The Jason Files

Considering I live in the middle of the midwest, you might think the chances of my spying a mega celebrity like Jason Schwartzman would be pretty improbable, since it's true that anyone of importance avoids America's Heartland like the plague. You would be correct.

1/16/00........the GAP........7:30 pm CT
I spot a sucpicious looking character amid a sea of khaki. That distinguished looking nose, where have I seen it before? I go in for closer inspection. I lose him somewhere around the sale racks. I catch up with him again when he pauses just long enough for me to sneak myself up right next to him.
1/16/00........the GAP........7:35 pm CT
I declare this stranger an imposter after realizing he stands about 6 inches taller than me, where as the real Jason would be 2 inches shorter than me. THIS HAS BEEN A FALSE ALARM.

2/20/00
Haven't seen the J man lately. Do you think he's okay? Oh no something could be terribly wrong!!! Oh okay wait I just remembered, I don't actually know Jason. phew. Close one. Does Jason know how close he just came to almost certain death???


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