Random Occurences of Stupidity
A news brief in The Rocky Mount Telegram:
Reveler falls to death
SYRACUSE, N.Y. (AP) -- A New Year's reveler watching the festivities in the streets fell to his death down a fire escape minutes before the arrival of the new millennium. Shawn Wolfe, 34, had climbed the fire escape to watch the celebration in Armory Square, a popular nighttime entertainment spot, police said. He suffered neck and head injuries.
Found on a Slinky box:
1. TO WALK SLINKY DOWN STAIRS- Place Slinky on top stair. Grip coil at top and flip it over toward middle of the next lower step, releasing hold on Slinky. Now Slinky takes over and walks downstairs all by itself.
2. TO PLAY WITH SLINKY IN HANDS- Hold end coils of Slinky with both hands. Now raise and lower each hand in a rhythmic motion.
3. TO WALK SLINKY DOWN INCLINE OR SLOPE- Any board of table top with a non-slip surface will do. Slope surface so rise equals about 1 foot for every 4 foot length. Place Slinky at top, flip and watch Slinky start down, end over end.
4. TO BOUNCE SLINKY UP AND DOWN- Hold a few coils tightly in one hand, allowing rest of Slinky to hang down. Now in a bouncing motion, move hand slowly up and down.
CAUTION- Do not use in moving vehicle. Do not throw coils out any window. Keep Slinky away from face and eyes.
Reported by a meterologist at the Rocky Mount-Wilson Airport:
"The FAA sent us a tape on how to prepare for the year 2000 and labeled it 'How To Prepare for Y3K.' I guess we can hang on to this for another 1,000 years."
Found on the bottom of a Japanese product:
"Do not turn product upside down."
On a package of peanut m&ms:
"Caution: May contain nuts."
On a package of Dial soap:
"Use as regular soap."
A headline on Yahoo! Daily News
Three Dead, Three Wounded in Tennessee Shooting
MEMPHIS, Tenn. (Reuters) - A man began shooting at police officers and firefighters responding to a blaze in his home on Wednesday in an incident that left three dead and three wounded. The gunman emerged either from the burning home or an adjacent garage firing a "long gun,'' and he was shot when he refused to put down the weapon, police said.
(This is a bit sadistic. The man had actually murdered his wife-- being the reason he shot at the police officers. Either way, when I initially read the story, I found it amusing that anyone would shoot at firefighters who were trying to put out your burning house.)
"Men are all the same -- straight, gay or whatever. We should all be concentrating on the sameness between us rather than all these differences." -- Rupert Everett
"No, because I already am." -- Billy Joel, when asked by USA Today if he watches "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"
(Yeah yeah, I know, I know... "that's not stupid." It's just funny. Don't question my discretion!)
Product advertisment during an animated Japenese television show ("Kenshin"):
"IN STORE NOW"
On a Silly Putty package:
"Not intended for use as ear plugs."
On a fire log label:
"Caution: risk of fire."
On a can of Easy Cheese:
"For best results, remove cap."
In a column in the Riverfront News of St. Lous, Missouri:
"What happens to your Cabbage Patch Doll when it bites the dust? A San Francisco woman found out when she sent a broken doll back to the manufacturer. She expected a replacement. What she got instead was... a death certificate and a letter of condolence."
(This is probably *not* true, as it was found in The Mexican Pet, a book of urban legends and folklore. However, I found it amusing and decided to post it anyway.)
"I'm not secure in my figure. If I could shower in my bathing suit, I would." -- Jennifer Love Hewitt
(Who is she kidding?! This is JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT we're talking about!)
A headline on Excite Oddly Enough news:
Beauty is in the Ears of the Beholder
EDMONTON (Reuters) - A blind Canadian man who helped judge two beauty pageants on Sunday[...]
From Jay Leno's The Tonight Show headlines:
"Spanish tooter needed for a 7 year old student, learn to speak and write fluently. Call after 6pm."
Seen on a church sign in Chatham county (again, this is another of those funny, not necessarily idiotic quotes):
"THIS PROPERTY AVAILABLE ----------- AFTER JESUS COMES"
A post found at www.slashdot.org :
Your CPU Will Explode
"In case any of you were still opening up email from people you don't know, the Weekly World News is reporting that you could now be killed by a malicious email virus that will alter the molecular structure of your CPU, making it explode!! Of course, as a person who understands these newfangled computer things, even I can not imagine what evils those hacker people can come up with. I think I'm going to go hide in my Y2K compound now."
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