On a bright desert planet, Chewbacca was there
met them in the Cantina, they could pay the fair
so we were all in the Falcon, and we got into a fight
but we outran those starships
with the help of the speed of light

before I knew what was happening
I was in a prison cell 
after I was thinking to myself,
what in the world is this bad smell?
Because she yelled at me before she pushed me in the way
there were blasters down the corridor,
they told me I was going to pay...

welcome to the life of a smuggler
such a death star place,
such a princess face
plenty of fun in the life of a smuggler
any time of year, Han Solo is here!

Leia is definitely twisted, she got the death star's plans
she got a lot of crazy, crazy droids that she calls fans
they plan to wreck the death star, I think they will regret
But I came back with the Falcon, to avoid Boba Fett.

Now they all call me Captain,
I'm feeling just fine
I said, "I have to get off this ice planet to continue my life of crime"
And still I can hear the voice of princess Leia,
I got her off the planet just in time
that was a great save!

Welcome to the life of a smuggler
such a frozen place,
such a Wookie face,
I'm living it up with the life of a smuggler
Such a nice surprise, broken hyperdrive

hiding in the asteroids,
Leia is looking nice
And I said, "you're worshipfulness, let me help you with that device"
I kissed her in those chambers,
Then we went to cloud city
there Lando really sold me out
I was frozen and shipped to Tatooine

Last thing I remember, Leia was dressed like a whore
then we went to destroy the death star
just like we did before
we ran into some Ewoks
whose help we did receive
we brought down the death star's main shields and
freedom we did achieve!