Mac: When we last left off, everything at Mitsue’s really really very very really very secret hide-out was - you guess for yourself.

A bunch of crazy, toga-wearing, Latin penguins have the nipped cats surrounded.

Mac: You see what I mean.

Penguin 1# : Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam. (I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.)

Pounce: Fors fortis. (Fat chance.)

Penguin 1# : Labra lege. Catapultam habeo. (Read my lips. I have a catapult.)

Mitsue: Heu! (Darn!)

Mac: Now to check on our friends at the junkyard…

Tanto: I am in pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain…

Munku: Quit yer whinin’ and help us find Mitsue.

Misto: (not listening) What did you say?

Munku : (not listening either right now) What what?

Zo: What?

Misto and Munku: What what?

Bombalurina: Why are you doing that?

Misto, Munku, and Zo: What?

Bomba: Why?

Misto: Why what?

Zo: What why?

Munku: Why why why what?

Bomba: What?

Misto, Munku, Zo: Why?

Bomba: Why what?

Exotica: Hey guys! I found the hide-out!

Misto, Munku, Zo, and Bomba: What?

Exo: It’s right across the street.

Right across the street from the junkyard is a building with a big sign that reads ‘Mitsue’s Really Really Very Very Really Very Top-Secret Hide-Out’.

Misto, Munku, Zo, and Bomba: Oh.

The Jellicles trek through London traffic.

Tanto: AUUUUGGHHHHH!!!! (runs away from a semi-truck)

Munku: Oi. (smacks his forehead)

Mac: Well, after they retrieved Tantomile, the Jellicle tribe marched forth and broke down the door. (reads script) Okay, so maybe I’m not that accurate…

All the cats have chipped claws and sore paws after banging on the door.

Misto: I don’t think that was a smart thing to do.

Munku: Shaddap.

Mitsue: (looking down below) Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! Turbane magna vehiculorum obviam erat tibi venienti huc? (Run into much traffic on the way over?)Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Penguin 2# : (muffled Latin)

Mitsue: Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare. (I think some people in togas are plotting against me.)

Mitsue sticks her head back in the hide-out and leaves the Jellicles in a really confused state.

Mac: In the hide-out, somehow Mitsue managed to make the penguins put away the catapult with her refined negotiating skills. (thinks over what he just said) Refined? Ha! Her idea of negotiating is threatening to scramble your brains with that frying pan! (another shoe gets thrown at him) Cool your jets, will ya? I’m trying to tell it like it is. Well, anyway, they put away the catapult. While Mitsue and Penguin 1# (also known as Thaddeus, the leader of the penguins) were looking over a peace contract,-

Thaddeus: Ubi pactum pacatum est? (Where is the peace contract?)

Mitsue: Id in machinam schidarum scindendarum incedit. (It fell into the shredder.)

Mac: The other penguins decided to mess around. But after a while, some of them decided to play psychiatrist (because penguins were very good when it came to psychology). They gathered up all the nipped cats and started their sessions. First, Tumblebrutus believed he was Julius Caesar.

Tumble: Interdum feror cupidine partium magnarum Europae vincendarum. (Sometimes I get this urge to conquer large parts of Europe.)

Psych Penguin 1# : (mutters) Non compos mentis est. (A total nutcase.)

Mac: Jemima dropped her singing act and turned to something else.

Jemi: Visne scire quod credam? Credo condimentum pro carne in veribus cocta nullius praestare ei mei. (You know what I think? I think that no one’s barbecue sauce is better than mine.)

Psych Penguin 2# : Non! Meum est! (Not! Mine is!)

Jemi: Ain tu? (Is that so?)

Mac: Okay, so not all the penguins were playing psychiatrist. One was playing peacemaker.

Victoria: Quid me apellavisti? (What did you call me?)

Electra: Malus caseus! (Evil cheese!)

Vicky: Visne illud iterare? (You want to repeat that?)

Lec: MALUS CASEUS!!! (EVIL CHEESE!!!)

Vicky: Itane? Tua mater! (Oh yeah? Your mother!)

Lec: Quid agitur de matre mea? (What has my mother got to do with it?)

Peace Penguin: (moans and puts its head on the desk) 

Mac: And another penguin was working on the hard task of reviving Saati.

Reviver Penguin pours a bucket of water on the comatose Saati, who immediately wakens, screeches, and in shock of being wet, shreds Reviver Penguin’s doctor jacket to bits.

Mac: Okie-tay, we’re back to the psychiatrists. Maria was playing a game of Go-Fish with her psychiatrist, being a little more talkative than she usually is.

Maria: (looks at her cards) Hoc non manus sed pes est. (This isn’t a hand, it’s a foot.)Lapsus nivium! (Avalanche!) Quid est illud in aqua? (What’s that in the water?) AHHHHH!!!! Pistrix! (AHHHHH!!!! Shark!)

Psych Penguin 3# : (stares at Maria)

Maria: Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur. (Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.)

Mac: And last, but definitely the most annoying, were Etcetera and Pouncival. The penguin in charge of them was supposed to make them stop bouncing up and down and yelling ‘Est equus in via’, but it wasn’t working.

Ecty and Pounce: (bounce over to Psych Penguin 4# and yell in its ear) Est equus in via!

Psych Penguin 4# : (slams head repeatedly into wall)

Mac: Now you want to know what happened to Coricopat? Well, Mitsue wasn’t riding him anymore. But now he was being used as a table while Mitsue and Thaddeus were taping together the shredded peace contract.

A penguin comes up and asks Cori what it’s like to be used as a table.

Cori: Oiiiiiiiii, my baaaaaaaaack.  (falls over)

Mac: (takes out script and skims through it) It’s about time we checked on our Jellicle friends. Well, after hours of scratching at the door and wearing down their claws, Rumpleteazer finally got an idea.

‘Teazer: Whoit aboiut Misto’s Loightnin’ Boilts™?

Everyone else: What?

‘Teazer: Misto’s Loightnin’ Boilts™!

Misto: What about me?

‘Teazer: MISTO’S LOIGHTNIN’ BOILTS™! (grabs Misto’s arm and makes him shoot a lightning bolt at Munku)

Munku: (thoroughly fried) Oh. That.

Mac: So, Mistoffelees fried the door for them and they break in. They rushed up the stairs to the 4th floor, where all the craziness was. Everyone in the hide-out heard this and started to panic.

Everyone in the hide-out is running around and bumping into each other.

Thaddeus: Catapulta! Catapulta! (The catapult! The catapult!)

Mac: And so the penguins brought out the catapult, only to find that they never had any enormous rocks, only stuffed animals and clone replicas of the Teletubbies (AHHHH!!!). And the Jellicles were literally breaking the door, so they had no choice.

Thaddeus: A-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!!!!!!

Misto: (deep voice) The copyright infringement is strong in your family.

Mac: And so the battle began. But after five minutes, they called it quits because the Teletubbies were scrambling everyone’s brains. So Mitsue, who by the way has converted back to English, Thaddeus, Old Deuteronomy, and Munkustrap gathered around the now-supported-by-extra-penguins-Coricopat-table, where they were all to sign the now-taped-together-with-duct-tape-peace-contract.

Mitsue and Thaddeus scribble their signatures on the contract. Mitsue pushes the pen towards Old D. Old D almost signs, but then Munku grabs the pen.

Munku: Neevah! After all you’ve done to us, we will not sign to peace with you!

Munku grabs Old D. He walks out the door, with the rest of the cats towing the nipped kittens and Cori.

Mitsue: Fine then. (sticks her tongue out)

Munku walks back in and grabs Mitsue.

Munku: We’re not done with you yet.

Munku walks out the door again with Mitsue. The penguins stand there in silence.

Thaddeus: Bummer.

Psych Penguin 2# : Quid nunc? (What now?)

Thaddeus: CIBUS INCURSIAMUS!!!! (WE RAID THE FOOD!!!!)

All Penguins: YEAH!!!!!

Mac: Back at the junkyard, Tantomile and Mistoffelees tended to all the captives. The kittens soon got over their high, and had to suffer through their hangovers. After being used as a table, Coricopat visited a chiropractor. As for Mitsue…

Zo: I think it’s time to let her out.

Munku: Yeah. One hour is enough.

Zo and Munku open the door to the ‘torture chamber’, only to find Teletubbies hanging upside-down with bandages all over their bodies while Mitsue casually licks one of her paws.

Mitsue: Hello there.

Munku: B-b-b-b-b-buuuuuuuuuuut-

Mitsue: But what? 

Zo: I think I know what Munkustrap was going to say. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO YOUR PUNISHMENT HOUR, NOT BEAT-UP-THE-TELETUBBIES HOUR!!!!!!

Mitsue: You don’t have to be so temperamental.

A bunch of Latin is heard outside the chamber.

Munku: What the…?

Mitsue: (sticks her head outside the chamber) Oh lookie, it’s the penguins! Is it 5:00 already?

Thaddeus: (nods)

Mitsue: Sorry, Jellicle amigos, but the penguins and I have to get down to the theatre.

She walks toward the exit of the junkyard with the penguins, but turns around.

Mitsue: Oh, before I forget, tonight is the first rehearsal for the next parody. If you don’t come, I’ll send the penguins after you. Ta ta!

She exits the yard with the penguins. Together, they skip off into the sunset, completely oblivious to the screams of the horrified cats.

Mac: And that, my friends, is the importance of being Earnest, I mean, the end.

Mitsue: The Importance of being Earnest, eh?

Mac: W-w-wait! I didn’t mean anything! Oh heu! (exits)

The End!

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