Our tale begins with the return to Commorragh of Archon Kei’Ariq, the undisputed master of the Kabal of Elemental Evil. His campaign on the world of Ryan II had been a disaster. He had lost many warriors and only the Wyches of Archite Yannina were able to allow him to escape at all. He returns to meet Yannina who has been looking after the Kabal in his absence. However, his return does not go exactly as he had planned…

Kei'Ariq: Mistress Yannina, it is a pleasure, as always, to see you.

Yannina: Spare me your meaningless babble. Why have I been forced to look after your tin shacks and cowardly minions, the past few months, while you have had the thrills of battle and the glory of victory?
[Translation: You are late.]

Kei'Ariq: Sometimes things take longer than one might plan. If things are in order then I have business to attend to.

Yannina: I care not for your excuses. You have business to attend with me, or I shall rip your still beating heart from your chest and pulverise it in front of you. Your minions are mostly as they were. But what of the exploits of my Wyches? Tell me who amongst them must be taught a lesson and how severe it must be.
[We need to talk.]

Kei'Ariq: It can wait; I must speak with the Incubi about the campaign on Ryan II.

Kei'Ariq prepares to leave, escorted by his bodyguards, but Yannina blocks his exit. Behind Kei'Ariq several young “ladies” enter the room.

Yannina: No! You will stay here. With me, and my friends, until I decide that it is time for you to leave. You will do as I say, for this is my territory now!
[You can’t just go out with your friends at the moment.]

Kei'Ariq looked around and with horror realised that Yannina’s friends were each of his former mistresses, each now in control of a force of Wyches. Combined their strength would be impressive and if he failed to escape their clutches he would be in for a torture of a kind that only those who know you well can give…

Kei'Ariq: You don’t own me. I will leave now.

Kei'Ariq and his Incubi prepared to fight their way out from the attentions of Yannina and her Wyches.

Yannina: Not yet!

The battle was ferocious, but ultimately the evasive skills of the Wyches were too much for Kei'Ariq and his bodyguards. The Incubi were dispatched, and Yannina brought her blade to the throat of her former master.

Yannina: I am sure you know how much I want to do this.

A trickle of blood came from the incision on Kei'Ariq’s neck.

Yannina: However, we are about to steal your vehicle fleet and your attendance will make things look more official.

Kei'Ariq: You will never get away with this. I have allies who will chase you halfway across the galaxy if need be.

Yannina: Only halfway… We plan on going much further than that. Do you think that your sometimes friends will rescue you from the Tiberius Sector? I doubt it very much.

So Kei'Ariq’s life was spared, but his fleet of Raiders and Ravagers was taken by Yannina to the distant Tiberius Sector. He was forced to be the pilot of a Ravager; a prisoner on his own vehicle. He would bide his time and strike when she was unprepared. It was not over yet…

The Wych Cult of Spank Me! is in honour of my former girlfriends. Each character is named after one of them. Those who know about this list haven’t objected and the others will probably never find out. No physical resemblance is implied by their corresponding models, but their evilness is without question.

Composition wise the Wych Cult of Spank Me! is led by the wicked Wych Archite Yannina, who has taken over the Kabal of Elemental Evil. As such her vehicles are a little mismatched, as the Ravagers are from the Kabal fleet and the Raiders were already in the possession of the Wyches. Yannina will always include all varieties of Wych units in her army (herself, Wyches, Hellions and Reavers) and will not allow any Warriors to be included as she (rightly) fears that they will attempt to restore their former master, or themselves, to power at her expense.

Squads are arranged by race, as Dark Eldar are not believers in political correctness.

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