Jenna's Pet Peeves Some people have the mistaken impression that I'm this sweet, placid little thing, when in reality I am a seething hotbed of passionate opinions and numerous pet peeves. Yeah I know, there are more important things in life to worry about than my stupid pet peeves. In the long run, these things just really don't matter that much. But we live in an imperfect world where everybody has their own personal list of pet peeves, so here are mine. Please don't take them too seriously. J 1. Evangelizers - Total strangers who ask you what church you belong to and invite you to come to their church. I am of the firm belief that one's spirituality is an intensely private matter. Inquiring of a total stranger "Do you go to church?" is right up there with asking "How much money do you make?" and "How much do you weigh?" Noneya. Back in the olden days, etiquette dictated that there were two subjects one must always avoid in polite conversation: politics and religion. And besides, in my experience, a "convert" is like a fire that burns too hot and then all too quickly fizzles out. 2. People who ask you who you voted for and people who display their political affiliations all over the place. There's a reason people fought for ages for the secret ballot. If people know your political affiliations, they can use it against you. In the past, employers could coerce employees to vote a certain way. Of course I discuss politics among my close friends - everyone does. But I am always amazed at the flagrant lack of discretion shown by those who display their campaign buttons in the workplace and plaster campaign bumper stickers on their cars. Like I'm going to see your button and suddenly go, "I have seen the light. I must vote for Candidate X now." Be thankful you have the right to vote according to your conscience, but keep your political affiliations to yourself. 3. SUV's, jacked-up pick-up trucks, etc. Hey, I know there are people who genuinely have need of SUV's and pick-up trucks. Construction people, roofers, folks like that. These are working vehicles and you can tell 'em when you see 'em. But the rest of you are just a bunch of posers. These drivers seem to be divided into multiple categories. I will treat each category one at a time: 1) Men who, for lack of character (not to mention a lack in other departments), must compensate with a grossly oversized vehicle. You know what I'm talking about - that shiny red, jacked-up pick-up truck or SUV with the "No Fear" decal emblazoned across the rear window, whose driver cuts you off, forcing you to slam on your brakes to avoid a collision that would undoubtedly be catastrophic for you but leave barely a ding in his cattle pusher - all just because you were going only 15 miles per hour over the speed limit and he wanted to go 30 miles per hour over. Never mind that the woman in the Honda Civic next to you may be six months pregnant and have a toddler strapped into a car seat in the back. It's all about you, baby! If you can get where you're going 3 seconds sooner, their lives don't matter. Just pretend there aren't human beings in the cars next to you - they're all just big self-automated boxes of steel. If you fall into this category, I have a few words of advice for you. First, go volunteer at a homeless shelter. Visit the cancer ward of a local hospital. Go see what real human suffering is all about. In other words, try and get a real life. Just try. Please? And secondly, if you're still feeling a certain special "lack" - try plastic surgery. It can work wonders. (2) People who think it makes them safer on the road to be in a grossly oversized vehicle. There wouldn't be a problem if everyone drove a safe, fuel-efficient, economical, and environmentally friendlier automobile, such as a Honda Civic. (Can you guess what I drive?) Don't be a part of the problem. (3) Women who think it makes them look "rugged" or "cool" to behave like a man. There is no one who believes in feminism more than me. NOW defines feminism simply as "the radical belief that women are people." It does not define feminism as "trying your best to act like a man, including embracing all the destructive aspects of the male psyche." On the contrary, I often think men would do well to emulate women more often. What the world needs now, more than ever, is to embrace what we think of as the traditionally "feminine" values of nurturing and peace. And that means NOT emulating our male character in number 1 here. Instead, you can leave a safer, less polluted environment to future generations AND save yourself a lot of money (trip around the world, anyone?) by ditching that SUV and driving a less expensive, more fuel-efficient vehicle. (4) Yuppie posers who apparently have no capacity to think for themselves and blindly follow trends. Right now it is just soooo suburban to have an SUV. And I say that even though I just bought a house in the suburbs. It's considered a sign of success if you can afford to spend more on a vehicle that makes you look like you can afford to take regular escapes from the ho-hum of suburbia. "What are you doing this weekend, Mr. Jones?" "Oh, not much. Just going to pop up to the Northwest Territories of Canada. Be back by Monday." Oh, puh-leeze. If you carefully inspect most of the SUV's that roar past you on the freeways, you will easily ascertain from the ding-less paint jobs that those vehicles NEVER go off-road. Not to mention that leather interior is not ideally suited for hauling that deer carcass you just shot, or whatever you suburban automatons do when you go off-road. Meanwhile, your little status symbol will suck more gasoline on your 30-mile commute from suburbia to the office than an Alaskan pipeline. I have just one question: Why is it soooo important that you have everything your neighbors have? Are they really going to forsake you as friends if you drive a Honda Civic? And if so - WHY DO YOU CARE?!! Shock your neighbors by refusing to fall in line. Make them think you must have a really strong personality. If you drove, say, a Honda Civic (you had no idea I was going to say that, did you?), you could take all that extra money you spend on gasoline, invest it in your kids' college fund, and simultaneously help preserve the environment for your children's future. (A Civic, by the way, seats a family of four comfortably.) 4. Blind patriotism. Before you send a lynch mob after me, allow me to explain. Please don't get me wrong - patriotism is an important aspect of civic life, one that helps keep a nation unified and therefore strong. But I do not agree with the statement, "America is the greatest country on earth." America is a very great nation and I am grateful and proud to live here. But it is just one of many nations on earth whose citizens can be proud and grateful for their citizenship. Every nation has its advantages and its disadvantages, and the United States is no exception!!! There are some nations that seem to have more disadvantages than advantages - such as Afghanistan. And that is why we should feel infinitely grateful not to live in places like Afghanistan. But when we say, "America is the greatest country on earth," it is just like saying to people from England, or France, or the Netherlands, or Japan: "Your country is only second best." Perhaps being married to a British citizen has given me a unique perspective on this. The statement, "America is the greatest country on earth," is not one that is terribly diplomatic and it is just such statements which have cost us and continue to cost us the esteem of the nations with whom we unavoidably share this earth. And when we lose the esteem of our fellow nations, we lose just a bit of their willingness to work with us, even on things they might otherwise have worked with us on. And then we find ourselves in serious trouble. 5. People who don't vote. What can I say? Thousands of years of human suffering at the hands of absolute monarchs, an epic battle for the right to choose own's own leaders, a right which hundreds of thousands of people have lost their lives in the fight to preserve - and only 40% of the eligible American populace bothers to exercise this hard-won right. At best. All I can say is, if you didn't vote, don't complain about the results. But next time you just can't be bothered to participate in the political system, just remember this: For thousands of years, the ruler of a land was not selected, he was born into that position. It didn't matter if he was an idiot and could care less about the welfare of his subjects. It didn't matter if he was morally bankrupt and could take your wife away from you forever for a single night of carnal bliss, or better yet, marry six different women and chop all their heads off because he was king and could do as he darn well pleased. It didn't even matter if he wanted to send an entire generation of young men into war just so he could swell his own coffers and improve his wardrobe, and as you lay dying on the battlefield you knew your family would never see a dime of that extra wealth. Think about that as you drift off to sleep after blissfully ignoring another election day. Sweet dreams. 6. People who value material success more than actual character. Nothing exemplifies this better than the recent revelations of corporate greed in America. But it doesn't have to be on such a grand scale. I can't imagine excluding anyone from my friendship based solely on how much money they appear to make - what car they drive, what zip code they live in. In college, I didn't join a sorority because I don't feel the need to pay for my friends. Same reason I wouldn't join a country club, even if they'd have me. Why would you even want a friendship based on that? Now I know there is an ages-old belief that your material success reflects on certain aspects of your character - for example, if you have a solid character, you'll naturally have a good work ethic and it will manifest itself in material success. People who are materially successful (or who want to be) seek out others of similar status because they think those people will have similar character traits to their own. To some extent, I'm sure this is true, but the recent revelations of corporate greed (Enron, World Com, etc.) reveal that success can be (and very often is) based on deceit and greed. At the very least, as our political campaigns reveal, if you already have a little bit of money, it's amazing the image you can buy for yourself. But that image is very often based on an illusion. For myself, I prefer to keep it very simple. I am clinging to the hope, at least, that if I try to live my life with sincerity and dignity, people who live their lives similarly will naturally float into my life. 7. People who value physical attractiveness more than actual character. I say this even though I consider myself to be somewhat physically attractive. Or at least I know I'm not a total dog. I care about my appearance and try to be well-groomed. I feel better about myself when I wear clothes that look nice and fit well and when I put on a little makeup. I admit that I preen and strike poses in front of the mirror when no-one is looking. But I am too busy trying to live my life with the aforementioned sincerity and dignity to go to the gym three hours a day. I am not a model, actress, or ballerina and therefore have no need to go to the gym three hours a day anyway. I'd rather sleep a little while longer than wake up three hours early in order to do my hair or makeup. I have more important things to do than shop for that perfect accessory or accumulate a collection of 60 pairs of shoes. Much less do I have the time, energy, or interest to amass an ensemble of "friends" based solely on their physical appearance and how I will look in their company. But hey, that's just me. 8. Loud people. You know what I'm talking about - the aforementioned jacked-up SUV pulling up next to you at the red light, with the sub-woofers blasting that bass so loud you can feel your pancreas vibrating and you think your car windows will shatter at any moment. Or your downstairs neighbor in the apartment complex, thumping his stereo at 4 in the morning on a Thursday. Or a gaggle of people at the table next to you, whooping and hollering like they're the only people around for miles. Disrupting someone else's tranquility floods their damaged egos with an addictive sense of power. Americans are notorious world-wide for being obnoxious and loud. All over the world, there is the concept of personal space. In some cultures, people require a radius of five feet of space around them in order to feel comfortable. In other cultures, that radius may only be three feet. Americans feel the need for a relatively wide radius of physical space. The trouble is, some people don't seem to realize that your body isn't the only thing that can intrude into another person's comfort zone. Your voice, or just the noise you're making, can present every bit as powerful an intrusion. If you're one of these people I was describing above, I know your mommy and daddy didn't show you enough attention as a child. The bottom line is, I just don't care. Get over it. And shut up. 9. People who won't discipline their kids. Maybe this is easy for me to say, because I don't have any kids of my own yet. Maybe one day I will understand. But I doubt it. This can manifest itself in many ways. Some people think their kids are so cute, everyone must want to see and hear them! Others are afraid that discipline will damage their kids' delicate little psyches. Others want to be their kids' "friend" and don't want to jeopardize that relationship with discipline. Others are just plain too chicken to do what they know they ought to do. However it manifests itself, the bottom line is, the only thing that can ever hurt a child is no discipline. Lack of discipline has given American kids the unenviable worldwide reputation of being the most disgustingly vain (see number 10 below), arrogant, self-centered brats in the world. The bottom line is, if you don't discipline your kids, someone eventually will. When they try to get a job, if you've instilled in them a notion that they're entitled to do whatever they please, their boss will soundly squash that notion by firing them. And I'd hate to think that the first taste of discipline your kid ever gets is from the judge's gavel as he send your kid off to prison someday. 10. People (especially kids) who wear tee-shirts, have bumper stickers, etc., that say things like "Princess", "Sexy", and things like that. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Princess De-Throner. Once upon a time, vanity was considered a character flaw. Perhaps I'm just a crotchety old-fashioned geezer at the tender age of 26, but I still think it is a character flaw. Apparently I am in the minority. I am bombarded daily with the repellant sight of grown women sporting stickers that say "Princess" on the back of their cars. I'm sorry, refresh my memory - what was that war about all those years ago? About 225 years ago, to be exact? Something about a "Revolution"? A revolution against what? AGAINST MONARCHY, YOU IDIOT!! People fought and died so that NO-ONE in the United States could EVER be called princess, prince, king, queen, duke, earl, marchioness, or any such tomfoolery EVER AGAIN!!!! Because in the United States, we have this very revolutionary notion that people ought to have to work for their success - not be born into it. Not be given it by their parents. Not by no-one but themselves. So no, you are not entitled to any special treatment, my dear. Get over yourself, quick. And worse than a grown woman sporting such a nasty testament to vanity is a kid wearing a tee-shirt that says princess. Once an adult is spoiled, they're usually spoiled for life. But I hate to see abject vanity being tolerated in a child whose character is still in formation. Worse still is when that vanity is actively nurtured by the parents. I am appalled that any conscionable parent would intentionally purchase their child an article of clothing with so flagrant a declaration of vapid character scrawled upon it. And absolutely worst of all is when a child is allowed to leave the house in a shirt that says something like "Sexy" or "I'm not hot - I'm on fire." Again, I suppose I'm just a crotchety old-fashioned geezer, but I think children should be encouraged to be children for as long as humanly possible. I acknowledge that kids' hormones don't switch on only at the legal age of 18. I understand that kids always have and always will engage in shall we say "adult" behavior under the age of 18. But understanding that reality, and actively encouraging it, are two different things. No-one under the age of 18 should be allowed to leave the house wearing such an active declaration of promiscuity and vanity.