too."
Katreska watched from the edge. A plan was forming in her mind. But, if she voiced it, would she lose her life? Better lose one's life than to continue on as a slave, she decided taking a chance. "Go under them." she said stepping out of the shadows.
Virprid turned to glare at her. "What will that solve, woman?" he demanded.
"If you go under them, they won't be able to fire on us. You'll be able to transport safely." She replied lifting her chin slightly.
Virprid didn't even think about it for a moment. "Do it." He snapped.
The battle was quickly won. Virprid had hoped to keep it quiet as to who had given them the idea, but Rwoal spread the news. Rirshawkt was just as quick to give this woman a place on the crew of warriors.
"The next kill, my daughter," he laid a hand on Katreska's heavy armored shoulder "will be yours."
"Katreska!" Salif called softly, but urgently.
"What is it?" she slipped over to where he was hiding in the shadows behind a vat of relics soaking in chemicals.
"I've made you something for your first kill." He proudly displayed a small silver dagger.
Katreska's hands claimed it eagerly. Fingers ran excitedly over the smooth as glass surface and over the intricate moldings on the handle. "Thank you." She stepped closer to him. In the past few weeks, Salif had become more than a fellow warrior. He was her protector. Her friend. More than her friend. "I will be honored to kill my first with it." she said pulling at his mask.
Salif's heart pounded. Had she been able to read his feelings for her in his eyes? He had worked so hard to keep them from her. Surely she wouldn't be interested in him, not with a warrior like Virprid around. Virprid had so many more relics to offer a woman than he did. But she was tugging insistently at the metal over his mouth. He felt it fall away as she stepped even closer and brushed her lips against his. He pulled her into a crushing embrace. She could feel his heart pounding even through their metal shields.
When they finally pulled back a minute later, neither could say anything. They just stared at one another, bright blue eyes meeting loving ebony ones, before replacing their masks. No time was left for words, nor were words needed, but at that moment, the klaxons went off alerting them to the approach of another vessel.
"This will be your kill, Katreska." Rirshawkt told her as she and Salif bounded down the metal grates to the main controls.
She strode nonchalantly over to the viewer and placed her eyes against it. A smooth, white, streamlined ship could be seen in the distance.
"What species is this?" She inquired.
"Does it matter?" Virprid growled.
"I would like to know who I am about to kill." Katreska answered coldly glaring at him with icy blue eyes. He instantly backed away.
"It is a vessel called Voyager. These are the ones who kidnapped you from us. The ones who caused you to lose your memory." Rirshawkt answered.
Katreska felt her blood begin to boil. In a low voice, she gave a command "Go to stalking mode."
Chakotay stood in the window of her ready room. His ready room. Today was the one month anniversary since Kathryn had been kidnapped. How he had survived with out her for so long was beyond his comprehension. It seemed as though the past month had passed in a daze though. He had given orders to follow the Hirogen vessle and they were carried out. In truth, he still hadn't give up hope of finding and rescueing her. He wouldn't give up hope until he was sure she was no longer alive.
*Beep*
"Come in." Chakotay answered dully. No one entered.
*Beep*
"What??" Chakotay turned and realized it wasn't the door beeping, it was his comm badge.
"Umm, there is a vessle approaching on long range sensors, sir." Harry's voice came hesitantly over the comm system.
"Sorry ensign." Chakotay apoligized. "What kind of ship?"
"Unable to identify at present time...wait.......sir, it's a Hirogen ship."
Chakotay's face turned involuntarily to the window even though he knew the ship was still to far away. "On my way." He nearly flew out of the doors.
"Ship is in visual range."
"On screen."
The screen let out a soft blip as a Hirogen vessle appeared in front.
"Hail them."
"They are answering."
"On screen." No one on the bridge missed the hardness added to their temporary captian's voice.
"You will be taken."
Chakotay's face drained of blood as the Hirogen filled the screen. He hadn't given up hope of seeing that face again,but he certainly didn't expect to see it decked out in silver armor!
Katreska stared at the man on her view screen. He looked vaguely familiar to her for some reason. Well, she figured, if these were the people who had kidnapped her, then she may have met him or been tortured by him.
Salif caught her eye. His ebony eyes were smiling at her encouragingly.
"Prepare for the hunt." She finally said.
"Kathryn!" the leader of the Voyager crew cried out in distress.
Rirshawkt had noticed the hesitancy in her voice and turned to lookat her her. He saw the bit of recognition flicker in her azure eyes when the man on the view screen shouted.
"Abort mission." Rirshawkt ordered. "Continue course."
The view screens flicked off as the vessel jumped to speed. Katreska turned angrily on her leader. "Why did you do that?" she demanded. "You have denied me my first kill!"
"Don't challenge me." Rirshawkt growled.
"Why shouldn't I?" she moved toward him menacingly. "You have shown fear....perhaps you're not fit to lead this crew."
Virprid's eyes grew wide. That was a direct challenge to Rirshawkt; a challenge he would never dare to make.
Rirshawkt recognized the challenge and came at Katreska with an open hand.
Thankful for her lack of height, Katreska ducked his swing and answered it with a blow to his knees. He gasped as a sharp pain ran the legnth of his body.
"You will pay." he growled delivering a kick to her legs intending to trip her.
Katreska fell, but rolled quickly to her left and out of his way. Springing back to her feet, she lept on his back and planted her hands over his eyes. Rirshwkt, enraged tha she had witstood him this long, rammned her into a wall of weapons. Some of the heavy metal fell to the floor, but she still clung to him. He tore at her hands and rammed her again.
Katreska fell on her back into the pile of silver weapons. As the beating began, she embraced darkness.
She was floating through darkness, a familiar feeling for some reason. She tried to place the reason, but was having difficulty. Swimming upwards to conscieness she forced her senses to become more alert.
She was lying on a cold, metal floor- the floor of a prison cell, she knew without opening her eyes. A guard's clanking footsteps could be heard on the grate outside the door- probably not Salif. She would be alone now. If he even looked at her with more interest than he gave to the scum off the bottem of his boots, he would be killed.
With a jolt, Katreska realized that this was not her first beating. It had happened before, she was sure of it. But why? An image of Rirshawkt, Virprid, Salif, and herself in a small torture room came to mind. Virprid had injected soemthing into her neck when she refused to tell them something, but what? When she had refused, Rirshawkt had hit her. Weapons! That was it. They had wanted to know about her weapons. Her weapons?? She had only the small dagger Salif had given her. Why would Rirshawkt be interested in a small knnife she hadn't had possession of until after the torture? Unless....no, that was crazy. True, she had noticed the difference in appearance between herself and other warriors, but they had claimed it to be a birth defect. But what if it was more? What if....dare she even think it?....what if she wasn't a Hirogen?
Mulling over the foreign idea in her mind, Katreska realized that it made more sense than anything else. The differences of appearance were one thing, but what about her loss of memory? And this new memory of the torture chamber.
If they had been asking for information about the capibilities of another species' weapons, then perhaps she was a high ranking official in her species. The queen of a colony maybe, or the second in command of a star ship.
With her newfound knowledge, Katreska forced her eyes to open. Bright blue lights overhead gave her an instant headache, or maybe the headache was due to the beating.
Hesitantly she touched her face acessing the damage. A cut stretched from her jaw to her temple and another deeper gash was over her eye. Blood had dried in her hairline, and she could feel the bruises forming on her face and arms.
She should rest while she could, Katreska decided. Another beating was sure to follow. And then another. And another, until she was dead.
The heavy, even clanking of the guard's booted feet on the metal grate lulled her into a fitful sleep.
Katreska awoke with a start. Something was wrong. It took her a minute to realize exactly what- it was silent. The guard's footsteps had stopped. As the door to her cell opened, she braced herself for the worst.
"Get up."
Salif! Her eyes locked with his looking for some hope. He met her gaze with a hard stare.
"This is the end for you." He told her coldly.
Part Five: The Death of Katreska
Salif continued to glare at Katreska when she made no move to stand. "Get up!"
Katreska scrunched herself into an even tighter ball. The end would come, she knew, he would have his way, but how she wished there was some way to avoid the torture that lay ahead. Then his grip landed on her, his hands were hauling her to her feet by the back of her armor. She stumbled and almost fell, but Salif steadied her as he bound her arms behind her.
Katreska winced at the pain, but didn't let it show. Something inside her told her to avoid letting the Hirogens see what pain she was actually in. She would go to her death, not willingly, but not a coward begging for her life to be spared. After all, what kind of life would she have here?
Salif roughly pushed the prisoner toward the door. It felt as though a bolt of lightening had been shot into her ankle as she fell forward. A flash of memory hit just as Salif caught her. A large animal. Her ankle was broken. It had not had tome to properly heal. Her most recent beating had probably re-broken it, or at least sprained it, she decided pulling away from Salif the best she could. Once excited by his touch, she was now distressed by it. She remembered the kiss, the one lonely kiss that they had shared. Her love for Salif was still there and she didn't doubt his love for her was there too, but they could not ever express their love again.
Katreska limped down the corridors as Salif guided her with a firm hand. They rounded a corner and came face to face with Virprid.
"Where are you going?" Virprid demanded of Salif.
"Rirshawkt wants to finish this one off." Salif answered. "He ordered for me to bring her to him." Salif started to edge around Virprid, but was caught as the older Hirogen slammed him back into the wall causing the grip on Katreska to be broken free.
Realizing her position, she turned to run, but was instantly caught by two other warriors.
Virprid tossed an evil grin at her and then turned back to Salif. "I think you were trying to help her escape."
"Do I look that stupid?" Salif asked. "We are near no planets. Where would I take her? I tell you what, if you want to make sure that she's delivered, you take her. I'll finish planning the next hunt, and you can deliver the female prisoner to Rirshawkt. Is that acceptable to you?"
Virprid gaze bored into Salif for a minute, then with a rough shove he straightened him up and pushed Katreska back at him. "I will not lower myself to taking care of female prisoners. You finish the delivery and then dispose of the body."
Virprid then turned his eyes on her. Katreska felt her blood run cold in her veins.
"Pity you have to die." He whispered running a finger down the side of her face. "You would have made a fine addition to my harem.
She whipped her head around and clamped her teeth down on his finger, hard.
"Ow!" he jumped back and took in her satisfied look. With a fierce frown, his hand slapped her soundly on the side of her face. "Get her out of here."
Salif half-dragged her down the hall as she limped after him as fast as she could. "Do you have any respect?" he demanded glaring back at her.
She didn't say anything. What was there to say? They would be rid of her within twenty minutes, but at least Virprid would be forced to remember her for a few more days thanks to his finger.
Salif stopped in front of a door she had yet to explore. Glancing over both shoulders, he keyed in the command for it to open and then pulled her in the darkness with him. She started to cry out, but his arms were around her and his hand over her mouth.
"Shhh, Katre." he whispered frantically using his other hand to unbind her wrists.
Her heart jumped when she realized her hands were free. She stood there for a minute rubbing her wrists as Salif moved back from her. She could hear him making his way to something, but, not knowing where she was, she didn't know what he was doing.
"Salif?" she called softly. "What's going on?"
A light suddenly went on. Not a bright one, but enough to illuminate the room for Katreska to make out the shape of a large craft in the center. Salif was standing beside what looked like a control panel.
"Get in it." he told her as a door to the craft opened.
She looked at the craft and then at him. "What's going on?" she repeated herself.
"I'm getting you out of here. You don't belong here." he grabbed her hand being careful not to hurt her wrists and pulled her to the craft. "Hurry, we've only got a few seconds before they realize what I've done."
"Sit here." He nearly threw her in a seat after they had clamored aboard. She caught herself from falling as Salif ran his hands over the consoles. The door closed just as a bright light flicked on outside the craft. Salif drew in a breath sharply as he engaged the thrusters. He punched them into full motion before opening the cargo door. The small craft burst through the side of the ship causing a hole that sucked three Hirogens, including Virprid, into the void of space.
Katreska, mouth open in horror, watched Salif pilot the craft away from the large vessel at full speed. Finally finding her voice, she asked, "What are you doing, Salif? Where are we going?"
He was silent for a few more minutes trying to out maneuver the large vessel and it's phaser fire. Finally, when they were far enough away, he turned to her. "Your vessel is near here. I'm taking you home."
"But what about you? You won't be able to return."
He gazed at her for a minute before turning back to the stars. "Katre, the thought of you being dead when I could have done something is too much for me to live with. I love you too much." He turned back as she moved to sit beside him in the front pilot seats. "I won't be able to go back-true, but I'll find something else to do."
She looked out at the stars while mulling over the new turn of events. "Then take me with you."
He looked at her sharply. "Take you with me?"
"Yes. I don't want to go back to a life I don't remember. I want to stay with you."
He shook his head. "No, Katre. You don't belong with me. And your ship needs you. Do you remember anything of your life before the Hirogens kidnapped you?"
She leaned back in her chair, a grim frown settling on her features. "No."
Salif debated with himself whether he should tell her what little he knew. The Hirogens would be angry, but then, they were probably pretty mad about him ripping a hole in the side of their ship and stealing a craft. They lost. "I don't know how much help I can be," he began. "But I do know that the reason they chose to kidnap you as opposed to anyone else is because you are their leader."
Katreska turned to him surprised. "A woman leader??"
"Apparently so." he shrugged. "If we lost Rirshawkt, we could function, but it would be hard for a while. I have no doubt that your crew is the same. And I'm sure you have friends on board who are grieving over losing you."
Chakotay sat in his ready room, well, actually he was lying on the couch gazing at the stars he could barely make out through the window. A stack of data padds sat forgotten on the desk, but a single data padd was in his hand. Another tear slipped down his cheek as he keyed the page down button and continued reading.
After the episode when they had seen Kathryn on the Hirogen vessel and she had given the order to hunt Voyager, Chakotay had set out to read her logs. He was not trained for being a Starfleet captain, but it appeared he was being thrust into that role. After reading about half of her official log entries, he had made a big decision. He was going to read her personal logs. They would provide insight as to how she had felt about certain events (such as her decision to destroy the Caretaker's array and her feelings about a half Maquis crew) and how she had dealt with them; it wouldn't be the impersonal view he was given from the official entries. He would need to know that information if he was to lead this crew successfully. At least, that's what he told himself.
Subconsciously, Chakotay recognized his need to read the logs to know how she had really felt about him. Then he could let her go. But he refused to consciously admit it to himself. So now, after two days of working to figure out her password, he lay crying and reading about her love.
He's my best friend, somehow, I know he wants us to be more than friends. I wish I could let us! But I can't....protocol isn't such a big deal anymore, especially after contact with Starfleet. It looks like we're going to be out here for another 68 years, so why shouldn't we have someone?? ::Sigh:: Because if I lost him, I may not be able to convince myself to go on with life for the crew. Even Mark has someone....why not Chak and me? I love him so much.... ::pause:: End log.
Chakotay felt the tears coming stronger. He turned over and buried his face in his arms as sobs racked his body.
"Kim to Commander Chakotay."
He raised his head with a gasp and forced himself to control his breathing. "Yes Ensign?"
"I've just picked up an unauthorized transport onto Voyager. Two lifesigns."
"On my way. Chakotay out." He pulled himself off the couch and replaced the data padd containing Kathryn's log entry in the desk drawer. No way was he going to leave it lying around for anyone to pick up. Wiping away any remaining tears, he stepped on the bridge.
"Where are they?" he asked quickly. "And how did they get near us without our knowing?"
"I don't know, sir." Kim was pushing buttons frantically. "I think they were too small and going too slow for sensors to detect. Two lifesigns....deck 13.....one Hirogen......and....commander!" Kim's eyes grew wide as he met his commander's stare. "The other one is the captain!"
Katreska moved silently with Salif down the corridor of the brightly lit ship. She clutched a small compression phaser rifle from the craft in her hands. Salif was in front of her, still determined to protect her. Cautiously rounding a corner, they came face to face with a man, phaser drawn.
The stranger was dark and had a marking over his left eye, Katreska recognized him as the one she had spoken to from her vessel. His eyes ran quickly over Salif, and then turned to her.
"Kathryn..." he breathed. Bruises and a long scar covered her face. They had hurt her! They would pay..... He turned his eyes back to Salif. "Move away from her." He said in a low voice.
Salif eyed the drawn phaser and, holding his rifle with one hand, he pulled Katreska against his back to protect her. "Lower your weapon."
"I will not hesitate to use this." Chakotay warned moving it from stun to level 6. "Move away from her, right now."
Salif didn't move, his fingers curled around the rifle trembled, but he would not let this man hurt his Katre. "Do not attempt to stop us. You will regret it if you do."
Katreska watched the stranger's eyes holding Salif's gaze. Without warning, Katreska was blinded by a bright light and tossed against a panel away from Salif. Blinking her eyes rapidly, she realized that the stranger had fired and was now trying to get to her.
"Kathryn!" Chakotay cried moving toward her. What he saw made him stop cold in his tracks.
"Salif...." she whispered cradling his head in her arms. She pried at his mask and managed to pull it off. "Please Salif....don't die on me. You can't die. You just can't. I need you too much." She whispered stroking his forehead.
"Katre..." he gasped.
Both missed the look of shock that passed on Chakotay's face as he realized that Salif had meant no harm to his Kathryn and had actually been protecting her. Quickly, he called for an emergency beam to sickbay.
The three materialized in sickbay, much to the doctor's surprise. He took one look at the group and then lifted the Hirogen onto a biobed and began his scans.
"You must save him." Katreska begged with her thick Hirogen accent. "Please."
The doctor took the time to really look at her for the first time. Although dressed in Hirogen armor, it was still their captain. "Welcome back, captain." He said grimly. "I will do all I can."
Katreska blinked in surprise at being called captain.
"Told you so."
She looked down at the face smiling softly at her from the biobed. Then he arched his back and gasped for breath.
"Doctor!" she shouted.
He shut his tricorder shut sadly. "There is nothing I can do for him. He's too far gone. If I had more time,...." he trailed off.
Katreska felt tears spring to her eyes as she leaned down closer to Salif. "Please Salif....fight it." she begged him.
"I can't Katre...." he whispered holding her eyes, then, reaching for her hand he whispered "Remember that I can't go back....it's better this way..."
She pressed her lips against his one last time.
"I...love.........you......" he whispered softly to her.
"I love you too, Salif." She returned in the English he'd used. As he drew his last breath, Katreska died with him. She stayed there for a minute, leaning over Salif, crying. Then, regaining control, she spoke in a low voice to the one she knew still stood behind her. "This is all your fault." Standing fully and turning she flew at the man who had caused her so much pain.
Chakotay saw her coming and braced himself as she began pounding at his chest with her armored fists. He grabbed her wrists and held her firmly. "Kathryn! Stop it!" he exclaimed. She continued to struggle against him.
She finally broke free and proceeded to pound on him. "You killed him!" She seethed. "You should die for this!"
Chakotay pinned her on sickbay's floor and glared into her eyes. "Kathryn. Stop it."
She froze under his intense gaze, then, remembering where she was, she started to battle against him again. Chakotay saw the doctor coming at them with a hypospray, no doubt a sedative.
"It's ok doc, I've got her." He hauled her up and threw her across his shoulder. The armor bit hard into his neck and she didn't help by kicking her legs about, but he didn't let go. He would have no choice but to take her to the brig. After she had time to calm down, maybe she would think rationally.
A surprised ensign's head shot up as Chakotay entered the room. He deposited Kathryn in the cell and then stepped back as she tried to leap out only hitting the forcefeild already in place. "I want a level four force feild in place at all times." He said in a low voice and then he turned his back on her and left.
Part Six: The Return of Kathryn Janeway
Kathryn awoke the second time in a row to a feeling of dread in her stomach. She was in a cell, she knew that. They had called it what?...oh yes, the brig. A tear escaped from her eye as she remembered the day before. Salif had been shot and then died in her arms. Her heart ached in agony at her loss. She tried to stop weeping, but it was impossible.
He watched silently as sobs racked her body. It hurt Chakotay that he was the cause of her pain, it hurt him deeply. Only a month ago he had promised to protect her, and here, the next time they were together, he had killed the one she loved. "Kathryn...." he called softly to her. She didn't answer, but he saw she was quick to gain control of her emotions and stop the tears. "Kathryn...please..." When she still didn't turn, he lowered the forcefeild and stepped inside. The ensign on duty quickly raised it again.
He walked slowly over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.
She recoiled swiftly at his touch and pulled herself into a ball on the corner of her cot. "What do you want? Haven't you done enough harm?" she asked in a low voice bracing for the beating she was sure to endure for that remark. Sure enough, his hand came at her. She closed her eyes tight against the slap expected on the side of her face, but it never came.
Chakotay's mouth opened in horror as he realized she expected him to hit her. His hand, frozen in mid air, started to come back but at the last minute he changed his mind and proceeded to cup her bruised and battered face gently. "Kathryn, I will never hit you." He whispered fiercely. "Never."
She opened her eyes and stared at him for a moment. "You don't torture your prisoners?" she asked.
His eyes grew wide again. "Torture? Prisoner??" He pulled her, armor and all, to himself. "No Kathryn, we don't torture prisoners, but you're also not my prisoner."
She pulled out of his grasp. It was too alien to allow him to hold her. "I'm not?"
"No." He forced himself to not touch her. She didn't remember anything, that was obvious, his touch would only serve to confuse her. "The only reason I brought you here was because you were attacking me. I had no idea how to calm you. You obviously don't remember me, and therefore don't remember our friendship, I didn't know how to help you short of having the doctor sedate you."
She looked at him for a moment. "Salif told me that the Hirogens erased my memory using some type of drug...I don't remember anything from a life on here. My earliest memory is from a month ago, I woke up in a cell and Salif was there treating my wounds from a first beating."
"You remember the beating?"
She scrunched her forehead up. "Yes, sort of. Just fragments of it. And I only remember fragments of how I broke my ankle. But the first real memory starts with Salif."
Chakotay started at the mention of her ankle. He reached down to touch her left ankle tenderly. Kathryn pulled back surprised at him.
"How did you know which one it was?" she asked.
"I was there when you hurt it." He answered slowly.
"The animal?"
"A trakian beast from the holodeck. You came to warn me that the safeties were off, the beast attacked you, and you fell." He told her.
"How did I survive?" she asked softly.
"I came just in time and killed it." He replied even softer.
She looked at this man in a new light. He quickly stood.
"I'm going to talk to the doctor and see if there's a way to reverse the memory erasing."
"Thank you, Mr. Chakotay." She said softly.
He nodded and then was gone.
Chakotay drew a shaky breath. She was back. He knew that even if they couldn't find a way to retrieve her memory, at least he had his Kathryn back.
Kathryn was sleeping again when Chakotay came back four hours later.
"Wake up, sleepy head." He teased her stepping into the brig.
She blinked several times to clear her vision and then gazed at the commander. "Mr. Chakotay, am I really the leader of this ship?" she blurted out.
He was surprised at her question, but it was a perfectly natural one from someone in her position. "Yes, you're the captain, but whenever a captain is unable to perform, the first officer, in this case me, takes over."
"What if I was able to perform my duties?"
He looked down at her and then took the seat beside her. "In this case, since you have no recollection of your past on Voyager, I will continue to serve as captain until you regain your memory. If we can't get your memories back, then you'll probably be put on as first officer for a while. At least until the security officer is sure you're ready to serve as captain again. But Kathryn, it will probably not come to this. I've spoken to the doctor, he thinks it may be possible to reverse the erasing. Especially since you're already remembering some things."
She looked down at her hands for a minute. Salif was gone. She would be tortured and killed if she returned to the Hirogen. Spending the rest of her life in this brig was no more appealing. She met his eyes. "Do what ever is necessary."
Chakotay raised his eyebrows, an order? An order that sounded like Captain Janeway? She was showing signs of remembering, that was encouraging.
"Come on, Kat. Let's get you to sickbay so the doctor can start reversing the process." He rose, holding her hand to guide her, but she didn't move to stand up.
"Kat...." she whispered, he couldn't even hear her.
Chakotay looked back down at her confused features. "Is everything ok?"
She brought her eyes up to his suddenly. "Yes,....yes....everything is fine."
He escorted her to sickbay with a firm, but gentle hand on her.
She slipped inside and glanced around. It somehow looked different than yesterday. Less menacing, if that was possible. A balding man in a Starfleet uniform with blue shoulders was rushing toward her, hypospray in hand.
"You look much better today, captain." He said cheerfully. "Why don't you come sit on this biobed so I can run some tests."
Kathryn took an involuntary step back, and stepped on Chakotay's foot. He winced, but didn't say a word as he propelled her toward the biobed. They were going to have to do something about all that heavy metal she wore. He had no idea how she could stand upright, the weight of it probably doubled her own.
"Lay down, Kat." He told her. Once again, she reacted to hearing that name. Her eyes flew to meet his, questioning.
The doctor eyed them suspiciously. "Kat, commander?"
"A nickname." He said, eyes still glued to her.
The doctor continued watching them. "Well, see what else you can remember. She seems to have some recollection of it."
"No." Kathryn said. "I don't remember it. But it feels familiar."
"Good. Good." The doctor circled her continuing his scans. "It appears to be a simple beryllium dithiocynate toxin that was injected into her systems and blocked her neural pathways to her hypothalamus. It should be relatively easy to counter act."
'Yeah,' Chakotay thought to himself. 'Sounds real easy to me.' "We'll leave it in your capable hands, doctor." He said out loud.
Kathryn tilted her head to the side for a minute. "B-e. Parenthesis. S-C-N. Parenthesis. 2."
The doctor looked at her closely. "Correct. I believe it's breaking down and your memories are being allowed to return, but the break down appears to be slow in coming. I'll work to create a catalyst." Mumbling over his tricorder readings, the doctor moved back to his labs.
"Why would I know a chemical formula?" Kathryn asked Chakotay.
"You're a scientist." He shrugged with a smile. "You sure know a lot more about it than I do....even with your memory gone!"
She was still sitting on the edge of the biobed pondering why 'Kat' had such an impact on her. "Mr. Chakotay, what is your relationship with me that would allow you to call your superior officer by a shortened form of her first name?"
He drew in a sharp breath and avoided her eyes.
"Well?"
Darn. She was becoming more and more captain-like with that voice! He couldn't help but peer into her eyes to see if she was recalling any memories with that tone. She gave no indication she was. Chakotay let out a nervous breath. "We have more than just a captain/first officer relationship." He answered slowly. "You're my best friend, and.....the last time we were together, you told me I was your best friend."
She watched his eyes avoiding her. "Are we in love?" she asked bluntly.
Chakotay's cheeks turned scarlet, he looked down at the side of the table before forcing his eyes to meet hers. "I do love you, and I believe that you love me too." He answered remembering the data padd. The data padd!!! He'd have to get rid of it before she found it!
She nodded briskly. "Perhaps we'll find out soon."
The doctor came out of his office a few hours later to find them both still sitting and talking quietly. "I believe I have the solution." He held up a hypospray. "A small dose of lithium permanganate should break down the other chemical, restoring her neural pathways how they were before the Hirogens got hold of them. I'm going to have to sedate you, Captain. Then I will inject you with the hypospray. You will reawaken in about an hour, hopefully with most of your memories back. Though I should warn you, some will take a few days to return."
She nodded and laid back on the biobed. Chakotay rose and started to leave, but she grabbed his arm. "Please.....don't leave me....." she whispered her eyes begging him.
He nodded and sat down, taking her hand in his and caressing it. The doctor pressed the hypospray against her neck and she knew no more.
It was dark. She was alone, but not alone. "She's waking up." Someone above her was speaking. She was vaguely aware of someone holding her hand. Pulling herself upward through the darkness she became aware of other things around her. The table she lay on. Bright lights around her, she could see them even with her eyes closed.
"Chakotay...." she whispered, eyes still closed.
"I'm here Kat." He leaned over her.
She forced her eyes to open. Brown locked with blue. She smiled and tried to sit up. He put his arm around her for support.
"Did it work?" the doctor asked excitedly.
She looked to the side for a minute and then grinned. "Yes, it worked. Though I'm still hazy on some things."
"They'll return with time." He stood proudly. "I have yet again snatched you from the hands of death- or at least your memory."
She groaned instantly remembering his wry bedside manner. "Thank you doctor. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of catching up to do. And," she looked down at her armor, "I believe I'll want to put on something that's not quite so,...uh, stiff."
"Hold it." The doctor pushed her back on the biobed. "Your memory may be mostly back, but your other wounds haven't had proper time to heal. I took the liberty of treating them while you were sedated, but I want for you to take the rest of today off."
"I've had a month off doctor, I'm ready to go back on duty." She argued.
The doctor raised his eyebrows. "I believe I was too successful, commander. I should have tried to find a chemical that would prohibit her from remembering that she is head strong."
Chakotay hid a smile, he couldn't help it. When Kathryn glared at him, he wiped it off his face.
"No work until tomorrow. And that is final, Captain." The doctor stated as his two superior officers left.
Kathryn led the way back to her quarters thankful that she finally had some memories. It had been awful not knowing who she was for a month. She ducked into her room leaving Chakotay in her sitting room while she changed quickly. The Hirogen armor, while a tie to Salif (who she remembered perfectly) was too confining for her tastes.
"Do you remember everything?" Chakotay asked casting a cautious glance at her when she came back in full uniform.
"Almost." She said. "I don't particularly remember the arrangement of my quarters, or some childhood things, but those will come in time. I just won't walk around in the dark." She smiled easily at him taking a seat beside him on her couch.
He slid his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. "What do you remember of us?"
She buried her face in his chest for a minute, then pulled back. "You're my best friend, Chakotay." She answered solemnly gazing up at him.
He stared into her blue eyes for a minute before lowering his head, he hesitated, barely a breath away from her lips, before kissing her.
"Just a best friend?" he whispered when he pulled back.
She jumped back and pulled herself out of his arms. Drawing a shaky breath she looked at him for a long minute. "Yes." She forced herself to say. "Just best friends."
"You don't love me?"
"Not more than a friend." She was very aware of her feelings and how deep they were, but protocol....the crew....
"Kathryn," his eyes bored into hers. "I know you're lying."
Part Seven: An Element of Truth
Kathryn stared at him in shock. His eyes met hers, unwavering, believing what he said was the whole truth. How could he act as though he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loved him?? It was impossible for him to know her heart so well. "I don't believe you have any right to tell me I'm lying, commander."
Chakotay could have bitten his tongue off for his remark. "I know you, Kat. And I know you're lying." In for the penny, in for the pound.
Her eyes narrowed. "You don't know me that well." *You know me better than I know myself.*
"I think I do." He was standing close to her and speaking very low into her upturned face. "I think you're in love with me just as much as I am with you."
Her breath caught in her throat. "I am not in love with you Commander." *Yes I am!!!*
Hurt flickered in his obsidian gaze. He held her eyes for a minute. Kathryn wanted to reach out and let him wrap her in his embrace, to draw love and strength from him, to return his love, but she held back. It would only hurt him more if she gave in for a minute, because, as she had repeated over and over to herself, she was the captain and couldn't fall in love with her first officer.
Chakotay held her eyes a minute longer. Sapphire blue met chocolate brown. He saw it. He saw what she was trying to hide. Letting out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, the first officer stepped away from his captain. "I'm here when you decide you're ready, Kat."
Janeway watched gloomily as he walked out of her quarters. She stood there for a minute, staring at the door he had exited through. A tear slipped down her cheek. The one thing she had enjoyed while being part of the Hirogen group was that she was not lonely at the top of the ranks. She had not had any friends other than Salif, but they had been equal.
Kathryn stumbled to her room with tears starting to fall faster. Tumbling into bed, she buried her face in a pillow. Taking in deep breaths trying to calm her sobs, she sat up startled. That pillow! It smelled like......she inhaled the scent again. It smelled like Chakotay's aftershave. The crying only increased at the realization that while she was gone and thought dead, he had cried himself to sleep in her bed. She began to drift. Awake....asleep...awake....asleep...
How could he have been so stupid?? Chakotay sank into the chair behind his computer. He'd all but told her he was a snoop and had gone through her logs. What did he expect her to do?? Change all of a sudden and say 'Yes, Chakotay. You're right. I am in love with you.' Yeah right. She was more concerned of what the crew would think than what damage she would do to herself emotionally through alienation from everyone on board.
Chakotay rose and made his way to his window to watch the stars. They were beautiful, even at warp 5. Maybe only streaks of light, but still very beautiful to him.
Things would return to how they had been before, he figured. They were good friends still, at least he hoped so. There would be adventures to share on the holodeck, coffee in their quarters late at night, hugs and maybe even a few pecks on the cheek that would still remain between them. But not the closeness he had hoped for, she had wanted. Thanks to that data padd, he knew that she wanted a relationship just as much as he did. The data padd!! He would have to get it out of her ready room or she was sure to find it! In the morning he would see to it. She was, after all, under orders to refrain from any work until at least tomorrow.
She was on the Hirogen ship. There were heavy steps on the grates outside her cell door. Virprid and Rirshawkt entered and grabbed her arms, forcing her to stand. She cried out, but they continued to force her. She was going to the torture chamber, for the last time ever.
A long line of Hirogen warriors ran along each side. Many, many bodies clad in silver armor, all the way to the door where she would meet her end. A familiar face suddenly seemed to stand out from the Hirogens.
"Chakotay!" she shouted as she was dragged nearer to him. "Please, help me!"
"I'm sorry, Kathryn." He said coldly glaring at her. "I was here, I wanted to love you. You pushed me away. Now, you'll know what it's like to be left alone."
She felt as though he had slapped her full across the face and then proceed to punch her in the stomach. "Please, Chakotay!" she shouted as the door was slammed in her face.
Janeway sat up straight in her bed breathing hard. A cold sweat had broken out over her skin; she wiped clammy hands on the sheets as she climbed out of bed.
The doctor had said no work, but she was going to go crazy if forced to remain alone with stray thoughts for another minute. Smoothing the uniform she hadn't bothered to take off, Captain Janeway strode determinedly to the turbolift daring anyone to get in her way.
Once to the bridge, she looked around. It was so familiar, but like a shadow in some ways. Tuvok, who sat in the captain's chair, was serving a double shift. Ops and tactical were being manned by Lt. Streahner and Ensign Wilner, respectively. Tom had his place at the conn after a 'relaxing' day of helping the doctor earlier that evening. Most of the crew nodded to her as she marched herself to her ready room.
The doors slid shut behind her as she expected them to. Sinking into her chair behind the large desk she glanced around. Nothing had changed. Almost. A picture sat on the edge of her desk, one that hadn't been there before. Chakotay must have put it there. It was angled so only whoever sat behind it would be able to see the close up shot of her broad smile and laughing blue eyes.
She smiled softly remembering the day it had been taken. New Earth. Right before she had beamed aboard Voyager, Chakotay had called her name. When she'd looked, he'd snapped her picture with an old fashioned camera. She had laughed at him, and he did it again. Teasingly scolding him, they'd finished preparing for transport.
She remembered another picture. One of the two of them in front of their shelter. He'd had his arm around her even. But she hadn't had the nerve to put it on her desk. It was in her drawer. She opened the drawer and reached for the small data padd containing the picture near the back. Her hand touched another padd that wasn't supposed to be there. She glanced it over once and pressed the power button.
Captain Janeway's face paled several shades and then proceeded to grow scarlet as she read it.
He's my best friend, somehow, I know he wants us to be more than friends. I wish I could let us! But I can't....protocol isn't such a big deal anymore, especially after contact with Starfleet. It looks like we're going to be out here for another 68 years, so why shouldn't we have someone?? ::Sigh:: Because if I lost him, I may not be able to convince myself to go on with life for the crew. Even Mark has someone....why not Chak and me? I love him so much.... ::pause:: End log.
Who?? How?? She couldn't form a complete thought. Then realization dawned on her. Chakotay. He was the only one who had had access to her ready room that would permit him to hide something in a drawer. He was the only one who knew her well enough to crack the password to her personal logs. He had also said that he knew she was lying. Well, so he had proof. What was he going to do? 'Yes, captain. I have proof that you love me. It's here in this personal log entry I read without your permission after I broke into it.'
She was at a crossroad. One road would lead to a wonderful but confusing and possible painful life with Chakotay; the other, a lonely life by herself. He knew exactly how she felt, she mused, but he didn't force her. He could have thrown the whole thing in her face and shown her the data padd. Then she would have been compelled to come up with a new reason why she couldn't love him. But he had taken all of her words in stride. He knew the truth, that had been enough for him. But what if things didn't work between them? What if they started a relationship and got in a fight? How would it affect the command structure? The lonely life didn't appeal to her one bit, but she was terrified about leaving her comfort zone and stepping out on a limb. Face it Kathryn, she thought to herself, you're looking for a way to avoid the unavoidable. Her heart won. Clutching the data padd, she turned for the door. With a last minute decision, she snatched the picture off her desk.
Tapping her foot nervously on the ride in the turbolift Kathryn wondered if Chakotay would even be in his quarters. He could have gone to the holodeck, or Sandrines, or the mess hall. No, she thought, I hurt him, he'll be alone. Slightly shaking, she rang the door chime.
The door slid open. He was standing beside his window, just looking out at the stars. She stepped in and then cautiously went to him.
"What?" he asked softly, not cold, but not warm either.
She held out the picture. "You left this in my ready room."
He took it and turned back to the stars trying to hide tears that had gathered in his eyes.
"You left this too, Chakotay."
He turned again and accepted the data padd glancing half-heartedly at it. Chakotay's eyes grew wide as his face turned several shades of red.
He's my best friend...
"Kathryn.." he choked out. "I..I...."
She didn't say anything for a minute. Neither did. They just stared at one another. "You were right. I was lying." She finally said in a whisper.
He closed his eyes as tears threatened to spill over his cheeks. Kathryn was battling her own tears. Unable to hold back any longer, she threw herself in his arms letting her tears seep into his uniform front. He rubbed his arms over her back as he held her tightly.
"Kathryn...I'm so sorry. I would never had read it if I knew I would see you again."
"Why did you read it?" she asked barely audible.
He thought about it for a minute. "I kept telling myself it was because I needed to know how you were feeling about the diplomatic decisions you made and then what your actions were to cover your feelings. I was being faced with becoming a Starfleet captain over night and had no idea what kind of front I would have to keep up. But, I think I wanted more to find out how you felt about me....about us."
"How I feel? I'll tell you how I feel..." she pulled back and looked up into his eyes. "I love you Commander Chakotay. I love you with my whole heart."
"And I love you Captain Janeway." He breathed against her lips before claiming them.
When she pulled back and gazed up at him, loving sapphire blue met devoted obsidian.
"I'll see you in the morning." She whispered.
"Wait..." he pulled her back to him. "I've waited four years to be able to hold you, you're not going anywhere right now, Kathryn Janeway."
She couldn't help but smile as he brushed her lips with his. She hesitated a little longer before pulling away this time.
"I really do have to go, Chakotay."
He nodded and silently released her from his arms. She started to walk towards the door, but then turned. "I love you." She said smiling.
"I love you too, and stay away from that ready room. You're under orders to stay off duty until tomorrow."
Kathryn tossed him a saucy grin before ducking into the hall and nearly skipping the short distance to her quarters. Slipping inside, she let her eyes adjust to the dimly lit interior. Her room was just as she had left it,....except......why was that picture above her bed?? She didn't remember it having hung there before the kidnapping. And she certainly didn't want a picture of the quarries on Mars, where she had shared her first diving experience with Mark, hanging over her bed! Pulling it off the wall, Janeway was shocked to find a hole behind the picture, and even more surprised to find light shining through it.
"Janeway to Chakotay." She said tapping her comm badge.
"Yes captain?" Chakotay was just climbing into bed when her summon came. He stopped momentarily and concentrated on whatever she was going to say. 'Please,' his heart whispered 'don't take back what you mean....'
"Chakotay, why is there a hole in the wall between our rooms?"
He glanced sharply at the picture of his animal guide. Three slim fingers could be seen poking under the frame.
Laughter rumbled in his chest at relief. "I...um.....well, I got angry because I couldn't do anything to help you. I didn't want anyone to see it so I found a picture in your room......" He finally gave up trying to contain his laughter as she chuckled with him.
Tom was walking down the corridors of the senior officers' quarters at the end of his late shift. What was that laughter he could hear resounding?
FINIS
~ * =/\=* ~
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