| Bella Donna Night Raven�s Opening Statement |
| I have been asked to give my thoughts on the spiritual and religious aspects of being transgender. There has already been some material regarding that subject, and I will try not to rehash it too much. But there will be some mention of it in this opening statement. As a transgender person I have always felt the spiritual connection related to being so. And like many others, it took me a long time to even begin to understand it. But one thing is for sure; there is a very definite and strong connection there.
Let me begin by sharing my own journey and experiences. Like most transgender persons, I knew early on that something was wrong. I was not in the right body. I did not feel natural acting out the gender role assigned to me. I very much wanted to become more like the opposite gender, the gender that I truly felt inside. Which in my case was female. I was born into a Roman Catholic household, but was not forced to participate in it. I also had a very strong feminine influence early on in my life. I enjoyed playing with my sisters and dressing up in their clothes, and putting on makeup. I was also spoiled by lots of female servants. We lived in Vietnam during the early 60�s and we were somewhat isolated in how we lived. I did not have too much of a problem till we came back to the United States to live. The culture shock, and strong gender bias, put an end to my carefree gender bending. The loss of my father at an early age, I think, further reinforced my identification with the feminine gender. I also began not to believe in the male God everyone talked about. And I envisioned a Goddess in my prayers. My prayers were mostly that I become female, and live the rest of my life as such. Of course I was under the same pressure we all face to conform. And I did try to act like a boy. But it never felt right. And I began to secretly crossdress, and worship the Goddess. I felt very much compelled to do so. It was like some inner voice was calling me. It was very hard to act one way, and feel the opposite. I also felt a lot of guilt over my feelings. But it became an obsession that I could not overcome. And I tried some pretty stupid things in attempting to be the male expected of me. My personal conflict led me into legal and family conflict. I won�t rehash my entire life here, as that is not the purpose of this document. Let me just end this part by saying that by the time I came to a personal and spiritual understanding of my being transgender, my life was a wreck. I can sit here now and look back and see clearly my mistakes. And I also see the need for a strong spiritual grounding for transgender persons. The Need For a Transgender Spiritual Tradition We as a people (i.e., transgender) need to have our own spiritual tradition, and or religious grounding. The traditional faiths have either scorned us, persecuted and killed us, or ignored us for too long. In the past, some societies did make an accommodation for transgender/twin-spirit persons. But those all fell by the wayside in the eventual domination of most societies, by the patriarchal religions. These patriarchal religions and the doctrines they taught were openly hostile to women, gays, transgender, and any other type of person who did not conform. All Goddess worshiping, and any other Pagan form of spirituality was banned under pain of death. This did not mean that transpersons ceased to exist, but it did mean that they were for the most part alone and without any help. There was no one to turn to, nor any Goddess to pray to. We can see if there is no spiritual home for transgender they will not find much spiritual help in the mainstream. It is up to us to define and meet our own spiritual needs. We can get help from existing traditions, and religions. But in the long run we have to claim our own space. There are many transgender social and support groups. And this would be a good place to start in forming a transgender spiritual tradition. I like support groups and they fill a serious need. But without a strong spiritual grounding, many transgender people won�t be able to handle the situations they have to confront in everyday life. With a strong spiritual grounding and some transgender fellowship, almost anyone will be able to cope. A spiritual tradition can also help one in those times of need when there is no one there to help. On a more practical side, if one�s way of expressing their spiritually grounded non-natal gender identity is also the free exercise of their religious belief, it is a lot harder to discriminate against them legally. This should apply to work, housing, and public accommodations. There would also be certain tax and other financial benefits as well. The Form ad Practice of a Transgender Spiritual Tradition As far as the specifics of form and practice of any transgender spiritual tradition, that would be up to those who practice it. There would be some benefit however to creating a baseline or model to work from. We could look to history for some ideals. But we should not limit ourselves to what has been done before. Of course, there needs to be an equality and respect of all forms of gender expression. In that I mean there should be no exclusion of anyone who has a gender expression issue or situation. It should also be open to persons who may not have gender issues. But are friends, allies, or spouses of people who do. There should be a code of ethics and behavior, to ensure there are no problems due to persons who represent the transgender spiritual tradition. There should be some type of doctrine and confession of beliefs that will define the tradition. And yet be broad enough to allow most if not all forms of gender expression to be fairly represented. The clergy (priest, priestess, etc.) should have some type of training if at all possible. But there should only be a very limited amount of paid clergy. Most clergy could meet the needs of a small group without having to do it fulltime. There would have to be some type of professional staff at a state, national, or even international level. They could lobby for positive change and representation of our needs. Mostly though we could do much of what we need to do on a personal and or local community level. Just as there are people who have come to the fore in the transgender community, as far as support groups and lobbying groups, I think that a transgender spiritual tradition is a logical progression to those groups. Another good thing that such a tradition could accomplish is the establishment of an outreach program. For at risk transgender persons such as trans-youth, prisoners, immigrants, and those that are further challenged. By such things as race, handicap, economic status, or social status. Such a tradition should not practice or abide in any form of discrimination. And should seek to elevate all transgender persons. And last but not least the transgender spiritual tradition should be fun to do! Of course there is a serious side to every thing. But there should also be a whole lot of singing, dancing, laughing, and acting out. There should be a lot of social events, as well as a genuine concern and interaction with each other. Being transgender is and should be considered a blessing, and not a curse. It is up to us to make it so. My Personal Transgender Spiritual Practice For myself I have found that the practice of Wicca or Witchcraft works best for my spiritual needs. Most practitioners of Wicca have a strong reverence for the Goddess or the feminine aspect of deity or divinity. Some traditions of Wicca do not even consider the male aspect of any divinity or deity. I choose not to myself. But that is up to the individual. I use the forms and practice of Wicca to give reverence and respect to my concept of the Goddess. I have felt a strong feminine spirit in my soul all my life. And I am very thankful for it. I have learned to nurture it and made it grow in spite of the adversity and enmity towards it that I encounter in this society. I have found a sense of peace and fulfillment in my worship of the Goddess and the feminine divine. Most Pagan and or Wiccan traditions will respect a transgender person (though not all). And one can usually craft their own form of worship and rituals within the framework of such a tradition. I have studied the old religions that did respect the transgender among them and have borrowed names and ideals from them to use in my own worship. There are many ways to express your feelings as a transgender person within the framework of Wiccan practice. I keep what is called a �Book Of Shadows� which is a cross between a journal and a witch�s cookbook. In it I write down such things as my personal dedications to the Goddess, important dates, reference material, useful spells and rituals. When I set up my altar I try to use as much feminine symbolism as possible, and I meditate upon how I feel inside. It is hard to express to someone who is not a practitioner of Wicca or someone who is not very spiritual how important this all is, but it means a lot to me. I also try to network and interact with other Wiccans and Pagans, as my transgender self. In that way I find a way to spread some information about transgender people in a positive way. Plus it helps me feel more comfortable about who I am. I hope some day to be able to write professionally about the connection between Paganism and transgender spirituality. Till that time I will just live it and learn it. I hope that this opening statement has made some sense to you and that I can hear some ideas from others. The fact that I am a prisoner will keep me from being able to respond to other prisoners. But I hope that this finds its way to some type of open forum where anyone can see it. Thank You Yours Truly in Sisterhood Bella Donna Night Raven |
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