Met Aandacht-29 Januari 2004
There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
  1. He called everyone "brother"
  2. He liked Gospel
  3. He couldn't get a fair trial
But then there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
  1. He went into His Father's business.
  2. He lived at home until he was 33.
  3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
However, there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
  1. He talked with his hands.
  2. He had wine with every meal.
  3. He used olive oil.
Yet, there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
  1. He never cut his hair.
  2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
  3. He started a new religion.
There are also 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
  1. He never got married.
  2. He was always telling stories
  3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all ?
    3 excellent proofs that Jesus was a woman:
  1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
  2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
  3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.

Joost op IEX

Dit was een rare week, een belgische week. Ajax geveld, vandaag een bonbonzaak getorpedeerd door de NS, de twee domste belgische boeven gepakt die na het roven van een tasje vluchtroute door het zwaar-beveiligde gebied van de EU top hadden gepland �n ...het was de week van de belgische griep. Deze heeft ook flink huisgehouden in de familie Klef.

En zo was het aan mij om de boodschappen te mogen doen. Nou doe ik dit vaker dus dat is niet bijzonder. Toch stonden er deze week zaken op het lijstje waar je als man niet vrolijk van wordt. Vlak onder de pindakaas stond het; "tampons en maandverband-maxi". Het was even zoeken en toen ik het gevonden had sloeg de paniek toe. Welk merk en is super hetzelfde als maxi, wat is superplus en super normaal. Wat betekenen 3 rode bloed-druppels en wat 5?

Nu had ik m'n mobieltje bij me en kon even contact opnemen met mevrouw Klef. Omstanders deden mij niets want ik was er niet. Zij die mij 3 wolken (dat schijnt in te zijn) schonk kwam niet meer bij en proeste nog iets van oranje. Ik hing op en kon het maar matigjes waarderen. Ik zag alleen rood en lappen katoen die groot genoeg moesten zijn om de slagaderlijke bloeding van een olifant te stelpen. En tampons- maxi. Tjesus, wat zijn we ver van het ontmaagdingsmoment verwijderd geraakt. Maxi, super-plus. 5 druppels, ach wat doe maar een emmer vol. Who cares. Vervloekt zijn de belgen, dit is meer dan een man aan kan. Alles weten maakt niet gelukkig en bovendien kwam ik thuis zonder pindakaas.

Ik kijk uit naar volgende week, en vertrouw op mijn vermogen om traumatische ervaringen te verdringen. Voor de mannen onder jullie die volgende week de klos zijn. Je vind het niet bij het wc papier en ook niet bij de luiers. Nee, je kunt het vinden bij de tandenstokers en het flosdraad. Bizar is de humor van d'n grutter.

Cheers, Joost

Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up  [IMAGE]in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on" After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say

Corporate Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don�t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Corporate Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

    Moral of the story:
  1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
  2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
  3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Source: www.berro.com

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