This fan fiction picks up from my previous one, TOW The Art Museum.
Disclaimer - These characters do not belong to me. They belong to Bright, Kauffman, and Crane Productions and Warner Brothers. This is intended for entertainment and not profit.
Written by: Jenna Blanchard
- End -
I want feedback! E-mail me at [email protected]. Thanks for reading!
Joey: Hey.
Rachel: Hi, Joey.
Joey: I got you a present.
Rachel: Really? What for?
Joey: I don't know. I just saw this and I thought it would be useful. (Hands her a book.)
Rachel: Oh, wow, a pregnancy book. Oh, I've heard of this one. It's supposed to be good. Thanks, Joey. This is so sweet.
Joey: Hey, no problem. We'll call that a late Christmas present since I didn't get you one.
Rachel: You didn't get me a Christmas present?
Joey: (Pause.) Yes, I did. I got you a pregnancy book.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Ross walks in with Chandler.]
Ross: Thanks for letting me borrow your laptop. My computer at NYU isn't working.
Chandler: Hey, it's no problem. (Takes the computer off his desk and gives it to Ross.) Will you tell me what you want it for now?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Why not?
Ross: Because. Come on, let's go.
Chandler: Wait, no, I want to know.
Ross: Look, I just need it to get on the internet for a while, okay? I wanted to do it at home. It's not a big deal. I just wanted to check something. Private stuff.
Chandler: Okay then. Maybe I don't want to know.
(They leave.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is there looking at the pregnancy book. Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Monica: No way is Superman cooler than Batman!
Phoebe: Superman can fly.
Monica: Batman has a utility belt.
Phoebe: Superman can fly. (Sitting down.) Hey, Rach.
Rachel: Hi.
Monica: What're you reading?
Rachel: Joey got me a book.
Phoebe: You're reading a book that Joey picked out?
Rachel: No, it's nothing like that. It's just a pregnancy book.
Monica: Can I see?
Rachel: Sure. (Hands her the book.)
Phoebe: Rach, who's cooler, Batman or Superman?
Rachel: Y'know, I always liked Spiderman.
Phoebe: Oh, you're right, Spiderman is coolest!
Monica: Oh my God, look that this. (Shows them a picture from the book.)
Rachel: Oh�
Phoebe: Eh, I did that. No big deal.
Monica: How could you do that?
Rachel: I can't do that.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Ross is there doing something on Chandler's laptop. Joey enters.]
Ross: (Closing the computer screen.) Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Ross: You didn't knock.
Joey: I never knock. You okay?
Ross: Yes, yes, I'm fine. Did you need something?
Joey: No, I just came to hang out. (Sits down on the couch and turns the TV on.)
Ross: Um, I'm a little busy right now, Joey.
Joey: Doing what?
Ross: Uh, well...
Joey: You're just sitting there.
Ross: Right. Okay, but I need to sit alone.
Joey: Why?
Ross: Because this is my alone time. I need to be alone.
Joey: Fine. Y'know, Rachel is a lot nicer than you! (He leaves and Ross resumes whatever he was doing on Chandler's computer.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are looking at the book.]
Rachel: Phoebe, how did you do that?
Monica: With three babies.
Phoebe: It's not as bad as this book makes it seem.
Rachel: Really?
Phoebe: Well, no. It's that bad.
[Scene: Joey's. Joey is there. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Hi.
Chandler: What're you doing?
Joey: Nothing. I was gonna hang out at Ross's and watch the big TV, y'know, but he made me leave.
Chandler: Was he on my computer?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Did you see what he was doing?
Joey: Uh, no, he closed the screen as soon as I came in.
Chandler: Huh. Maybe I'll go say hello.
Joey: Yeah, well, don't come running back here when he yells at you.
Chandler: Whatever. (Leaves.)
Joey: Why is everyone being so mean?!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Ross is on the computer. Chandler enters. Ross again closes the screen, now getting irritated.]
Chandler: Hey, Ross.
Ross: You need something?
Chandler: No, I just came by to say hello to my good buddy Ross. Oh, and there was something I needed to check on my computer.
Ross: Can't you do that later? I'm using it.
Chandler: Huh, well, what are you doing? It doesn't look like you're using it.
Ross: Just some stuff. Look, just come back later.
Chandler: Yeah, fine. (Leaves, annoyed.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are looking at the book.]
Monica: It's not that bad.
Rachel: Are you serious? Did you not look at the book? Why would Joey buy this for me?
Monica: I don't know.
Rachel: Okay, well, as much as I'd love to learn about the pain I'm gonna have to deal with, I have to go. I have a doctor appointment.
Phoebe: Oh, are you and Ross gonna find out if the baby's a girl or a boy?
Rachel: Yes.
Monica: Oh! I have a whole list of names I made up.
Rachel: Really. Well, um, I'd like to look at that, but I'm gonna be late. I'll see you guys later.
Monica: Oh, do you mind if I keep this book until you get back? I want to show Chandler.
Rachel: Um, sure, good luck with that. Bye. (Leaves.)
Monica: Good luck with that? What's that mean?
Phoebe: Oh, she just said that because she knows that Chandler will freak if you show him that book.
Monica: What? He's not gonna freak.
Phoebe: Oh, he will totally freak.
Monica: I don't think so. In fact, I'll go show him right now.
Phoebe: Okay, good luck with that.
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Ross is there, still on the computer. Rachel enters.]
Ross: (Closing the screen.) Hi!
Rachel: Hey, we're late.
Ross: Oh, right, doctor appointment. Yeah, okay, let's go.
Rachel: Are you okay?
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine. I'll get your coat.
Rachel: Wait. You're sure you're okay? You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?
Ross: I'm fine, I promise. I'm just excited about finding out if we're having a girl or a boy.
Rachel: Okay. Me too.
Ross: (Sincere.) I'm okay. I love you.
Rachel: I love you too.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler is there. Monica enters.]
Monica: Chandler, come look at this.
Chandler: Look at what?
Monica: This pregnancy book.
Chandler: Oh, I'd love to, but I don't think I have to worry about that.
Monica: Would you just look at this? I mean, this is what I'll go through someday.
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Monica: Okay. (Gives the book to him.)
Chandler: (Flipping through.) Hmm. Ew!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there. Monica returns.]
Monica: You were so right! If I hadn't taken the book away, he would have totally freaked out right there!
Phoebe: I told you. But, y'know, he'll probably freak anyway once Rachel's baby is born.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Well, having this baby around all the time, he'll freak out. He'll know that he's gonna have to deal with that, and he'll freak.
Monica: You're not helping!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Joey is there doing something on Chandler's computer. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Whoa, touching the computer, touching the computer!
Joey: Sorry, man. I was just trying to see if I could find out what Ross was doing.
Chandler: Hey, that's a good idea. He wouldn't tell me. He was really secretive about it. Here, I'll do it for you. (Sits down at the computer.)
Joey: So, you can really trace back and see what websites he was at?
Chandler: Sure. (Clicks a few things. The screen comes up and they react with shock.)
Joey: Oh my God.
Chandler: I know.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: Maybe he won't freak.
Monica: He will freak!
Phoebe: No, maybe he'll like having Rachel's baby around, you know? Maybe he'll think it's fun.
Monica: Really?
Phoebe: No, I think he'll freak.
Monica: What?!
Phoebe: Just kidding!
[Scene: Exam room. Ross, Rachel, and Dr. Long are there.]
Dr. Long: Do you two want to know the sex of the baby?
Rachel: Yes, yes.
Ross: Yeah.
Dr. Long: Alright. (Gives them a file.) It's all in there. You can find out whenever you like. And that's about it. I'll see you in a few weeks. (Exits.)
Ross: So, what do you say we wait and tell everyone at the same time?
Rachel: Um, yeah, okay. I guess�
Ross: It'll be more fun that way.
Rachel: Okay, you're right. We'll wait.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Phoebe are there.]
Phoebe: He's not going to freak out, Monica.
Monica: Oh, come on, it's Chandler!
Phoebe: Good point. Look, maybe you should just talk to him about it sometime.
Monica: Yeah, I guess.
Phoebe: I'm sure he'll be fine.
Monica: I hope so. Can we please talk about something else now? I'll worry about that when the time comes.
Phoebe: Yeah, sure! So, do you think Rachel will make a good mom?
Monica: Yeah, I do. Not as good as me, of course.
Phoebe: Of course.
Monica: This is gonna be so great, though, you know?
Phoebe: Yeah, I mean, like, when I had the triplets, it was really sad giving them up. After that, I wished that I could be around babies, even if it wasn't the triplets. This will be so nice. And Rachel works, so I bet she'll let me baby-sit, like, all the time.
Monica: Well, only when I'm not baby-sitting.
Phoebe: But you work too.
Monica: Oh, yeah. Well, I could still baby-sit on, like, nights and stuff when Ross and Rachel go out.
Phoebe: Yeah, but Chandler might not go for that.
Monica: I thought we were done talking about Chandler!
Phoebe: Okay, okay! Relax, Monica. Jeez. I was gonna go to the movies. Do you want to come?
Monica: No, I think I'll just stay here and wait for Ross and Rachel. I can't wait to find out if the baby's a girl or a boy.
Phoebe: Alright, I'll ask Joey. See you later.
Monica: Bye.
(Phoebe exits.)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Chandler and Joey are still looking at the computer. Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: (Looking at the computer screen, then giving Chandler and Joey weird looks.) Umm...
Chandler: Phoebe! Oh, no, no, no, it's not what you think, Joey and I weren't doing that, it's Ross.
Joey: Yeah, Chandler traced back and this is the website Ross was at!
Phoebe: Oh, oh my God.
Chandler and Joey: We know.
Monica: (Entering.) Phoebe?
Phoebe: Monica, look at this! Look what Ross was doing on the internet!
Monica: (Looking.) Oh my God.
Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe: We know!
Monica: Oh, no, I left Rachel's book at the coffeehouse. Look, stay here! Don't do anything! We gotta talk about this! It's so�
Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe: We know!
(Monica leaves.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica is there getting the book. Rachel enters.]
Monica: Oh, hi, Rachel! Hi! Did you find out the sex of the baby?
Rachel: Well, yes, and no.
Monica: What?
Rachel: We have the file, but Ross wanted to wait and find out with everyone at the same time, y'know?
Monica: Well, where's Ross? I wanna find out now!
Rachel: He's at work. You'll find out later.
Monica: Fine. Hey! I can start showing you my names! (Pulls out a list.)
Rachel: (Sitting down.) That's a long list�
Monica: I know! We better get started if we want to at least finish half of them.
Rachel: (Not enthused.) Great. Wait, wait, what if we finish looking at my book first?
Monica: (Pause.) Well, um, Phoebe and I looked at it a little more, and we don't think you should read it.
Rachel: Why not?
Monica: Because we're afraid you'll freak out a little bit. A lot.
Rachel: Well, now I'm freaked out because I know it's bad and you won't let me read about it.
Monica: Okay, fine, but how 'bout you do that later and we look at names now? Please?
Rachel: Yeah, fine. (Sarcastic.) This is so much more fun anyway.
Monica: I know!
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Chandler: This is so�
Joey: I know!
Phoebe: Oh, but, no, we have to get out now!
Chandler: What?
Joey: No, she's right, Ross will be home soon and he'll know that we know what he was doing. Or, or Rachel will come home and that would be really bad.
Chandler: Yeah, okay. (Starts to leave.)
Phoebe: Whoa, wait, you have to turn your computer off or they'll see that we saw!
Chandler: Oh, right. (Turns his computer off.) God, I can't believe it.
Joey: Come on, we better hurry. We're no better off if they find us in their apartment.
(They all leave.)
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are still there.]
Monica: Almost halfway done with the boy list!
Rachel: Is the girl list as long as this one?
Monica: No, it's a few pages longer.
Rachel: This is fun.
Monica: I know!
(Ross enters.)
Rachel: Hey, hi, Ross! Look, it's Ross!
Monica: Hi! Can we find out if the baby's a girl or a boy now?
Ross: Uh, well, as soon as we have everyone together, sure.
Monica: Rach, we can finish looking at the list later.
Rachel: Oh, I can't wait.
Ross: (Seeing Rachel's book.) Hey, uh, what's that?
Rachel: It's a pregnancy book that Joey bought for me.
Ross: Huh. (Starts looking at it.) Oh my God!
Monica: What? You were there when Carol had Ben. You've seen that stuff!
Ross: Well, they don't let you see that stuff!
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
Chandler: Maybe we should talk to Ross about it.
Joey: Yeah, we might be jumping to conclusions.
Phoebe: I guess you guys are right, but what if he gets mad when he finds out we were, like, invading his privacy? I mean, we'll find out for sure soon enough anyway.
Chandler: You're right. We should just wait and see.
(Ross, Rachel, and Monica enter.)
Rachel: Hey!
Ross: Hey, guys, we have news.
Monica: Is it a girl or boy? Girl or boy?!
Rachel: Monica, relax.
Phoebe: Oh, this is so exciting.
Chandler: Maybe if you guys stop talking, they'll tell us.
Joey: Name it Joey!
Rachel: Okay, shut up now and we'll tell you.
Ross: Alright. (Gives Rachel the file.) You do the honors.
Rachel: (Looking at the file, then excited.) We're having a girl!
All: Congratulations! (And other positive comments.)
Joey: Name it Josephine!
[Time lapse. They are sharing their favorite names.]
Phoebe: If you don't name her Phoebe, you should name her Laura.
Chandler: Oh, I like Jessica.
Monica: Chandler, I thought we decided that we didn't like that name!
Chandler: No, you said we didn't like that name for our kid, not for theirs.
Ross: Y'know, we've already discussed a few names.
Rachel: Yeah, actually, we already picked them out.
Joey: Josephine, right?
Rachel: Um, no.
Phoebe: Well, what names did you pick?
Ross: We have Katherine and Ashley.
Monica: Wow! All those names are in the top twenty of my list!
Rachel: Oh, what a coincidence.
Chandler: Yeah, I like those names.
Joey: Not as great as Josephine, but that's a good call.
Phoebe: Oh, I really like them too.
Ross: Well, it's pretty late. We're probably gonna go.
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Goodnight you guys.
All: Bye! Congratulations!
(Ross and Rachel leave.)
Phoebe: I can't believe Ross is gonna ask Rachel to marry him. I mean, we've been waiting, like, eight years for this.
Chandler: Well, eighteen if you count the years before Rachel moved in with Monica.
Joey: I know! And the ring he designed on that website?
Monica: Oh, it was beautiful!
Chandler: See, it pays off to invade people's privacy.
Phoebe: We're still not sure if that's what it was.
Monica: Why else would he be designing engagement rings?!
Joey: It might not have been an engagement ring.
Monica: Did you not see the webpage? It said "design your engagement ring!" It was an engagement ring! Besides, did you not see the ring? If that wasn't an engagement ring, I don't know what is.
Chandler: Oh, good point. It did say that.
Phoebe and Joey: Oh, yeah.
Monica: You're stupid.
Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler: Yeah.
Monica: Okay! Look, we can't tell Rachel and we can't let Ross know that we know. I mean, it's bad enough that we know already. If either of them find out, it's gonna be ruined.
(They all look at Chandler.)
Chandler: Why are you looking at me?! I can keep secrets! I don't tell Ross and Rachel everything! I tell Joey stuff before I tell them.
Joey: Hey, thanks, man!
Monica: What about me? Do you tell me secrets?
Chandler: Some.
Monica: What secrets haven't you told me!
Chandler: Do you remember the Space Mountain story?!
Monica: You keep your secrets.
Chandler: Right.
Joey: Space Mountain?
(Phoebe giggles and whispers something in Joey's ear. Joey then starts laughing.)
Monica: You weren't supposed to tell that!
Phoebe: Oh, come on. We all know.
Chandler: How does Rachel know? (To Monica.) Did you tell her too?
Phoebe: Nope, that was me.
Chandler: Y'know, this secret proposal thing is a lost cause.
(They all nod.)