I�m not quite awake, but I�m not quite asleep. I hear voices and I�m vaguely aware that one of them belongs to Brian. I kind of remember Brian being here when I fell asleep. I remember how he almost seemed timid coming into the room. There was just the slightest hesitation to him as he came closer to sit down next to my bed. I remember how serious his eyes looked.

�How many has he had?� I want to open my eyes and see who he�s talking to, but they feel so heavy right now.

�Mr. Kinney. Please give me that chart. The contents of it aren�t any of your business. That�s Mr. Taylor�s private medical history. His mother has made it perfectly clear that she doesn�t want me speaking to anyone about Justin�s condition except for herself and Mr. Taylor.�

�Then maybe you should have kept his chart in a private place. Anyone can just take it off of the wall over there. I�m surprised his mother didn�t put it in her purse and take it with her.�

He sounds so angry. Why is he angry? I�m wondering why he even cares about my condition. Oh yeah, the friends thing. We�re going to be friends. That�s what he said one night when he thought I was asleep. I remember him pacing around my room. I was nearly asleep when I heard him talking. At first I thought someone else was in the room with him, but then I opened my eyes and saw him alone rubbing the back of his neck and looking up at the ceiling. �I just want to give this being friends thing a try. I�m probably an idiot for not doing this before.� That�s when I�d cleared my throat and he looked over. He was caught and he knew it, so he bit his lip and gave me a half smile. �Yeah, so I talk to myself now. You�ll have to get use to it, if you want to do this friends thing.� It was actually a pretty endearing moment. I simply nodded and his half smile turned into a full fledged grin.

�Most people don�t go snooping into the patient�s charts. If I had known we needed to keep it under lock and key that would have been arranged.�

�I wasn�t snooping. I was reading and before you attempted to snatch this out of my hand. I was reading about these incapacitating headaches that Justin is having. Why don�t you start with that and tell me what�s going on? Tell me what you�re doing about it and what�s causing it.�

�Mr. Kinney you�ll need to take that up with Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, if they give me the authorization to discuss their son�s case with you. I�ll be more than happy to do so, but right now I�m in the middle of my rounds. I have other patients to check on. I�ll be back later when Justin is awake.� Something sounds very wrong with what the doctor just said. I just can�t for the life of me wake up enough to figure it out.

�Excuse me?� Lucky for me Brian seems to be able to make sense of what my doctor just said. �Did you just say�� Or maybe he�s just as confused as I am.

�Really Mr. Kinney I have other patients I must attend to�� The doctor�s voice grows faint as he heads out the door. Brian must have followed him because I can hear his voice, but I can�t make out the actual words. It�s muffled so I assume he�s gone out into the hallway.

I force myself to wake up now because I do know what the doctor said. He said Mr. and Mrs. Taylor and their son in the same sentence. I feel like I�ve woke up in some sort of twilight zone where I�m seventeen again and mommy and daddy are in charge of little Justin.

Brian comes back inside after a few minutes and he looks as confused as I feel. He tries to hide it the way he tries to hide everything, but I can see that this is bothering him. It�s nice to know I�m not alone in this. I�m bothered. I�m more than fucking bothered. I�m pissed off now too. How old am I? I�m thirty-four years old that�s how old I am. I will not have other people making decisions for me not when I�m capable of making them on my own.

�You�re awake.� From the look on his face I can tell that Brian wishes I were still asleep.

�Yeah.� God I wish I could say more. I try one of the techniques I�ve been working on with my speech therapist. I try to repeat what Brian said. I know I can do this. �Aaa�� Fuck it�s not working. I sigh angrily and flop backwards on to my pillows.

�Awake.� Brian states again. I nod and close my eyes because I can feel my frustration filling them up with tears right now. �Try again.� he says. �It doesn�t hurt to try.� I just shake my head wanting to avoid looking like an fool. Brian sits down on the edge of the bed. �Come on Justin. You can do it. Try it again. Awake.� He sounds so hopeful that I do try again.

�Aaaaaa�waaaa�

I can�t do it and I fucking give up. I feel like an idiot and this isn�t helping anything. It�s not like Brian needs me to say that I�m awake for him to know it, so why should I even bother. When I look up at him he�s smiling at me. It�s a real smile that reaches all the way to his eyes. He gives me a wink and a little shove in the arm. �Not bad. You almost got it.�

I shrug because even if it seems great to him that I could almost imitate the sound he was making it still pisses me off. It�s not like I can�t say certain words. I�ve said other words just fine from the moment that I woke up, but everything else just seems locked up in my head. It�s all there but somewhere between my brain and my mouth it all fucks up and won�t come out.

�Come on Justin. Give it another try awake.� Brian says again. Great now he wants to play make Justin look stupid. I just shake my head at him and close my eyes again. I roll over and bury my head under the blankets. I don�t want to face him right now. This is easier to do with the speech pathologist. It�s her job to listen to me sputtering sounds out. It�s not Brian�s job, it�s not even his problem. He needs to leave well enough alone.

�Good idea. Give up that�ll make it easier won�t it?� He�s moved around to this side of the bed to annoy me now. I pop my head out from the blankets and look up at him. I give him my best defiant stare. He rolls his eyes at me and walks across the room.

�Mommy probably loves you this way. She can do all the talking for you and she can make all of your decisions. That�s perfect for her, she�s been doing it behind your back for years, she might as well keep on doing it forever.�

�FU�UUCKK�� I�m so fucking pissed at him. Who does he think he is talking to me like this. �YOU!� I can�t believe how pleased with himself he looks right now.

�Daddy dearest must really love this new change. It�s what he�s wanted for years! When did he start coming around again? Huh? I�ll bet he really likes this. This is the way he wanted you before. Well good for him, you can�t talk about your disgusting lifestyle. He must be on cloud nine.�

I�m out of bed and standing eye to eye with Brian before I even realize it. He looks so fucking smug that I want to strangle him. What kind of friend does this to someone?

�Shhhhhh uuutt UP Brian! Fuck you! Get the fuck OUT!!!!!!! NOW!!!! GO!!!!!!!�

He nods and starts for the door. I�m right behind him. I want to make sure he gets my message loud and clear. I want him gone. I don�t need this shit from anyone. He stops at the door and turns toward me.

�I promised Gus I�d stay until he got here. I�ll be out in the hall if you need me.�

�Get the fuck out of here Brian. I want you out of my sight.�

Brian reaches his hand out and touches my cheek. His eyes are filled with pain and he takes in a deep breath.

�Congratulations. That�s the most you�ve been able to say since you woke up.� With that he turns and goes out the door.