My eyes are still closed and I�m using the wall behind me to hold myself up. I hear Gus clear his throat as he approaches me. I open my eyes and stare straight ahead at the wall. I hate the way I�m feeling right now. I feel out of control and although Gus has seen more of my emotions than I�ll ever let anyone else see, this is one that I don�t want to show him. I�ve always had a nasty temper, but I�ve never gotten violent with anyone in front of Gus. A part of me is ashamed. I don�t want him to look at me and see me as some kind of a monster. I don�t want him to see me the way I always saw my old man.

Gus leans against the wall next to me. He holds the can of Coke out for me and I reach for it absentmindedly before taking a sip of it. He turns to face me and I close my eyes again as if to hide myself. I feel his hands on my shoulders and his forehead pressed against mine.

I can�t fathom why Jennifer Taylor would call Craig of all people. What was she thinking? It seems like a desperate attempt to keep me away from Justin, her way of protecting him maybe? As if I�m the one he�d need protected from.

�You okay dad?� Gus asks quietly.

I nod and he pulls back to look me over.

�You�re already bruising. He caught you just right.� Gus winces looking at my face. �Does it hurt?�

�Not as bad as my knuckles do.� I look down and see they�re a lovely shade of red and purple. �I shouldn�t have done that. Not with you here.�

�Dad, it�s cool. He started it� I say fuck him.�

I smile and most of the uneasiness I�d felt moments before was gone. He didn�t see me any differently than he always had. Even though I�m not a perfect role model he doesn�t think any less of me, he doesn�t see me as a monster, he doesn�t see me as Jack.

�He didn�t hurt you when he pushed you did he?�

�No. I was just surprised that�s all.�

�I need a cigarette.� Gus nods as he sees me watching the door to Justin�s room.

�But� you don�t want to leave him alone?�

�I don�t think he�ll come back, but...�

�I�ll stay. You should go home anyway for a little bit. Get some sleep� or whatever.�

I leave of course, but I don�t go to the loft. Instead I stop off at a bar a few blocks from the hospital. It looks like the kind of place my dad would have spent hours in. Nothing fancy just a bar, a few tables and a jukebox. After a few shots of Jim Beam, I�m not feeling that out of control anymore. I feel mellow and numb. It�s a nice feeling, one that I haven�t had in a few weeks. After a few more I feel even better.

I leave the bar smelling of stale cigarette smoke. I should go back to the loft and shower but I don�t know that I trust myself to drive. Instead I chose to walk back to the hospital. I need to check on Justin and Gus.

I stop in at a small bar just across the street from the hospital to take a piss. Another shot of Beam or maybe it was two and I�m ready to get back to my boys.

I smile at them when I finally make it up to Justin�s room. He�s awake and listening to Gus talk about something, but they both stop when they see me enter the room.

�Hey.�

I feel the floor move a little under my feet as I close the door behind me and I almost lose my balance. Gus is up in no time and seems to be guiding me to a chair.

�I can sit down myself sonny boy.�

He�s somehow gotten my keys in his hand now.

�Did you drive like this?�

I�m on the receiving end of one of Lindsay�s scolding looks, but it�s coming from Gus�s face. That�s weird and I�m almost ready to laugh, until I notice that he and Justin don�t seem to see the humor in this.

�I walked Gus. The jeep is�� I try to think exactly where the jeep is. ��it�s parked somewhere.�

�Justin?�

He�s looking at me now with his eyebrows raised as if to say �What?�

�Did you sleep good?�

He nods.

�You just wake up?�

Justin shakes his head and Gus answers for him.

�He woke up four hours ago.�

�Four hours? I wasn�t gone that long��

Gus shakes his head.

�No� you�ve been gone for eight hours. I hoped you were sleeping too.�

�No lectures sonny boy. Okay? Shouldn�t you be at home getting some sleep?�

He nods and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

�I was waiting for you to come back.� He whispers as he hugs my neck. �Mom�s going to be pissed. It�s after midnight. I�ll tell her you went home to sleep and forgot to set your alarm. She just might believe it and not give you too much shit over it.�

I grin at him as he leaves with a wave. He�s a good kid. I know I drink too much, and I still occasionally enjoy the use of recreational drugs. I smoke and I�ve never consciously tried to hold back my foul language around him, but even with having me as his dad he hasn�t turned out too bad. Of course that may have more to do with Melanie, Lindsay and Justin than it does with me, but somehow I take comfort in the fact that he�s grown up to be a damned good kid.

I look at Justin and smile. He�s got his sketch pad out and he�s drawing now, not looking up at me.

�He�s always trying to keep me out of trouble. I�m gonna hear it from Lindz tomorrow I just know it.�

He doesn�t look up.

�Justin?�

Our eyes meet and I see that he�s angry with me. He looks exhausted and I suddenly feel guilty again. Was I keeping him from sleeping?

�I�m sorry. Do you want me go?� I try to stand up but this damn chair just slides back a little not letting me stand up. I lean forward and hold onto my knees to keep from falling forward.

He shakes his head no so I try to lean back and close my eyes.

�Maybe we should get some sleep.� I�m mumbling. I can hear him putting his sketch pad down on the nightstand. Then I feel an arm around my waist. I look up and see Justin gently trying to help me to my feet.

He guides me over to the bed and I sit on the edge of it, before falling backwards. He pulls my shoes off and lifts my legs up into the bed. He�s helping me undress and I feel guilty because I�m supposed to be watching out for him.

�I had a for shit day Justin.�

He nods and I close my eyes. I feel him get in the bed next to me.

�Night Sunshine.� I mumble.

He�s rubbing my hair softly as I fall asleep pressed up against him.

To Be Continued�