1998

            Black clouds blanked the orange sky. Thunder cried out to the heavens and everything below cowered under its shout. Fat, sharp raindrops pummeled the ground and the violent gusts spread out the depression on earth.

            Amidst the screen of darkness and obscurity, a bright light of white shone. In the middle where all of the elements met directly, a couple stood alone.

            They stood under the shelter of a white umbrella. Forehead to forehead, nose to nose, hand in hand. Both lost in each other’s stares, both found in each other’s hearts.

I.

2005

            The heavy wooden door slammed hard for the third time this week. The thin blue walls of the flat shook and the whole room vibrated, sending a dazed figure down the linoleum covered floor.

            “Tangina! What the fuck, man!?” the shaken up man shouted. “How many times do I have to tell you? No slamming! Shit.”

            The other loosened his tie as he paced around the room. He seemed ecstatic, but at the same time, agitated.

            “Shut up, Mark. I just came from a date from hell. What the fuck are you doing here, anyway? It’s a Saturday night for crying out loud.”

            Mark stood up. He wore a plain white Hanes t-shirt and his favorite Scooby Doo boxers. An end of a pink blanket rested over one of his shoulders and the other dangled awkwardly down his waist. If not for his grave, “i-am-a-fucked-up-wreck” expression, the scene could have been very comical.

            “You look like shit. What’s wrong with you?” the other asked as he poured the milk on the bowl of old Coco Crunch cereals.

            “She broke up with me, Carl. Nicole broke up with me.”

            Carl was in the middle of chewing when he paused. He looked as if he just chewed on his old socks. He stared blankly at Mark and then his chewing commenced.

            “Again?” he asked as he swallowed a healthy serving of cereals. “When will you learn?”

            “Screw you, Carl.” He said weakly as he slumped down beside his friend. For a moment, he seemed to consider not talking, but after staring at the blank T.V. screen for a while, he added “It still hurts, you know?”

            “Yeah, whatever man. You say that every time.” Carl said quietly.

            Mark slapped Carl’s arm and continued to stare at the T.V. screen. “What the fuck is wrong with you, anyway? How did the date with that psycho chick go?”

            “Don’t ask.” Carl scowled.

            “Buh. That’s the third time this week! When the hell will you try and actually get to know one well before dismissing?”

            “Never. They just can’t compare.”

            The statement silenced both of them for a while. Carl continued to munch down his bowl and Mark stared at the DVD rack. Their silence was broken by Mark’s audible sigh.

            “Sentimental bastard.” Carl whispered.

            “Hey, fuck you, man. You wouldn’t know what it feels like to just hold on to someone and not want to let go.” He retorted.

            Carl stopped eating his cereal abruptly and laid the half-eaten slop down the table. He stood up and walked towards his room.

            “I’m going to bed.”

            Mark was shocked by his friend’s reaction. “What? You’re not telling me something, what really happened in your date?”

            Carl turned around and flashed his middle finger. “It was fucked.” He said. He then retired down to his room.

II.

            Carl walked around the block to look for a quiet and dry place to study. His midterm exams are a few hours away and all the last minute dates he made at up all his time for studying.

            He tried Starbucks first, but cursed himself for even considering the place.

            It’s the midterms and it’s Sunday. What the fuck was I thinking? He thought. In any other day, he would have found this amusing, but humor just couldn’t penetrate today.

            He bought his Grande Cappuccino and went directly outside. He sat on the sidewalk and he rested his back on the seemingly clean pillar. When he was satisfied with his position, he started to read.

            In the middle of the discussion of polygamy and conjugal love, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He quickly turned around, expecting to see Mark’s smug smile and geeky glasses. But he wasn’t greeted with the warm smile he anticipated nor the thick plastic glasses, instead, he was shocked to see a well-moisturized pretty face and hazel brown eyes.

            It was Nicole.

            “Hey Carl! That’s one depressing position. Why don’t you join me? i won’t be a burden, don’t worry.” She said with her usual toothpaste commercial smile.

            Carl hesitantly picked himself up and his books from the pavement. He joined Nicole in a two-seater table in the corner of the place. He didn’t know if he should bring up the issue. He thought about it for a while, but decided to shut up.

            “How are you?” She asked.

            “Thriving. I find everything around me so stressful.” He forced a weak smile. It was awkward, very awkward. “How about you?”

            “Nothing much.” She said, then she began to read her thick Sociology book.

            Carl wanted to leave. The tension was so immense; he was having a hard time breathing. He thought that they were out of the break-up issue but Nicole reached for the tips of his fingers and squeezed. It was her serious squeeze.

            “We broke up.” She followed up.

            Carl withdrew his hands from her grip and avoided the eye contact Nicole was trying to establish. “What’s the reason this time?”

            She was taken aback by his tone. She felt tears well up her eyes but fought the instinct of crying. “I just don’t like what’s happening anymore.” She said.

            Carl’s ears were heating up. Blood rushed in his head. He felt his fury building up.

            “You never liked what was happening.” Carl added. “I don’t know why you keep coming back to him.”

            “We can’t keep on doing this to Mark. I love Mark, and you’re his best friend. I just don’t think we should continue on with what’s happening now.” She whispered. “Let’s end it all as soon as we can. Let’s end it now.”

            Carl was really furious. His face turned beet red and he can’t help but raise his voice.

            “Your relationship was on and off for seventeen times this year alone. What the fuck do you want to do to the guy? Kill him with depression? He can’t take what you’re doing to him anymore!”

            “What about you? How dare you? You have no right to say that to me!”

            “This was a bad idea. I’m leaving.” Carl stood up and gathered his books.

            “Carl, please.” Nicole’s eyes were watery.

            “It was just one night, Nicole. It was nothing but just one night. It doesn’t mean anything to me and I don’t think it will mean anything to him too.” He was lying. He was good at it.

            “It meant a lot to me.”

            “Too bad.”

            Carl stormed out of the coffee shop, gripping his books tightly, trying to keep his cool, fighting back the tears.

            He just can’t let go. He promised.

III.

1998

            Hand in hand under the rain, they walked. They walked as slow as time would allow, savoring every moment they had together. It was all perfect, they did not care about anything in the world, just each other.

            The boy, the taller one, held on to his partner’s arm. He loved caressing his partner’s smooth arms. The shorter one looked up and smiled brightly at his partner.

            They stopped in the center of the park. Both embraced by the comforting coldness the weather brought. No one spoke, they were both contented by the words the wind whispered in their ears.

            The taller one spoke first.

            “I love you.”

            “Don’t say that.”

            “But I do.”

            “I know you do and I love you just the same.”

            Silence.

            The smaller one spoke.

            “I never thought this would happen. You were never my type.”

            “And you think you’re my type? Excuse me, but give me some more credit.”

            Light laughter.

The taller one said.

            “But, we’re still friends, right? I know this won’t last, but I hope our friendship does.”

            “Of course, we’re best friends after all.”

            “Promise me that you’ll never let our friendship go.”

            “I promise. Do you swear it?”

            “You know I do.”

            The smaller one tip-toed and kissed the taller one on the lips. It was a soft, gentle kiss, sealing their oath.

            They walked back to the car, taking slow, small steps, not wanting to let go. But deep inside, they knew that it could never be. They both knew that they will have to bury that day under their memories.

IV.

2005

            “Why did you go psycho on her?! What the hell were you thinking?” Mark frantically shouted.

            “Oh, you’re talking to that little bitch again?” I guess I did well.” Carl said and as if on cue, the canned laughter from Will and Grace rang.

            “Turn that off, man. We need to talk.” Mark sat on the coffee table, blocking his friend’s view of the television.

            Sensing that Mark had no time for joking around, Carl sat up and turned the television off. “What?”

            Mark looked at his friend as if lost in deep thought. After a few seconds of silence, he finally spoke. “What happened to you?”

            Carl, who was staring at the carpet ever since he sat up, looked at his friend’s face and scratched his head. “What the hell are you talking about?”

            “You weren’t like this before. I mean, you didn’t change in general, but with Nicole? What the fuck man?” Mark said in a steady but disdainful tone. “You two were like twins! No one can separate you both. What the hell happened?”

            “People change, Mark. You can’t expect them to stay the same forever.” Carl said.

            “Of course, but people don’t change that fast. What happened? We never talked about it.”

            “How could we? She’s your girlfriend!” Carl said mockingly.

            Just after the words escaped his lips, he regretted it. Mark looked away and sat there silently for minutes.

            Carl can’t take the tension anymore and decided to break the silence himself. “Are we done here? Is it okay to turn the television on?”

            “Tell me,” Mark said quietly “tell me the truth. Is she cheating on me with you?”

            “What?!” Carl dropped the remote and stood up. His face was burning up.

            “Is she cheating on me with you?” Mark said. He too stood up and faced his friend.

            Carl looked as if he was ready to punch Mark’s face in. He was beet red and he can feel his ears twitching. “Fuck you man. Seriously, fuck you.” Carl said as he picked up his jacket.

            “You never answered the question.” Mark said silently. He wasn’t looking at Carl anymore; he just stared at his feet.

            “Fuck you, man. Go to hell.” Carl said as he stormed out of the dorm.

V.

            Carl always went there to cool down. For some reason, the organic unity of the place made him forget about all of his problems. But tonight was a special case.

            He walked down the path they created and he wept. He hid his tears in the night, just as he always did. He followed the moist path down the bench he loved. It was their bench.

            He sat down and buried his head in his hands. As he cried, he remembered the promises, he remembered the nights, he remembered the stars in the sky, he remembered the time they spent together under the rain.

            Then, rain started to pour. Coldness enveloped his already numb body and he involuntarily shivered. He let the raindrops fall over him, not caring about anything.

            He felt a prick on his sides. He opened his eyes and he saw the familiar shoes. He caught the scent of the familiar fragrance in the air.

            He looked up and saw Mark, smiling weakly, standing there with a white umbrella in one hand and a flower in the other.

            “I thought I’d find you here. You were always the sentimental one.” Mark said. Carl was dumbfounded. His mind was blocked and he can’t say or think of anything. By impulse, he stood up and hugged Mark tight, just like before, when the small one held tightly on the tall one.

            He never wanted that moment to end. They were there again, together. He didn’t want to let go, he didn’t want him to go. Carl cried some more because of happiness, because of love and because of the realization that once again, this event will be buried in memory.

    He was powerless.

    He knew that after this moment, all he could do, was remember.