Title: The Greek Parody Saga!

Author: Mitsue

Rating: G

Status: Prologue 

Summary: The Jellicles parody the Greek Myths.

Disclaimer: Cats belongs to T.S. Eliot, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and RUG.

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The Jellicle Parody Players of The Jellicle Parody Theatre present…

The Prologue of The Greek Parody Saga!

By: Mitsue

Cast:

Narrator: Mitsue

Zeus: Munkustrap

Hera: Demeter

Ares: Saati

Aphrodite: Victoria

Hephaestus: Great Rumpus Cat

Hermes: Mistoffolees

Demeter: Bombalurina

Persephone: Etcetera

Poseidon: Alonzo

Athena: Maria

Apollo: Mungojerrie

Artemis: Rumpleteazer

Dionysus: Pouncival

Hestia: Cassandra

Hades: Macavity

Backstage

Maria: (dressed as Athena) This is interesting. You actually managed to drag us in.

Mitsue: Well, um…

Maria: Never mind.

Saati: (dressed as Ares) I’m gonna get you back someday.

Mitsue: I know that. Oh look, the prologue’s starting. I better get going.

Mitsue is in her narrator spot. Munku, Demi, Saati, Vicky, GRC, Misto, Bomba, Etcy, Alonzo, Maria, Mungo, Rumple, Pounce, Cassie, and Mac are on stage. The first 13 are sitting on thrones in the Mt. Jellipus scene. Cassie is sitting at the lit fire in the middle and Mac is off to the side, looking gloomy.

Mitsue: Once upon a time, there were twelve divine beings that were fortunate enough to have some sort of power, which caused everyone to call them gods. And that just reminded me of how shallow our society is. The Big Kahuna himself was Munkustrap, who royally and politely insisted that he always got the highest throne.

Munku picks up a cardboard lightning bolt and threatens to throw it at Saati, who is sitting in his chair. Saati quickly leaves the seat.

Mitsue: His mate Demeter, whom he had chosen from all his mates to be his queen (as in queen-queen. You do know what I mean, right?), sat on his right.  

Demi does the Royal Audrey Hepburn Roman Holiday Wave.

Saati: (in a very exaggerated British accent) Mother, you’re royally embarrassing me.

Demi: (in same British accent) Hush up, I’m greeting the crowds of people.

Mitsue: Beside her sat her son Saati, god of war.

Saati steals one of Munku’s bolts and throws it at Misto.

Demi: (smacks his paw) No hitting your brothers with Daddy’s lightning bolts! Ten minutes time out for you.

Saati: But Mooooooom… (starts a war in Athens, Greece)

Mitsue: Beside him sat Victoria, goddess of love and her mate, Great Rumpus Cat, god of fire.

Vicky: What? I’m his MATE????

GRC: Well, fine.

Vicky: Fine.

GRC: Fine.

Vicky: Fine.

Bomba: Some kitties need marriage counseling…

Mitsue: After that, was Munkustrap’s son, Mistoffolees, herald of the gods.

Misto is shooting real lightning bolts at Saati.

Misto: Ha! Take that, sucker!

Mitsue: The last one on that side was Munkustrap’s sister, Bombalurina, the goddess of the harvest, with her little daughter Etcetera on her lap.

Bomba: I cannot believe this.

Mitsue: Now to the left…

Cats groan.

Mitsue: First, Munkustrap’s brother Alonzo, god of the sea.

Alonzo throws a bucket of water at Munku. Munku throws a lightning bolt at him. This continues until Mitsue throws two shoes at both of them.

Mitsue: Then after that sat four of Munkustrap’s kittens. Maria, goddess of wisdom-

Maria: Okay, I’m supposed to be smart. 1+1=2, 2+3=5, 678-3421= -2743, blah blah blah…

Mitsue: I think she overworks herself. Next to her, the twins Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. Mungojerrie was the god of light and music and Rumpleteazer was goddess of the hunt.

Mungo and Teazer are fighting.

Mungo: Oi do not!

Teazer: Do too!

Mungo: Do not!

Teazer: Do too!

Munku: HEY!! BE QUIET OR I’LL SEND YOU TO THE UNDERWORLD MYSELF!!!!!

Maria: Dad, you forgot one little detail. Gods can’t die.

Munku: I wasn’t planning to kill them. I was just planning to send them there to eternities of mortal suffering.

Maria: Whatever.

Teazer: Daaaaaad, oi doin’t wanna go. Uncle Mac’s depressin’.

Mac: Yes, I’m so depressing. I’m so depressing that my own niece doesn’t want to visit me for a week. Let alone eternities. Now I’m actually depressed.

Mitsue: Um, can we discontinue this little lovefest to get on with the story? Anyway, the last one was the youngest of the gods, Pouncival, god of cream.

Pounce: Yes!! (takes a big swig of cream)

Demi: (smacks her forehead) For crying out loud… Munku, honey, we really need to talk to Mitsue about bad casting.

Mitsue: Munkustrap’s eldest sister, Cassandra, didn’t sit on a throne but preferred to sit in front of the hearth in the middle of that room.

Cassie is tending to the fire, but she puts her front paws in there on accident. So now they’re on fire.

Cassie: AHHHHHHH!!!!

Alonzo throws another bucket of water at Cassie.

Cassie: (soaking wet) Thank you, Alonzo.

Mitsue: As for Munkustrap’s eldest brother Macavity, he preferred to stay in his depressing home known as the underworld.

Mac: I’m so depressed.

Mitsue: Well, anyway, the gods lived a happy life.

Mac: Not me.

Mitsue: SHADDUP!!!! But whenever the gods had fights, they were often violent.

All of the cats onstage are fighting except for Munku.

Munku: THAT’S IT!! ETCETERA, YOU ARE PUNISHED TO TEN MINUTES TIME-OUT!!! MISTOFFOLEES AND SAATI, YOU TWO ARE GROUNDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE! NO TV OR LIGHTNING BOLTS FOR YOU GUYS!! ESPECIALLY YOU, MISTOFFOLEES! VICTORIA, GRC, YOU KITS ARE TO GO TO A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR NOW! MARIA, STOP GIVING POUNCIVAL THE QUIZ FROM HECK WHEN HE’S PLASTERED AND WATCH THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL OR SOMETHING! POUNCIVAL, STOP DRINKING AND GO TO YOUR ROOM! NO CREAM FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! AS FOR THE TERRIBLE TWINS, YOU ARE TO VISIT YOUR UNCLE MACAVITY EVERY DAY FROM 10:00 AM TO 10:00 PM UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!! AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, MY BELOVED SIBLINGS, MAKE A PEACE TREATY FOR PETE’S SAKE!! AND ALONZO, STOP SPLASHING MEEEEEEEE!!!! (passes out from lack of oxygen)

Mitsue: Gee, he must be a fountain of stress.

Demi: (mutters) You can say that again.

Mitsue: Okay, you can have a break now. Prologue’s over.

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