Toy Pirates: A Threat To Your Children's Happiness

Perhaps you're asking yourself the question; what exactly IS a Toy Pirate?

These fellows are NOT Toy Pirates!

THESE
are Toy
Pirates!

A Toy Pirate is a bizzare, twisted form of a human who profits on the misfortune of small children. Toy Pirates collect toys for the sole purpose of selling them to the highest bidder. They take no true joy in the toys, and never, ever open or play with them. They buy multiple copies of the same toy, especially the ones that are the hardest to find because they will profit the most from them. When you find yourself unable to find the toy your child wants more than anything, you are a victim of Toy Piracy.

How to Combat Toy Pirates

If you care about children, or remember being a child and never finding that one toy that meant everything to you, you must join the battle against these souless fiends. The key to beating Toy Pirates is beating them at their own game. Make stops at popular toy retail outlets and look for new, or popular toys. For example, the Star Wars Darth Maul figure was VERY hard to find during the release of the movie. Damage the package, but in no serious way. Toy Pirates only want toys that are in mint condion packages, because they are worth the most. If the packages are damaged, the toy may not be worth more than store price (or less) when they try to resell them. The package should still be in a sellable conidion though, because you don't want to hamper the toy chain's sales. My personal favorite tactic is bending the corner of a cardboard package so that is has a crease on it. Toy Pirates will pass these toys up, while children will not even notice the miniscule package flaw, as the package will soon be in tiny shreds on the floor anyways.