Eastern Washington Univeristy
- Don't even bother talking to her, she's got a boyfriend
- The black guy teaching the African American studies class smiles way too often when covering the chapter on slavery
- Be creative and original in Art classes, but only in the exact same way the teacher is creative and original
- Drama kids still quote Monty Python
- Follow all safety precautions until the person supervising you isn't
looking
- Wearing a Van Halen or Poison T-Shirt will not earn you friends (or
girlfriends) in this decade
- Wear mirrored sunglasses, or everyone will know you're a leering perv
- Instead of yelling at the book-buyback guy like everyone else when he only pays you $5 for three $50 books, just say something like "Well, that's not going to buy a lot of baby formula... *sigh*", and crush his soul
- Long hair and all black clothes is not a popular fashion
- The Billy Idol look is not a popular fashion
- If someone looks like they know what "l33t hax0r" means, don't offer them a ride home
- I am old
- The girl with the lesbian hair at Taco Bell is much too excited by telling me that I look like Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer... Every time I eat there
- No one is impressed when you cruise the campus with your windows down and your stereo blasting Sammy Hagar
- Going to school early to study is ridiculous, but going early to watch HomeStar Runner on the school's super fast internet connection only makes sense
- Brian Robertson earned a master's degree by carrying maps around campus, and that's pretty cool
- If the religious wacko with the megaphone is right, the entire school is going to hell
- Don't shout "MR. DEABLER!" when you see Mark, or guys from the track team will think you're challenging them to a fight ("Mr. Deabler" is apparantly frat kid code for "You run like a fag" or something)
- That little hunchbacked kid that always runs to class is really fast
- Everyone in the cafeteria must find me really interesting, because I always get stared at
- The sea of probing eyes in the cafeteria is worth braving, cuz they have the Star Trek: The Next Generation pinball game
- Japanese exchange students travel in packs, and have crazy frickin'
haircuts
- When your grade is on the line, try to rely on YOUR... TURTLE POWER!