Photoshopped...but in a BAD way!
Giacomo is looking for a date.  Any hot, nubile college honeys should call him up...
Ben, Myself, Angie.  Keebler elves and gnomes really DO exist!
As you can see (or maybe you CAN'T see, which is very insulting), I have taken my normally good-looking friends, and photoshopped them into hellacious abominations (tm).  Be careful, because the next time I take a picture, you might end up on my website ghoulishly transformed like this.  But I'd consider it an honor...I mean, it makes you thankful for what you DO have, right?

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