THOUGH DREAMS can be deceiving
like faces are to hearts
they serve for sweet relieving
when fantasy and reality lie too far apart
- slow like honey, fa |
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jelly / jelly archives
saturday, september 1
8:37 PM
autumn is upon us and choo time is here. will it be the delectable bay boots to wear with my slightly military-style cropped denims, or the ever-so-naughty eccentric pumps to go with my flirty, pleated tulle skirt? fall is coming up. boots would be a nice investment. but how can an unemployed girl like me afford such sweet luxuries? if only i knew someone in the industry. ahem, i say, if only i knew someone that could pull some strings. if only... oh, did i ever mention what a lovely friend and ex-boyfriend charles is? he is the best ex-boyfriend a girl could ever want. :)
2:27 AM
so i have a little side project going on. in addition to the scarf/hat knitting, the cook-a-fancy-recipe a week, the redecorating of the house, and the soggy vegetable garden out back, i am writing my first entangled, enrapturing, enlightening tale of erotica. it's not as difficult as i thought it would be. perhaps cause i'm a girl. girl's fantasies are usually full of what makes erotica good. it's the chase, the process, the means to the end, not the end itself that counts. we all know about the end. as soon as you get to the end, all the yummy goodness that got you there dies. heh, maybe the french were right, it really is le petit mort. anyways, good erotica, gets you really worked up, flushed, heart racing, heavy breathing and most importantly, really wet. when i try to get my male friends to write erotica for me, it's all about the end... the death. and it just comes too quickly (no pun intended). there is no adventure, no chase. you get to the pumping and prodding and probing way too fast, and then ejaculation. wow look at him, he can really ejaculate. what's the fun in that?
i do have a friend, danielle*, that writes great erotica. of course she does, she's female. girls rock.
at sxsw this year there was a documentary about porn flicks created by and for women. i forget what it was called. i never went to see it for fear of seeing something i would regret (i still think i'm innocent). i wish i had now. i think i would've enjoyed seeing their approach. i do admit to turning on the pay per view to the occasional soft porn flick. but i always enjoy seeing the foreplay, the touching, the licking, the massaging, all of those stimulating details way more than the actual fucking. i imagine most women do. i imagine that's how those films these women made were. what a wonderful thought. 90 minutes of hot fleshy action, all for me, not him.
so what is my approach? i was stuck on this for quite a bit. where to start? i tried the typical scenario: girl takes shower. shower breaks. girl is wet. girl gets in towel. girl calls roto rooter. sexy rooter man shows up. man fixes shower. man's shirt gets wet in the process. girl offers towel to dry man off. girl inadvertently is naked. cut to the probing. then i realized this is a porno i just wrote. then i tried the period setting (you know how those get to me), but then i realized i don't know much about 19th century life, culture or language in europe or in america for that matter. ah i do love a good dangerous liaisons session.
so then i decided i have to work with what i got. what i know. so i started with some scenarios that have happened to me in real life, that could've turned quite interesting had it been the right person and the right lubrication available. i'm writing the intro to my first tale as we speak. hopefully i'll get the courage to share. so, look for to some good home-cooked erotica at an internet terminal near you. don't be suprised if you find yourself, your name, or a similarity in your character or incident in one of my TITilating tales. it's all part of the magic.
* all names have been changed to protect the innocent.
friday, august 31
1:01 PM
if you want meat free fries you have to go to india, southeast asia, the middle east or africa. apparently mcdonald's uses natural beef flavoring on their french fries! and my favorite egg mcmuffin with sausage has only 250 calories from fat. i know, that is still a lot, but it's way less than i had always thought it was. who knew?
and stay away from schlotzsky's... yikes.
12:34 AM
welcome to my newly created personal internet homepage on the WORLD WIDE WEB. i've always wanted to say that. let's all hearken back to 1993, the glory days of personal internet homepages on the world wide web...
ok, back to the 21st century. it rained again today. rain is just lovely. mikey and i opened up the window and sat on the sill with our legs hanging out and watched the drizzly day turn into evening. we talked about grace and nathaniel and how lovely and perfect they are for each other. the time grace told me he finally kissed her. the god awful, ugly necklace he bought her and how she wore it anyway, everyday. the time mikey grew a crush on grace and wrote her a love poem. how we danced our asses off at the wedding. what their kids will be like. what we will do to persuade them to name their babies after us.
i love being home. i love being twenty minutes from sis. i love having mom cook yummy food and doing dishes with dad. it's even nice having a youngster around i can pal around with and give advice to. of course i've only been home for 2 weeks. we'll see how i feel in about one month's time with no job, no cute boys, no car. this might mean i will be trapped in my room for days on end, surfing the web. my butt will make a permanent indention in my bed. mikey will have to slip me 2 dimensional food under my door, like velveeta singles and thinly sliced ham.
on another note, i found out that waterloo brewing, in austin is shutting its doors. this makes me very sad. apparently they are converting it into fancy, expensive lofts with retail shops underneath. what is happening to austin? who moved in and decided to do these awful things to such fine establishments? what is waterloo going to do with all that beer they brew? i'm gonna miss their porter and homemade root beer. the memories playing pool, trying to avoid the cigarette smoke and eating their yummy fries. the great music and wonderful characters i've met there. perhaps i shall pay a last visit before they are gone for good.
thursday, august 30
12:44 AM
a manifesto for growth
recommended: 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 13, 15, 18, 19, 24, 25, 26, 29, 31, 32, 33, 36, 37, 38, 39, 41
wednesday, august 29
4:49 PM
after a long dry spell of texas heat, it has finally rained. these last few days have been full of lovely, overcast, filtered day light, soggy dogs and damp socks. i've missed rain so much i put on my bikini bottoms and tank top and sat outside in the ever-so-light drizzle, soaking up the wonderful wetness of it all. took a few photos as well. overcast days are just lovely for black and white photographs. rain rain, don't go away. little jen wants to play.
tuesday, august 28
1:51 PM
heather locklear has a huge head. she really does. i've been told that television personalities all have large heads, that it's an 'unspoken requirement'? i don't know. my friend lori has the illusion of a large head. it's just that her shoulders are not that prominent, and when she slouches over and holds her posture a certain way, her head suddenly looks humongous... absolutely too large for her body. she is a beautiful girl. great personality. quite a firecracker. maybe she should go into television.
12:47 AM
who are you going to marry?
no one if i can help it. (smirk)
i don't like to see you like this.
like what?
pining
grace always thinks cause i kiss a boy, and we remain friends, i'm pining after him. how come in her mind, he's not the one pining after me? i've had my fare share of piners. i'm not the one that pines. ok maybe a few times. but sometimes i just like a good, sloppy lip smooching, pine-free. and besides, grace is just nuts. she's living your atypical romance story. 2 boyfriends her entire life. marries her first one, who happens to be her, get this, junior high sweetheart. who does this? marriage is overrated. maybe.
should i get married? should i be good?
astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and... and...
and faustaus hood...
you always did have that poem memorized... figures
(smirk)
monday, august 27
11:46 AM
dreamed of troy last night. his head on my chest. his body weight trapping me under him. legs intertwined. stroking the curves in his back. smelling his hair. feeling the smooth golden skin from his arms to his shoulders down his back. the rise and fall of his breathing. the heat of his breath on my skin.
1:21 AM
you are so indecisive
i'm not indecisive
we are having this conversation soley because of your indecisiveness
we are having this conversation because i like to know every option i have and because i like to contemplate
...sometimes more than the decision.
after 6 months of no steady work, my life savings has quickly dwindled down to 4 digits thanks to my champagne and caviar lifestyle. reluctant to resign my lease, i have left austin to move in with my parental units and my brother in law, mikey [what do you call your sister's husband's brother?]. i will miss austin dearly. swimming in barton springs. family style at the salt lick. dinner parties at tobias'. sex on my roof. movies at the drafthouse. japanese stickers from toy joy. tubing down the guadalupe. curra's conchinita pibil. turbodog at the showdown. instead of these things i've spent this past week in houston moving my bed around and cleaning out my closet trying to decide whether to throw away my fashion plates or my new kids on the block stickers in order to make room for my hefty collection of hot threads and jimmy choo's [thanks to 2 years in nyc].
i am in this strangely reflective state of panic. i don't know what to do, where to go. i had the opportunity to move to los angeles, rent free, lots of sushi and movie stars! but i turned it down. i don't think i could handle having to be self conscious all 24 hours of the day. and i hear there are earthquakes in california. returning to nyc was another option. but i've only just left there and haven't fully gotten my fix of open texas skies that i love so much.
things i suppose i can spend my time doing:
• redecorate the house
• visit the fine collection of museums houston has
• play older sis
• cook dinner every night for the fam
• knit some scarves for the winter
• find a cheesy photographer to assist
• take an italian class
• masturbate
sounds good to me.
sunday, august 26
5:01 PM
for my peeps back in austin and nyc, the daily ramblings of what's going on in my transitional period in good ol h-town. are you ready for this jelly?
more
jelly please
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