Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices;

my body also rests secure.

For you do not give me up to Sheol,

or let your faithful one see the Pit.

You show me the path of life.

In your presence there is fullness of joy;

in your right hand are pleasures for evermore.

Reflexion

What is the meaning of Life? Why am I here? How do they get the caramilk in the caramilk bar? We are a people who look for answers. From the most frivolous thing to why people suffer or die. The frustrating thing about looking for answers is that we might never get them.

I came to L’Arche Daybreak from working in four busy parishes. People might ask why I came here at 44 years old? Well to be truthful, I came here because I am looking for answers also. Answers to my life questions at this point of my journey. Living and breathing parish ministry for 12 years brought me to a space to discern how God is calling me to love at this point in my life. I came in August tired out, worn out to be truthful , physically and spiritually. My questions were many, my heart was overflowing. How would I ever know the answers? Would L’Arche be a space where this could happen? I had experienced L’Arche before on different occasions and hoped and prayed that this would be fertile soil for me in my own story.

Well I think back when I arrived on a Thursday and the next night I was on my way to Dayspring for Friday prayer. We stopped at Tim Horton’s and there I met Gordie Henry, a core member from Church Street who immediately let out "It’s the meatball". I had met Gordie before along with Sue Mosteller as they gave a retreat in my home parish almost two years ago. Gordie gave me a great big hug and told me how happy he was I was going to be here a year. I was so excited to see Gordie and Sue once more and looked forward to their friendship while here. Well that night at prayer furing the prayers of the faithful, Gordie prayed in thanksgiving for my presence here and asked God to help me open my heart. The tears flowed abundantly as I felt God’s love cover me in this sacred space. The next morning I sat and wrote the song "Open your Heart" which would be my song for the year. The refrain goes like this:

Open your heart and dare to walk the road. See the path, and walk it without fear. You’re not alone, come and we’ll join hands. Look inside, and all will become clear.

Well it just felt like things would be okay. I felt God saying to me, "I’m here Jeff, don’t be afraid, we’ll walk together in your looking for answers.

It is like in the psalm "I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me". I know that the closer I stay to my heart, the closer I will find God’s counsel and the answers to my questions.

L’Arche Daybreak has helped me to find my heart once more and listen to the sweet music of God’s voice. I share my life with Centre Street as an assistant. Each of the core members are looking for answers each day. Mary Anne hollers from the living room while I am in the kitchen: "Jeff, what are you doing?" John Bloss asks me "Busy t’day? What do?" Kara asks "What plane goes to Jamaica?" Mike Ritchie asks "where are we going for coffee tonight? Tom asks as I head off on my days away "Are you coming back?" These questions come from a deep place that speak of relationship. Kara, Mike, John, Mary Anne, Tom have welcomed me in my looking for answers. They have loved me and nurtured me and pried open my heart to let God’s love blow through. In being patient, in listening, in opening my heart, I truly believe God will help me find my answers.

Advent is a time of the heart, of watching and waiting and listening. From the stories of John the Baptist to Mary to the Christmas story....it is about the search for answers to the questions of the heart.