One of the most baffling things I’ve never heard the idea of a “lesbian”. What is a lesbian? You tell me. What is it? Caring deeply for another person, all by itself, would be friendship, right? What is the difference between two women who call themselves “best friends”, and might also be room mates, and two women who call themselves “lesbians”? There are girls who call their best friend “girlfriend”, and nobody says that they are “lesbians”. Let’s say you have a group of middle aged overweight women, who might be Jewish, and they get together to gossip about their friends. What do they do when they greet each other? They give each other big slobbery kisses on mouth. Yet, it never crosses anyone’s mind to call them “lesbians”. So what the Hell is a “lesbian”? What is a lesbian? I have no idea whatsoever. I can’t think of any difference between a lesbian, and any other woman. On the Internet, I found a woman calling herself a “gay female”. I sent her email asking her what that was. What followed is one of the most bizarre surreal conversations I’ve ever had. I copied and pasted it below.

Jeffery Winkler:

What is a "gay female" exactly?

Amy Cormier:

I am a lesbian.

Jeffery Winkler:

What is a "lesbian"?

Amy Cormier:

A lesbian is a girl who likes other girls

Jeffery Winkler:

Name a girl who doesn't like girls. I'm sure most girls prefer girls to boys. So "lesbian" is just a synonym for girl, then? What language is it in?

Amy Cormier:

A lesbian is a girl who has sex with other girls. If you don't understand that then you won't understand it at all.

Jeffery Winkler:

Is this a joke? I assume this is some sort of a joke. I think you should find a three year old to explain to you what sex is.

You said, "A lesbian is a girl who has sex with other girls"

I guess that means there's no such thing as a lesbian then, since that's obviously impossible.

Amy Cormier:

Excuse me......you are an ass! Stop emailing me....no one can be that dumb. I am a female HOMOSEXUAL!!!!! You are being rude.....Stop emailing me.

Jeffery Winkler:

I guess the only definition of the word "lesbian" is as follows:

"lesbian": woman who chooses to call herself a "lesbian"

That's it. All it is, is whether you choose to call yourself the word of not. You could make up any word. Here are some more examples.

"twiggle-dee-wig": person who chooses to call themselves a "twiggle-dee-wig"

"blipvertbloop": person who chooses to call themselves a "blipvertbloop"

"fuzzy-wuzzle": person who chooses to call themselves a "fuzzy-wuzzle"

"woo-hoo-hoo": person who chooses to call themselves a "woo-hoo-hoo"

"nattering nacabob": person who chooses to call themselves a "nattering nacabob"

"Knight of Ni": person who chooses to call themselves a "Knight of Ni"

Amy Cormier:

STOP EMAILING ME. YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS!

Jeffery Winkler:

You are the most ridiculous person I've ever met, and you say the most ridiculous things ever said by anyone in the history of the world. The following is a quote from one of your past emails.

"A lesbian is a girl who has sex with other girls. If you don't understand that then you won't understand it at all."

If that is not the most ridiculous two sentences ever written in the history of the world, I don't know what is. Look up the word "girl" and the word "sex" in the dictionary, and then explain to me how that's possible.

Amy Cormier:

Please explain to me what a lesbian is then.

Jeffery Winkler:

You explain it to me. Explain to me what is a lesbian?

Amy Cormier:

FUCK OFF

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