Hi folks,

I thought on this feast of All Souls Day, I would reprint an article I wrote a few years back while visiting here at Daybreak.  One of the core members David Gray died that morning and the community came together to grieve and tell stories.  I found this an appropriate reflection for this day.

How do we keep vigil when someone dies?

   I had the opportunity recently to visit Father Phil Mulligan (he’s doing well) who is on sabbatical at L’Arche Daybreak community in Richmond Hill, Ontario.  We had just heard that one of the core members (they call the mentally challenged this as they are at the core of the L’arche experience) died the night before and that the community was called together that morning for a prayer vigil.

   By 11am the chapel at Dayspring was full of core members and assistants from the various houses and day programs.  Joe V.  led the celebration of life with these words “Before we go about the business of preparing for the funeral, we need to take time as family and friends of David and come to grips with his death.  So let us take some time and share stories of David and sing some songs”.  One by one the core members and assistants and family members came forward and took the picture of David into their hands and began to tell stories.  They were touching and funny, moving us from tears to laughter.  Some of the core members struggled with their capacity to form words, but in their own broken way spoke of the loss, the hurt and the emptiness of losing their friend.  We would then take a moment and sing a song and then move back into the stories.  This continued for 1 hour and 25 minutes.  It was one of the most moving prayer moments I have ever been privileged to participate in.

  It made me realize some things. They began the process of grieving with the ritual of music and story.  We begin with the preparations of funerals and busy details.  They went straight to the heart of walking with those who were grieving and said we can do the rest later.  We also are afraid to gather for vigils and visitation.  Unfortunately we see in obituaries, “by request of the deceased, there will be no visitation or no vigil”. We do not do vigils and visitations for the dead, but for the living members of the family and friends who grieve the death of their beloved.  It also showed me how we as a society devalue the capacity of the mentally challenged to experience loss and death.  People like Linda, Gordie, Pat, Bill, and many others who came forward as core members felt the sting of death and the emptiness.  Their stories, tears and deep sense of love moved me to tears as if I had known David many years.  It also made me realize how we as a church have not captured the wonder of telling stories at vigils.  More and more, our parish vigils invite those gathered to tell stories.  This is where this should be done and people should fill the funeral home or church to share these intimate and funny stories. Then maybe people would let go of eulogies at our funeral.  The parish vigil captures the spirit of the Irish wake and the storytelling into the night shutting out the darkness and welcoming the light and a new day of hope.

  L’Arche taught me about respect for the human need to deal with grief and the power of telling stories as a way of helping in the process of healing.  Oh that more people could have been with me that day for that vigil.