Canada is recognized around the world for many qualities.  Our country is clean and relatively safe, our people are kind and polite, and we also have more coast-line than any other country in the world.  This is true because because of all the small little stupid islands we have way up north, but that's not relevant.  With coasts come ships and trade, and with those come pirates.  Canada has a long history of being the birthplace of some of the most notorious pirates in the world.  Alright, maybe that's WW2 heroes, but it really doesn't matter.  Canada still has it's share of pirates, including Phil and I, and we are going to talk a bit about our ship, our crew, and a game that keeps us occupied during long voyages.

Ahoy lubber!  Me name be Dread Pirate Nick, or Phil to me friends, and I be here to teach ye of the Dread Pirates o' The North!
Many of us there be, and fearsome true!  Stan and meself were the first, for we sailed to these frozen shores on our mighty ship, the Two-Arsed Troll!  Tis a fearsome vessel run on rum and sodomy, arr!
All us pirates go by 4 letter names, to keep our true names secret, so no one can catch us when we be lootin' and pillagin'!  For this is what we do best, aye.  For it gets the two things that a pirate needs to live - Pirate Whores.. and TREASURE! 
Aye, we have treasure, the finest treasure in

The fearsome Two-Arsed Troll.  Be ye on board?  Or be ye in the brig!

all the land, but it be secret!  Perhaps ye could beat the secret out o' me with a well played game o' clock-knock.. but 'tis a pirate game, and ye would surely lose.  There be many o' us pirates sailin' the seas these days, drinkin' rum and sodomizin' our pirate whores... but never are we to turn away a pirate in need o' a good gang.  If ye should wish to be a Dread Pirate o' The North then ye should use yer fancy electric mail an give us a holler!  Or, if ye be a comely wench an wish to live the glorious life o' a pirate whore, ye can do the same.  Don't be mailin' us if yer a scurvy lubber though, or we'll keelhaul ye quick as a cat! ARRR!!

ARRR!  Dread Pirate Stan here, also known as Jed!  Ye best listen up, or yer'll be blowin me sails 'til me timbers be a shiverin', if ya knows what I mean!  ARRR!  If ye wishes ter join wit us, ye'd best learn ter play Clock-Knock!  'Tis a game o' chances, of'n decidin' the fate o' yer hide!  A very old game, 'tis!  Datin' back ter when Canadian pirates were famous across the seas for their lootin' an' pillagin!  This game be where "Rock-Paper-Scissors" originated!  'tis somewit similar.  Here be the rules:

1) There be tree hand positions, as like Rock-Paper-Scissors.  Dey be "rock", "parrot", an' "gun".
-Rock be a closed fist. 
-Parrot be a closed fist wit' yer index an' middle finger stickin' out all curved toward your opponent kind o' like a hook, an yer wrist facin' da ground. 
-Gun be a typical gun like hand gesture wit' yer tumb up an yer index finger pointin' forward.

2) Like in da rip off game o' Rock-Paper-Scissors, ye makes a fist an bangs it on der table simultaneous like wit' yer opponent tree times, while countin' one, ter, treee.  On da terd, ye makes yer fist in ter a rock, parrot, er gun.

3) Gun beats rock an' parrot, rock beats parrot, an' parrot beats nuttin'.

4) Nar before ye goes an' axes what da point o' choosin' parrot be, tink about har stupid winnin' all da time is ya bloody land lubbin' bafoon.

5) Ye play four rounds.  Whoever has da most rounds won wins.  In da case o' a tie, whoever be livin' farthest west win's da match. 

6) If yer opponent be lookin' at ya funny, ye may point yer pistol at 'im, an shoots 'im dead.

(WARNING: THESE RULES WERE WRITTEN BY DRUNKEN CANADIAN PIRATES.  THEY MAY NOT MAKE SENSE.  SERIOUSLY, THEY MAY NOT MAKE ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER.  THANK YOU.)