As we approached the door to Justin�s room, I slowed down a bit. Gus stopped a few feet ahead of me and turned around. His eyes were questioning. I cleared my throat and looked around trying to find something to fix my eyes on, finding nothing I looked down at the floor.

I couldn�t explain it, the feeling of dread and hopelessness that had overwhelmed me as soon as we�d gotten within a few blocks of the hospital. I�d wanted to turn the Jeep around and get as far away from there as possible, but I�d promised Gus, so this was where we had to be.

�I�m going to wait out here. Give you some time alone with him.�

Gus shook his head in protest. �Please come with me?� He looked scared.

I nodded and followed him as he entered Justin�s room. I cringed when I saw Justin�s face, it was twisted in pain. His breathing seemed erratic and I knew immediately he was having a nightmare.

Gus stopped at the door and he suddenly got pale. I could see him wobble a little as he tried to back up and nearly fell into me. I put my arms out and steadied him.

�Sonny boy? Are you alright?�

He was nodding but he didn�t look right.

�I think I�m going to pass out.�

I moved him over to a chair in the corner of the room and made him put his head between his knees. I�d seen someone do that once on a television show and it seemed to help. After a few minutes he sat back up and looked at me, he still seemed a little dazed.

�Are you okay Gus?�

He nodded again, and this time I was able to believe him a little more.

�I�m going to get you some juice or something.�

Gus nodded and stared over at Justin. I started for the door, but found myself pulling toward Justin�s bed. He was so frantic in his nightmare. I wanted to comfort him too. I put my hand on his face and gently caressed his cheek.

�It�s okay sunshine. You�re okay now.�

My face was right next to his as I whispered into his ear.

�Nothing�s going to hurt you.�

His face took on an almost calm look again and I could feel his breath on my cheek as it started to resemble something closer to normal. I looked up and saw Gus watching. He smiled a little and I remembered the juice that I was going to get for him. I walked toward the door and looked back in at my boys.

�I�ll be right back.�

Gus slowly got to his feet and I saw him move the chair he was in closer to Justin�s bed. He placed his hand on Justin�s arm and patted it softly. I watched for a few moments from the window, just to make sure they were both alright, and then I quickly went to get some juice for Gus.

As I opened the door I heard the last of what Gus had been saying.

��and I know he still does.�

I didn�t want to think about what he might be saying to Justin. It probably wouldn�t have bothered me before, since Justin couldn�t hear him, only now I wasn�t sure. The way he�d calmed down when I talked to him� I knew he could hear us now.

I handed the juice to Gus and stood next to him and watched until I was sure he�d finish it all. My eyes then focused on Justin�s face. He looked a little older, I suppose it�s the first time I�d actually noticed. Instinctively I reached out and pushed back his bangs, he needed a haircut. I caught Gus looking up at me and I turned away.

We stayed there in silence for quite a long time.

My thoughts drifted back to one of the last times I�d seen Justin before this happened. I�d stopped in to the diner to get a sandwich on the way home from work. I�d sat down at the counter and given my order to some kid. As I sat there waiting the door opened. Of course I knew before I looked up that Justin would be walking in. I always knew when he walked into a room.

The sight of him had taken my breath away for a second. He had on an old pair of torn jeans and a blue sweatshirt so faded and old that the sleeves were fraying in spots. Of course it was splashed with different shades of paint; probably from whatever masterpiece he�d just finished painting.

My order was placed in front of me and I tossed some money down on the counter. We passed each other as I was heading toward the door. My eyes caught his and I slowed down instinctively.

�Hey Brian.� He always spoke first and it always caught me off guard when he did.

�Hey.� I stood there uncomfortably.

�How�ve you been?� His eyes were locked with mine, and I wanted to turn away.

�Good.� I still felt uncomfortable around him. I don�t know how he can stand there and be polite. �I�m the guy that hurt you?� I want to scream. Instead I continue this small talk.

�You?�

�I�m good.� He smiled that damn smile at me and I had to look away.

�That�s good.� Christ how many times can the word good be used in one conversation?

�You look good Brian.� I smiled.

�So do you.� He laughed and pointed at his shirt.

�I look like shit. I was working; I got hungry and decided I didn�t care what I looked like I needed some food.� He grinned again.

�You look good Justin.� �Shut up Brian� I told myself �Listen, I�ve got to go. It was good seeing you.�

�Yeah. Good to see you too.� And that was how we�d left it, at �good�. That was pretty much the way any conversation we�d had in the last ten years had gone, just small talk and discomfort.

I pulled myself out of my little trip down memory lane, and stared out the window.

Gus kept fidgeting with the blanket on the bed. Gus started sniffling and I knew before I looked at him that he was crying. His face focused on Justin. In all of his seventeen years I�d never seen my son like this. He was inconsolable, he looked absolutely devastated. He stood up quickly and started toward the door.

�Hey?�

He turned.

�Do you want to leave?�

He shook his head.

�I just need a few minutes away.�

I nodded and watched him walk out into the hallway. I took his place in the chair next to Justin�s bed and found myself instinctively lacing my fingers with his.

�You need to wake up Justin. I need your help. Gus is� he�s not taking this too well. He�s cracking. He feels so damn guilty about you getting hurt. Wake up and let him know that it�s okay. Let him know you�re okay. Tell him it isn�t his fault.�

I watched his face, actually expecting his eyes to open. I was expecting him to be there for Gus, he couldn�t let Gus down, but his face remained the same. His eyes closed. His breathing was the only sound in the room now.

�Help me Justin. Damnit! I need you. You always know what to do, especially with Gus. Help me Justin, please.�

I stared at him, willing him to wake up. Then I felt his fingers tighten against mine. I looked down my eyes open wide and unbelieving. I couldn�t see any movement, but I could feel it ever so slightly.

�Come on Justin. You can do this. Open your eyes.�

The door behind me opened and I turned expecting to see Gus, instead I was greeted by the sight of a nurse. I clear my throat.

�He moved his fingers.�

She smiled at me sadly.

�It�s just a reflex, don�t get your hopes up. It happens all the time.�

I shook my head not believing her.

�No. It�s not a reflex.�

She ignored me and continued about doing her job. She left the room as I stared at Justin�s fingers.

�Can you hear me Justin?�

I waited. Then I felt it again.

�I knew it.�

Gus opened the door and came around beside me.

�I brought you some coffee.�

I gesture toward the nightstand next to Justin�s bed. He sets it down and I see him rub his eyes sleepily.

�You ready to go?�

He nods. I�m still holding onto Justin�s fingers and I can�t let them go. I pull the keys to the Jeep out of my pocket with my other hand and give them to him. He looks at me questioningly.

�Go ahead. Take the Jeep. Go back to the loft and get some sleep.�

He doesn�t move, just stares at me.

�I�m staying here.�

I feel Justin�s fingers move again against mine.

�I�ll just take a cab to work. You can take the Jeep to school.�

He doesn�t argue and I�m sure it�s from lack of sleep. He hugs me and kisses my cheek. Then he leans over and touches Justin�s shoulder lightly as if to reassure himself that Justin is still there.

He leaves and as the door closes behind him I move my chair closer to the bed. I speak softly and just keep repeating his name to let him know that I�m here and I�m waiting for him to wake up.

�Justin��

�Justin��

�Justin��

To be continued.