| Alaskan Humor |
| Ketchikan garbage company motto: "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your garbage back." |
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| "We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you." --Chilkoot Charlie |
| Homer residents place TV-viewing on a pedestal. |
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| Fairview Campfire |
| Most Alaskan humor is served raw. Rare and half baked, the rest smells fishy. Life-threatening gags exist here. Such baggage betrays the cheechaco (greenhorn). There are old Alaskans. There are bold Alaskans. There are no old bold Alaskans. |
| What kind of visitors do we get here? Well, for example, Seth: archetypal Californian, came sporting his handycapped driver's plackard. So there he is fishing a "handycap" fishing-hole on the Kenai River. Spry as a spring chicken, he's out there in his waders. And he's complaining to some lady about the smell of our campfire (we were burning beach-coal). From outside the handycap-hole, she's touting her use of moose-nuggets ". . .making her coal fires smell like hickory." So Seth comes back all eager to try it. I just busted up laughing. Now If I were the true Alaskan, I'd have kept the straight face. And I would have enjoyed immensely seeing the look on Seth's face, as he inhaled fumes from burning moose feces, mixed with benzene and other carcinogenic petroleum byproducts. Instead, being from California myself, I unwittingly opted to play the patsy, sparing Seth his due. My laughter tipped him off to the nature of the joke. Having saved him from humiliation, I also left the method untested. Now my curiosity has me on edge. So it's just a matter of time: true Alaskans will be roaring with laughter while I'm gagging on moose-fecal-smoke and benzene. Alaskan humor is timeless--it's a gift that keeps giving. |
| Our ex-mayor, George Wurch, began allowing Anchorage residents to register and own machine guns. We are one of three places in the nation where this is permitted. |
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| Our politicians are isolated from us, and the road system. It costs hundreds to fly to our capital, Juneau. So only lobbyests and bureaucrats can afford to go. They ignore us while they winter there (probably for lack of snow). By law, they cannot be arrested while in session. And then they get summers off. |
| Politicians here tend to overrule citizen's initiatives. Inbreeding and nepotism are standard practice. Conflict of interest is accepted for most situations. |
| Your rite of passage in becoming a "Sourdough" will be over when you've killed a bear, peed in the Yukon, and had sex with a native. --Janis, long-time Birdhouse bartender |
| Check out one of Mr. Whitkeys' shows (down on Spenard) when you visit Anchorage. Absurdity inate to our political spectrum shows up there. |