Hi everyone,

After yesterday's blog, Pat Stevenson wrote this note to me "

"Sometimes when people pray for someone else,they subconciously are praying for their own needs. They don't mean to be selfish, I think. They care so much for the other person that they believe that they know what would make them happy. Only we can know what will make us truly happy and sometimes it takes a lot of contemplation, prayer,and soul searching to finally realize what we are meant to do to find that happiness."

These are wonderful words of freedom to me as they truly allow me to live this sabbatical year. The picture above is of me with one of the core members from Church Street.  His name is Gordie Henry and he was in Riverview a couple of years ago with Sr. Sue Mosteller for a parish retreat.

Upon my arrival here, broken, tired and in need of a renewed spirit I met up with Gordie at Tim Horton's before Dayspring worship.  He gave me a big hug and told me how happy I was here.  That night at Dayspring during the prayer intentions, he prayed for me and for my year among the community.  He also asked God to help me open my heart to L'Arche and to God.  Tears ran down my face as I pinched myself realizing it was not a dream, but that I was really here.

This year I have opened my heart and handed it to God on a platter.  I could say in the imagery of the craft studio here on the property of Daybreak that I had placed it on the potter's wheel and was ready to let God mold me. I am seeing a spiritual director who has me journalling, sketching (yes me who can only draw unemployment or the wrong conclusion or a deep breath) and digging into my life story to be renewed.  I am being accompanied by a mentor who is helping me integrate the time here at L'Arche into my own personal story.  I am surrounded by the wonderful core members and loving assistants and support workers.  It is all part of me trying to understand what God is calling me to in my life.

I have decided not to come home for Christmas this year choosing to remain here if the community has need of me.  I have eight days and will find some uselful ways to live that time of vacation.  My choosing not to come home has partly to do with the physical driving and expectancy of me to preside Christmas masses.  It also has a major part in that I am in need of living this year in a radical way apart from the parish.  To come home would be an interruption of the sabbatical year. I dont want people to panic either and start jumping to conclusions.

 I am in a space where I am living this year as a house assistant living with core members and entering into the life and rythum of this community.  I also am being touched to the depths of my heart.  There is a change inside of me and I love what I am becoming.  I feel that already this experience has given me a new appreciation for the gospel, for people's story.  It also has given me a new sense of myself and my inner workings, dreams and hopes.

I appreciate the mail from people, the cards, the notes.  The postal carrier has joked he has become my own private carrier.  Carmen our head of house wants to know who the president of my fan club is.  I thank you from the bottom of the heart for these gestures of kindness.  I have been pretty good up until now, but last night receiving an email from Pat Stevenson and talking about her Catechism kids still talking about me, smiling at my picture in the basement of the hall and sharing stories brought floods of tears to my eyes.  As I sat surrounded by the core members and Camilla, another young assistant from Brazil, she came over and gave me a big hug and smiled at my tears.  The kids always knew the path to my heart.

I do know that this year is about living my story and entering into its words and images.  It is a walk of courae and trust and openess to God.  I ask God to walk with me and talk with me and lead me to where I am being called to love and the way also I can best love at this point of my life.  It needs to be a year where people simply hold me in prayer without pressure and expectations and ask God to help me be open to listen and walk faithfully. I pray this way and ask you to pray the same way.

And so Pat, thank you for the words of wisdom.  I hope people can enter into them and understand that your words are words that will set me free on this journey this year. Blessings to you all!

Jeff