“Tell me everything is fine”

By: JaMeZ!

 

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are MINE! Though they are loosely based on real people [*ahem*]… please don’t steal my story! Ask first!  ^_^

 

 

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            “It feels like I never should have been born. I assume I was born. I must have been, right? But where was the love in my birth? I feel so…empty inside. Something is missing. And it hurts. The pain I feel eats away my insides and sometimes I write it out across my skin with a kitchen knife. I know you hate it, but I do not feel right and sometimes that does. Have you ever ached for a certain pleasure so much that your existence feels meaningless without that indulgence? I need this pleasure, but I do not quite know what it is. What do I want so bad that my mind screams to me to find it – find it or die? I wonder, am I the only one who feels this way? No – do not talk yet. Let me finish… I wonder if I am crazy for wanting something when I do not even know what it is? I know I need a lover, but that is not was eludes me. I know I missed out on a childhood – that does not plague me nearly as much. Does my mind know something I do not and it is just not telling me? Shhh, not yet, Zach. I am nearly done. But, I just want to know…what makes me wallow in this self-degradation? Tell me everything is fine…tell me I am not crazy.”

 

Zach stroked my hair.   “You are not crazy, my little Jacob.”

 

            “Is everything fine?” My eyes welled with tears.

 

Zach shook his head no. I let my tears breach the dam and spill forth.

 

            “You need help,” he told me, “and you need to find what you are missing. You need to be completed.”

 

            “Will you help me become complete?”

 

He nodded and held me close.

 

            “How will you do it, Zach? Are you complete?”

 

            “No, but we can be complete together.”

 

            “Tell me everything and make it so. How will you do it?”

 

Zach laid me on my back and discarded the coverings.

 

            “I will fill the emptiness you feel, Jacob. I am glad to fill that vacant space you possess. I love you.”

 

            “I know you lie to me. You use me for your own pleasure.”

 

            “Sometimes,” he replied, and grasped the heat in his right hand.

 

            “The vacancy you wish to fill is one that many have tried to fill,” I whined, “and I am not seeking that. It will not complete me permanently.”

 

Zach jerked his hand and I melted into him.

 

            “Live in the moment,” he whispered in my ear.

 

            “You complicate the pain inside me,” I gasped.

 

            “Be still, or you will remain vacant, my beautiful lover.”

 

            “You are cruel to me, dear Zach.”

 

“You are more vile then I, child. It is you, not I, who becomes the stranger’s beside joy. I present those skills to only a select few.”

 

“Stop! I am telling you stop!”

 

“I am telling myself go.”

 

“Oh, no,” I gasped, “I cannot take this!”

 

“Are you full? Is there more space to fill within this temple of yours, pretty Jacob?”

 

I cried out when I was no longer empty and a certain pleasure overtook my senses as I gave into my wonderful Zach.

 

“Stop,” I screamed, “No more!”

 

“Why stop now?”

 

“I love it so, you know I do. I hunger for more then this, though.”

 

Zach stopped and flipped me onto my stomach. “How much more?” And he massaged my back.

 

“I have confided this to you already. I crave someone who will actually harken to me, now, as well…”

 

“I listen,” said Zach, “and I know what else you crave…”

 

He pushed against me and again filled the empty spot I possessed inside.

 

“You are a demon, Zach,” I cried out, “and I despise you! Oh, my gods, how I despise you!”

 

“You love me,” he growled from behind me, “and I love you, sweet Seraph of mine.”

 

He filled me and filled me until his nectar quenched my thirst. I crawled into his warm embrace and we let the silence permeate the air around us and mingle with the sour-sick scent of loneliness.

 

“We are not meant to be, Jacob,” said Zach.

 

“No, we are not,” I replied.

 

“I believe in you, my lovely tempest.”

 

“You think I will conquer what I seek?”

 

“Yes,” was his calm reply.

 

“You will aid me,” I queried.

 

“If destiny sees fit to serve me a part in your personal odyssey of angst, then I shall lend all my strength and skill.”

 

I shed a tear once more at these gallant words he showered forth onto me.

 

            “You have then already eased a fraction of my pain, Zach. I love you, kindly devil.”

 

            “And I adore you, sinful angel.”