Hi everyone,

I am reading a talk given by Jean Vanier, founder f L'Arche in Indiana in May 1982 which struck me so deeply.  Jean spoke here about a Sabbatical year he took by becoming an asisstant in one of the L'Arche homes in France. I could see myself in his book and it has touched me deeply.

He spoke of caring for Eric, a core member at La Forestiere (name of the L'Arche Home where he did his sabbatical) and how it could be very difficult when Eric shut himself off and did something painful to Jean.  It was these words that Jean wrote which touched my own journey I lived before coming here to L'Arche Daybreak.  He wrote:

"The celebration of forgiveness is a deep liberation which is communicated from one person to another: "you are aggresive, enclosed, perhaps there is hatred and fear in you; but hidden beneath all that, there is your heart. There is your deepest self where God dwells and there, I love you".

This pasage touched my journey of the last months before I came to Daybreak. I have tried to remain silent on the whole Father Deva affair and help our community to heal.  During this painful time in which his actions caused him to be removed from ministry, it caused much pain and division in our parish grouping and elsewhere in the diocese. In the midst of my own pain and suffering, I shed tears, prayed for strength from God to be faithful to the gospel call to forgive...as Jesus said "Forgive them for they know not what they do. I tried to minister in truth, knowing the story but being unable to say all that happened.

I tried to forgive, to rid myself of bitterness.  I tried during the Lenten season to hear the word of God calling me to conversion, to forgive, to move on, to love those who hurt me, to turn the other cheek.  But to do this is easier said than done as the old saying goes.  I preached welcoming, forgiving, building community.  In the midst of the pain, I tried to find light, to find goodness in people.  I reached out to people and tried to welcome them back.  Some chose to welcome that hand, others refused or could not. 

So in hearing Jean's words, I am aware of how forgiveness calls us to move below the pain, to settle in at the level of heart, where God dwells and to love each other there.  But can we move beyond differences of theology, of ministering?  Can we climb into one another's heart and see God and love alongside God?  I want to be able to do that so badly.  I know I need to and hope to be able to reach that stage somehow.

I do want to reach out and say that I forgive those who caused division in the parish grouping, who hurt those I work with and tried and still try with great love to minister.  It was a painful time in ministry for me and a real rupture of gospel love.  It takes great courage and humility to ask forgiveness.  Jean Vanier continues:

"Our world does not know the celebration of forgivenes.  And so, most often anger and aggression cause permanent breakage in relationships.  This rupture leads to isolation.  A person can only grow when their aggression has been forgiven.  When our hearts are wounded, there arises up within us a psycological hatred which transpires in a desire to do away with the one who is hurting us.  We feel so guilty when we sense this feeling of hatred in us.  Each one of us has to learn not only how to recognize this hatred but also how to let it be forgiven.  The 'wolf" in us can be tamed; it can be transformed into a lamb, into a love that is patient and strong.  But we cannot enter into this world of forgivenes unless we realize that it is God who created the bonds, the covenant between us.  And in order to penetrate this world of forgiveness, we must experience the forgivenes of God that is given to us by Jesus. The mystery Jesus came to reveal to us is just that; that God does not condemn or judge us.  He comes to break down the barriers of hatred and to help us enter into the celebration of reconciliation."

This passage challenges me to realize that God can heal me, bring about a change of heart.  I must be ready to let go of the wolf within me, allow God to tame it and change it into a lamb.  Only then can I begin to sense peace and move forward.

Can I change those who have hurt me, who have allowed their own agenda to overtake the Gospel?  No I cannot!  But I can work within myself at forgiving.  That will bring me peace and that is what I need.

L'Arche is a community that is not perfect, that has ruptures in relationship each day.  But the community is called to forgive and to see one another at the level of the heart where God dwells.  I see each day hands being extended, forgiveness being extended and a new start happening.  It is challenging to me.

I continue to pray for healing in the parish grouping.  I have seen instances where people have been able to make peace.  For those who have not, I pray the will, the desire and the movement. For the sake of the gospel, it must happen.  Let us continue to pray for each other.

Jeff