|
| Garrett Hardin lammented in his controversial article, Tragedy of the Commons, that the lone-individual tends to preserve a precious resource; wheras, en masse, competition turns everyone greedy, thus exhausting the resource. (20) |
| On the human condition . . . |
| Economist Mancur L. Olson noted that competition can give-way to cooperation, but only in the smallest groups, where transactions are repetitive and communication channels are kept open. He proposed small groups be configured like nested-shells; creating a broader system that incorporates cooperative-leanings born of small groups. (22) |
| Reach me at [email protected] |
| Thomas Hobbes noted balanced consumption arises when a superior-force protects a necessary resource, by enforcing a competitive truce. Hobbes adopted the term Leviathan to describe this archetypal force (common enemy). (21) |
| Circumpolar people face a leviathan: the cold. They cooperate hoping to survive. |
| The Great Iriquois Law (now over 11,000 years old) offers relative tranquility compared to Democracy or competitive market forces. Consensus based, decision-making uses logical-extension, with an eye toward what happens to seventh-generation descendants. (23) |
| Thomas Jefferson observed that humans can self-govern using social contracts instead of by living under imposed coercive authority. (24) |
| On bullying (cont'd) . . . |
| Thomas A. Harris, MD, interprets Bern's work for general use in his book I'M OK-YOU'RE OK. (25) We are given that our Child was scolded until molded into becoming well behaved. We come to internalize the disaproval we've faced through this process in our Child. We call this our not-okay Child. From birth, we only see givers of life. They sustain us, reinforcing our belief they are okay. Hence our comon starting point is I'm not okay, you're okay. For most, good-behavior gets us rewarded. This helps most of us learn to please others. Compensation for our low self-assesment tends to skew our behavior toward being overly submissive. Transactional Analysis disects interaction between two people by breaking it down into interplay between both groups of internal entities. We hope to get ourselves from "I'm not OK, You're OK" to "I'm OK, You're OK" so we can relax and quit our endless striving. Bullies were born into a world of chaos. They weren't rewarded specifically for doing anything good. Punishment did not relate to bad behavior. This led them into one of two modes: they either believe they're okay and nobody else is (the psychopath); or they believe they're not okay and nobody else is either. In my experience, both tend to see good-behavior as a mask for grim intent. Psychopaths totally lack embarrassability. Transactional Analysis can help us identify root causes behind dysfunctional behavior. It provides common ground for discussion of behavior, in a detached manner. Identification of incompatibilities may be possible. Along these lines Harris notes that "crossed transactions" seem fine at first. But over time, differences become irreconcilable. For example; if my Adult addresses your Adult, and your Parent engages my Child, we have a crossed transaction. Another problem arises when our Adult isn't fully disconnected from our Child or our Parent. I believe "I'm not OK, You're not OK" bullies act out of misguided good intent. These simpletons don't cover-up foul-play. They're convinced we do. Powerless to expose us, they feel forced to cheat. Some truth probably exists in this basic error. I believe dealing openly with our own guilt is the first half of the fix. The other half lies in getting "I'm not OK, you're not OK" type bullies to check their facts before reacting. Independant investigation should be encouraged. Alas, it takes great strength to move forward in this manner. Depression may inhibit them. |
| People are prone to shifts in character. Various internal characters can emerge. These relate to a replaying of past feelings and responses. Eric Bern MD summarizes psychiactric thinking about this with Transactional Analysis in his book Games People Play. (24) Bern identifies three influential personna within each of us. The experience of the inept newborn lingers subliminally. Bern calls this our Child: a Parent also lingers. Both come to be eclipsed by an Adult forming within. Bern capatalizes the first letter in each to avoid confusion with dictionary definitons. Our internal Parent judges and governs reflexively.It may act as our parent said to act. It may act as our parent acted. Conflict between an actual mom and pop tends to block childhood memory retention.The greater this inconsistency, the less that gets absorbed into the skill-set of the child's inner Parent. Our Adult develops an understanding of reality out of first-hand experience. It can sift out nonsense knee-jerk reactions relic to our Child or Parent. Our Child holds curiosity, temptation, creativity, competitive-spirit, etc. Our Parent limits open-mindedness, sets limits, and holds predjudices. |
| Bullies who decide to make life's great change can follow the steps suggested in the printed text of the preceeding pages. In summary, it says: bullies can't tell one facial expression from another. Intense facial expressions are misinterpreted as hostility. Bullies only know how to escalate conflict to get desired results. They aren't masters of empathy. Roll-playing assists uptake for a range of negotiating behaviors useful in conflict resolution. Roll-reversal is used to reveal feelings others have. (33) Reluctance is normal. But this works. These are learned skills. This is a learning disability. Everyone is weak in different areas. Unfairness is our common enemy. This provides a starting-point for dialog. |
| Dr. Harris contends restraint is the greatest strength. Bullies pride themselves in having superior resolve. Maybe lack of such a benchmark is the missing link. (26) |
| I'm confronting a bully who vanishes for months each time she plays me for the patsy. This break in comunication leaves the bully clueless about how much damage is left in her wake. Maintaining open comunication channells would likely improve our group performance. Alas, safety is my minimum requirement now. There was a time for her to learn respectful behavior. In Alaska, the icy wasteland is too unforgiving for experimentation. We rely on what we have. Nothing can be left to chance. Playtime is over. |