The Ultra Boring Day Where Nothing Ever Happened And No One Did Anything Interesting Except... Wait, Just Read The Story!

Written by Kalliroscope

It was the usual very very very very very boring day in the Junkyard. The Jellicles were lazing about, draped over car and cardboard, broken chair and box of cheese (it was a long story, and one that involved Bustopher Jones, a porcupine, and three pounds of the finest mozzarella).

It was, in fact, the sort of day where something should suddenly happen, but nothing did. At one point, Bombalurina pulled her head up out of the sticky pool of melted cheese it'd been lying in and said "Shouldn't something be happening right about now?"

"Shh!" Tantomile warned her from her own perch atop the rocking chair. "A boring day is just the sort of day we never have!" So Bombalurina shrugged and lay back down in the gooey cheese. Two hours passed.

This time it was Cassandra who poked a head out of the old oven and said "But no author lets us go this long without having SOMETHING happen! It's unnatural!"

"She's right," the other Jellicles said, suddenly alarmed. "The author must be planning something really horrendous to let us go this long!"

"AAAAAAAH!!!!!" Pouncival shrieked. "See, and there it is," Etcetera muttered. "What's so exciting?"

Pouncival hopped about on one foot, clutching at his other paw. "I stubbed my toe!" The Jellicles sighed as a whole. "Okay, not so exciting," Etcetera corrected herself.

"I think maybe the authoress is letting us have a day off?" Skimbleshanks ventured. "Oh, Skimbly, that never happens!" Jennyanydots said. "Authors are by nature cruel and vicious, reveling in sending their poor victims - us characters - to the worst kinds of physical, mental, and emotional torture. Why would an author let us have a day off?"

"The Gumbie's got a point," Alonzo said. A moment of silence ensued. "But we can't just sleep all day," Jellylorum pointed out. "Why not?" Gus retorted. "I like the idea just fine, thanks!"

"We're cats!" Demeter shouted. "We don't just sleep all day!" The others thought about this. "Well, that's all Garfield does," Jemima pointed out. "That and eat!" Bustopher Jones laughed slightly maniacally as he chowed down on an enormous pastry. Crumbs flew everywhere, and cats inched away from him.

"This story is turning out quite boring," Munkustrap said. "Authors don't like boring stories, no one ever reads them! So either the author must be planning something really nasty or..."

"Or," Mistoffelees finished for him, "or she's not writing this at all!"

Two moments of silence ensued. Then Victoria fell over backwards in a dead faint. "What an awful idea!" Jennyanydots shuddered. "Get that thought right out of your head, you blasphemous kitten."

Mistoffelees sat down in a corner and tried not to be seen.

"Hey, I like the idea about sleeping all day," the Rum Tum Tugger said. "Why not do it? I mean, it'll give us our beauty rest -- not that I need it of course --" here he preened, Etcetera sighed dreamily, and Alonzo looked disgusted "--but we all need to rest up before the next Fic."

"Yeah, true, good point," the Jellicles ad libbed. "All right, then," said Cassandra. "We sleep. Right. Okay?"

The Jellicles proceeded to do so, claiming various parts of the landscape as their bed. There was an interesting but brief squabble over the tire between Tumblebrutus and the Rum Tum Tugger -- but the bigger tom won, and Tumblebrutus sulked off to sleep in the sewage pipe.

The very very very very very boring day in the Junkyard ended, and a very very very very very boring night ensued. The Jellicles slept, waiting for the next fic... but little did they know that there would be a SEQUEL!

(drumroll)

The (possibly but not very probable) End

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