It shouldn�t be that hard. It�s only a purse. One large, slightly cavernous pocket with two matching ones in the front. No big deal.
Then why was he so scared?
When Sam had asked him to fish her lip-gloss out of her handbag he had immediately said yes, conveniently forgetting that a woman�s purse was like Death Valley.
No Man�s Land.
So he stood there: hands on hips and lips pursed in a gesture of naked consternation as he tried to figure out the best way to remedy the situation. Maybe he should get Teal�c to trade places with him. Or better�Jonas. Yeah, nothing like a trusting Kelownan to help him get out of this.
Nah, if he did that, Sam would ride him so hard about it he wouldn�t hear the end of it for weeks. Not that the prospect of her riding him didn't have his mind doing all sorts of mental games, but he really didn�t want to risk her ire. He had just retired for crying out loud. Almost seemed worth it, though. He noticed a presence on his left side.
Teal�c.
�O�Neill, is there something amiss with MajorCater�s personal transport pack?�
�It�s called a purse Teal�c, and no, there�s nothing wrong with it.�
�Then why do you stare at it with such vexation?�
�Do you have any idea what�s in these things?� He looked up at his friend. No, he wouldn�t. �Well, I�ll tell you.� He paused for emphasis. �Stuff.�
�Stuff?� Teal�c repeated, his right eyebrow rising in confusion.
�Yeah, a lot of stuff. You name it; it can go in this thing. Most of it�s dangerous. Shouldn�t be handled without proper safety precautions.� Jack crossed his arms across his chest and widened his stance in defiance.
�A Zat nicatel?� Teal�c supplied, hoping an example would help in the explanation.
Jack harrumphed. She probably carried one in it too, but he�d be damned if he was actually going to go in there just to find out. Soon he felt another presence, this time on his left. Jonas.
�What�s everyone staring at?�
�A most formidable object, JonasQuinn. According to O�Neill something of great power.� Teal�c explained. Jack looked over to the Kelownan and nodded in agreement with the Jaffa�s assessment. He knew Teal�c would understand.
Jonas looked at the innocent handbag, still sitting placidly on the table. The people of his planet did not have anything like this on their world. He wondered how humans could use such a thing.
�Looks pretty harmless to me.� Jonas leaned over, hoping to get a better view of the contents. Jack�s hand came out from underneath his other arm to restrain him.
�It isn�t 'harmless', and I wouldn�t do that if I were you,� He warned, shaking his head slightly.
They didn�t notice the footsteps behind them as they continued to stare at the bag.
�If I thought it�d be this difficult to get a simple tube of gloss out of my purse I would�ve done it myself,� Sam muttered under her breath as her hand dove into the purse, felt around for a little while, and with a triumphant ah-ha! grabbed its intended target and withdrew.
With one last searing look at her teammates and ex-CO (she�d have a �talk� with him later), Sam turned on her heel and went back into her living room, her prize grasped firmly in her right hand.
Jack looked up from the table and let out a long sigh as he clasped his hands together, rubbing them furiously to release the tension.
�Well, now that that�s done how about we eat? Anyone for hot dogs?�
�Got any bananas?� Jonas asked hopefully, ignoring Jack�s icy stare.
Jack tilted his head. �What is it with you and bananas anyway? You know, one day this little fascination of yours is going to land you right smack dab in the loony bin, Jonas.�
Jonas shrugged, smiled brightly, and followed the colonel and Teal�c back into Sam�s living room, a Simpson�s episode already playing on the TV.
***FIN***