"It's Not That"
This is one of my most honest poems. I wrote it years ago, and it is about how I am in some relationships and how, for all people, small things represent larger issues. I read it now and see how in tune I was with myself even though I didn't realize it.
It's not that I don't want you to be right
It's that I can't be wrong
It's not that I don't want you to change
It's that I don't know how to deal with a different you
It's not that I don't care about your friends
It's that I'm jealous and you don't have to prove yourself to me
It's not that I wanted to tell people your secrets so they'd laugh
It's that I'm embarrassed by mine
It's not that I was mad at you for telling people I'm a virgin
It's that I wanted the focus off of me
It's not that I'm upset with you for saying you think I made her up
It's that you found me out so easily
It's not that I had more E-Mails to write
It's that I didn't want you to think you could control me
It's not that I really wanted to go bowling
It's that I didn't want to let you get your way
It's not that I don't or can't care for you
It's that I won't allow myself to feel it
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