THOUGH DREAMS can be deceiving
like faces are to hearts
they serve for sweet relieving
when fantasy and reality lie too far apart
- slow like honey, fa |
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recent
jelly / jelly archives
thursday, march 28
11:08 PM
i secretly want to get the new kylie minogue cd. i know. stop me. but i just love that single that is out. it makes me shake my bootie everytime i hear it. and the video makes me want to lick her through the tv screen. she is so cute, she really is a little fairy, just like in moulin rouge. i wonder if i'll ever meet her through luca. perhaps.
i also secretly (well not secretly) want to be on trading spaces. although the british version is much better, with better designs, some of the dudes on TS do a pretty decent job. like that vern guy. he's pretty good. he's asian. of course he's good. but i'd rip in my own design ideas and blow him away. in fact, i want to be on the show, like ON the show as a permanent fixture, as one of their highly acclaimed designers. i can sew and paint and hammer and peel with the best of them. if they only gave me a chance.
and finally, i secretly want someone to host me for free. i know none of you are involved in the web, but if you know someone with some extra server space that would be kind enough to host me, please put me in contact. this girl only needs a few megs of space anyhow for her thoughtless ramblings. for the time being, methinks i'll have to move to blogspot ridden with ad banners. i secretly and outwardly hate ad banners.
ta ta for now.
tuesday, march 26
10:31 AM
last night i slept with an aching heart. it shouldn't have ached so much, but you can't control what your heart does. after all, the heart is an involuntary muscle, or maybe it's even subconscious.
btw, geocities is changing their free web hosting plan. no more ftp access after this month, that means no more blogger for me. so that means i'm moving my site. i'll let you know where if you're nice.
friday, march 15
1:52 AM
grace treated me to a movie today. it's nice to have a sister with a paycheck. we saw monster's ball with a very naked and horny halle berry. i was actually quite disappointed to see her in this role. i wonder if the drunken sex scene was cut if everyone would've made such a big deal about her performance. i think not.
so it's nice to be back home finally. after 16 hours riding planes across oceans and then getting on planes again to nyc and back, all you really want is your bed. beds are so yummy. if i could i would build a room that was just one giant bed that covered the floor. i would cover it in soft bedding and pillows and down comforters with silk duvets. i would lounge and read and eat and nap and girate my body to good music, all while lying down. then it would be lovely to roll over and have someone there to hold. someone to caress the skin on my neck and brush the hair off my face. someone that could whisper things that i can unwrap like secret little morsels for my soul that i can intimately cherish and savor and chew and digest and absorb into my greater being.
friday, march 1
5:54 PM
three more days and the depression is already settling in. these last few days will be spent exploring the city with ethan and then evenings with ciula at testaccio. and that alessandro never did take a liking to me. it's such a shame that man will be wasted on these young, unappreciative, italian girls. i do have three more days however... perhaps i should launder my underwear tomorrow and keep my fingers crossed.
capri and ischia were wonderful. riding out to the islands by ferry was exhilarating. i've fallen in love with boats and sailing now. ethan says one day he will take me sailing down the coast of this large boot of a country, and i can soak up the mediterranean sun til i'm burnt crisp as a crostini. and i trust that he will. he's good like that. it's a shame he lives here and i live there. he seems to fit rather nicely on this wandering girl.
ciao italia.
monday, february 11
11:55 AM
salve a tutti! so far roma has been good to me. the weather has been cold and overcast, which is what i love to photograph in, but since people like to steal my cameras i can't. the days have been spent walking around, sitting in cafes, speaking with locals and also lots of tourists. it's been nice coming back to an empty apartment with a small bag of groceries and italian magazine in hand. it's been very relaxing except for the occasional screaming. apparently some of kev's fans have found out where he's staying so on a daily basis i have to answer the door or the phone to crazed girls yelling super fast italian to me. non é qui, non é qui! mi dispiace, non é qui! i frantically yell back. it gets annoying sometimes but it's been fun, i feel semi-famous.
i had thought of going to venice, for carnevale, however it's such a long train ride and i can't deal with such insane crowds, not to mention i probably won't be able to find a place to stay this late in the game. i know i'll probably regret it later, but there is always next time i suppose. so tomorrow i am heading to castiglion fiorentino to visit the old school and beg for a job, then it is off to firenze for several days (MUST go to firenze) then i am coming back to rome and ciula is going to escort me to capri and southern italy for a week. i will have to buy a cheap little camera when we hit southern italia, since i've never been. btw, ciula is my gorgeous italian neighbor, a sexy dancer and an excellent cook. she's taken me dancing several times at local clubs and helped me wreak havoc amongst the italians as well as some tourists (boy does she know how to cocktease those young american boys). she also knows lots of hottie italian men... all still a bit too young and a bit too hairy for me however, but i'll manage. i can always just look ;)
sunday, january 20
1:27 PM
jude law is one of the most gorgeous men alive. unbelievable. i'm watching i love you, i love you not this morning and all i can focus on is his golden hair and blue eyes and smooth skin and pretty face. god, he is the the perfect specimen. and then i can't decide if i think claire danes is pretty. she is, but then there are times she looks so awkward, and i can't stand it when she cries. she get's all into it and turns into this blubbering mess, with strings of spit stretching between her lips and everything. i guess that's why people cast her, she's real, not always attractive, not always perfect.
so claire loves jude, and walks her dog onto his street. she hides behind a tree. she watches him. then jude finally notices claire cause she writes him a poem for a class. and they fall in love (as much as high schoolers can). they spend days in central park. they kiss. they touch each other's hair. she cheers him on at lacrosse games. he listens to her read. but she's just to intense for him, too romantic, too serious, too poetic. she hates his friends yet he tries to make her feel comfortable. she's his katie and he's her hubbell. his friends don't understand why he 'chose' her. he starts to not understand her. so he leaves her. and then she cries and my heart breaks for her. but then come the strings of spit. so unattractive, claire. really.
the first time that i went there
there was silence all around,
and your street was almost empty,
and the sun beat on the ground.
and since then i keep on going
something pulls me so i go,
though i don't want you to see me,
i don't want you to know.
for i know you'll never love me,
i know you'll never care,
but still i can't help going
for the only place i want to be is there,
yes there... oh there.
thursday, january 17
12:32 AM
today was a very sad day. it already started off kinda sad with a sort of fall out with a friend. then, it seems, within moments, before my tears even dry from my cheek, i get a call that catherine's mother has passed away, in the hospital, with like tubes and ivs and all sorts of medical devices still connected to her. is that any way to die? to be lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to a machine? i guess i tend to romanticize things, even death. but it seems that nothing is romantic these days, not even my fantasies. i pray this passes and passes quickly.
more
jelly please
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