One Jump

**Mistoffelees races into the junkyard with a roll of paper in his mouth

Tugger bounds over to him and suddenly finds himself strapped to the ground** Tugger: Hey! What’s going on Misto?

Misto: I’ve got a present for the Jellicles and last time one was brought you ran away and I had to chase you down. You’re not getting the chance now.

Tugger : **screams** NOT ANOTHER SPOOF!

**Mistoffelees grins evilly**

**Tugger is still screaming uncontrollably**

Munkustrap: **enters** Hey Misto.. Why’s Tugger screaming?

Mistoffelees: **grinning** Because Mistostar’s written another spoof and he was first to find out. **Lets out a piercing whistle

All Jellicles come running out and sit in front of Mistoffelees.**

Plato: **leers at Tugger** What’s up now Misto?

Mistoffelees: It’s spoof time! **Does a little happy dance** Okay, are we all ready? **Looks to make sure** Good. Hey Mistostar, come on out!

Mistostar: **creeps out quietly** You mean they didn’t run?

Mistoffelees: They tried, well, Tugger did. You want to tell them?

Mistostar: Yup. Okay everybody, I know how much fun we all had with the Lion King spoof I wrote, so I decided that we would do another one… and after long careful consideration, I decided that we’d do an Aladdin song the same way. This one’s a bit more ambitious than the last one we did. More parts. Okay, as I call it… front and center! Mistoffelees!

Mistoffelees: **Comes up to Mistostar happily** Yes ma’m!

Mistostar: You’ll be Aladdin. Pouncevil!

Pouncevil: **creeps to the front** Yeah?

Mistostar: I know singing isn’t your strong point, so you’re Abu… no singing, and you get a cute hat **Produces cute hat and places on Pounce’s head** There… Adorable

**Pouncevil grins widely**

Mistostar: Bomb, here’s your script **hands her a script** You’ll be playing the role of the Woman. I know it’s not a big part, but there aren’t any big parts for queens in this.

Bombalurina: **takes the script and flips through it** I guess I’ll be singing the chorus role as well?

Mistostar: **nods** Plato, Macavity, Tugger and Munkustrap, you’ll be playing the guards. **they nod** Tugger, you’re guard 1, Munkustrap, you’re guard 2. **hands them scripts**

Tugger: **flipping through script** Hey! I’m a nincompoop!

Mistostar: If the cap fits….**looks at Victoria** You’ll be playing the “Lady” **hands her a script** Electra, Demeter, Rumpleteaser Etcetera and Tantomile, you’ve got the parts of the women. You get to hide our “Aladdin” **hands them scripts** Misto, could you help me hand out the rest of these scripts… Everyone who didn’t get a named part is singing chorus, as usual. **gives Misto half the scripts and distributes her half**

Mistoffelees: No probs **takes scripts and hands them out**

Mistostar: Are we ready? **looks around** Good. Places please!

**The cats scamper into position**

Etcetera: Hey! This one’s not a love song… YAY!!!!!!!!!

Tugger: Shut up Ecty!

**Etcetera pouts at Tugger**

Mistostar: **Sighs** Misto, when you’re ready!

Mistoffelees: **looks at Pounce in little red Abu hat** Come on! Let’s get out of here! **takes off running

Tugger: **takes off running as well**

Mistostar: **leaps on him** Oh no you don’t! That’s part of the script!. Sit! Stay!

Mistoffelees: **stops* Start again? Right…**clears his throat* Come on! Let’s get outta here Abu! **takes off running*

Pounce: **takes off running*

Mistoffelees: Gotta keep… one jump ahead of the breadline
One swing ahead of the sword

Plato: **swings sword at Misto*

Mistoffelees: HEY! Watch it!

Mistostar: Just keep going Misto….

Mistoffelees: **nods* I steal… only what I can’t afford!

Pouncevil: Hey! I though Teaser and Jerrie were the thiefs!

Mistoffelees: **stops dead* Yeah! Why did I get to be the thief?

Mistostar: Because you’re smaller than Jerrie, and if I decide to write any more from this musical, then you’ll be Aladdin, who by the way is the HERO!!!!!

Mistoffelees: **puffs out chest* That’s okay then!

Macavity: **Looks pointedly at Misto, sword in hand* Can we get on with this????

Mistoffelees: **looks at Macavity* Yeah alright, you bully… Where was I?

Tugger: **Points sword at Misto* Running

Mistoffelees: Oh Yeah… **clears throat* That’s everything! **runs again* One jump, ahead of the lawmen **jumps onto a pile of junk*

Pounce: **jumps as well, and sticks his tongue out*

Munkustrap: **tries to leap up as well and misses, falling on Macavity, Plato and Tugger*

Mistoffelees: That’s all, and that’s no joke!
These guys,
Don’t appreciate I’m broke *Standing on a platform*

**Tugger, Macavity, Plato and Munkustrap, shaking the platform*

Tugger: Riffraff!

Plato: Street Rat!

Etcetera: A rat? Where? I’m hungry!

Mistostar: **Rolls her eyes* It’s an expression Ecty, SHUSH!!!!!

Etcetera: **looks sheepish* Sowwee

**Macavity & Munkustrap look enquiringly at Mistostar*

Mistostar: **waves a hand at them* Yeah, just keep going…

**they nod*

Macavity: Scoundrel!

Munkustrap: Take That!

Pouncevil: **Is in danger of falling off* Would you guys shake that a little less please????

Mistostar: **buries head in hands*

Mistoffelees: **gently* Pounce, you’re not supposed to talk you know. Shush

Pouncevil: **pouts* But I nearly fell off! I coulda hurt myself

Mistoffelees: *sighs* You’re a cat Pounce, you would have landed on your feet. **sings** Just a little snack guys

Tugger & Plato: **shout** Rip him open

Macavity & Munkustrap: **shout** Take it back guys

Macavity: **pauses** Why am I so against them stealing stuff? I LIKE them to steal stuff, as long as I get a cut of it….

Mistostar: **Looks daggers at him**

Macavity: **cringes**

Mistoffelees: **sings, glaring at Macavity** I can take a hint,
Gotta face the facts
You’re my only friend Abu!

Bombalurina, Etcetera, Demeter & Rumpleteaser: Who?!?
Oh it’s sad Aladdin’s hit the bottom
He’s become a one man rise in crime

Bombalurina: **reading through script** I don’t want to say this, it’ll hurt Misto’s feelings.

Mistoffelees: **quickly flips through script** Bomb, it’s one line, and it’s a spoof. It’s not me it’s this Aladdin guy right Mistostar?

Mistostar: **nods** Yup. Besides, we all know who Misto’s parents are right?

Everyone: **nods**

Mistostar: So there’s no problem… Can we continue please? **looks around**

Bombalurina: **nods** Okay **reads the script, waiting for someone to jump in**

Mistostar: **slaps herself in the head** That’s your line Bomb!

Bomb: **looks embarrassed** Yeah sorry! **clears throat and sings** I’d blame parents, except he hasn’t got ‘em!

Mistoffelees: **applauds** Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat
Tell you all about it when I’ve got the time!
One jump ahead of the slowpokes

Plato: **Yells** I resemble that remark

Mistoffelees: **Ignores him and sings over everyone else who buts in** One skip ahead of my doom

Tugger: **Yells** MY DOOM!!!!!

Mistoffelees: Next time, gonna use a non de plume

Etcetera: **to Bomb** What a non de plume?

Bomb: French. Don’t ask questions

Mistoffelees: One jump ahead of the hitmen

Macavity:: Who sent out Hitmen? I didn’t!!!!!

Mistoffelees: **struggling not to laugh by this stage** One hit ahead of the flock

Rumpleteaser & Mungojerrie: BAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Mistoffelees: **grabs Pouncevil and nicks off** I think Ill take a stroll around the block **Yells back** SEE YA LATER!!!!!!

All Toms: STOP THIEF!

All Queens: VANDAL!

Toms: OUTRAGE!

Queens: SCANDAL!

**All stop expectantly, waiting for Mistoffelees to jump in**

Mistostar: **Looks around carefully** I think the little ratbag has nicked off! Wait a sec… **looks up to the sky** Hey Author lady!

**loud voice booms down** Yeah what?

Mistostar: **politely yells** Can you get Misto back here?

Author: Say PLEASE!

Mistostar: **looks at the Jellicles** Together now.. 1… 2… 3…

All: **yell** PLEASE?????????

Author: **to Mistoffelees** Sorry pal, you gotta go back

Mistoffelees & Pouncevil: DAGNAMIT!

**Mistoffelees & Pouncevil appear from the sky and are dropped into the middle of a crowd of angry Jellicles**

Mistoffelees: **starts singing** Let’s not be to hasty!

Tugger: **grimly** I couldn’t escape, so you’re in for it now!

Mistostar: Tugger back it off! Victoria! Your line!

Victoria: **simpers** But How did you want me to play this part?

Mistostar: **patiently** Like a horrid old hag who hasn’t had a mate in a long time.

Victoria: **starts crying** I’m not an old hag

Plato: **rolls his eyes** Vicky, it’s a play, you ACT!

Victoria: **cries** You don’t love me anymore

Plato: **sighs** Oh brother! Vicky, I love you, but if you don’t hurry up and say your line, there’s not going to be much of you left I’m afraid

Victoria: **breaks down and runs away**

Mistostar: **puts her head in her paws** NOW what am I going to do?

Electra: **pokes her head up** I’ve got a solution **yells** PLACES!

**all Jellicles scramble to their places**

Electra: **sings** Still I think he’s rather tasty **waggles her tongue at Misto**

Mistoffelees: **grinning** Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat
Otherwise we’d get along!

Munkustrap, Tugger & Plato: WRONG

Macavity: RIGHT!

Munk, RTT & Plato: **glares at Macavity**

Macavity: **Innocently** What? He’s got a point!

**A mad chase ensues around the junkyard. Pounce finds a sword somewhere**.

Tugger: **cringing away from Pouncevil** He’d got a sword!

Munkustrap: You idiot – We’ve ALL got swords!

**Macavity, Munkustrap, Plato & Tugger brandish their swords at Pounce, who runs away again**

Mistostar: **views the ensuing chaos** Oh Brother! **yells** MISTO! START SINGING!

Mistoffelees: **Nods and sings** One jump ahead of the hoofbeats **grabs Pounce’s paw and starts running all over the place**

Queens: VANDAL! **Giving chase over the boxes**

Mistoffelees: One hop ahead of the hump! **leaps onto the car roof**

Toms: STREET RAT! **shakes fists**

Mistoffelees: One trick ahead of disaster! **pokes tongue out at everyone**

Queens: SCOUNDREL! **Shriek in unison**

Mistoffelees: They’re quick – but I’m much faster **jumps with Pounce onto Pounce’s chair**

Toms: TAKE THAT! **throwing paper at the pair**

Mistoffelees: Here goes, better throw my hand in
Wish me happy landin’
All I gotta do is JUMP!!

**Mistoffelees & Pounce jump off the chair and vanish, reappearing behind Mistostar**

Mistostar: **applauding** Bravi, Bravi Bravissimi!

**All stop and scratch their heads**

Mistoffelees: Huh?

Mistostar: **buries paws in hands and cries**

**Junkyard degenerates into a shouting match as to the meaning of “Bravissimi” as we leave**

Mistoffelees: **sitting on top of the TSE 1, singing to Pouncevil** Riffraff, street rat
I don’t buy that
If only they’d look closer
Would they see a poor tom? No siree
They’d find out, there’s so much more to me
**looks at Pouncevil, then up at the moon**
Someday Pounce, things are gonna change. We’ll be rich, live in a castle, and never have any problems at all. You’ll see

Pouncevil: **looks at him strangely** Misto, what are you on? We’re cats, we don’t live in castles.

**Fade out**

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