Test Subject #266 CRAZY!!!

Re-written by Anonymous

(Original by Mara!)

 

Disclaimer: This story and everything in it belongs to Mara, I just borrowed it. =)

 

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“I do not know where I am. Tell me where I am.”

A man, who had been reading the morning paper, looked up at the person who stood over him speaking. The man, older with grey hair and soft blue eyes, was cautious.

            “You in Central Park, boy,” the man replied. “Ain’t you got ‘nuff sense to know where you at, son?”

            “I…do not know…”

Puzzled, the man watched as the stranger staggered away. The stranger was a young man, maybe a teenager, clad in what appeared to be a schoolgirl outfit. Everyone near him in the park was gawking at this young man who sported chin-length purplish-blue hair, emerald green eyes, and thin build of body. No pants, no sense of direction, he wandered aimlessly around the park, seemingly confused by everything. The old man dug his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed.

            “Hello, police? I wanna report this boy, oh man, this boy!  He all crazy and fancy-like!  He all walkin’ ‘round Central Park in drag…”

 

****~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~****

 

Professor Neil Kay paced his lab restlessly. He could not figure out how test subject #266 escaped. His assistant, Steve, held an icepack to his head.

            “How did this happen, Steve?! How could you let #266 escape the laboratory?!”

Steve cringed at the question. He figured the professor would not let him get off so easy.

            “Well,” Steve carefully started, “it gained consciousness sooner then expected and, seeing as I had just finished the platypus fusion on it, it was not strapped back down yet. I guess my weasel costume frightened it and it slugged me upside the head before rolling off the table and stumbling out the doors.”

Professor Kay sighed with irritation. Subject #266 had been showing an enormous amount of promise, but this was unbelievable!

            “ ‘It’ is a ‘he’,” sighed Professor Kay, “#266 is a ‘he’, a male.  Now, as punishment for your failure to be an amazing assistant, go in the back room and put this on,” he said, handing Steve a brown paper bag.

Steve sighed painfully as he took the bag and peeked in side it.

            “Professor, I’m not-“

            “DO IT!  Do it now!  Or I’ll get the weasel costume back out!  Now GOOOOOO!”

Steve trudged angrily to the back room, and within a few minutes, emerged.

            “Much better,” Professor Kay said approvingly.  “But the skirt was much shorter before!  Did you rip the hem out?!”

            “You’re goddamn right I did!  My student loans aren’t worth this!  I could’ve gotten a job with NASA, but nooooo, I had to come work for professor perv!  I-“

            *Beep beep beep!*

            “What the hell was that?!  It sounded like it was coming from your crotch!”

Professor Kay looked up at his assistant and then back down at Steve’s hemline.

            “It’s my newest invention; the Wang-o-matic.  It monitors wang activity and sounds off when activity reaches erection level.”

            “For God’s sake…  Who the hell is going to want that?!  I wouldn’t wear something that-“

            *Beep beep beep beep beep beep!*

            “What is wrong with you?!”

Ignoring Steve, Professor Kay continued his explanation.

            “It may be used to monitor sex offenders buy being connected to a computer system via satellite.  This way, every time it goes off, local law enforcement can easily find the perpetrator and beat him with aluminum bats until the beeping stops.”

            “…C-couldn’t they just take the device off?”

            “Ha ha ha, of course not.  The only way to remove it is to remove the genitals all together.  Besides, it releases violent neurotoxins at the first sign of tampering that render the wearer blind and with a twelve hour erection.”

“Professor, how are you going to get it off?”

            “I don’t need to.  Intercourse is still possible, only it is horribly painful for whoever is on the receiving end.”

            *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!*

The professor stared at Steve intensely.

            “Uh, I don’t want to have intercourse with you, Professor…  Life is humiliating enough at this point.”

            “That sexy nurse outfit says otherwise.  Tell me, if you didn’t want me, why would you wear that to work?”

            “You made me put this on!”

            “Because I made you want me so bad…”

Professor Kay ran a hand up Steve’s thigh.

            *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!!!!!!!!*

            “Stop it!  Help!  Rape!”

Professor Kay smiled and took his hand away.

            “Hey now, don’t beg.  Besides, we have to wait until we get this whole escaped gerbil thing squared away.”

            “A gerbil?  What-”

            *Beep beep beep beep*

Steve warily nodded and repositioned his icepack.

“So, how do we find it, er, him?”

A moment of contemplative silence passed before Professor Kay looked over again to his injured colleague.

“We watch the news,” he simply stated.

Walking over to the small black and white television in the laboratory, the professor flicked it on.

“I’m thinking,” he continued, “New York media will find him before we ever would have. A escaped science experiment is bound to attract some attention.”

Steve sat back in despair, regretful he had let this happen.

 

****~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~****

 

Scared and angry and reeking of government cheese and cheap liquor, a young mother quickly pulled her baby’s stroller away from #266.

            “What do you think you’re doing?! Get away from my baby,” she screamed at him.

Several people in the park turned to stare at the women and #266, yet they maintained a safe distance from the crazy man in the naughty school girl outfit.

            “I just want to know,” #266 replied, his voice light, but at the same time very monotone.

            “Know what,” she cried out.

Ignoring the baby’s mother, he leaned over the stroller again to look the infant in the face as the large crowd that had gathered around made little horrified noises.

            “Why are you so small,” he asked the child. “Why is it that you do not talk?  Why do you smell so very very bad?  Is that awful stench actually coming from you?  Is it fun to smell so fetid?  Would you like to walk with me?”

He had picked up the baby and put it under his arm like a football and began to walk away when the enraged mother grabbed him by the arm.

            “I don’t know who you think you are, but that’s my baby! You can’t take my baby!  My husband’s expecting dinner, dammit!  You can’t just take away my roast like that!”

#266’s eyes went wide as he stared at the woman’s hand on his arm. He had never been touched before, and this touch was physically hurting him. Crying out in alarm, he wretched his arm free and swung his fist blindly at her, making heavy contact with her shoulder and knocking her to the grass beneath their feet. He began to run, clumsy and crooked, screaming something about a platypus the entire way, through the only open spot in the crowd and then out into the streets. Cars all around him screeched to a sudden halt and many leaned out their windows to say a few choice words to him. Meanwhile, the mother struggled to her feet with the help of a couple park-goers. Once up, she dug through her purse for her cell phone and immediately called the police to report her baby as stolen by a platypus in a cross-dressing boy costume.

 

****~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~****

 

            “Alright, m’am, you said he was wearing a what?  A Platypus? …And he has purple hair, no pants, and seems high on drugs? …Mmm-hmm…Okay, and he headed which way? …Okay, yeah, we’ll send officers out right away…  And a Big Mac…  Okay, and a new baby too…  Okay then… Goodbye, ma’am.”

Officer Jaina Solo groaned and ascended from her desk chair. But before she could even exit her cramped little office, the chief appeared at her door.

            “Another call about the crazed cross-dressing platypus boy in Central Park?  With my dad in jail and me here?” Chief Bill Preston asked.

Officer Solo nodded.

“This call makes number 7, except this woman says that he stole her baby and ran out and down the main streets.”

“I’ll send a couple more grunts out, I guess,” Chief Preston replied, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I’m going out with them,” Officer Solo resolved. “I need to see this guy for myself…”

 

****~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~****

 

“He’s a live wire, alright,” Officer Solo told the orderly at the desk, “needed a place to keep the poor boy until we can figure out what zoo he left and who he is. We finally caught him and the kid he had stolen on the roof of an apartment building downtown; he was licking that baby like it was a toad, and damn, you wouldn’t believe the horrible stink…  I whish he had been a jumper or sump’n.  Crazy mo fo, eh? Don’t know his name, all us back at the precinct been calling him Keith Richards, you know, cause of the crazy and the stink, but he apparently thought he was going to send the both of them back to God or something. What a weird-o… Watch him close, okay? ”

The orderly nodded and gathered up the pile of paperwork Officer Jaina Solo had been made to fill out upon #266’s arrival. Still in his dirty whore of a schoolgirl outfit, #266 roamed curiously about the mental hospital’s waiting room, exploring the other people sitting around and various magazines on stubby little end tables.  He missed the tiny person he had been carrying around; these other people just didn’t have the same atrocious odor about them, and all the unpolluted air made him start to come off his baby-induced high.  He made his way throughout the whole room, pausing at the front desk where Officer Solo and the orderly were still inaudibly chatting together, and finally stopped in front of a small radio where a song by the Mamas and the Papas was playing. It seemed familiar to him, somehow. He remembered those voices from his dreams, if nothing else good. He remembered other things, but most of the other memories of his dreams were not very happy. This voice was his filthy hippie God. All of the other voices were followed by pain and misery. Jostled rudely out of his thoughts by Officer Solo snapping her fingers in his face, his attention returned to the situation at hand and the realization that he needed to escape from this sterile smelling place, something that also triggered bad memories of dreams for him.

“Hey,” she snapped at him, “hey! You paying attention, kid? Hey! Little Hobo!  Want some corn in a bag?  Woo-hoo…”

“May we leave now? I need to know.  The platypus needs to know.”

She gave him a strange look.

“No… You keep saying that you need to know, and you keep talking about platypuses, but what are you talking about?  Need to know what?  And what platypus?”

            “I do not know. Everything. I need to know it all, I suppose. I do not know anything. Please tell me.  Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie…  Where is my tiny, stinky friend?  I need to know.”

Officer Solo smirked and shot an amused look over her shoulder to the orderly, who just shook his head. As an orderly at an institution, he had seen just about everything.

            “How about you begin by telling me your name,” she countered, “and then I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

A moment of silence ensued as #266 contemplated this offer. His facial expression contorted, thoughtful and alert, yet somewhat lackluster, as his eyes roamed the room once more, taking in the off-white walls and the sounds of the radio still droning on. His gaze reverted back to the officer.

“My name is Stinky Stink Stink Stink.”

“Alright,” hollered Solo, “Stinky Stink…what?  What the hell kinda name is that?!  You have cruel parents, kid?”

“I…I do not know…”

Visibly disappointed and disturbed, Officer Solo dejectedly turned around and wished the orderly luck with the boy. He nodded yet again and Solo left the premises.

 

****~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~****

 

Steve turned down the radio and the nasally southern voice of the Urban-cowboy, radio personality Adam, describing the remains of his lunch after his recent bathroom visit.

            “Professor, for the love of God, why do you insist on listening to this fecally obsessed idiot?  Can’t we listen to the news like normal people?”

“Ah, excellent,” said Professor Kay.

            “What?  What are you talking about?”

He carefully set down the beaker and test tube he had been working with and took a seat on a squat lab stool about three feet from the little television next to Steve.

            *beep beep beep*

            “The news is on, and if you can control yourself for just a moment, Steve, we might be able to find our gerbil.”

            “#266 isn’t a gerbil-“

*beep beep beep BEEP!*

“We begin today with a story that takes us from Central Park to the top of an apartment complex,” the news lady Angie began. “The NYPD today received numerous reports of a crazed young man wandering around Central Park cross-dressed like a school girl. Felicia, on scene in Central Park, reports.”

The picture changed to a pretty young woman with black hair standing in the park with an old, slightly drunk man by her.

“Good after noon, Angie. I have with me RezNOR, the first man to report the young man wandering around the park. Tell us about him, RezNOR.”

“Well,” he began, “he waltzed right on up to me and says to me ‘hey buddy, that’s a mighty fine iguana you got there’, and then I was all, ‘that’s not an iguana, I’m just happy to see you’.  Then he started say’n sump’n about gett’n his freak on wit me an’ I was all like, ‘damn, you fine’, and he was all, ‘buy me a monkey!’.  I sho’ do dig dem crazy transvestites, so I gots all freaky wit him and he gots all freaky wit me, and den der was dis crazy alpaca, so it gots real freaky, but I dig dat, so it was great.  And then dat boy started smoking in a pub’ic place, so you know, I dun call dat FBI shit up and was all like…”

About an hour passed as the old man rambled on and on, and back in the lab, the constant alarm-clock like beeping coming from Professor Kay’s Wang-O-Matic was slowly driving Steve mad.  As soon as the word “iguana” had been uttered, the professor’s crotch had not once stopped beeping, but had increased in volume until the end of the old man’s horrific story.

            “…And den da cops put all dere clothes back on and shot Godzilla and dragged dat crazy boy away.”

“…Thank you, Reznor,” Felicia replied, although the poor girl looked like she had just spent a year in a Japanese POW camp. “And now we go to Ted, who is at the NYDP precinct headquarters. Ted…”

Professor Kay and Steve glanced over at each other nervously as the scene switched to the police station downtown with the next news reporter.

“Thank you, Felicia. After about six calls, the NYPD received a seventh call from Naomi, a woman who called to report he baby as stolen by a crazy man in the park. Naomi, tell us what happened to you and your baby.”

The camera panned over to show a pale and scared woman shifting nervously in front of the screen, taking a big swig of bourbon.

“Well, Ted, he came up to me and my belly fruit, Nick, and started asking my pot roast all kinds of questions. I thought he was crazy, because my boy obviously was defecating something fierce, and no one in their right mind would come near a baby that smelled so toxic! Why the hell do you think I was over talking to that middle-aged white guy and not watching my kid?  Huh?  Huh?  Huh?!  Certainly not because I was trying to earn some extra cash!  So I looked over when the guy pointed out that there was some cross-dressing platypus trying to filch my main course, by golly, I pulled out my glock .45 and aimed it right at the m***** f*****’s head!  But then I realized it was just my bottle of bourbon, so I had to do it the old fashioned way, so I yelled at the freak.  He was crazy I tell ya, and the baby was starting to make me nauseous, so I got real tough with the m***** g****’n s*** sucking h******* of a d****  z*******, and I tried to move him away, but he grabbed my baby, knocked me down, and ran out into the streets with him! You don’t get to do that for free, you know, so of course, I immediately called the police…”

“Naturally,” replied Ted, although he had paled a bit and looked ready to vomit, as the camera panned back. “And now I also have with me Officer Jaina Solo, who tracked the horrible mess down and caught him.”

The camera panned over to include Solo in full police attire with her hat tucked under her left arm while in the lab the professor and his assistant watched in a beep filled stupor.

“When I found the perpetrator, he was in an apartment complex downtown and my partner and I split up to chase him around for nearly twenty minutes.  He was pretty easy to keep track of, considering the baby was so horrendously reeking.”

            “Was it really?” asked the reporter, getting slightly green around the gills.

            “Yeah.  I puked 12 times.  But its all in a days work, you know?  Doing the city proud.”

As Officer Solo was talking, the screen changed to a helicopter’s view of her apprehending #266. Footage of #266 kept playing as Solo continued.

“I finally caught up with him on the rooftop, standing atop the very edge of it, poised to jump. It wasn’t too hard getting him into custody. My partner took the child back to the station after I tried to throw it off the building, you know, cause of the stink, and I took the perpetrator over to the mental hospital for safe keeping, until we could find out his name and where he came from. He doesn’t appear to be of good mental health.”

Back to the live feed of Officer Solo, she seemed to look a little confused.

“He told me his name is…Stinky Stink Stink Stink, but so far, we can’t find any records of him ever existing. It may be he’s lying or doesn’t remember in his current state of mind.”

Ted stepped back into the picture slightly in front of Solo.

“If anybody has any information on today’s crimes or little Stinky Stink Stink Stink, please call the station or the NYPD. Caller need not give their name. I’m Ted, downtown at the police station, signing off, and going to shoot myself. Back to you, Angie.”

Professor Kay quickly turned of the little television, but remained silent.  For the first time in hours, the beeping stopped.

“We have to go get him, professor.”

For nearly the hundredth time that day, Professor Kay heaved a heavy and frustrated sigh as he formulated a plan.   And Steve sat blissfully in the deafening silence.

 

****~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~****

 

The starless night sky cloaked the two dark figures as they cautiously made their way to the main entrance of the New York City mental hospital, where even the burnt-out street light provided no light for them.

            “Remember, Steve. Touch nothing except yourself and me. Got it? There’s no way we can get caught if you play it cool. When posed as maintenance earlier, you hacked the surveillance circuits here to loop a normal feed, right? If you did, we’re safe as can be…”

Steve nodded in the darkness, unseen by the professor, who took the pervading silence as a yes. Locked and closed, the thick glass doors of the hospital stood formidable, and the professor pushed the button to the right of them. He cleared his throat and prepared to persuade the orderly on duty to open the doors, since no admittance was allowed after nine o’clock pm. It was a few moments before anyone answered back.

“No admittance after nine, gentlemen,” rasped a man’s voice, weary somewhat aggravated, “unless you have proper I.D.”

“I am Dr. Killian with Officer Paton to transfer a patient. We both have sufficient identification on us, if you must check.  I’ll give you a cookie…  And you can have a go on officer Paton here.”

“What the hell?!  That wasn’t part of the plan!!”

“Shhhhh!  Stop complaining! I’ll give it to you when we get back to the lab!  You’re such a whore!”

 After another tense pause, “I’ll be right there, gentlemen.”

Steve let out the breath he had been holding and shifted his weight around uneasily.

“Relax, baby” soothed the professor, “just keep your cool.  I’ll give you what you need soon enough, but for now, pretend the security guard is me…”

The orderly appeared at the door and unlocked it, motioning the two men inside. Upon entering, the orderly led them down a hallway and into a sterile smelling white waiting room also containing the main desk.

“I.D., please, Dr. Killian.  And Officer Paton, I’m going to need you to take off your pants.”

Pulling out a fake photo I.D. card from the breast pocket of his lab coat, he presented it to the orderly.  Steve sighed painfully as he removed his pants, waiting for what ever living hell was next.  The beeping started up again and the orderly stared at Professor Kay.

            “What’s that?”

            “My pacemaker.  It beeps sometimes.  Maybe the batteries are getting low.”

            “Oh,  okay.”

Satisfied with the way the I.D. looked, Steve’s badge on his shirt, and then his package and rear were then scrutinized carefully.  The whole time, the orderly’s balance seemed to be waning, and when he squinted his eyes and tried to lean in close to look his crotch, he toppled over into Steve, who barely caught him.  Unfortunately, the man’s face was buried deep in Steve’s crotch, who had his underwear drawer ransacked by Professor Kay some time ago. 

“I…suddenly feel so very sleepy…I…apologize for this Doctor, Officer…  Wang… so… big…”

“Please,” cooed Professor Kay gently, “It’s not necessary to try and flatter him into it.  My assistant here is easier than an old French whore.  You just feel free to do what you want to him, no matter how perverted and revolting.  I’ll just go get our gerbil and we’ll be on our way, if you just tell us where the transfer papers are.”

“The office…” slurred the orderly, “in the file cabinet by the door…it’s locked…”

The orderly tried his damnest to keep conscious in order to molest Steve, but the neurotoxins that had been put on the fake I.D. were really giving him a rough time.  This was fortunate for Steve, who leaned the man head first against a wall.  He pulled his pants up and was about to walk away when he heard a deafening bicycle horn like sound that came from what seemed like the bent over orderly’s rear.

            “Uh…  P-professor Kay-“

            “Excellent.  It seems the toxin is working perfectly.”

            “What the hell is that stuff?!  I thought it was just going to make him pass out!”

Another powerful honk.           

“Well, mostly of course, but there were a few extra ingredients I added.  Now go get his keys.”

            “I’m not going near him!  Not when he keeps…  ‘honking’….”

The professor came up behind his assistant and held him tightly against him.

            “I know you want me, but just do this one thing, and I’ll be sure to really give you what you want.”

Now, of course, the orderly’s insistent “honking” was accompanied by the shrill beep of the professor’s genitals.  It was like the chorus of Hell, enough to drive anyone insane and back again.  Stupefied from horror, Steve unclipped the ring of keys from the orderly’s belt, and dropped them into Prof. Kay’s hand.

            “All right, I’ll go get the papers.  Stay here.”

Steve just stared at the professor wearily; he had lost most of his desire to live as well as free will.  In a moment, the professor returned with the papers, a “World’s Best Dad” mug, a beer hat, and pockets bulging with what could only be the personal effects of whose ever office he had ransacked.  He handed the mug to Steve and looked at him affectionately, then with very little coaxing, got the orderly to sign the transfer papers.  The man remained bent over, so all Prof. Kay had to do was stick a pen in his hand and move it around on the paper.  The orderly’s signature was a gobbed up mess of scribbles, followed by a crude drawing of a common waterfowl.  He also then proceeded to pull the orderly’s pants down and perch the beer hat on his exposed rear, shoving the straws somewhere horrible.  The professor, on a second thought after the signing, went back into a different office while Steve stood watch in the waiting room over the orderly, who was still honking loudly and consistently.

            “I think that the neurotoxin is destroying his intestines,” Steve called out to the professor.

“Its fine.  That’s just beer coming out of him…from the beer hat.”

            “Oh,” Steve said, not really comforted.

Prof. Kay poked through a different file cabinet. The transfer papers were enough, but he wondered what the doctors thought of #266.  Besides, he hadn’t been in this office.  He found some important-looking papers and shredded them cat-style before throwing them in the air like confetti.  He then proceeded to loosen the screws in the desk chair, so whoever sat down would get an unpleasant surprise.  Not quite satisfied yet, the professor looked for more things to steal or mangle.  Suddenly, joyfully, he had an epiphany, and unzipped his pants and proceeded to rub himself on everything that anyone could possibly touch.  When he was satisfied with his “marking”, he wrote a note describing what he had done and stuck it inside an open Twinkie package.  Still feeling that something was still lacking, Prof. Kay had another epiphany.  After about an hour, he emerged from the office, looking extremely satisfied with himself.

            “What took you so long?!  And come to think of it, this hospital must have the WORST security ever…”

Prof. Kay only smiled and pulled out a pilfered cigarette to smoke.

            “Go look for yourself.”

Mentally kicking himself for going, even though he knew better, Steve cautiously opened the office door.

            “Oh…  My…  God…  How…  How did you cover the entire-“

The professor began to read the papers on #266.

“ ‘Patient Jimmy,’ ” he began reading aloud to Steve from the file he had open in his hands. “ ‘Last name: unknown; first name: unconfirmed; origins: unknown; age: between 17 and 19 years old; description: unusual hair, colored purplish-blue, green eyes, average height, slightly underweight. In perfect physical health, save for the weight. No evidence of alcohol or narcotic intake. No scars, freckles, or any sort of birthmarks. ‘Jimmy’ appears to know nothing about himself or anything around him. Possible amnesia. Certain objects, sounds, or textures also seem to trigger something in him and he begins to act out violently towards anyone and anything around him, perhaps the result of either physical or emotional trauma earlier in life. Possibly psychotic or suffering from dementia…’ and this just goes on and on!”

“Does it say where they’re keeping him, professor?”

“…in cell four.”

“Why is he in a cell?”

“It appears he attacked a couple orderlies earlier today. They put a jacket on him and confined him to a padded cell for his and the hospital’s safety.  That’s our gerbil…”

Steve’s silence seemed to indicate that he was still feeling disturbed by the office, the honking, and the beeping that had been louder and more frequent while the professor was in the office, but was now strangely silent.  He blindly followed the professor to find cell 4, and hopefully something to kill himself with.

 

****~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~****

 

Subject #266 leaned against one of the four padded walls in the room he was confined to. He just could not understand this place he was in, nor could he understand why the contraption he wore that confined his arms in a rather uncomfortable potion was necessary. 

“I want chicken, I want liver, Meow Mix Meow Mix, please de-liv-er,” he sang out loud to himself.  “but nobody will give me any!  I like chicken too.  I like chicken, chicken’s good…chicken…chicken…chicken…” he chanted eerily.

Everyone seemed to be unkind to him, and he did not like it. They took everything he loved; the tiny stinky thing, the skirt, the platypus…  They even made him where underpants…  Feeling sadness overcome him, a feeling he decided he was not fond of, he began to pace his room.  This only served to remind him that he was wearing underwear, as they chafed horribly.  But he had to pace because he could not sleep, what with all his thoughts screaming inside his head and being so bored with nobody but himself to talk to. Just then, he heard the lock on his door click a little and it began to open. Frightened, #266 receded into a corner…until he heard a familiar voice, whereupon he ventured back towards to door. Professor Kay and Steve entered cell four with care, not wanting to scare #266. Their eyes immediately fell on the young man they had gone to so much trouble for. He was standing opposite them against the wall to their right, his features eerily lit by the subtle moonlight seeping in through the barred window high on the wall to their left.

            “…Weasel man?  Weasel man, I remember you.  And you too.  You and your tongs.”

“Yes,” the professor replied, “and you know why?”

#266 shook his head no, an action that was barley visible in the dim light of the night.

“Are you here to tell me everything?  Are you here to reunite me with the platypus?”

“Perhaps. But listen – I am Professor Kay, and this is my assistant Steve. I made you, 266, as part of a science experiment to—”

“My name is Stinky Stink Stink Stink now. Please call me Stinky Stink Stink Stink.”

Unfortunately, Prof. Kay had once again began beeping, which 266 found strangely comforting.  With the door open now, 266 could hear a strange honking sound, and just before Prof. Kay could grab him and do something horribly wrong to him, 266 ran out of the cell, desperately look for who or what was making that noise.  Prof. Kay shrugged, somewhat disappointed, but looked over at Steve.

            “Professor?  What-“

266 heard a lot of beeping and screaming coming from the direction he had come from, but the honking haunted him.  He finally ran out into the room where the orderly had been left and 266 suddenly as he did with that baby in his arms.  Lacking use of his arms, he began licking the orderly all over.

            “I love you.”

And with that, 266 finally found what he had been looking for the entire time.

 

Epilogue

 

The orderly’s condition was permanent, so Prof. Kay left him there.  Also, Steve had to get some stitches after what happened in cell 4, plus he had to endure the car ride home with Prof. Kay constantly beeping and 266 licking everything.  Everyone lived happily ever after.  Except for the dude who Prof. Kay completely defiled his office.  The building was burned after the discovery and the guy was put in a ward himself.

 

~Fin~

 

 

About the Author

 

 

I’m crazy.